This chapter is from James's point of view. In case you forgot who James is, he is Kenneth's youngest brother.
Enjoy~ ^^
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Numbly, I took a seat at the end of the classroom. There was a lot of kids, laughing and joking and being completely and annoyingly naïve about everything, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them! They don't understand anything. I despise them all.
It wasn't fair. Nothing is ever fair. It wasn't fair for Kenneth and Reno to go to war. Why couldn't Reno be one year younger? Why couldn't Kenneth not be seventeen? It wasn't fair for them because they died at such a young age but most of all
It wasn't fair for me.
Why was I the only one in this dumb class who lost his brothers? None of them will ever understand.
They try to talk to me but I don't want to talk to them. They're annoying. They think the biggest problem is whether or not they'll be accepted in the football team, whether or not they'll get a high mark in maths, whether or not it will rain tomorrow. How pathetic. How childish. How completely and absolutely dumb.
I would've normally played with them, joked with them, befriended them. But that was the old me. The one who had Kenneth to wake him up every morning and Reno to play football with him after school. The lucky lucky bastard who never once thought that this could happen to him.
Remembering Kenneth and Reno bought tears to my eyes and I tried to blink them away but they wouldn't go. How unfair! Was I going to start crying again? It's been months! I can't cry everytime I remember their faces. Yet...what can I do? I miss them so much, it hurt. It hurt me every single time. It tightened my heart and stopped my breath. They're not alive anymore. They will never be alive again. They're dead. I can never see them infront of me anymore. I can never hear their voice again. I can never hold them or hug them or play with them ever again. They're dead. They're actually actually dead.
Dead.
I rested my head on the table when I realized I won't be able to stop the tears then rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of the jacket I was wearing. The jacket belonged to Kenneth. It was too big on me, it's sleeves too long, it's hem nearly reaching my knee. But I don't care what people would think when they see me wearing it. It smelt like Kenneth, he use to wear it a lot and I would never ever take it off until the smell disappears because it's the only thing that can remind me of him right now.
Mrs Harley entered the classroom and asked everyone to return to their seats and quite down. She looked much older than before. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she had bags under her eyes. I looked around me at the class and now that everyone was in place, I noticed the one empty desk. Where's Jasper? I didn't think he would miss a day of school, he enjoyed it. So what happened to him? Is he ill? Did he move away? Did he-
I'm not even going to think about it. Jasper was a citizen. Of course he was safe. He wasn't fourteen, of course he was safe. He must be.
"I want you all to listen closely." Mrs Harley started speaking again, looking grim. She was Jasper's mum. Obviously she knew where he was, I can ask her after class. "This is, as you all know, the first day of school after the war. A lot of students and teachers and staff suffered through a lot so I want all of us to be considerate to one another. I want us to try and understand those who are distant from us and to care for one another. Your fellow friends could've seen things that were horrible and you all have to be true friends and stay by their side."
"Mrs Harley." Tina raised her hand up. She was a rich family's daughter, she probably wasn't aware of anything during the war "Where's Jasper? I thought the school rules stated that if you're not there on the first day, your name is removed from the registration list."
Mrs Harley's eyes widen and she quickly sat down on a chair. She looked up and opened her mouth but nothing came out. I know that face. I know it so well. I understand her and I don't want her to say it out loud. I don't want to hear it out loud. Hitting my head hard on the table, I covered both my ears and shut my eyes in denial. Him also?! Why did the universe hate me?! I can't take it anymore! It's wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!
I tightened my grip on my hair when I heard Mrs Harley's voice. It became muffled but I still knew what she said. 'He won't be joining us from now onwards.' She didn't further explain but I knew. I wasn't sure if everyone in the class understood, definitely not Tina, but I knew. I knew he's dead. That was enough to make me realize how I really really don't want to be alive right now. If Kenneth and Reno and Jasper are gone, why shouldn't I be gone too? I'll be with them. That's what I want. I don't want to be in a classroom full of unaware naïve idiots. I don't want to be in a silent empty home where the only sound is the muffled cries of my mum from the next room. I don't want to be in a world without my brothers who meant everything to me. I just want to die.
