Safia’s POV
“Well I’ve found a flaw in Yusuf.” Hamza said after I let him into my room.
“What do you mean?” I asked, unable to work out whether he was serious or not.
“He’s so stupid. He’s this crazy football fanatic. He came to play after I invited him even though the guy has this ankle injury and the doctor told him he shouldn’t play but he came anyway because he finds Sundays boring. He was pretty good though, I’ll admit that, but by the end I could tell his was in agony. He was clenching his teeth and pretending to smile telling us he’s fine. He actually limped all the way to his car.”
“So the guy has a passion. How’s that a flaw?” Although, he should take better care of his health but I guess it’s hard to sometimes give up something you enjoyed so much. If the doctors told me to stop reading stories, I’d go into depression.
“It’s not bad but it was just a little stupid. Anyway, he stopped playing a little while after half time and filled this out for you.” He replied handing me a piece of paper. Already? I thought to myself. I thought he’d take the questions home, write the answers and then hand it back to Hamza next week. Looking down at the folded paper, I gulped nervously. What was written on this sheet could possibly determine my future. “Oh, I forgot to tell you! I took a picture of him slyly for you. Wanna see?” Hamza took his phone out.
“No!” I didn’t want to judge him by the way he looked. I had made up my mind earlier today. I had locked myself in my room and lost myself deep in thought. I didn’t want to be stupid and think things emotionally. I had to use logic and reason. I thought back to Talha and Abubakar, and even Abubakar’s friend. I thought I liked them because of their personalities, but I had no idea what sort of personalities they had. I figured that may have been a justification for finding their looks attractive. I claimed I wasn’t shallow and superficial but my past crushes made me realize, I kind of was. All three of them were good looking. I had no idea who they were yet I had these stupid feelings for them, even if the feelings were tiny. “If he’s a good guy, if I get to know him a little better and we both agree, I don’t wanna see him before the Nikah.” I told Hamza. This was the decision all my thoughts led to. If I married him, I would love him. I was sure of that. I had full faith in Allah that I would love my husband. Also, he had a brown beard, so surely he wasn’t too bad.
“You what? Are you crazy?” Hamza sounded alarmed.
“Look, I thought very hard about this. Trust me.”
“What if he doesn’t agree to this?” I had thought about that. I had no idea what he’d think of me if he saw me. Maybe if the first time he saw me, as his wife, he’d find me attractive. That’s what I was hoping for. That’s what I was praying to Allah for.
“I’m not sure. Let’s just go with the flow.” Hamza looked very unsure. “Can I read this alone please?” He nodded and walked away, shutting the door behind him. I took a deep breath and opened the piece of paper, feeling slightly excited that my possible future husband wrote on it.
1) What are your views on women working? For example, a woman becoming a teacher.
I have no problem with women working. I think a teacher is a good occupation. However, I don’t believe women should be career orientated. Neither should men. Family comes first.
I was so tempted to just marry him then and there. That was the perfect answer! It was like he wrote down my thoughts.
2) Do you get along well with children?
I don’t have much experience with children but I do like them. They’re amusing and cute, like your niece Sara.
He mentioned my little Sara! Another good answer.
3) What sort of humour do you have? Are you a serious person or fun?
I may be considered as boring, but I wouldn’t like to call myself serious. I do like to have fun. My fun consists of playing pranks on my sister. I haven’t travelled much, but I’d like to. Does that count as fun?
Rereading my question, I cringed. I sounded so childish. But I was happy with his answer. I wanted to travel too because I found travelling so exciting.
4) What are your views on watching TV? Like, watching films and TV shows.
It depends. I’m not against TV but I don’t think people should get obsessed with a show. For example, I watched Lost and although I was disappointed with the ending, it didn’t really bother me. I knew people who wouldn’t stop talking about it and I thought that was a bit ridiculous. I don’t think someone should get caught up in a fictional story and forget the purpose of their life.
