24
"Ano ang mas maganda? Itong blue or yung peach?" Napatingin naman ako kay Mitchie habang sinusuri ko ang suot nitong cocktail dress na sleeveless. Lumapit pa ito sa kinauupuan ko at saka umikot ng isang beses habang tinapunan ako ng nagtatanong na tingin.
"Y-yang blue. Maganda." Pilit akong ngumiti dito habang humihigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa cellphone.
Linggo na, sa Biyernes na ang promenade pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi parin niya ako inaaya sa prom. May date na kaya sya? Siguro ay meron na nga.
Ilang saglit pa ay naramdaman ko na ang pag-upo ni Mitchie sa bakanteng pwesto sa tabi ko.
"Oh ano? Di ka pa pipili ng damit? Or gusto mo sa ibang boutiques?" Pasimple lang akong umiling rito saka ko pinilit na ngumiti. "Di ka parin ba inaaya ni papa Lyndon sa prom?" Umiling muli ako rito saka naman siya napakamot sa ulo.
"Ano namang problema niyan? Oh wait, binusted mo na ba sya?!"
Saglit pa akong natigilan sa tanong niyang iyon, busted? "H-hindi ah..saka di'ba busy sya sa pag-transfer niya sa Japan." I don't know if I sounded too defensive for him, but this is the least thing I can think of to deny that he has a date for the prom already.
"Ahh, sabagay.." Mitchie's going to the prom with Brent kaya naman sobrang excited na ito, and I'm happy for her. I wonder if I'm gonna react the same way if Lyndon would ask me?
Naah, scratch the idea off, Van.
Hanggang sa makauwi sa bahay ay di parin mawala ang pinag-usapan namin ni Mitchie sa isip ko. Nasabi ko narin tuloy sa buong pamilya na di ako a-attend ng prom over dinner. Medyo nalungkot pa si mama kasi first time ko pa naman daw mae-experience iyon, sayang naman daw. Kuya even volunteered to be my escort, but I simply declined. Ayoko namang maabala pa sya ng dahil sa akin, alam ko naman kasi kung gaano siyang ka-busy ngayon sa university lalo na't sunud sunod na raw ang mga exams niya.
"Baby, can I come in?" Saglit kong kinusot ang mga mata ko, ilang minuto na ba akong wala sa sarili? Agad kong shinutdown ang laptop ko bago ako bumaling sa gawi ng pinto.
"Yes ma.." Unti unti naman itong bumukas saka pumasok sa loob si mama holding a glass of milk.
Ibinaba niya ang hawak sa bedside table saka ito umupo sa isang side ng kama, "can we talk?" ngumiti ito sa akin saka nito tinapik ang tabi niya. Agad naman akong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo saka ako tumabi sa kanya.
"Is there something wrong, anak?" I let out an inaudible sigh as I tried to smile saka ako umiling sa kanya.
"Nothing, ma.." I denied. I know exactly what I'm feeling right now.
"Baby, I may not be there while you're growing up, pero I can tell exactly when are you lying or not. Likewise I know when something's bugging you." She lightly run her fingers through my hair, saka ako humiga sa lap niya.
"Mama..there's this guy."
"Oh no, that's the start of every mom's horror story!" She cut me, di ko naman mapigilan ang matawa sa sinabi niya, seriously ma?
"Ma--"
"I'm just kidding, but I'm serious. I can't imagine the horrible feelings of my friends when they started telling me that their teenage sons or daughters would say they have this special someone, until you said those three words."
"Ma naman eh.." I smiled.
"Okay, just go on I'll listen." She rested her back at the pillows saka ako muling nagpakawala ng buntunghininga, quota na ako ngayong araw ah?
"I-I think I'm starting to like this guy. Sabi niya nanliligaw daw sya."
"Wait, is this the boy who visited you on your birthday?" Tumango naman ako dito. "So what's you're problem? I mean, I think he's nice naman, but I can't say na approve ako dito sa ligaw ligaw na ganito ah."
"He's the reason why I didn't wanna go to prom."
"Why? Anong nangyari?"
"He hasn't asked me yet." Napatigil ako ng marinig ko ang pagtawa niya.
"Oh my God, my baby's grown up! I remembered when your kuya had asked me din about a girl one time."
"Kuya?" She nodded. It must be ate Hayley if I'm not mistaken.
"Back when you were still in London, Terence suddenly asks what a girl usually wants in a guy, I thought he might be interested on dating someone back then, then he told me he had this friend that he really likes." She looked at me then she smiled, "remember, he said like not love. It's two different words and of course, both have different meanings." My eyebrows met at what she said, I simply don't get it.
"Then one day your kuya called me, he's sniffing and I think he has a difficulty on breathing that time. Of course, mama got panicked, but he said that he's really fine and he just wanted to talk to someone so bad." Agad akong tumayo sa pagkakahiga saka ako sumandal sa tabi ni mama. "Sabi niya, the girl he likes has a boyfriend and it hurts daw kasi matagal na silang friends pero noon lang niya nalaman." Di ko narin napigilan ang pagtawa ng mahina kasabay si mama.