The lesson went on but I didn't look up again and Mrs Harley left me. She probably knew about what happened to my brothers. It's her job as a teacher to know which of her students are 'emotionally unstable'. After the lesson was over, I heard footsteps walking towards my desk and polished black shoes appeared next to the desk.
"What's wrong James?" I heard Edmund's mocking voice "Already fallen asleep on the first lesson?" He laughed and there was an echo of laughter behind him. I don't want to deal with this child right now. He's not even worth the effort I'll spend to reply. Edmund always bullied me. He never stopped. Started from kindergarten until now. But I never cared because ever since day one, Reno was always there to beat him up. Reno was always-
He was always-
He was always...there.
But now he's not. Reno's not here to protect me anymore. Reno will be never be here to protect me anymore. Reno is gone. He's not alive. He's dead.
Dead.
My view became blurry as tears made their way back to my eyes. I want my Reno back. I want my Kenneth back. I want them both. I want them, now! I bought my sleeve up again and rubbed my eyes furiously. Edmund must've thought I was still asleep because he tugged my hair sharply from behind. I yelped in pain and bought my hand up to my head but without looking up.
"What's up with that jacket, kid." Edmund laughed "Parents too poor to buy new clothes? Is that why you have to take your luckier brothers' old clothes?"
I felt rage engulf me and before I realized it, I had attacked Edmund and I was pushing him on the ground, clutching his collar tightly. He wasn't worthy enough to speak of my brothers! He doesn't deserve to speak about them! I want to hurt him! I want him to learn his lesson. Oh, the look of fear on his face just pleased me. But someone was pulling me off him, I tried to push them away but they were bigger than me, older. The dragged me to a chair and pushed me down on a seat, holding both my shoulders, telling me calm down. I looked up to find an infamiliar boy with white-blonde hair and the darkest black eyes.
"Who are you?" I glared at him as he smiled towards me.
"I'm Kenji, nice to meet you James."
I shoved him away and got up. Why does he know my name? Why does he think I want to know who he is? Who does he think he is to stop me from doing what I wanted? I don't like this boy.
"James!" Mrs Harley came inside the classroom "Don't be rude to our guests."
I went back to my seat and slumped down, pulling my hoodie over my head and glaring at the table.
"I'm sorry Mr. Yamero." Mrs Harley told the white headed boy.
"It's alright." He replied "I understand."
I felt like throwing the table away. Understand? Understand?! You don't understand anything!
"Where are the rest?" Mrs Harley asked.
"They're on their way. I just came here before them." Kenji Yamero replied. "I wanted to get to know the class."
"Thats very nice of you." Mrs Harley smiled.
When everyone was seated back to their places to start a new lesson, three more boys around Kenji's age entered the classroom. They waved and smiled at everyone and at the end, their eyes landed on me.
It made me uncomfortable. I don't want them to look at me then give those 'I feel sorry for that kid' eyes and force themselves to smile fakely. I hate it. Kenji was the only one who genuinely smiled. He said he 'understood'. Maybe he didn't know what happened.
"Class, I would like to introduce these four gentlemen who will be joining us for today's class." She faced all four of them "Can you all introduce yourselves then tell us why you're here?"
"Hello, I am Peter McJay, I'm sixteen in age." The one with a shaved head and tanned skin said.
"I'm William Hudson, I'm seventeen." The one with dark - almost black - brown hair and brown eyes said
"I'm Ronald Jefferson, seventeen as well." The blonde with blue eyes said.
"And I'm Kenji Yamero, half- Rodan, half-Plutian! And also seventeen. Or eighteen. Whichever you choose." He waved and smiled again. He had the personality everyone loved. He instantly received everyone in the class's admiration. Except me. I didn't like him one bit.
