"Alright, you'll all have two photoshoots today. Then afterwards, you'll be recording." Our manager says as she reads off from her clipboard. "Alright." We say, getting up and heading over to the dressing room.
Our album was themed to go along with the season of Fall. It describes the emotions that a girl goes through during this season. These emotions being a mixture of happiness, sadness, love, anger and relief.
I was dressed in a black jeans that had slits at the knees and a white knit sweater with a red bandana holding my hair up. I waited at the benches placed behind the camera where we all got our makeup done.
They gave me a dark burgundy lip stain together with winged eyeliner and defined brows. They added on to the light makeup I had applied before coming to the venue.
My phone vibrates, bringing my attention to it. I sighed and reached for it. I see that Mark's calling me.
"Hey Riles!" He greets happily. I smile and answer him just as enthusiastically. "Mark Tuan Yi En, why are you calling?" I asked after I made my greeting. "Aigoo.. Can't I call my best friend?" He asks, and you could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"You've always preferred texting, Mark. What do you want from me?" I asked, letting out a sigh. He laughs on the other end. "We're doing this mission and I have to get you to say something." He says in english.
Mark began teaching me English. He was upset about it at first because I asked Jackson to teach me and not him. He felt like I preferred Jackson to him. Which clearly wasn't true. He knew the effect he had on me. He had this capability of making me feel things.
"Okay.." I answered, still confused. "Riles." He calls in a calm, teasing voice. "Just get to it, Mark." I asked, letting out a sigh. "I love you." He says. My cheeks flush at he says this. "Love you too, dumbass." I answered.
I looked up to see that my cheeks were in deed a light shade of red. "Yay! Thanks for answering the phone, Riles. Let's go for coffee later." He says. I hum in response. We exchange our 'goodbye's before I hang up.
I knew that the words that I had to say were alone the lines of 'I love you too.' and I gave it to him, just like that. I sighed, shaking my head. How naive can you be, Riley?
"Alright. Riley, Your turn!"
I walked over to the marked out spot on set, placing my phone into my back pocket so it wouldn't be seen. I sat on the bench, letting the fake maple leaves fall as I posed. Then the leaves were swept up. I laid down on the bench as fake snow began to fall.
Apart from being the main vocalist, I was also the member who ended up doing the acting for the music videos. After awhile of being in the group, I was asked to go for acting roles in movies and commercials as well. Suzy Unnie helped me get into character for most of my roles since she had more experience in the acting world.
The JYP staff dropped eyedrops into my eyes to make it look like I was crying. I looked down to the camera, the drops of water rolling down my cheeks.
I wiped it off after the pictures were taken. I took out my phone and went back to the dressing room while I waited for the others to finish theirs.
Mark : When are you done for the day?
Me : Late at night.
Mark : How about some late night ramen?
Me : Sure. I'll be at the recording studio. Just come down when you want.
I sighed as one of the stylists gave me clothes to change into for the next shoot. This time, it was a dress. It was a skintight baby pink off shoulder dress. I wore my black converse with it. This time, my hair was braided.
Mark : Make sure to watch our interview when you're free. The one with our call in it.
Me : Alright.
I didn't put much effort into texting him. I felt emotionally and physically drained. I felt bad.. but at the same time I was confused as to why I felt this way.
•• •• •• •• ••
"Won't your manager go nuts when he finds out that you're out at night?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows as I looked up to Mark. "Not if he knows that I'm with you." He says calmly as he pushes the doors of the store open. "Why's that?" I asked as I took my hood down.
"Marley. He'll take it as some exposure scheme. Plus, you've met him before. He's pretty fond of you and he doesn't mind you being around." He says.
You could've just said the second part and not the first, Mark..
I shrugged it off as we entered. We greeted the owner at the store who stood at the cashier, smiling brightly at us. Mark took down two Curry Flavored Ramen bowls from the shelves. I unwrapped them while he took the drinks as well. I filled them up with some hot water before using the chopsticks to seal them.
I placed the ramen bowls on the table and Mark comes back with the drinks and a receipt. "It's supposed to be my turn to pay." I informed him as we sat down. He shakes his head and gives me a smile. I sighed and took the chopsticks off from the sides of the bowl.
"How were the shoots today?" He asks as he starts stirring his ramen around. "Not much happened. I hope the pictures come out good though." I say as I take a sip from the bottle of Mountain Dew. "I'm sure they will. They always do." Mark says with a bright smile.
I liked this Mark. The happy, easy-going Mark. There were several sides to Mark. Some of which made it really difficult to talk to him.
"Riley. Do you really want to know who the girl is?" He asks, snapping me back into reality. "If you want to tell me, then yeah. I'll respect your privacy." I said as I ate my noodles. "Tsk. Stop. I'm starting to feel bad." He says with a frown as he slouches so his eyes meet mine.
"That girl is Wendy." He says with a sigh, my eyes widening as he says this. "As in.. Your Wendy?" I questioned, furrowing my eyebrows. He nods calmly, taking a sip from his drink.
"Have you met up with her?" I asked as I cleared my throat, trying to sound like how I normally would. "No." He answered simply.
I took it as he didn't want to talk about this. But I was wrong.
"She's been given a role in our music video." He says. "You're going to have to talk to her.. at some point. Right?" I asked. He nods. "I guess I just wasn't expecting to see her ever again." He says as he shrugs.
It's been years since Wendy left Mark. But I knew that Mark still loved her, will all his heart. Despite how she treated him. I knew that he always would.
Do you want to know the worst thing about this?
All I could do, was stand by his side as his best friend. While he tries to chase after the girl of his dreams.
All I could do, was watch as he tries to get another girl to smile and laugh at what I already loved about him.
It's been three years of me feeling this way about him. But of course for those three years, there was only one girl on his mind.
And that girl.. is Wendy.
All I could do, was be okay with this. After all, I'm just his best friend. At the end of the day, it all boils down to me being a friend.
I was just another one of the guys to him. I doubt that he saw me as another female specimen. I was just a 'bro', as cringeworthy as that sounds.
"Let's go separately." I said as we stepped out of the store. I could see the confused expression on his face even when I tried to avoid his gaze. "Yah.. What's wrong?" He asks as he places a hand on my shoulder.
"Goodnight Mark. Drive safely, okay?" I said, giving him a small smile before I walked away. And when I turned my back, my heart began to ache. Like a little knife was being dragged across the surface.
I heard the sky roar, a storm threatening to pour with little droplets of rain as a warning. I quickly rushed into the dorm building, thankful that the store was nearby. I got into the dorm after unlocking the gate and the door. I closed and locked it behind me, going straight to my room.
I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed, sinking into the mattress as I let darkness overwhelm me. Luna crawls into her bed as well, with her phone in hand.
"Goodnight Riley." She greets happily. "Goodnight Luna." I said. My phone vibrated against my nightstand. I picked it up to check and I was right. Mark was calling.
I turned my phone off and went to sleep.
Mark.. I'm doing this to protect our friendship and to protect myself.
This is my defense mechanism.