The only times that I haven't been able to fit inside my clothes were when I got to tall for them or I just grew out of them. Not because I was getting wider but because I was just growing up. But there's always room for a first, even if I couldn't get the damn thing buttoned. I don't know how long I stood there attempting to pull the cloth shut when I knew nothing I did would work.
My doctor had told me that I women tend to start showing between 12 to 16 weeks depending on a number of different things. My clothes had started getting tight a few weeks ago but nothing I couldn't 'fight' for lack of better term. Now I can't even get close to buttoning it shut. I've been meaning to go and bye some new clothes but between looking for a job and stressing out about the plane ticket to Californian I had recently bought. Spencer hadn't wanted to look for a job just yet, he kept talking about how I was already stressed out enough and adding to that's not a good idea. I of course pointed out that his salary's not going to cover all the doctor bills as well as the baby stuff we're gonna have to get sooner or latter. I myself didn't think that going to see Sam was a very good idea at this moment in time but I was already to deep to back out now, can't refund the tickets.
Spencer has been gone for a week and in that time Haley and I have transformed this apartment from cluttered and unorganized into something that looked kind of nice. She had helped me find some shelves to put into the 'nursery'. The only reason I was calling it that was because that's where we were going to put all the baby things and stuff that was taking up to much room. We decided that the baby would be sleeping in our room until we found some place bigger to call our home. That's how I presented it to Spencer but I hay my own reasons for wanting the kid close to me. I will not let what happened to my mother happen to me. My inner monologue was cut off by someone knocking on the door. I took another glance at myself in the mirror, I found myself in only a bra and my unbuttoned pair of jeans. I saw one of Spencer's shirts on the floor and I pulled it around myself. His clothes always seemed to be more available then my own. The loud noise begun again and I resisted the urge to yell at whoever it was.
"Alright, alright, alright." This time I did look though the peep hole before opening, you can never be to careful. I felt confusion begin to ease its way into my mind as I looked through the small window. The person on the other side of the door made me almost not want to open it. I wet my lips and wrapped my hand around the handle in time for him to bang on the door again. I pulled it open and had to lean back in order not to get hit.
"You don't have to knock on the door every ten seconds." I leaned against the door frame and gave him a blank look. His face looked just as blank as my own. His dark brown eyes looked me over almost like he was trying to understand something. It took me a few seconds but I felt myself starting to waver under his gaze. "Dad!" I hadn't meant for it to sound harsh but it broke him of his evaluation.
"You look tired." His voice wasn't as angry that it was when he had been here the last time. In fact he looked more cautious then anything else, like he was trying to walk across thin ice.
"I haven't been sleeping well." I crossed my arms. I licked my lips again and decided where I wanted to go from here. I know fro a fact that I'm the one who had the most control over this situation. This is my house and he was the one standing on the threshold. I watched him as he watched me, I could tell he was fighting his own inner battle, coming here and swallowing his pride wasn't something that he would do easily. Dropping a gift off without anyone being home is one thing. "Would you like to come in?" I moved to the side giving him enough room to slip inside. He nodded and did just that. He looked around the room as he walked though the living room.
"You moved everything around." He observed, taking a seat on the couch. He leaned forward onto his knees and looked up at me as I shut the front door. I was very aware of the fact that my jeans were still unbuttoned and Spencer's shirt was still wrapped around me.
"Yeah, we needed more room." I moved towards the small hall that led to my bedroom. "I need to get dressed." I quickly moved throughout the bedroom looking for something that I could wear. I finally found a pair of exercise shorts buried in the bottom of the closet and pulled on a tank top. Dad was right where I left him.
"You look just like your mother." That stopped me in my tracks. "You looked like her when you ran away but now you're…" He rubbed his hands together and looked at the ground. I could tell he was trying really hard not to start a fight but he didn't know what topics could set me off. I took a deep breath and moved to sit next to him, angling my body to face him.
"Thanks." I tried to make is sound sincere, I don't want to fight either and I really wanted him to understand that.