"And why did you decide to join us today?" Mrs Harley asked.
"Right." Kenji nodded, remembering. He looked directly at me as if he was speaking me. "We were soliders in the war that happened five months ago. We battled, lost friends, killed other people and ever since the war, none of us were able to live their normal life again. But especially us, we have a story to tell. We were in a troop, a small one, and our leader was none other than the hero Lieutenant Kenneth."
Silence filled the room as all eyes were set on me. I felt my throat clog and my eyes blurry once more. Hearing my brother's name out loud was the least thing I wanted right now. I don't want to cry infront of all these people. Kenji continued talking, thankfully, distracting all attention from me.
"As you might've heard, Kenneth heriocly died in this war." There was a few gasps from people who didn't know and I found my cheeks wet. I don't want them to see me cry! I don't want this! I hate Kenji! I hate him so much! I bought my knees close to chest and rested my feet on the edge of the chair, covering my face between them.
"He was our leader and we respected him. He died saving us. He faced King Gethen and stood bravely against him." Kenji continued "William here actually witnessed the battle and reported that Kenneth was indeed extremely brave in this battle, refusing to leave even after he knew the odds were against him."
Kenji went on talking about other things but I couldn't concentrate. He was teaching them lessons about bravery, giving other examples but none of them mattered. All what played in my head was 'Kenneth heriocly died' and 'he died'. Because more than anyone else in this room, I was the most who understood what these words meant. I understood what Kenneth dying meant. It meant that the one who use to wake me up, walk to me school, barge into my room randomly complaining about how hard his studies are, cook whenever mum wasn't there, help me with my studies, make fun of the way my hair looks in the morning, randomly kick the ball over the gate while I was playing with Reno because 'football is boring', sleep until 3pm in the holiday, force me to wake up all night with him playing video games because 'Why not?', the one who use to love endlessly and tell me that every night is gone. He's gone. That's what it means when you say Kenneth is dead. No one in this room will ever understand.
When the lesson was over and everyone left the classroom, I heard a chair being dragged across the ground and placed next to me.
"James." The person who sat on it said. I didn't reply. I didn't want to reply. I wanted him to go away. "James, look up." He said but I didn't look up. I don't want to talk to whoever it is. I just want them to go! "James this is about your brother's death."
Again with these words that stab my gut and cloud my vision. I looked up abruptly and glared and whoever it was. I wasn't crying but it was obvious that my eyes were sacked with tears.
"It's something that I thought you should know." William said
"What is it?" I snarled rudely.
"It wasn't King Gethen who killed your brother." He said "It wasn't even a Salladian solider."
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Who is it then? And why would they do it?
"It was a girl. I don't know who she is but I can tell you how she looks like."
"A girl?!"
"Yes. A girl."
"Why would a girl kill Kenneth?! You're lying!" I exclaimed, standing up aggressively and making my chair fall down with a loud thud that echoed in the empty classroom. William looked around frantically as if he didnt want anyone to hear then faced me and started speaking desperately.
"Yes! It was a girl. She had short brown hair and green eyes and the last time I saw her, she was going to the castle. She is why Kenneth is dead. I saw her. She wrapped her hands around his neck and killed him. That's how he died. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be dead-"
"Stop it!" I shouted so loudly, not realizing that I already started crying, my cheeks wet. I rubbed my eyes with my long sleeves again. The door slammed open and Kenji, Ronald and Peter rushed in, looking surprised. I didn't even spare them a glance. "Stop saying he's dead! I get it, alright?! You don't need to keep repeating it!" I pushed William roughly, making his chair tip backwards and fall before I stormed from beside him and headed for the door. I'm done with this day. I want to go home. Kenji clasped my forearm before I left and looked at me with a serious face "What did that bastard say?" He asked. He looked furious.
"Leave me!" I ripped my arm out of his grasp "I don't know! Why don't you freaking ask him?!" I exclaimed rudely and ran out of the door, down the hallway and out of the school.
