Sorry for any mistakes, I hope you's enjoy this update!
*Jade's Pov* (Surprise)
Perrie was back in my bed. After months of trying to let her go or draw her back, she was here. There'd been no resistance when I had carried her upstairs, despite showing her the dominance hidden inside of me. I'd taken her again without warning when we reached our bedroom. She did not complain, although I was certain I hurt her that I'd been too rough, too excited after tying her delicate wrists behind her. I needed to explain myself my compulsions before I scared her. She wouldn't be allowed to run away again, but I could not stomach the idea of her fearing me. Running a finger down the soft curve of her hip, I marveled at her presence at the sense of wholeness I only felt when she was near.
But even as we lay here, rediscovering each other now with gentle caresses and stolen kisses, the future weighed on me. Being with me would destroy her. I was a one-women wrecking ball and no matter how much I tried to deny my feelings for her, I couldn't let her go. I couldn't save her. A life with me meant a life of pressure and more scrutiny that any one person should bear. I'd watched it poison my mother, making her into a women I could no longer look to with respect. Everyone around me was forced to live a lie. What would Perrie be forced to endure to be with me?
"Stop it," Perrie demanded in a low voice. "Here and now, remember?"
How did she know what I was thinking? How did she always know?
Because she loved me.
I pushed the thought away, but it was too late. The momentary lightness of the realisation evaporated and my body constricted as though someone was strangling me. Loving me was dangerous. It was the one thing I couldn't prevent. I'd tried to stop her. I'd tried to hurt her.
And here she was.
I wasn't a weak person, but I was powerless to deny myself. My eyes swept over her lips and my member twitched, already ready to fill her again. But I had to show her she was more to me than that. How could I, though, knowing I would inevitably fuck this up?
Reaching out, I gently guided her onto her stomach. The only way to stop the constant onslaught of confusion coursing through me was to give in to my baser instincts. The sight of her ass shapely and inviting did the trick. I couldn't tell her how I felt, because I didn't understand it myself. But I could show her. Lowering my lips to the nape of her neck, I pressed a kiss to her flesh. Perrie released a soft sigh, and the vise-grip around my heart relaxed. This was what I needed to hear the soft moans of her pleasure, to lose myself in the little noises she made as I took her. Her pleasure freed me, giving me a sense of purpose I thought I'd lost forever. Sweeping her hair off her shoulders, I ran my fingers through the loose strands. Another tiny whimper escaped her.
Resisting the urge to plunge inside her so quickly after our last rough encounter, I parted her hair and began to slowly braid it. "I love your hair. I love watching it fall across your face as I fuck you."
"Jade." Caution coloured her voice, as if she was afraid to be pleased by my confession. She wriggled closer to me, pushing her ass against my groin in invitation. "Please, Jade."
My chest constricted again, but this time with pleasure. It was too soon for her body, although I couldn't ignore her plea. "Shh, love. Soon. I'll fuck you soon, but your body needs longer. I took you without making sure you were ready last time. I couldn't help myself."
It wasn't an apology exactly. I couldn't apologise for giving us what we both needed, but now there was no need to rush. I folded a section of her hair over another.
"I'm fine." But her words were forced. She needed the contact as much as I did. Something had happened earlier in the market. Something had spooked her. I wasn't inclined to push her for answers. Not this early in our reconciliation and not after she'd been so angry over my possessiveness. But even if she didn't understand the necessity of my vigilance, she would learn to live with it. I made a mental note to ask Lauren to look into the matter.
Her body curved into a graceful arc as she pushed up and turned to look at me. Pert, pink nipples brushed across her upper arm as she knelt on the bed. She was original sin incarnate—my temptation and my redemption.
"I thought I didn't have to ask today."
"Don't argue. When your wet—" I tightened my hold on her braid and leaned down to brush my lips across her shoulder—"then. When you're ready."
"I'm always ready for you," she reminded me in a whisper.
It took every ounce of self-control I had not to take her on the spot. Instead, I wrapped her hair slowly around her neck like a collar. Perrie stilled but didn't object, although her hands fisted into the sheets. Did she anticipate what I wanted to do to her? It seemed impossible that she invited it. She had been clear that she wasn't interested in more than playful submission. Not that I required more, but...I enjoyed it. My past relationships had come on my terms. Women were eager to fuck me however I wanted to fuck, and I'd certainly taken advantage of their flexibility. But my desire for Perrie ran deeper. I didn't want to break her. I wanted to conquer her and the fears that held her captive to the past. I understood all too well what that was like. The more she relinquished control to me, the more I could liberate her while showing her that my protective nature stemmed from a primal urge I couldn't deny.
"Do you want to tie me up Jade?" she offered in a small, hopeful voice.
I groaned and sank my teeth into her shoulder in an effort to restrain myself. Perrie craned her neck, offering more of her delicate flesh as though she longed for the pleasure tinged with pain. The image of her elegant body bound in silk rope flashed through my mind. I craved her however I could take her, but the idea of having her at my mercy at being able to give her more pleasure than she thought she could handle tormented me.
