*Dark topics warning*
I continued to sit on my bed, sobbing and cursing at myself.
"You're useless."
"Why do you even have to exist?"
"You're nothing."
I was sick of life.
Of the piece of shit that was my life.
I don't deserve to live.
I gripped my hand in a fist and opened my door and stormed downstairs.
"Y/N, don't worry..."
I simply ignored Mark.
I opened the cupboard full of medicines.
I needed to find something. Anything. Just something to end this hell-hole of a life.
"God dammit, there's nothing!" I shouted, breaking down into tears again.
"Y/N..."
I felt Mark's hand lightly on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled, hitting his hand away.
I looked at my hands to see them shaking again.
"This...is because of you!" I blamed Mark,"Because of you, my hands are like this. Because of you, my life is shit."
I cried more, not able to stop.
A mixture of hatred and sadness rising inside.
"Being out on the streets would be better than being with you!" I shouted at Mark, looking at him. For a second he resembled my Dad and I hesitated to run away.
I shook my head and ran towards the front door. As I desperately tried to unlock the door my hands started to slip from the grasp of the knob. Mark was carrying me away. Mark was stopping me. Again.
"Y/N, stop!" Mark demanded, sitting me on a chair.
I rolled my eyes.
"Please," I heard Amy's voice.
I looked over at her to see shock and sadness in her eyes. Tears welling up.
Dammit.
I started to sob again. Not able to move. Not able to think. Just sob.
"I-I'm sorry."
"It's alright," Mark said, enveloping me in a hug.
I leaned closer, my sobs slowly stopping.
All of a sudden a memory of my Dad flashed up.
He enveloped me in a hug and I kept close to him.
He pulled out of the hug and smiled.
"Now if those neighbourhood boys bother you again, you tell me okay?" He said kindly.
I forced a smile and nodded.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you too," He replied.
"I-I l-love you," I mumbled, repeating what I had said in my memory.
"Uh, I love you too," Mark awkwardly replied, pulling out of the hug.
I shook my head.
"Sorry," I apologised, staring at floor.
"Did you want to see the rest of your presents?" Mark asked.
I nodded.
"I guess."
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While I continued to unwrap my presents and pull fake smiles I couldn't stop thinking about that memory. I didn't understand why it came up at such a time.
It turned out that gift I broke was a beautiful plaque which read 'Love' and below was a picture of the three of us. I hid my tears as I unwrapped the last gift.
"Thanks for everything," I said to Mark and Amy.
They both pulled me in for a group hug.
"Oh yeah, Jack said he REALLY wanted to talk to you!" Mark told me randomly, after the group hug was over.
I looked at Mark in disbelief. He nodded with a grin.
"Come on," he chirped, making his way upstairs.
I quickly followed him upstairs and into his recording room.
Mark started up the computer and tweaked a few things before calling Jack.
He answered almost immediately.
"Hey, Mark you caught me at a good time, I just finished recording-"
He stopped talking when he noticed me.
"Y/N!" He yelled happily.
Mark ushered me closer to the computer so that Jack could see me better.
"You're wearing the sweater! Awesome!" He said with a bright smile.
His bright smile was always the same and never failed to make me smile.
"H-Hi," I shyly greeted.
"Aw, come on, don't be shy! I'm not gonna bite 'ya," Jack encouraged.
I smiled.
"There ya go. So..."
Jack started a conversation, making references here and there. Mark soon left the room, leaving it to me and Jack.
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"Well, it was awesome chatting with you!" Jack said, hinting that he had to go, saddening me a little,"Aw, come on. Don't be sad! I'll come visit you sometime!"
His words made my eyes light up.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yep," He confirmed with a chuckle,"well, seeya!"
"Bye..." I said softly.
Jack ended the skype call but I then saw him typing in the chat.
J: Catch up soon :D
I smiled and exited the room.
I walked downstairs to see Mark and Amy chatting with a man.
Amy spotted me and excused herself.
"Who's that?" I asked nervously.
"It's just the doctor, he's going to help you," Amy explained.
"W-What's wrong with me? W-Am I sick?" I started to question.
"Sh, no, calm down and the doctor will explain," Amy quietened me and sat me on the the couch. She held my hand, which comforted me.
"Hey, so, uh," Mark seemed to be hesitating as the doctor stood next to him.
I saw him twiddle his thumbs, as if he was contemplating what to say.
"We need to take you to the hospital," he spilled.
At that moment I wished the world would collapse in itself.
"We'll be both by your side," Amy added and Mark nodded.
My breaths started to become shaky.
"O-Okay," I agreed, I didn't really have a choice in the first place.
I stared at the floor in disbelief.
Was talking to Jack only a distraction?
Was it pointless?
"Come on," Amy said, standing up.
And all of a sudden I was in the car to the hospital, unaware of why I needed to go to the hospital.
"Did you get Jack to talk to me as a distraction?" I asked randomly.
Neither Amy nor Mark said a word.
"So, it was lie. Like my whole life," I concluded.
"No, Y/N-" Mark tried to explain before I cut him off.
"No, I don't even know why I'm going to the hospital!" I yelled.
"Please don't shout," Amy said quietly.
"No! I don't want to be here! I don't want to live!"
Amy and Mark stayed silent. I saw them glance at each other.
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Before I could even protest, I was already in a hospital bed.
I still didn't know why.
Amy sat next to the hospital bed while Mark discussed God knows what, outside the room, with the doctor.
It seems like I had been given a private room, not that it made this any more enjoyable.
I laid down with my back facing Amy. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see Mark. I didn't want to see anybody. All I wanted was to be dead.
Suddenly a thought came to mind.
I sat up and looked at Amy who was on her phone when she looked up.
"Do I have cancer?" I asked.
"No, no, i-it's something else," Amy explained.
Well that was comforting. Now I still don't know what's wrong with me.
I laid back down in my original position and Mark walked in with the doctor.
"I'm afraid that Y/N has multiple cases," The doctor said, making me look over at him,"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder."
I looked at the hospital bed sheets, unable to process thoughts.
"No," I rejected,"I-I, do I get to go home?"
I looked up at the doctor to see him shaking him his head.
I started to cry as the doctor left the room. Mark pulled up a chair on the other side of my bed.
I cried into the sheets and hit my bed repeatedly in anger.
"Y/N, please stop," Amy pleaded.
I looked over at her, to see pure sadness which only made me worse.
"I hate my life."
"I don't want to be here!"
Memories of my father in the hospital came back to me which made me cry even more.
I felt Mark's hand softly hold mine but I quickly redrew my hand and curled into a ball to cry.
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I woke up tiredly. After all my crying I must have fallen asleep.
I looked up to see Mark asleep in his chair.
I looked over my shoulder to see that Amy was no longer there. She must have had more important things to do.
I quietly sat up in bed and started to take off the stickers, whatever they were, that were stuck to my skin. They must have been tracking my pulse because when I took the last one off a loud beep resounded through the room, startling Mark awake.
I quickly jumped out of bed and ran towards the door to escape. But Mark caught me. I was too late.
Two nurses came running in as I struggled against Mark who was carrying me back to bed.
"Let me go!" I demanded.
"What happened?" One of the male nurses asked.
"She took off the pulse things and tried to escape," Mark tiredly explained.
He tucked me back in bed and I rolled over so my back was facing him.
The nurses came up beside my bed and put all the pulse-trackers back on and handcuffs and left the room.
I tried to struggle against the handcuffs but it was no use.
"I want a book," I urged, annoyed.
Mark sighed.
"Just watch some YouTube," Mark said, giving me his phone.
I didn't bother thanking him and went onto YouTube to watch Jack.
Soon enough, he had already made me smile.