I didn't actually want to go home because my mom will worry about why I returned from school early. She'll never stop asking questions and the only scenario that would happen is me shouting at her and leaving and later listening to her sobs throughout the whole day. I didn't want to make her cry even more than she already does.
I wandered around until I saw a royal castle guard standing. I remembered what William said. Why would he lie about something like this?
I stopped the guard "Hello sir, can you help me?"
He looked down at me and for a second, judged me. My baggy jacket and runny nose convinced him that I was worth helping. "Yes?" He asked
"Can you tell me if there is a female solider that-"
"Roda's army doesn't have female soliders." He said, confused by the question. I frowned. If she wasn't a solider then what was she doing on the battlefield?
"Er-can you ask if there is anyone in the castle with short brown hair and green eyes? I - I need to talk to her."
"Short brown hair? Green eyes? The only person I know in the castle that looks like that is Her Majesty Princess Chizuko M."
My eyes widen in realization. I remember she talked to me the day the citizens returned to the city. She was overly friendly and agreed to everything I said about Kenneth. As if...as if she knew him! She didn't even tell me he died. It would've been much better if she told it to me then and not wait for my parents to drop the bomb a few days later after waiting restlessly by the door for them to return. It's all her fault! She killed my brother!
I glared at the ground and walked by the guard, not even thanking him, running towards the castle. I don't know what I'll do or how I'll even get in but I'll do anything to meet her. I have to meet her!
Blinded by rage and fury, I walked straight up to the guards standing by the gate and demanded "Let me in!" They both smirked and glanced at each other then faced me with the most superior eyes ever, towering over me like I was some kind of insect.
"Excuse us?" One of them said with a bold firm voice
"I-" I suddenly became scared, my hands shaking from fear and my lips slightly ajar, quivering. "I-"
"Speak up boy. We don't have all day." They rolled their eyes "Is there someone inside you wish to meet?"
I nodded. Or I wanted to nod, I don't know if I actually did
"Is it in Team 529? They're the only ones in the castle that agree to meet citizens. Even the butlers and maids refuse to meet mere citizens." They both burst out laughing as if they said a joke. I didn't get it. We're they trying to insult me? Saying that I'm lower than maids and butlers? How lame.
"Chi-chizuko." I managed to say, fiddling with my fingers nervously.
They told me to wait because she was the one who will come here. Isn't it supposed to the opposite? Isn't me who walks in and meets her at her throne or something? Whatever, coming out here will make attacking her easier so I'm not going to complain.
Chizuko appeared at the stairs, hoping down cheerfully. How can she be happy? That murderer! I hate her. I hate her!
She looked up at me and smiled but froze on her tracks when she recognized me, her smile dropping and her hands rose up to her open mouth. I tried to glare at her but I found that very hard with two guards watching my every move. Why do I care about them? It's not like I don't want to die. I just want to avenge my brother. I don't care what the guards will do. I want to kill her!
"You killed - !"
As soon as I opened my mouth, her eyes watered and she ran to me, pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry!" She cried "Yes! I'm the one who did it, James. Say the full sentence to me, be the first one and please, please blame me!"
I found the tears making their way to my eyes as I heard her crying. She wasn't just crying in sadness but also in regret, grief and sorrow. Why? Didn't she kill Kenneth? She can't just kill someone with her own hands and then cry in regret afterwards! If she regrets it so much, she shouldn't have done it! Or is she trying to get my sympathy? Because I'm not giving her any. It's not working. Not me. Despite the fact that I knew if I opened my mouth, I'll cry, I did it anyway "You-you killed-" I took a deep breath "You killed Kenneth!"
She hugged me tighter. "Yes. I did. I killed your brother and I am so so sorry!"
"W-why?" I sniffed, unable to stop the tears at all. I was crying. Again. But this time, she was crying with me. "Why did you k-kill him? Why?!"
She remained silent for sometime "I had no choice."