"Yes, love," I murmured against her ear, catching its shell momentarily between my teeth. "But our situation has changed and I need to be certain that we understand each other."
"I...I...want you to dominate me," Perrie stammered. Her words came in a flurry of nervousness and expectation.
My free hand slid around her waist to cup her breasts. I allowed my fingers to skim across the fragile tissue of her nipples, which responded immediately to my touch. "Your body is so responsive. It longs for my touch as if it's just waiting for me. For my hands. Or my mouth—" my lips dipped once more to the hollow behind her ear. "But there are things we need to be clear about. First, I have to ask you. Did you enjoy it when I tied your wrists?"
Her eyes closed in reverence and she bobbed her head. I started to throbbed, and I forced myself to ignore its demands even as her supple ass brushed against it.
"Do you want me to tie you up? Do you want to give me control?"
"Yes Jade," she breathed. Under the hand that covered her breast, I felt her heartbeat speed up.
"Do you understand what you're asking for?" I hated to force a serious topic at this moment, but I couldn't stomach the possibility of crossing the line with her. Not after what she'd endured before we met.
Finally there was hesitation. She didn't know how to answer me. "I trust you, Jade."
"And I will not betray that trust," I assured her in a soothing voice. "But I want to be clear about something. We are not a dominant and submissive. Not truly."
"But you want to tie me...and s-s-spank me," she stuttered as she tried to articulate her confusion.
This is what I couldn't explain to her before when I'd glimpsed her fear, but now that lines were being crossed, I wanted both of us to understand what we needed from each other. It was a talk I'd planned to have with her after I'd taken the riding crop to her, and it was long overdue.
"Perrie, there are many things I want to do to you. I want to feel my palm vibrate against your ass as I spank you. I want to tie you up and leave you to the mercy of my tongue or dick or fingers. I want you to trust me with your pleasure. Sexually my appetite varies. Many times all I need is to be inside you, but since I've met you, I've sensed there was something different about you a fearlessness."
"I'm far from fearless," she said with a soft snort.
"You are brave, Perrie. Strong." I tugged the hair still wrapped around her throat, drawing her closer to me. "You see my need for control and you aren't afraid. It's almost as if you—"
"Like it," she finished for me in a breathless voice.
"Do you?" I attempted to keep my voice steady. Everything hinged on her answer.
"I don't fear it." She paused, considering the question. "I do like it. I yearn for it."
"Why?"
"Because in it, we're free." She spoke so softly that I almost thought I'd imagined her words.
She understood. The revelation hit me with the force of a sudden storm. She understood the delicate dance between the light and the dark that consumed me and that coloured my passion for her. At that moment, the fragile handle I had over my desires broke.
"I need to be inside you," I grunted. My hand dropped to spread her thighs.
"Yes, please."
My dick spasmed at the familiar words. As always her eyes were closed and her voice distant as though she wasn't even aware she had spoken. But the urgency of them was always there. It was how I'd known it was okay to cross the lines she'd claimed to have earlier in our relationship. It was how I knew she needed to feel me now as much as I needed her.
I kept a hold of her hair, relishing the ability to pull her closer to me as I positioned myself behind her.
"Hold onto the headboard," I ordered her.
Her fingers stretched over her head, grasping the slats of the wooden frame firmly. Then I pressed my hand to her taut belly and drew her ass down to my waiting hips. My member slid inside her, meeting with no resistance. A strangled cry of pleasure slipped from Perrie's mouth as my shaft speared her, piercing her to the core. Perrie settled over me, and even though she didn't circle her hips, her hunger radiated off of her, drawing me in and urging me on. I yanked the hair collaring her neck, tightening it so that she gasped and her breath shifted to quick, shallow pants.
"You know what to say if it's too much," I reminded her softly.
She nodded, but the only word she uttered was "more."
I was lost to the request, slamming into her until there was nothing but the slap of skin against skin and her near-breathless cries. My hand slipped from her belly to massage her clit as I quickened my thrusts. I was rewarded as the first of her pleasure clenched me. Her passage clamped against me, hungrily drawing forth my climax. I jerked her head back so that I could watch her face as she came undone.
"Say it," I whispered in her ear.
Her lips parted obediently, but the taut hold I had on her throat restricted her speech. She mouthed the words.
"I love you Jade."
My pleasure erupted, spilling into her. At that moment, she freed me with her words, with her body. I allowed myself to feel her love and it washed over me as I hammered her toward another release. I didn't want this moment to slip away but as she shattered against me once more, her body crumpled, supported only by her white-knuckled grip on the headboard. Releasing her hair, I gathered her in my arms and lowered us to the bed, still filling her.
I couldn't give Perrie what she needed, even as she gave me everything. I couldn't risk her life by being selfish.
"I will never have my fill of you." My whispered promise wasn't what she deserved, but it would have to be enough.