"So where's this Shawn guy?" He leaned back into the couch.
"Spencer is at work."
"On a Sunday?"
"He's out of town." He nodded like it made more sense to him then anything else.
"So what does he do exactly? I didn't get a chance to ask last time I was here." He was back to looking like his normal self, more like the person that had raised me. The person that looked at everything though the eyes as a drill Sargent.
"He works with the FBI as a profiler. He started in the field a little over a month ago."
"FBI?" He sounded impressed but I knew that wouldn't last very long. Spencer's everything that my father isn't, he has a hard enough time shooting a gun and any kind of physical work is really difficult for him. The only thing that I feel they would have in common is Poker. Spencer has been kicked out of few casinos for card counting and dad's the one who taught me how hustle. "Does he know anything about the supernatural?"
"He doesn't know that they exist in real life but he knows a lot of lore. Spencer's very much into science and facts that have been proven without a shadow of doubt. I think he would have a hard time wrapping his mind around monsters unless he came to them face to face." I shrugged, "Not to mention I don't want him to have to worry about things like that." He seemed to think about that for a second.
"I lost track of you in Vegas, you just dropped off the map. At the time I didn't know weather to be pissed or proud." He let out a dry laugh. "I didn't understand why you ran, I thought maybe some monster was making you or I don't even know. I never thought about you wanting a normal life. I guess I didn't know you as well as I thought I did." Okay, this man is not my father. I think this is most touchy-feely he's ever gotten with me. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation so I asked the question I've been thinking of since he I knew it was him on the other side of the door.
"Why are you here Dad?" I did my best not to make the question sound mean, we've been doing good so far. "I mean, I didn't you'd be coming back anytime soon after last time."
"I brought the box here." He said.
"Yeah but I wasn't home, you didn't have to see me to drop it off, and Spencer was really ticked about that." I laughed at the memory of his face as he paced out little abode.
"Well he's gonna have to get over that. I highly doubt your bother will care." We both shared a laugh and for that one second the conversation wasn't awkward, at least not in the way that it had before. "Anyway." He rubbed his hands together, "I just wanted to check up on ya." I felt myself frown and I thought about it for a second. The thought of him just checking up on me sounded weird in my own head.
"So you just came to make sure that I was still alive?" He nodded and I shrugged and decided to make the best of it so I did what us Winchesters do best, I ignored the elephant in the room and he did the same. We both sat in silence for a few minuets before he started speaking again.
"When you opened the door you said that you hadn't been sleeping well, what did you mean?" I scratched the back of my head and leaned into the pillows. I didn't want to talk about this with him, sure he might be the only one that I can really talk to that would understand it. He was there too, but I felt like if I talked about it then it would happen for real. That right now it's just a really bad dream, but words have power and I don't want that power coming at me. My face must not have been pretty because his suddenly became very serious. It was that look that said he already assumed the worst and I better just come out and say it. There's only a few time that I've ever really seen him like this, one of them had been the time I was almost killed by the first werewolf, the one that made me want to run away. "Addison..." Unlike Spencer everyone in my family, except for Sam but he was a kid when I left, really pushed things. It might have been like that because we all shared such small spaces or we just wanted to know everything, even the stuff that might not be our business.
"I've been having nightmares." I decided to just come out and say it, Spencer did say that talking to someone would make me feel better, lets see if he's right.
"You've been having nightmares since you were ten." He said it coldly, like he was just pointing out the facts.
"Yeah...but these are worst." I grabbed the pillow out from behind me and pulled it into my lap as the scene played over in my mind. "They're about Mom." I looked up to meet his eyes and saw the emotion pool into his eyes, he only ever looked like that when talking about mom. I remember Dean telling me not to ask about her when I was a kid because it made Dad upset.
"What about mom." He asked after a few seconds.
"That instead of her dying…I'm dying." I licked my lips and hugged the cushion closer. Dad thought about it without saying anything. Just as he opened his mouth to talk the front door opened.
"What's going on?"