"What do you mean you had no choice?!"
"I really didn't have a choice. I couldn't take control of my own body. I'm weak. I'm so weak. I wasn't able to break free." She mumbled
"Free? Free from what?" I furrowed my eyebrows. What was she talking about?
"King Gethen was controlling me but I swear to God I'm not using this as an excuse! I killed Kenneth. I really did. I couldn't protect him and I couldn't break free. It's completely my fault."
I pushed her away and looked at her sorrowful face "You were what?!" She opened her mouth to answer but I raced her to it "You were being controlled?!"
She nodded.
"You knew Ke-Kenneth from before?"
She nodded.
"Y-you were friends with Kenneth?"
She nodded.
"And you...had to watch yourself...kill him..." I looked at her and suddenly felt so stupid. So selfish. I started to cry but for a different reason this time. I just went ahead and blamed her without thinking about her once. The way she cried should've told me. She regrets it and I just came ahead and made it all the worst for her. "I'm sorry. I didn't know-"
She covered my mouth with her hand and frowned "Don't. Where is the James that was coming here to blame me? I want him back."
"But it wasn't your fault!" I pushed her hand away "You killed your own friend! And I mindlessly made you feel worst!"
"No, I killed Kenneth." She insisted
"You didn't." I frowned
"He's your brother, James." Chizuko tightly grabbed my shoulder "Blame. Me."
"No." I replied
"Blame me!"
"No!"
"You're both so stubborn." She stood up straight and shook her head "You really are brothers."
I felt myself go red in pride and looked down. I'm like Kenneth..?
"Aw you're blushing!" She exclaimed
"Shut up!" I glared at her "I'm not."
Pinching my cheeks, she beamed "You are."
"I'm not!" I pushed her hands away and rubbed the sore part of my cheek where she was pinching. "Mind your own business." I mumbled as she laughed and ruffled my hair.
"Kenneth was a hero." She said
"Everyone says that."
"But I would know." She bent down to be on my same eye level. "I was there. I didn't hear the stories. I didn't watch from far. I was in the actual battle and I can tell you this; Kenneth was really really brave."
"Of course he is." I mumbled "He's my brother."
She smiled softly "He knew he had no chance against King Gethen and when I told him to leave, can you guess what he told me?"
I looked around, thinking about it. "Something along the lines of 'Im not leaving you alone!'?"
She laughed and nodded "Exactly! He really is noble!"
I nodded and smiled at nothing in general. "Yeah.."
"And you're really strong."
"I'm not." I frowned
"Kenneth told me a lot about you and Reno when we were on our way to the battle. He wouldn't shut up!" She groaned but I knew she was joking. "I mean, I have a brother, but he started making me doubt my choice in brothers."
I couldn't help but laugh at that "You can't pick who will be your brother!"
She smiled "I know. But Kenneth was so proud of you and from the stories, I know that you're strong, James."
"Shut up. I'm not. I cry a lot." I looked down and blushed. I was also proud of Kenneth.
"Strong people cry." She shrugged "I'm strong and I just cried."
"You're so full of yourself." I rolled my eyes
"No really! I am strong."
"Get off your high horse."
"I've been through a lot. I know I'm strong."
"How so?"
"Mentally and physically."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. A lot more than you can imagine, boy!"
"Like what?" I raised my eyebrows challengingly.
"Like-" she stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. "Oh, my god." She mumbled "James, you've been through something I wouldn't be able to handle. If my brother, heck, if one of my cousins died, I think I'll go insane. You really are strong, James. Stronger than me and I. Am. Strong."
I didn't reply. I couldn't. Her face was so determined and truthful, I didn't know what to say. She gave me a look that told me that if I deny anything she'll smack me until I'm convinced so I remained silent.
