"Before you talk Luke can I say something?" My tongue parted my lips and ran across them as I got the okay to speak. "You look really good tonight." My eyes traced every imperfection. His hair was an absolute disaster. It was pushed back and all over the place. It didn't help that, the winner himself, had the hands of his friends pushing it all over the place. It just looked cute, even hot for that matter. He had a few blemishes on his forehead which I actually quite liked. It made him more normal that people put him out to be.
He felt self-conscious after the comment and ran his fingers through his hair once before they found their way back to mine. I wanted to comment on how much I loved when he did that but I let it be. I just smiled as my eyes found their focus with his. They almost seemed to get lost in the dark lighting of the bowling alley. Something that was rare with him. His eyes were so bright all the time, they were never hidden from anything.
"I missed the living hell out of you. But I want to be completely honest with you." I felt my eyes drifting from his as he spoke. He squeezed my hands I think both with nerves and wanting me to focus back on him. "I had thoughts while you were back home." I let a soft sigh waiting him to continue but I prepared myself for what was coming. "I saw a girl at a party one night, she was absolutely fucking incredible." This time his eyes drifted from mine as I assumed he thought of the girl he spoke about. "Her body was out of this world, if I had been the boy I was before falling in love with you I would have fucked her then and there. Hell I wanted to she was to die for but I didn't." As he finished speaking his eyes met back up with mine. My hands barely held onto his now. It was him holding on hoping I wasn't hurting inside.
"Your penis wanted her huh?"
"Oh god did it want her." He closed his eyes for a moment catching his lip between his teeth for just a moment. "But I didn't do it, he didn't do it." A small smile spread across his face, he was proud of himself for not thinking with his penis. It was a break through. As much as it hurt to hear him talking about another girl like the way he was. I wanted to know that he was strong enough to stop himself.
"You know I saw this really cute guy the other day too." I raised my eye brow at him.
"You left the house? Shit." I let go of his hand and hit it slightly. I still held one of his hands in mine with the other played with the hem of my shirt.
"His eyes might have beat yours on the pretty scale, and you know that's a hard one to beat." I glanced up at Luke slightly with a smile. The honest truth was I hadn't actually seen a cute boy. Luke was right, I hadn't left the house. I couldn't keep making up the lie, I just wanted to see him jealous for a few seconds which didn't seem like it was happening. "What am I kidding? You're right. I didn't leave the house."
"I know you too well." He smiled kissing the top of my head. "If you ever meet a guy with prettier eyes than me though, I better know about it right away." I laughed quietly to myself. "I mean it Emmy." He tightened his arm around me.
I never realized how much I missed being his arms until this moment. Nothing ever really compares to getting hugged by the one you love the most. After a week of not spending a moment in his arms it's something you long for, something I longed for. I missed feeling his body tense as he tightened his grip around me as if I were going to float away if he let go. "Luke Robert Hemmings?"
"Yes, Emery Caydence Blake?"
"Do you want to know why I wanted to be home for two weeks instead of being out here with you?" I looked up at him, my head finding a perfect place to rest under his arm. He nodded his head waiting to hear whatever it was holding me back from him. "My mum isn't well." He gave me the most puzzled look I think I'd ever seen his face show. I took a deep breath. "She wanted me to have my time with you though." My teeth bit the inside of my mouth fighting back the emotions I knew were inevitability going to come.
"Em," he tried to speak and I didn't want him to.
"Stage four shit cancer of some stupid shit I didn't bother to listen to because I didn't want to hear any of it." I was angry and sad at all of it. My sadness mustered in anger. I couldn't bear to deal with it in any other way. Luke went to speak but I didn't allow him. "All she wanted was to see me happy with you. She looked forward to you popping in at 2 in the morning thinking you're sneaking in when you never were quiet. She looked forward to hearing our quiet conversations and all our laughs because all she cared about was her little girl being happy. That's all she asked for, all she wanted on this trip."
Luke's fingers found their way to the tattoo I had gotten with him. He traced hearts over the skin laced with ink. It brought comfort to my anger. It filled me with warmth something the bitter news had taken away from me.
"She wants me here though with you, making our dreams come true. She wants me putting everything she did for me to good use." I looked at him, my heart falling to a million pieces as I spoke. "I will no longer have my mumager, my dad and I rarely speak so I'll be left with you."
"You broke so many ties with our management Emmy." I took a deep breath. "But they wouldn't have allowed you to come on tour with us if they didn't expect you to join back. They wouldn't have been supporting you through everything if they didn't care. If they didn't care we care and if we care they have to." He smiled.
"I'm scared." I found myself fiddling with a loose string on Luke's black skinnies. It was something I did out of habit, my fingers always had to be doing something when my mind was running wild.
"It's okay to be scared Emmy." He ran his hand up and down my arm to comfort me. He was right, it was okay to be scared. It was okay to feel every emotion, sadness, madness, happiness, every emotion was okay to be feeling.