"Seriously, si kuya?" Based from mama's story, mukhang iniyakan pa ni kuya iyon? Haha!
"Yup! As you can see, baby, your kuya had been a strong guy for you and for everyone, pero he failed to protect his own feelings when he fell in love." In love? I thought kuya said that he 'likes' her, not 'love?'
Para namang nabasa niya ang naiisip ko, "you words might deny your true feelings, but your actions can't."
"I don't get it ma." Pakiramdam ko ay andami nang floating question marks sa utak ko.
"Okay ganito nalang, you have this doll and it has kind of sentimental value to you. Let's say if ever there comes a time when you had to donate what you have, the doll you LIKE will be easy to give up. I mean, I know that won't be that easy but you'll still consider of giving it to others. It's like you have 70 to 30 percent chance of not giving it away. While the doll you LOVE will be left 'course for you. Di mo sya hahayaan na mapunta sa iba kasi it's something that you really love."
So she means..
"What if I decided to give the doll I love?"
"What do you think would you feel?"
"Maybe I'm gonna be a bit hurt or disappointed because I have to, pero ma, there would be other kids who'll become happy naman if I gave it up." She smiled.
"See my point?" Hindi parin talaga eh. Umiling ako sa kanya saka sya mahinang natawa. "Okay, I know you had your share of crushes before, right?" Tumango naman ako rito, "what did you felt when you found out that they have their special someone pala?"
Si kuya Basti agad ang unang pumasok sa isip ko, "I cried.." I can't help but felt like an idiot, why did I cried nga ba in the first place? Hahaha!
"For how long?"
"Saglit lang ma, wala pa atang one hour." Saglit lang naman talaga. Kasi naman sino bang di maiiyak na yung binigay kong cookies, not to mention, binake ko pa ay makikita mong sinusubo niya sa isang babae. Okay lang sana kung kina ate Louie or Charlie, pero hindi eh.
"It's because crush is just a feeling of admiration towards a person. After you got over with your crush, you have this feeling of natatawa nalang ako kapag naiisip ko naging crush ko sya. When you saw him again, okay na, I mean parang wala nalang, right?" Oo nga no?
"What if it's love ma?"
"Did you know that you're showing the symptoms of being in love? Though, 'course I want to deny it because I'm your mom."
"What?!" No? I mean..
"It's okay though, I think it's just a puppy love."
"So ma. What nga if it's love?"
"You like this guy kahit na nakita mo na ang mga flaws niya, his imperfections and all." Do I know Lyndon that well?
"I saw him cried.."
"Then he must have trusted you that much." Really?
"Pero bakit di parin niya ako inaaya sa prom? What do you think ma?"
"Maybe you just have to give him time, just trust him if you really like--err," she sounded so awkward, "love him."
Do I love him nga ba? I'm lost.
Lumipas ang linggo pero hindi talaga niya ako inaaya sa prom, o baka naman wala din naman pala syang balak pumunta? Nagkakausap naman kami over lunch kasi sumasabay siya sa amin, pero wala naman siyang nababanggit.
Pabalik na kami sa classroom, and he's usually dropping me first bago sya dumiretso sa klase nila. "Van, can you spare a sec?"
"Hmm, bakit?" Aayain na ba niya 'ko?"
He held my hand, nakakatawa pero nanlalamig ang buong pakiramdam ko, "do you trust me?"
"Oo naman..bakit?"
"I'm sorry if I didn't asked you to go to prom with me." Bingo. Bingo ka na, Van. Wag na kasing umasa, pakiramdam ko tuloy ay sinasakal ako.
"A-ano ka ba," I forced a smile, "okay lang yun no!" HINDI! Hindi okay!
"I won't be going too." Ay buti naman tama ang hinala ko, ganun din ba pag love? Selfish na kung selfish? Pakiramdam ko kasi ang maldita ko eh. "You'll just have to trust me that everything will be over soon." He slightly pat my head.
"A-anong everything?" Ayan nanaman sya, lagi nalang may meaning lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin, pero masyado naman akong nalalabuan.
"I'm sorry if I can't tell you right now, promise, after the prom.." He smiled, sakto namang biglang tumunog ang bell, hudyat na magsisimula na ang susunod na klase. Marami narin ang nagtatakbuhan papasok sa classroom kaya naman tumango nalang ako dito.
Tumalikod narin ito nang makapasok na ang lahat ng estudyante sa mga classrooms, pero bago pa man sya makahakbang palayo ay, "I-I'll wait." I said almost inaudible. Nakita kong natigilan siya at saka sya humakbang ulit palapit sa akin, then the next thing I knew, his kissing me on my forehead.
"Please do so." He whispered, then left.