She bid me goodbye and left, asking me to visit again. I didn't know if I will so I told her I'll try. She was nice. She didn't kill Kenneth. Why did William tell me she did then? Did he want me to get out my sorrow and grief out on someone? No it seemed like he was doing it for himself. He seemed like he didn't want anyone to hear, as if they'll get angry at him so he probably already knew she was hypnotised but he still blames her for his leaders death. He tried so many ways to avenge him but none of them worked so he had to resort to the younger brother. How very low of him.
I found myself walking back to the the school but I didn't enter, I just wandered around to no where in specific but staying in the school perimeter.
Suddenly, I heard someone calling for me. Or calling my name, not for me specifically. I faced the direction of the voice to find a familiar white headed boy come from round the corner, looking around frantically. "James!" He exclaimed with a hoarse loud voice.
I hesitated but walked towards him. "Kenji." I said. His head abruptly turned my way and he sighed in relief, running a hand through his hair in distress.
"Oh! James." He ran to me and fell on his knees, pulling me into a tight hug "Its alright. Everything's going to be alright."
I felt his arms wrap around me in the same way Kenneth use to hug me and I couldn't help but start crying again. Slowly, I bought up my hands that were covered by the long sleeves and tightened them around Kenji, dipping my face into his shoulder. It felt like I suddenly became in Kenneth's arms. Just like the time I got lost in Central Park and Kenneth found me. He rubbed my head soothingly just like Kenji was doing right now, telling me that everything will be alright.
I gripped his shirt tighter. "Kenji- I-I'm sorry-" I started, not able to form proper sentences. He tightened his grip and whispered into my hair "Shhh", still running a hand through hair in the most comforting way possible.
We remained in this position for a long while until I completely calmed down and then Kenji pulled away and smiled "Hungry?"
I sniffed "Very."
"Then come on. Let's go eat somewhere." He got up and stretched out his hand for me to hold it. I paused to think but raised it up in the end and grabbed his hand. Once I held it, I gripped tightly and was not planning to let go. I saw Kenji's smile drop as he tightened his grip in response. "I promised your brother I'll take care of you if anything happens to him."
I leaned closer to Kenji and whispered "Then, I'll depend on you."
Kenji let go of my hand only to wrap it around my shoulder, caressing it softly. "Please do."
"Thank you, Kenji"
"It's my job."
"What about William?" I asked
"I beat him up, don't worry." He smiled slightly.
"That wasn't nessacery."
"It was. He loves blabbering nonsense. Ignore him."
"I already met her."
"What?!" Kenji faced me abruptly "How did you know who she is?! I've been trying to find out! She saved our troop. William denies it but without her, we will all be dead. Who is she?!"
I smiled "Princess Chizuko M."
Kenji's eyes widen and he smiled unsurely "No way." He shook his head and was about to laugh "Kenneth made her sleep in the storage tent."
I laughed "He didn't know?!"
Kenji shook his head. "No one knew!" He ran a hand through his hair and laughed "How sly."
"But why was she fighting?" I tilted my head.
"I don't know." Kenji said "But Kenneth told me that she is certain that the only people who can win against King Gethen were her team and their Sensi."
"Team 529 and King Shun." I said in realization. "Wow."
"I know." Kenji smiled "They're like a fairytale. Solider princess and princes."
"And King." I added "They were Jasper's heros. No wonder." Kenji pulled me closer when I said the name of the friend I lost. "Can we go to Mrs Harley?" I asked "I want to ask her about how Jasper di-died."
"Sure." Kenji replied softly.
And Kenji never broke his promise to Kenneth. He was always there for me. He always picked me after school, took me to a restaurant to eat or to an arcade to play games. He came with me to Mrs Harley and when I went to visit Killua A, who was the one by Jasper's side when he died. Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night, completely broken down in tears because I missed my two brothers so much, I would call him and he never failed to come and stay by side all the time. It was by Kenji's side that I realized I didn't want to die anymore. I want to grow up to become as amazing and respectful as my two brothers, Kenneth and Reno.
No
As my three brother, Kenneth, Reno and Kenji.