I understood what he was saying. I agreed with him. But I was one of those people who couldn’t stop talking about the ending of Lost. This one made me a little nervous but nonetheless, another good answer.
5) What are your hobbies?
Tough question. I like watching and playing football. I like to fix things; hence I’m becoming a plumber. I like to read. There’s other things I can’t think of at the moment.
Sounds good. I was half way through the questions and so far he sounded amazing.
6) Do you want to continue living with your family after marriage or move out? I don’t mind either option, just wanted to know what you wanted.
I think it would be sensible to live with my mum for a little while. I would like to move out after earning enough money and before starting a family.
That sounded reasonable. It was nerve wracking living with in laws but I guess it would be good to bond with them. Another good answer. Four more to go.
7) Have you previously been affiliated with any person of the opposite gender?
If you’re asking if I’ve ever been in a relationship, no I haven’t.
Now the question sounded stupid. His answer made my question sound even more stupid. But I was thrilled he hadn’t ever been with anyone.
8) How would you describe yourself?
I’m not entirely sure. Just a normal person striving to please Allah and aiming for Jannah?
That was an even better answer than the ideal answer I had come up with. Two questions left.
9) How is your relationship with your family?
I get on with them well, especially my dad and sister. My brother and I don’t see each other much because neither of us has much time off. When we do see each other, it’s okay I guess.
I immediately knew there was something wrong. He wasn’t so sure about his brother. This sparked some curiosity in me, but I dismissed it.
10) How is your relationship with your mother?
It’s okay. She’s an amazing mother and I respect and love her a lot.
That didn’t sound too good either. I thought he would say ‘amazing! She’s my best friend!’ The last two questions startled me. At the bottom of the page, it said,
Could you answer all your own questions for me please? I’m not lazy, they’re just good questions.
That brought a smile on my face. But before I began writing my answers, I needed to come to a conclusion about whether I want to know him further. He seemed like a good guy, but the part about his family made me anxious. Was he happy with them? If not, whose fault is it? I sent Hamza a text asking him to come upstairs.
“Yeah?” He asked entering the room.
“What do you make of all this?”
“You’re worried about the last two questions aren’t you?” I nodded. “Well I spoke to him about it. His mum and his brother aren’t that practicing. He says they’re good people, but their different ideologies cause a strain on their relationships. He says it’s nothing bad, just not great either. But he gets on really well with his dad and his sister.” That eased my troubled mind a little.
“I think he’s a really good guy. If he would agree to it, I think it’s about time we tell the elders.” The elders meant my mum, dad, uncle Yahya and aunty Asma.
“Don’t you have to answer those questions first?” Hamza asked pointing to the sheet in my hand.
“Yeah.” I sighed. How could I have written honestly and sound good? “You may go now.” I told Hamza, grabbing my notebook from my drawer.
“Good luck.” Hamza left closing the door on his way out.
“Allah help me.” I responded worriedly before I began answering my own questions. At the end, I wrote another question for him.
Would you agree to marry me without seeing me before the Nikah? If this goes further that is, obviously.
The rest of the day, Yusuf’s answers to my questions kept floating around in my head. By the time I was in bed, I already felt like I kind of liked him. I shook my head feeling stupid. I was Safia, I was not so easily charmed. I was Safia the sceptic. Even if I liked someone, I would not let it affect me. I kept repeating the words in my head, but I knew I was just lying to myself. I was Safia, the girl who’s every decision was affected by her emotions. But I was smart enough to know I did that. That was why I tried to rationalize and reason before making decisions. I hadn’t had a chance to reason with my feelings when uncle told me about Abubakar. That was all in uncle’s control and I preferred it that way. I was so prone to making mistakes that I sometimes depended on others opinions rather than my own. But uncle was wrong about Abubakar, which was strangely comforting. At least I wasn’t the only one who made mistakes. But was I right about Yusuf? I buried my head in my pillow begging Allah to help me. It was all in his control. Whatever happens, it will be okay, With that thought, I fell asleep.