If you find somone you love in your life, then hang onto that love.
- Princess Diana
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"Let me show you how a kiss should taste. Trust me, I won't give your heart away. Why you running when you got it right here? Oh, I would love you if you let me."
Tobias:
The longer our hands remain in contact, the more knots release in my stomach. Gradually, the feeling of our fingers intertwined becomes familiar and I start to feel at ease.
Glancing her way, I watch as she stares down at the sidewalk, and I realize that this is probably one of the only times where she wasn't wearing a camera around her neck.
Maybe she's slowly realizing that she doesn't need a camera to feel protected? Maybe I can protect her? I want to keep her safe.
Her hair blows with the wind, and I watch how her lips slowly curl then retract over and over again. As if she's thinking about what to say to me.
God, I've been wondering what to tell her ever since I met her. It doesn't matter what else we've said over the past months, the only thing that matters is that I should have told her that she was beautiful from the second we bumped into each other.
"Where are we even going?" She laughs softly and it's like I'm surrounded by a swarm of daisy's and willows. God, her laugh. Shrugging, I feel a smile build against my lips, and for the first time, I don't try to stop it.
"I thought we were going to the library," I reply sarcastically, watching a grin fall upon her. Looking over at me, Tris rolls her eyes and then gives my hand a quick squeeze, like she's pumping oxygen to my brain somehow. Everytime she does that, I realize that I haven't been breathing.
We're away from the crowded part of the city now, and more into the recreational area where we're surrounded by the lake and the parks. I tug at her sleeve, nodding towards the empty park bench that faces the water.
Suddenly, it's like her expressions lights up entirely. Tris beams with a smile then pulls me over to the bench. Cheeks red, she sits cross-legged on the black seat then bites her lip slowly.
For a few moments, I watch her in confusion as I try to read the look of mesmerization written on her face.
Then as Tris watches the ripples of the water hitting the pier, I figure out that she loves this. She's captured by how calming and innocent the activity here is, and knowing that she's happy is enough to make me smile.
"Tris," I start softly, not wanting to fully disclose her away from the scenery, "what did you want to talk about?"
I already know the answer, one hundred percent, but the second that the words leave her lips, I'm going to be set on fire.
Fiddling with her fingers, Tris wets her lips once before turning over to me, her shoulder's square with mine.
"What are we?"
Gritting my teeth, I feel a lump of saliva rush down my throat. Suddenly, even though I was expecting it, I wish that I was back at the restaurant, sweating while carrying tray after tray.
No, I want this. I have to keep reminding myself that this is what I want. I want to be around Tris. I want to figure out what the hell this is.
"Um, what do you want to be?" I ask. It seems like I've developed a habit of answering people's questions with yet another question. No wonder I'm single.
Releasing a shaky breath, Tris remains silent. Having no clue what her silence means, I run a hand through my hair and can't help but ponder over everything that's happened this past year.
She's the type of girl you read about in books and see in movies, with barely any flaws and is the girl of your dreams.
And then there's me.
Tris' voice is so quiet that I can barely even hear it. "Something more."
I can't help it. I tilt my head up with a grin so wide I think my teeth hurt. She wants to be with me.
I don't know why a girl like Tris would ever want to be with someone like me. Someone who has barely any money, who can't afford to fucking buy an old ass car.
"Tris, I—"
"I need to tell you something."
My expression almost immediately drops as I watch the smile on her face slowly fade, her hand slowly leaving mine.
"Tobias, I want to be with you, I really do," Tris announces, and I feel a warm, fuzzy feeling in the hollow of my chest. I want to be with you, too.
"But graduation is coming up soon, and I don't know it makes sense to date when we're both going to go off in different directions eventually."
Her voices gets softer and softer and it makes the whole sky darken, the clouds getting grey.
Honestly, I don't care. She means everything to me—Tris is the only thing that keeps me sane. If I lose her, then who's going to be the person that keeps me grounded?
I'm not letting her slip away that easily, even though I know the outcome will just be heartbreak.
"Tris, I don't want to be without you anymore," I reply, my hands shaking, "please, just take a chance on me."
Eyes watering, she releases a shaky breath and I feel my heart hammer loudly against my chest.
"I applied for UCLA and Stanford, as well as some other backup colleges," she states as if it's new news to me. I've known all of this information for weeks now. "I don't want to stay in Chicago."
I can't help but release the slightest laugh of ludicrous. "What, you think I want to stay here? Tris, in case you haven't noticed, my life is a living hell. My father hates me, and my future is basically going nothing—"
"Tobias, don't say that."
