Modern Man- Arcade Fire
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2013
"How's work?
I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes as I stared at my father across the small two person table in our favourite Italian restaurant. Every Sunday we'd come in here for our weekly catch up. A compromise we'd long since agreed on since my mother and father divorced.
"Exactly the same as always."
Bill Reilly's dark moustache twitched. "Really? Nothing new...?"
"No." I took a mouthful of pasta and hid my smile. "What about you?"
"Nothing exciting about being an attorney."
"But you're a good attorney." I complimented.
My father and I didn't have a... Conversational relationship. My younger sister and dad talked all the time because she decided to live with him, whilst I stuck with mom. Corrine and me were still very close, me or her swapping every few weekends when we were teenagers, or joining each other every week. I loved her to pieces. It was my father I lacked conversation with. Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate my dad. He was a good man. He just wasn't much of a talker.
Dinner passed by quickly before he helped me into my coat and walked me to my car. "Same time next Sunday?"
"Of course. I'll see you then." We hugged and kissed, just like every Sunday and I started off home.
Bored. I was bored. I had nothing exciting going on with my life right now apart from a few dates here and there, but I was so bored. Twenty-six years old and I was bored already. The only successful thing I'd achieved in the last four years was getting my degree in fine art and finding work as a lecturer at Pace University teaching Bachelor of honours degree in art. I loved my job, teaching freshman the beginnings of fine art. They were young adults and I didn't have to worry about the immaturity of students. People wanted to be there. People wanted to learn.
I parked outside of my apartment complex. Being a lecturer meant I had a steady salary. I was able to pay the bills, and have just the right amount to actually spoil myself every once in a while.
I walked in and collapsed onto the couch with a sigh. A simple life. I was set really. Except I wanted to do more. I wanted to sell some of my work. But in New York? Every Tom, Dick and Harry wanted to sell or become famous in Manhattan, I didn't want to be one of them. I grew up in Brooklyn. I'm not about to sell myself short for a pipe dream.
The temptation has always been there though. I've been putting away money for something since I'd started working at Pace. A studio, maybe even my own space to sell my work. I exhaled as I kicked my shoes off. I didn't have a clue which was... A stupider investment.
My home phone rang and I allowed it to go straight to the answer machine.
"I know you're there, Liv. Pick up. I know for a fact you just got back from your dinner with your dad."
I sighed and reached over the back of the couch for the phone. "What is it?"
Miranda laughed over the line. "How was it this week?"
"The same as every other week we have dinner on a Sunday, Randy."
"Well you two better spice it up somehow. Why not try ordering different food? That's a start." She laughed at her own joke but I crossed my eyes before rolling them.
"I'll see you tomorrow after work for the dress fitting." I said before hanging up on her laughing.
Still friends, still not going to ever give that girl up. I'm going to be her Maid of a Honour after all . Was I excited? Sure I was, my best friend's getting married for crying out loud. But there was so much responsibility it almost hurt to think about picking up her wedding dress next month. It pained me to think about the amount of cakes I had to consume to help her choose one with Jake. I just wanted the planning to be over.
Ugh and her bachelorette party! I am not going to a male strip club! Nope. You can't pay me enough.
**
"Morning star shine."
I grinned at my boss as I stepped into her office. "Something you wanted?"
"Yep, give me a sec I have to find it..." I smirked as Mackenzie climbed under her desk when a few stacks of papers fell from her desk. "Aha! Here. Your new schedule."
My smile turned into a frown. "New schedule?"
"Mhm, faculty have added a new class." She stood, smoothing her short brunette bob away from her face. "Life drawing.
My lip twitched as I repeated, "Life drawing?"
She nodded her head as she handed me a new revised schedule.
I swallowed at the amount of life drawing classes on my new schedule which effectively cut my break down to fifteen minutes and forty-five for lunch instead of an hour. "But... Why?"
Mack paused her rifling through her stacks of paper work and looked at me with a raised brow. I loved Mackenzie to pieces, but when she was in work mode I couldn't reason worth a damn with her. "Because they're a bunch of eighteen year olds that deserve to experience drawing a live naked model, Liv."
I clenched my jaw. "They don't, well, have to-"
"Is something wrong?"
The memories of my life drawing classes tried to break from the locked and cemented cage I'd built but I sealed it right back up. "No. Nothing's wrong at all."
As I walked away, I stared down at the four different life drawing classes; I had one today, tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday.
Three hours for each class. My entire schedule had changed.
I sat in my empty studio and rolled my hair into its large bun. After... That fateful... Night in the elevator I'd skipped a month of classes. A whole month. Miranda had quizzed me about what happened because we'd shared a room and I come back looking stupidly disheveled but I didn't tell her. That was until she'd became suspicious why I'd returned only after you-know-who's time with our life drawing class had ended. I couldn't face him.
