This can't be the real world now
I don't believe it, when I can't see the truth
Welcome to the real world now
The old are carried in now just to poison youth
18 : Real World (edited)
"Itty bitty Valentiny, we need your help," was the first thing Catherine heard upon taking her seat in the Gryffindor table during breakfast the next week.
She had been avoiding James Potter since their fallout and she'd be lying if she said he hadn't tried to make up with her. He understood she didn't want to speak to him — he stopped badgering her and gave her the space she needed.
It was now as though the two had never met — both were present among the Marauders' usual hangout but refused to look in the other's direction. Everyone had thought it was a silly lover's spat, but they were then allegedly said to have been broken up when their peers saw that they even switched seating arrangements. James was back to his usual place next to Lily, neither of them even talking to each other, and Catherine was either with Remus, Sirius, Peter, or the Prewetts.
They may have fooled themselves into thinking the other no longer wanted part in each other's lives, but everyone could see through their fight.
James Potter was depressed in the inside and Catherine Valentine was downright miserable. The two had been an unbreakable pair though they constantly bickered and went through awkward situations, and being away from one another affected them. James was more withdrawn than usual — he didn't even speak a word to Lily whenever they had class together. And Catherine barely managed a real smile nowadays, they were fake and strained.
Sirius had discussed about the issue with Remus and Peter — the three didn't know what to do.
Catherine glanced at the Prewett twins whom she'd sit with during meals. Because no matter how much she tried to forget, it hurt to even look at him. "What's the matter?" She frowned slightly, "If it's about pranks, you know I'm not feeling up to it—"
"No, no, it's not," Fabian assured her before clearing his throat, a faint spray of reddish pink dusting his cheeks.
This caused Catherine to raise a questioning eyebrow at Gideon who didn't bother hiding his chortles. "Skippy over here thought it'd be grand to play a prank on his new girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend," Fabian murmured, his ears reddening.
"Yet," Gideon sang.
"Who is it?" Catherine asked, sounding the most interested she's been for the past week.
"Elizabeth Miller, seventh year," Gideon replied. "Poor girl had to suffer from her voice being charmed to eagle squawks. Her brother isn't fond of Fabe, too."
Catherine sighed just as how a mother would upon hearing their child had gotten in trouble. Again. "Oh, Fabe." Catherine shook her head gently before managing a slight smile at him. "Do you really like her?"
Fabian let out a single laugh, avoiding Catherine's eyes as he played with his food. "'Course not, silly."
Catherine stared at him flatly with an eyebrow raised.
Fabian made a face before quietly answering, "More than you could imagine."
"If you love her, then go get her. And when you do, don't you dare let her go. Hug her, hold her, cherish her, tell her you love her everyday." Catherine's eyes wandered to James Potter unconsciously. "Because one day she might change her mind and think you love another, and you'd be left with the pain you never expected to happen to you in the first place."
James was eating his breakfast with zero enthusiasm. He had his chin rested on his palm as he played with the eggs and bacon on his plate with a fork. He'd eaten the yolk and the fatty part of the bacon — having left the egg whites and the crispy bacon parts for Catherine.
Remus was explaining the Potions activity they would have later to Sirius because according to the curly haired boy, neither he or Catherine had been paying attention to Slughorn's tedious discussions lately.
James hated it. He hated not being able to speak with Catherine and tell her stuff like how he caught Lucius Malfoy picking his nose at the corner of the classroom. He hated seeing her occasionally not present in a class they shared just because she was steering clear of him. He hated taking down notes on said class that she missed because of that underlying hope that maybe one day they'd speak again and he'd let her copy the stuff she missed. And most importantly, he hated that he missed her. So damn much. He missed being able to look at her anytime he wanted to (the best being when she laughs or smiles because she looked the most beautiful that way), to put his arm around his shoulder just to have her close by, and hold her hand just because he can.
He let out a rueful sigh, and without even realizing it, his eyes had shifted to Catherine. To his surprise, she was looking right at him as well and she seemed to be talking to the Prewett twins.
For a moment, they allowed their eyes to lock. To imagine that it was just the two of them once more and that there had never been a fight. But of course all things came to an end.
Slowly, James stood up and gathered his things as Catherine stood to shoulder her bag. Together, they made their way to class.