"—they're not giving me student loans because of how rich my father is, but God knows he isn't going to give me any money. So, how am I supposed to pay for all of this tuition? The chances of me having a good life are nothing now, nothing, and there's not a damn thing that I can do about it."
"Please, stop," she stutters, her eyes pooled with water. But I can't stop the words from vomitting out, and I hate every single part of it.
"Then there's you, the girl who I am unconditionally and helplessly head over heels in love with. The girl who has her future set up, ready to leave this town, ready to meet her future husband and work in her own photography studio. You're going to do so much amazing things in life, and no matter what, I'll be nothing—"
"Tobias, it's not like that at all."
"But guess what, Tris. I don't are about that. Wherever it is that you're going, I'm following you. I'll just follow you everywhere, up and down the stairs and at the weddings you're hired at. I'm going to be there for it all."
I watch as tears start streaming down her face, thin ones that cause a streak down her cheeks.
"I love you so much, Prior," I state, my hands holding onto hers life they're the last thing on the planet. "I love you, and I don't care if we don't get to be together for long. All I want is to see you everyday, and know that you won't punch me in the face if I kissed you."
She smiles through her tears, and she doesn't make any attempts to wipe them, and she's beautiful.
Tracing patterns into my palm, Tris pushes back a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
"I notice all the little things," I say quieter this time, gentle to not cause her to have a complete breakdown. That's not my goal. I just need to tell her the truth, beause I know that if I don't let everything out, then I probably will never tell her.
"Like the way you always get a crease," I tap the spot in between her eyebrows, "here, when you get nervous. Or how you always end up leaving the house with one your left shoelace tied, which is the main reason you fall so much. I notice how you always rock back and forth in your heels when're you're nervous."
I try to finish, but it's impossible. I want to, I just want to keep on telling her about the eah that she makes me want to melt into a hot fire. I want to make sure that knows how much she's loved, how much I love her.
But then she places her hand on my cheek, her long fingers spreading into my hairline. Words caught in my throat, I watch as she takes a deep breath to calm down the sob that is clearly about to be released.
"God, I love you so much, Tobias," she exclaims with a smile, her body shaking as she cries some more. Oh God, why is she crying? How do you get a girl to stop crying? I don't want her to cry.
Grinning, I can't help but reach my hand out and carefully sweep away the tears that are slowly coming down her face. But it seems useless considering that everytime I do it, more tears flow over my fingers.
This feels so good, just to be here with the only girl that matters to me in this world. The two of us, watching the sun set on the tiny bench beside the water. Two teenagers that older couples walk by with a state of nostalgia as they see how deeply in love they are with each other.
And then there's nothing more you want to do but kiss them so hard, so passionately that you don't think it's humanely possible.
"Tris?" I ask nervously, my hands slowly reaching down and circling around her waist. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
She grins, nodding several times. "I love you," Tris whispers before taking my face into her hands and bringing our lips together. It isn't more than two seconds before I start holding her tighter, feeling her loosen and melt into the kiss.
It just feels so good to kiss her. Like every second our lips stay connected, the more adrenaline I feel is pumping into my body.
But eventually, sadly, we slowly retract. Breathing heavily, I feel the biggest and dorkiest grin washing over me. I love her, and that is never going to change.
"S-So will you?" I ask again, my hands shaking against her, our body's pressed against each other.
Thank God that nobody seems to be around us, otherwise for sure they would have tried prying the two controllable teenagers away from each other's raging hormones.
Smiling, Tris nods, leaning her head into my shoulder, our hands intertwined as we watch the sun finally drop under the horizon, disappearing for the night.
"Yes, Tobias. I will be your girlfriend," she whispers softly, our heads facing the water. But none the less, I grin, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.
It doesn't matter that there are a dozen things going wrong in my life right now, that shouldn't be happening to someone who's only eighteen.
It doesn't matter that we're damaged and shattered and in a million different pieces, because we have the other one to put the puzzle together.
It doesn't matter if nobody understands our relationship, or wy a previous cheerleader would date the socially awkward waiter.
Because, right now, in the moment, I feel timeless.
a/n
hey lovelies!
you've all been super patient with their incredibly slow burn of a relationship, so i figured why not reward you with some fourtris.
honestly there was a point where i wanted to drop this story completely, but bc you guys are so sweet and wonderful readers, im committing to this.
and honestly i love this chapter—it was a lot of fun to write!
lots and lots of love,
christina
ps. drop a comment bc, those make me feel happy :)