"Thanks."
I'd said thanks for the love of sweet Mary. What possessed me...? And what was he about to say before the elevator started moving again? "I still...?" What? Regret it?
I shook the thoughts away and sighed. That was six years ago and I didn't need to ever remember it. New York was big enough not to ever see him again and I was glad. Despite the fact he may have ruined sex with any other man but that doesn't matter that much does it?
Right?
I never had to see him again after all, he worked as a life model at Columbia. It probably isn't even his main job.
Why was I even thinking about it. Technically he made the first move... Sort of. Maybe not...
Thoughts of 'him' left my mind completely by the time class started. He was merely a relic I'd locked up in my head years ago. I'll treat him as if he were... Voldemort. 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.' I'll refer to him as that from now on... Well, if I ever thought about him that is.
"You should all be emailed your new class schedules, if you check your student portals." I moved around the centre of the studio looking at the twenty-five students staring at me. "I know it must be a complete pain to have to memorise a new schedule but life drawing will be good for you. It gives you a chance to draw from life, be able to get the proportions of the body right and so on."
Students asked and answered questions and I showed them a small presentation showing them scans of my own life drawings from when I went to Columbia.
"Right, if you'll spread your easels out and take your pencil, the model should be here around now." I grabbed by schedule and looked at the name of the life model. "Edward Marshall." Just as I said the name the door behind me opened and closed but I didn't turn. "Guys, this is Edward he'll be our model until end of semester."
"I prefer Eddie, thanks."
No... Nah, it was a coincidence wasn't it? If I looked up it wouldn't be him? Surely there were other life models called Eddie. Or was I really that unlucky to encounter 'he-who-must-not-be-named?'
I gathered myself quickly before looking up from the sheet of paper into the familiar set of grey eyes. My heart was, I'm sure, going into cardiac arrest as I plastered a friendly smile onto my face and held my barely steady hand out. "I'm Liv Reilly. If you could set up around that screen there and lie down across the bench with the cloth covering you that'd be...great."
Maybe he wouldn't recognise me. Six years was a long time. Then again I recognised him. Just about actually. He still looked youthful but with age, he'd become even more beautiful. The laugh lines around his mouth outlined as he smiled back, no recognition as he smiled thank God. His hair was almost the same. Silky but shorter. No longer was it in a large bun but a smaller one. I could almost remember touching it. He looked better with stubble.
His callous hand slid into mine for a brief shake before he turned and went behind the screen.
A large sigh of relief escaped my lungs. It was one night. It was classed as a 'stand' technically.
Of course he wouldn't remember he probably did it a lot. I didn't dare look at him as he emerged from behind the screen with the white sheet probably wrapped around his waist. Instead I watched the reaction of the young women. Their eyes widened and blushes swept across their cheeks as they stared at him.
From the corner of my eye he lay across the bench and adjusted the pillows beneath him. I finally turned to him, and held back my sigh. He was bigger...
As in chest wise! Wider. Dark Hair spattered across the front of his chest. I was almost glad I couldn't see what was under the sheet.
"Okay," I cleared my throat as it squeaked slightly. A few of the girls giggled in the corner but I glared at them before facing the rest. "I want you all to use continuous line to draw his shape. No features, just the shape of his body. Half hour."
As the half hour passed I wandered around the room, glancing at each students work and saying what could help or what could work better for them.
"Olivia, could you look at this here."
I walked over to Francesca's work and smiled. "You're doing fine. If you change this, here, hold your pencil in front of you for proportion. Yes, there. Carry on, it's good."
I started to relax slightly as I got more into explaining how to draw the body of a man, I even stood at the side of him, pointing to the expanse of his chest explaining to them how they had to concentrate on the breathing, of how each detail is changed with each second they drew it. Eddie changed position sitting in an upright position with his forearms resting on the back of the bench.
"Right we have another half hour before class ends so use whatever material you want and go for it."
I sat at my desk for the last half hour before thanking Eddie and asking him to dress. Fifteen minutes passed and I frowned at the lack of movement behind the screen. I dismissed the class and sat at my computer after the last student left.
And then Eddie emerged in his black t-shirt and jeans looking as delicious as ever.
Without looking away from the screen I said, "Thank you Eddie. I'll see you next we-"
"Are you really going to continue pretending that you don't know who I am?"
I flinched.
"Olivia Reilly." He murmured.
I stood from my desk and bypassed his perusal to arrange the easels more, um, accordingly. "We've met?" I was surprised and proud my voice came out defiant and sure.
"I never forget a face or body in this case." I flinched more obviously this time. "And neither do you, I saw it in your eyes when I came in."
So now he talks?
"Well I didn't recognise you, you're much more talkative than six years ago."
I gave myself a mental gold star.