Separately.
««•»»
"Come on, Cat," Sirius begged during Potions class. "Please smile."
Catherine gave him a look, scrunching her nose at him.
Sirius laughed, bumping his hip with hers. "Please, Cat, please."
Catherine lifted her head up to look him in the eye. Sirius watched eagerly, awaiting that gorgeous grin of hers, only to see her stick her tongue out childishly at him.
He chuckled again, shaking his head at her. "You tease," he said before poking her side. This caused Catherine's lips to twitch as she squirmed underneath his touch. This caused Sirius to smirk. She was ticklish.
Sirius poked her side again.
"Stop it," Catherine chastised lightly, fighting off a giggle as she scooted away from him.
Sirius was grinning slyly by then. Just as Slughorn left the classroom after announcing that he had left something in his office, Sirius tickled her sides again.
Catherine squealed, a genuine laugh escaping her as she grabbed her textbook and slapped it against Sirius's arm. "You're full of rubbish, Siri."
He smirked, poking her once more. "I aim to please."
Just then, the sound of something snapping and breaking was heard by the pair as the two turned their heads. Catherine glanced at James who was staring lividly at them, a broken chopping board in front of him.
His hurt eyes met Catherine who frowned before withdrawing once more from her currently happy state. Sirius sighed as he saw her. He needed to have a little chat with James.
After class, Sirius parted ways with Catherine who wanted to schedule a practice on her Merlin magic with Dumbledore in his office. He walked tersely with James, conjuring several ways on how to open up the topic about Catherine Valentine without frustrating James.
"You're awfully quiet," James muttered as they made their way to the common room.
Sirius coughed. "Yes, well — it's because — you see," he stopped himself, not knowing how to continue.
James sighed as he told the Fat Lady the password. "It's Valentine, isn't it?" he asked as they entered the warm, cozy room.
Sirius couldn't help but to smile sadly at that. Even though he was no longer in speaking terms with the girl, he still said her name the same way he'd say it around her. Come to think of it, Sirius could probably count with one hand all the times James called her by her first name, and not Valentine.
James made her surname sound like an endearment. A literal endearment.
"Prongs, you've got to make up with her. She's miserable, you're miserable. The lot of us could see it — hell, the whole school sees it!"
James blinked in surprise by Sirius's sudden outburst. He chuckled lowly without any humour before slumping against the couch, Sirius following after him. "Why should I?" He forced himself to speak calmly, "She insists I got what I wanted. Lily speaks to me like a normal person now. She doesn't want me to need her any longer."
Sirius scowled. "Prongs, are you even listening to yourself right now?"
James let out a huff. "Padfoot, let it go. I'm not in the mood for this." He reached up to loosen the tie on his neck, giving himself air. His throat was closing in on him — he had the strangest urge to cry.
"Not in the mood, my arse." Sirius snorted haughtily at him, annoyed with James's situation and how he was forcing himself to accept everything Catherine told him.
James raised an eyebrow lazily at Sirius, mumbling to himself, "Tetchy."
"James Potter, I am telling you, Catherine Valentine means a whole lot more than you could possibly imagine and you know that. You care for her. Don't you bloody dare to lie and stop letting her tell you otherwise."
Sirius was being serious. He had used James's first name and his gray eyes were stormy as he stared hard at James.
"Sirius, stop it," James said tiredly, "I don't, alright? Like she's implied — why would I care for someone I just started talking to a few months back when I've been in love with Lily for God knows how long?"
Sirius muttered something incoherent under his breath, a string of curse words following before he said, "James, please stop acting this way. You fucking love Catherine, don't let her undermine your feelings just because of a misunderstanding."
As he said that, the door to the common room opened and Catherine and Lily slipped in, chatting amongst themselves. And for the first time in a long time, Catherine looked happy. She was smiling as she talked amicably.
James hastily glanced away from the girl. "Stop it, Sirius."
"Just look at her, James!" Sirius cried out exasperatedly. "Can't you see it? You're in love with her."
He shook his head stubbornly. "No, I love Lily."
"Get over yourself. It's always been Catherine, Prongs. Just look at her!" And so he did just as Sirius did too.