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We stayed like that for somewhere between a minute and eternity. Time had ceased to hold sway over us. Perrie drew herself from my arms, turning over to face me. Our eyes locked and lightness tightened my chest. It was always the same. Happiness followed so rapidly by self-loathing that I could not separate the two from one another.
Her fingers tangled in my hair, drawing my lips to hers. The taste of her was amazing on my tongue. When we broke apart, she glanced at me, an unusual shyness settling over her lovely features.
"Jade, What did you mean when you said I wasn't truly a submissive? Am I—" she paused—"doing something wrong?"
I tightened my hold on her, pressing her close to my breasts. "No, love. It's more complicated than that."
There were things Perrie didn't know about my past. I couldn't imagine she wanted the torture of knowing about every woman I'd been intimate with. Still the only way to explain what I'd meant earlier was to reveal something that might hurt her or, at best, scare her.
"The dominant and submissive lifestyle is not something that one simply turns on and off." I paused, preparing myself for her reaction.
"You were in one?" she guessed in a quiet voice.
There was my Perrie, always reading my mind. "Yes."
She stiffened but didn't pull away. It was a better reaction than I could have hoped for, so I continued. "It was brief and it occurred not long after my brother's death."
"Did you love her?"
"No." My denial was harsh, but I understood what Perrie was truly asking. Had I been capable of love before her? "I've never loved a anyone romantically. As I told you, I loved my father and brother. That's all."
It pained me to say it, knowing it hurt her. Perrie drew in a sharp breath as though she'd been physically wounded, but she didn't speak.
"The girl who was chosen as my submissive was no one to me but a willing partner hand-picked by my friend."
"This friend picked a girl for you? You can hardly run to the corner shop and pick up a submissive." There was an edge to her words that pained me.
"It was a friend of my mother's who is a lifestyle dominant. I had heard the whispers, so I approached her. She understood the need for discretion and found a girl who could meet that need." Perhaps the more cut and dried I made it sound, the less doubt it would give her.
"What did you do to her?" Perrie asked, but I heard the true question: what will you do to me?
Answering this question was like walking a tight rope. "She helped me discover that while there were aspects of the lifestyle I craved, others did not suit me."
"What did you do to her Jade?" her voice broke as she repeated the question more insistently.
"I tied her up," I admitted slowly. "Sometimes I took a cane to her or a paddle. Other times a whip. She craved pain nearly unbearable pain. It was more satisfying to her than pleasure."
I felt her withdraw from me even though she didn't move.
"Perrie," I said her name as if I could catch her before she slipped away. "I was angry and confused. My body was still healing from the accident or I would have chosen self-punishment. But you must understand this was a mutual arrangement. She wasn't a slave or a victim. She was a willing participant."
"Do you...do you..." she trailed away, unable to find the words.
"Not anymore. It was a dark period in my life. I don't feel the same compulsion to punish now, although it did show me that pleasure can be drawn out. That it can be mixed with the edge of pain, and that dominance and submission can be liberating." I brushed back a lock of blonde hair that had fallen over Perrie's forehead. It seemed a good sign that she didn't flinch.
"What other questions do you have? I don't want you to feel there are secrets between us."
She hesitated, her eyes darting away from mine. "Why did you stop?"
"My mother found out." My lips curled ruefully at the memory. Apparently I'd only needed to look to her for punishment if I'd wanted to feel pain.
"I'd recovered from the accident, and she wouldn't stand for any more bad press, as she put it. So she shipped me off "
We lapsed into silence. Perrie to think, and I to allow her time to process. It wasn't the whole truth. I didn't need her to feel any more pity for me or fear. Finally, she buried her face into my shoulder.
"The two of us are pretty fucked up," she said in a muffled voice.
I laughed humorlessly.
Perrie pulled away, her eyes searching my face. Perhaps for the darkness she'd seen before. For the first time, I hoped she didn't see it.
"I only want to give you pleasure, Perrie. If this scares you, I'm happy to take you to bed or up against a wall or in an elevator."
I was rewarded with a tentative smile. "So average boring sex?"
"Sex with you could never be average." The thought was ludicrous. "It's not a coincidence that I've been perpetually hard since we met."
"You have a similar effect on me. I still think—" she hesitated—"that I'd like to explore."
It was a perfect term to describe our mutual desire. Perrie had once again surprised me, proving her strength as she opened herself to the unknown.
"Do you want to try?" she asked in a small voice.
"No." I shook my head and then rolled her onto her back. "Not now. All I want is to worship you."
She didn't object as I lowered my hips between her thighs and joined her. We moved together, lips lingering on skin and hands holding tightly to one another. Both determined to not let the other one slip away.
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hey guys i know its been months since the last update and i'm sorry about that and I can't promise you updates will be every week but I will update eventually I won't abandon this story and all of you guys so please be patient with me. I hope you liked the update I know its not much but I tried.
see you next update