But he laughed. He actually laughed at me. "I didn't have much to say. "
"Clearly." I grumbled but he heard me.
We fell into silence, something I was used to. He was watching me with those eyes again, those piercing eyes.
As I moved to step around him he stepped in front of me. I tried again but he did it again.
And I blurted out, "I was young, it was a mistake."
"You were twenty. Old enough to know what you were doing."
"You're saying it as if it were my fault; if I recall you kissed me. How old are you anyway, you should have known better." I tried to sidestep him again but he stepped in my way. "What?"
His lips curved into a smile, the laugh lines around his mouth deepening. "I was twenty-eight then."
I mentally calculated that he was now thirty-four. "You definitely should have known better then. I have places to go, so as I was saying a moment ago, I'll see you next Monday."
"You mean Friday. You have me twice a week."
I ignored him as I grabbed my stuff from my desk. But paused at the door when I heard him say, "You've grown into a beautiful woman, Olivia. You think I forgot about that month you skipped every class I was in? In fact, do you think I've forgotten about the way you responded to me as I did to you? I haven't."
I tightened my grip on the door handle and forced out the words, "Well, I've forgotten every single minute of it. Goodnight Edward."
And I left.
**
"You're joking."
"I'm not and right now I want to stab myself until I bleed out onto the side of this fitting room."
The woman that owned the store walked in at that moment holding two flutes of champagne grimacing. "I prefer if you didn't."
I smiled politely as I took both glasses from her hand and downed mine and Miranda's. She looked at me disapprovingly before taking them and leaving again. "Classy place." I murmured as I watched her leave. "Remind me again why we're getting it fitted for the third time?"
"Because my diet sucks and I'm certain I've gained weight."
My eyes widened. "Are you...?"
"What? God no! You'd be the first to know if I was pregnant, trust me. But enough about me. How did Eddie look? Still looking good?"
"It should be illegal, I don't get how he's aged so... Perfectly." I groaned leaning back.
"I find it funny how you pretended you didn't even know him. And to say you'd forgotten every single minute of it when you looked thoroughly satisfied when you walked into our dorm room. Yeah I still remember the look in your eyes Liv."
I shifted in my seat. "Well, he doesn't need to know, does he?"
"Sounded like you pissed him off in my opinion."
"I don't care. I'd rather hate him and be hated than be on buddy terms with him for the next twelve weeks."
"Can't believe you have to see him twice a week for twelve weeks it's worse than when we had class. Now you can't even skip them."
"Randy I swear to God-"
"Look on the bright side Liv, you won't have to stay in the room while he's naked. You can leave and come back to change pose or leave and return to change the subject. It's not as bad as college."
"I feel it's worse." I sighed.
"But from what you told me it sounds like he still likes you."
I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't still like me when he never-"
I paused.
"Olivia. I don't know, I still-"
No...
No? No...?
"No. Nah." I burst out laughing. "He's almost ten years older than me he must be married with kids by now."
Randy shrugged. "You could be married with kids for all he knows."
A smile tugged at my lips at that realisation. "You're right. I could be."
"But you're not." She shouted through the curtain. "Which worries me."
"I'm not incapable of finding a man, Miranda. I just choose not to lower myself to marry a man for the wrong reasons or just because I'm getting older. Do you know how many couples nowadays marry because they've, I don't know, had a child out of wedlock and believe it's right even though their not happy? I refuse to be one of them."
Her blonde head popped out of the curtain and she frowned. "You'll never be your parent's, Liv."
I sighed already wishing the owner would return with the refills. "I know that. I just... Don't want to marry because I have to."
"And I'm not saying you have to. I'm just saying that you've been a bit... Celibate."
"It's been three months not a year." I defended. Where was that woman with the champagne? "Besides its not like I can't get dates."
"Well, maybe now Eddie's back in the picture..."
"Nothing will ever happen with Eddie. Ever." I stated firmly.
"Mhm." She stepped out of the dressing room with one of her know-it-all smirks and I narrowed my eyes. But then I exhaled and smiled. She looked beautiful in her ivory princess-styled silk, strappless dress. I couldn't ever get bored of seeing her in her wedding gown.
"You're still breath taking." I commented smiling wider with relief when the designer of the gown stepped in with two filled flutes. I took mine and went for Randy's again when she spun on her heel and handed the bride-to-be her glass.
"Thanks. And thank you Olivia." She spun in the mirror and pinned me with a mischievous stare. "It fits fine."
"I knew it did, you just wanted to look at yourself again."
"You're right I did. And one more thing on the Eddie topic. Try not to be too harsh on him, hm?"
I snorted before taking a sip of champagne.
"But what a coincidence, him working at Pace now." Randy disappeared into the changing room leaving me to my over thinking thoughts.
"Yeah," I mumbled finishing the bubbly drink. "What a coincidence."
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