And in that moment, Catherine tipped her head back to laugh at whatever Lily told her, and James realized that it was true. He was in love with a girl he never expected to fall for.
But it wasn't only him, Sirius too realized he had fallen for her.
««•»»
James knew what he had to do. There was no other option. He had to tell Catherine that he loves her and that he wants her to take him back as a real boyfriend this time. No more pretending. He would do anything to convince her he no longer felt anything for Lily. It was all Catherine — he loved her and wanted her to know that.
Fifteen minutes in Transfiguration class and Catherine didn't show up, she was avoiding him again. James pretended to feel ill, asking McGonagall if he could be excused. He left the room right away, heading straight to the Common Room where he knew Catherine would most likely be.
Catherine was lying on the couch with a book at hand when she was startled by someone practically barging in the common room. She sat up instantly, calming down when she realized it was just James. "Oh, it's just you," she spoke to him for the first time in a week with relief evident in her tone as she pressed a hand over her heart. "For a moment back there I thought you were . . . never mind."
James flushed in slight embarrassment, understanding what she meant as he remembered that time she told him about Death Eaters attempting to break into the Gryffindor common room. "Sorry," he murmured huskily before slowly crossing the room to the couch. Catherine watched him warily as he gestured to the seat next to her. "Do you mind?"
Not trusting her voice, she simply shook her head and scooted over.
James sat down carefully, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he glanced up to look at her. He resisted the urge to suck in a sharp breath. Despite the tired bags under her eyes, she was still so beautiful.
"What is it, James?" she asked weakly, rubbing a hand over her eyes.
She wasn't so keen on this conversation, James noticed when she called him by his first name. What was with everyone calling him by his first name today?
"Valentine, I know I'm not the type of person you'd ideally go to for comfort. I'm not someone who'd say sweet words to cheer you up. I know I don't particularly like attending hang outs with people who aren't the Marauders. But what I feel right now, I've never felt before." James suddenly grabbed Catherine's hands in his, gently running his thumb across her knuckles as he stared her deep in her jade green eyes. "What I want right now is to be by your side. So if you let me, I'd do all those things for you. If you need someone whose shoulder you can cry on, I'd give you both of mine and even let you cry on my shirt as much as you want. If you need someone whose words make your day, I'd spend a hundred of my days coming up with thousands of poems just to see you smile. And knowing how shitty they'd probably turn out to be, you'd laugh at it. But I'd still want you for it anyway. And if you need someone to be there for you in any way possible," his voice was notably softer by now as he spoke so intimately, "then I'd cross the damn ocean just to be able to hug you, see you, and make you happy."
Catherine couldn't speak. Her heart was beating so fast, it felt heavy. She didn't know the words to say that could match up to what James had just beautifully said. She loved him, but how can she be sure that what he felt for her was real when their whole 'relationship' started on lies.
"What are you trying to say?" she whispered.
James pressed forward, their noses nearly touching as he said, "I'm in love with you, Valentine. Utterly and deeply. And I'm sorry it took me so bloody long to realize this."
"James." She smiled sadly at him, her heart screaming at her as her stomach squeezed painfully, "I'm sorry." Carefully, Catherine withdrew her hands from his as she avoided his eyes that were staring right at her. "How do I know this is truly real? We started as something purely fake and pretend, I can't risk the same thing to happen again." She bit her lip, trying to not let the tears betray her feelings. "I just — I need time. Can you give me that? I can't deal with all this right now so soon. Let me heal first and maybe when I see for myself that you're truly over Lily, then maybe . . . "
James wanted to argue with her just to put some sense into her, but he didn't. Suddenly, he was drained of energy and wanted to just sleep the day away. The year away, if possible. "I understand," he said. He stood up, his legs nearly giving out on him as he began to walk away with his heart slowly sinking to his stomach when Catherine called out behind him.
"Wait, James," she said as he turned to her. "It's unfair of me to keep this." She reached over and slid the family ring James gave her from her finger. Hesitantly, she stretched her arm out to hand it to him. "I can't hold on to it right now while we're going through this."
Knowing how much seeing it would only hurt him since it reminded him too much of her, James shook his head. He brought his hand to hers, curving it over her fingers so that hers was covering the ring. "Keep it. You look better with it."
A/N
Teaser: Chapter 19 : Strings