I wanted to talk to him. I had made up my mind. I wanted to trust him again. I wanted to make things better even though he had crushed me for the tenth time under his feet. I wanted to show him that I still love him even though he ruined me. I wanted to think that maybe for the slightest bit James and Zayn lied to me.
But I couldn't because he had stopped talking to me now too. For a whole week he avoided me and stopped trying and reaching out for me.
He had gave up and I knew that because I saw him late at night with a cigarette between his lips and a drink in his hands and when I went to check up on him like I did every night I could smell women's perfume and I could see the sweat on his body or how his shirt was buttoned in the wrong way.
He had gave up on me. On us. And maybe I had too. Because all we did was sleep under the same roof. I slept on the couch in front of the TV and he slept on his comfy bed after a long night of having sex with whomever he wanted.
I got heartbroken again but I shouldn't have because it was me who drove him away. It was me who pushed him away. It was me who broke his heart. It was me who ruined him too.
A whole week. We were together for 6 months and the last one was us in complete silence. We had nothing to say.
I started having horrible nightmares. All of them starting in me having a perfect family and a great life and then they would end in me witnessing the horrifying event of my mom getting hit by a car, flying ten feet from the ground as the voices of her bones crashing echoed in my head over and over again. And after that I could see her, lying lifeless on the ground with her brown hair covering her face.
'It's all your fault'
'It's all because of you'
'You are useless, worthless'
Those voices haunted me in my dreams or even when I was awake. At the end of each dream people would gather around me, people whom I've known including my parents, friends and even Harry.
He would be there in the back and he would stare at me. And when I was about to go talk to him he would lock eyes with someone else with a smile on his face and leave without saying a word. Without even noticing me. And that hurt me more even though I didn't want to admit it.
I remember one night I was experiencing the same nightmare for the tenth time and I woke up screaming his name with tear stained eyes and the lack of oxygen in my lungs as I struggled to breathe. And I remember him, clear as the day, as he stood next to the couch and looked at me. But when I jolted awake like that with his name on my lips, he left. He left me alone to recover from my nightmare alone. I wanted him to stay. I so badly wanted him to stay but he didn't.
I wondered how long it had been since he stood there, watching me. But I never found out.
Now, We were just strangers with memories.
With the thought of the nightmares, my mother and Harry I continued my path to the cafe.
I was happy to see Luke. Everyday he would make me smile and laugh about stupid little things and I felt myself in need for a friend.
I could talk to him and I could trust him. It felt so good to talk to someone and we had grown so close to each other in just a week.
"Hey Luke!" I greeted him as he embraced me in a warm hug.
"Hey blondie. How are you?" I couldn't help but giggle at his words. We soon drifted into conversation and also helped each other around with customers and orders.
After working for hours straight Luke slumped down on one of the chairs and sighed loudly.
"How did you manage to do all this alone before I came? Ughhhh." He groaned.
"It was nothing." I laughed at his exhausted body and continued cleaning the counter.
"What are you doing?" Luke suddenly asked.
"Cleaning the counter?" I said as if it wasn't obvious.
"I know but you know you have been cleaning it for the past 30 minutes straight right?"
I stared at him trying to comprehend what he said. Has it been that long? But when I looked down at the counter I still thought it was dirty. "But it's still not clean." I stated.
"It's shining! Stop. You'll just tire yourself." He suggested with a warm smile I nodded and looked away, finally letting go of the counter.
I turned off the coffee machine since the cafe was empty now.
"I'm going out for a smoke." Luke said and I nodded.
After I was sure he was gone outside through the back door I grabbed the cloth and started cleaning the counter again. It wasn't clean yet.
But when I looked outside after some minutes I saw him lighting his second cigarette. I admired how the heavy and long puff of smoke rolled out of his mouth and to the air.
Did I turn the coffee machine off? I turned around and looked at it and saw that it was off. Good.
I cleaned my hands with my apron and made my way towards him. "Can I have one?" I asked.
"You smoke?" He almost choked on the smoke. I chuckled and soon silence engulfed us.
"I sometimes did when I was invited to a huge party but after my mother was gone and I didn't go to school or parties anymore I stopped it. But I did smoke a couple of days ago and I just loved how the nicotine relaxed my tensed muscles."
. FLASHBACK .
I laid still on the bed like I have been for the past 2 weeks of being around these assholes. I couldn't sleep. My mind was tired, so tired but it refused to shut down.
I heard footsteps nearing the door and I mentally cursed myself. I quickly put the duvet over my head and readjusted the leash around my neck so I could breathe properly and pretended to be sleep.
My body was shaking and the air was knocked out of my lungs when I was sure either James or Zayn were now in the room.
'It's the middle of the night. Please! Not now.' I mentally cried out.
"I know you're awake." James' strong voice broke the silence in the room. I still didn't move thinking maybe he was just playing with me but then the duvets was harshly yanked away by his strong force.
I sat up quickly, backing away from him. "Please! It's the middle of the night. I'm tired. Please, not now." I begged my voice cracking.