"Can we go back to the guys? I don't want to think about this anymore." I knew sadness read all over my face and he agreed but only under one condition.
"Kiss me first." My lips turned up slightly kissing him a few times before grabbing his hand heading over to the guys.
"Welcome back."
"Thanks for having us back. I mean I didn't know if you'd let us back in." I rolled my eyes playfully. "I missed days like this guys. I really hope you know this." I looked at my four best friends thinking back to every good memory we shared with each other. "I may be a complete mess half of the time but I do appreciate everything you guys have done for me."
"Hey without you Rem, we all might not be where we are now, so we appreciate everything you've done for us."
"Like cause some of your life to be a living hell?"
"That comes with having a girl for your best friend." My foot kicked Michael because of his statement. He couldn't help but to laugh, he thought he was so funny. "I mean girls can be quite emotional, it comes with their nature." I rolled my eyes at Michael. "I'll stop, I'll stop, jeez." I couldn't help but let out a little laugh at Michael's actions.
"I am one of the most emotional people you'll meet. I don't know how you've all kept me around for so long, I am quite annoying." I found my head resting on Luke. He had put up with me for the longest, hearing my nonstop complaints over everything. I didn't know how he could handle so much weight but at the same time he had his own demons. He had his own faults and complaints. "But at the same time how could you let such a beautiful, talented person go." I tried to pose while keeping my head on Luke and ultimately failed looking like a complete idiot.
"I think that's the only reason we keep your around Emz. You've got a voice that could kill a man."
"Or have one wrapped around your finger." I looked up at Luke while he spoke. It was definitely something I enjoyed hearing. Not that I wanted to have him whipped, it was just nice to hear that I had him to myself, for now.
"You keep me around for my voice, I see how it is. People think I'm using you for your voices and fame, here I have proof that you've kept me around for mine. If only I had this all on camera. People would finally hear the truth." I joked back with the guys. They were way more talented than I was, but the support was much needed.
Luke was the only one who knew what was going on. I needed as much support as possible. I didn't want to tell everyone else and ruin the mood. But they were giving me the support I needed without even knowing. I needed everything possible to keep my mind in a happy place. Because I have no idea what I was going to do when my mum's body decided enough was enough.
My mum was everything to me. She got me through everything in life. She pushed me to succeed and fight for what I believed in. She was the best mum you could ask for. She butt into my business like every normal mum and it pissed me off but at the end of the day that stuff didn't matter. She made me the women I was and taught me to never give up on my dreams, my music career and most importantly Luke.
She was on my mind the rest of the tour. I wanted her to get on a plane for the first time ever to see me perform my very last show in the States but that wasn't an option. She was just too sick. My dad though, he spoke to Liz and set up this big elaborate plan for the night. It was incredible for my mum. Most of the guy's families flew out for the show so they helped. They all deeply cared for my mum and helped my father plan this big surprise.
"Emery can you come out on the stage please?" Calum's voice sounded to the crowd. "At this point I feel like most people now know would be the point where we sing as the lovers call it, the Robert and Caydence song." Luke and I glared at Calum. "Well our parents have been planning something that is going start off the last time on this tour that that song is going to be played."
"A lot of people don't know what's going on in our personal lives." Luke began to speak and I felt my hands begin to get sweaty. I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was coming out to perform our song for the last time and all of this big speech began. "Tonight all of our parents have joined us, besides Emery's." I looked at the ground for a moment fiddling with my fingers. "At least that's what Emery thinks." I looked at Luke quickly. "Everyone welcome Emery's mum." Luke pointed towards the big screens that normal held the faces of us.
My mum's face was plastered all of the big screens. My hands instantly went to cover my face as all my emotions overwhelmed me. "Hi sweetheart. You killed it and I wish I could be there with you right now. I had every intention of rocking out with the other four mums tonight but you know things got complicated." I wrapped my arms tightly around Luke trying to hold back tears that were ultimately failing. "I've been watching the entire night thanks to your dad and mostly Liz." I looked out towards the crowd for a moment as to thank Liz.
"Mum?" There was a silence for a moment as the feed caught up on her end.
"Yes sweetheart?"
"I love and miss you so much." I sniffled and Luke rubbed his hands up and down my back for comfort.
"I love you and miss you too sweetheart, go on and kill your last song for me, my favorite." I smiled as my mum's face disappeared from the screens and was replaced by my own.
"A lot of you might be confused on why my mum isn't here tonight. She's got stage 4 cancer she's not doing well. I mean maybe you guessed from all the cords attached to her and the awful hospital room walls. She is the person that got me to be who I am today and losing her will be losing my other half. Thank you Liz, dad and the rest of the families that made tonight possible for both my mom and I." I took a deep breath and I felt Luke's hand interlock with mine. "Who's ready to hear her favorite song?"
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a very big set of news about emerys mom. i'm sorry its so sad but this is the second to last chapter. only one more to go. i hope you guys have enjoyed this story and are ready for the final chapter.
much love
ashley