"I like it when you beg," he paused and brought out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. He puffed out and continued, "and relax. I'm not gonna do anything. Even though you fucking make me hard and turn me on, I'm gonna pass for now."
He sat down on the bed as I leaned my back against the headboard. I looked at how he inhaled it and then the smoke would surround both of us. I wanted one too because I missed how relaxing it was.
He must've noticed and with a long inhale he brought the cigarette in front of my face waiting for me. "Go on. I know you used to do it and I know you want to now. So go on."
With one last hesitant glance I moved forward and placed the cigarette between my lips. Inhaling the warming smoke I felt it destroy my lungs but I didn't care. I needed this.
"Seems like you need it more than I do." After I let out the puff of smoke he started sucking on the now small cigarette.
. END OF FLASHBACK .
James was the reason I smoked again. But I liked it so the blame was not on him.
"Did I turn the coffee machine off?" I asked Luke, doubting if I had or not. He looked at me for a second with furrowed eyebrows and then nodded, looking away.
He shared his cigarette with mine as we both sucked on the same killing piece of paper and nicotine.
"Why are you so sad?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"Sometimes when you are lost in your world I see a frown form on your face and then your eyes get watery. But then you just snap out of it and continue doing what you were."
I paused for a second, thinking what my answer should be and then I opened my mouth. "I poured my heart into everything I loved. And he was the love of my life. So that's what I did, I poured and poured and poured. Now I'm just so empty."
He nodded and then looked away, deciding it was better to not make me sad.
"You're my favorite." He said out of the blue.
"Favorite what?" I smiled at him and after exhaling the smoke, I handed him back the cigarette.
"Oh well," He paused, thinking. "Well, just that." He shrugged and looked down at me handing me back the cigarette. "My favorite person to talk to, my favorite person to hang out with, my favorite pair of eyes to look into, my favorite name to call. I like you Ellie. A lot."
I was slightly surprised when he admitted his feelings for me but I couldn't deny that I liked him too.
He inhaled and then continued as he kept the smoke in his mouth without letting it out yet, "I know it's been only over a week but--" before he could say anything I attached my lips to his and moved closer to him.
His mouth tasted like nicotine and it was warm and relaxed me. The smoke that he had kept in his mouth now rolled into mine and I allowed it.
After we heard the jingling sound of the door, I pushed him back slightly and exhaled the smoke that came to my mouth from his and looked up at him. "I like you too."
His eyes screamed with excitement and he was so happy, the goofy smile formed on his face making his lip piercing dangle in the air.
I smiled back at him and we both moved inside to welcome the new customer.
After another long hour of work it was finally time to go home. I admit, I was tired and exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep on the comfortable couch I was accustomed to.
I opened the door and was greeted with an angry Harry running to the drawers, to the coffee tables and upstairs. He then came down and I saw my clothes on his hands as he threw them on the floor in front of the door.
Broken vases, tables and antiques were covering the floor along with my small amount of clothes.
I stared at him in confusion as to what he was doing and when he noticed my presence he locked eyes with mine for a second and then continued gathering my stuff.
I decided to talk to him after almost 2 weeks of silence that I had closed my mouth and ignored the longing and need to talk to him.
"What... what are you doing?" I asked and dropped my keys on the coffee table.
"Oh! So you can talk!" He harshly yelled. I flinched a little and moved towards him, grabbing his hands to stop him from doing whatever was going on.
"DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!" He yelled in my face and pushed me back making me fall to the floor.
"What are you doing?!" I was now yelling while standing up and ignoring the pain in my back.
"Gathering your stuff." He said and after throwing the last item on the small pile of clothes he looked up at me.
I could see hurt in the back of his eyes. I could see betrayal and I couldn't help but blame myself for it.
"Get the fuck out of my house." He calmly said. "What?" I asked in bewilderment. I thought my ears heard wrong, I had to double check.
"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House." He said, making sure I heard every single word.
My heart dropped to the floor but it didn't make any sound.
"Are you deaf? Get out! I don't want to see your face or have you in my house anymore. I'm tired of you. I'm sick of you. Go to him. Beg him to take you in his house. I don't give a shit. Just get out." He stated.
Oh. My. God! He must've seen me talking to Luke and then kissing him. Because either way he wouldn't have found out. Why? Why did I do it? I didn't think at that time.
"What are you waiting for?"
"I still love you!" I yelled with tear stained cheeks and moved closer to him.
"Don't." He gestured to me to stop getting closer and I did, quickly wiping away my tears. "You shouldn't."
"I don't believe it myself either because you've hurt me so much in the past 6 months that we were together more than I have ever been in my life and--"
"Get out of my house." He stated coldly.
"Harry, please. I'll--"
"GET OUT!" He yelled and with getting a hold of my clothes he opened the door and threw them out.
My tears were pouring down uncontrollably and I ran outside gathering all of them before they could get any dirtier. But when I turned around to talk to him the door was slammed shut in my face.
.....
I'm 16. And I smoke, sadly.
Tell me about yourself, please. How old are you guys?
And a long update for you guys. Love ya