JUNE 2022 UPDATE: Go read "Lucy", a spinoff of the Masked SheWolf trilogy, now updating on Wattpad, and its "Behind the Scenes" companion book that includes character profiles and a complete recap of the trilogy, as told by the characters in interview format.
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When we get home, I practically run up the stairs into the guest room while the rest of my family settles in the living room or the kitchen. I'm surprised Mason doesn't go straight up there with me, but it makes sense when I see him raiding the fridge. Marianna's suitcase is thrown open on the bed, and I'm relieved to find that there's nothing inside it yet.
She's not in the room, but I hear her in the bathroom. The door is open and I take that as I sign that I can go in. She's collecting her beauty products and toiletries from the cabinets. She hears me coming and smiles at me, looking sideways.
"How was it?" she asks, and the ever present hint of her French accent shows.
"Tense," I tell her. "As expected."
"What's the new alpha like?"
I take a moment to think about how to answer that. The guys in the pack were different from what I imagined; they're all younger than I expected, maybe even younger than Connor. The first one I recognized was Sadie's boyfriend Cade, because he was standing closest to her. He's pretty cute in an injured-puppy kind of way, but his features are almost baby-ish. I personally don't find that attractive, even though he is pretty well-built.
Two others were identical, which led me to guess they're the younger brothers Sadie mentioned. Plus, Jared and Sam had features in common with their older brother, although they were not as muscular. When introductions were made, I knew I was right about who they are.
So that meant that the last one was the alpha. He was tall, and his physique was much more defined than all the others'. Vein tracks stuck out on the parts of his arms that were not covered by clothing. He had blond hair and eyes so smoldering that I couldn't even tell what color they were. He looked so perfectly sculpted, like some piece of art instead of a real person, that it was almost impossible to look away.
Because we were sitting across from each other during the whole meeting, I had plenty of time to analyze how he looked, but it was the initial contact that gave me the creeps.
Something happened when we made eye contact. A petrifying heat rose from my stomach, and extended outward like an invisible chord. It was the instinctual fear of the alpha our wolf side usually feels, especially in the presence of one that is intimidating.
If the process of elimination was not enough to confirm that he was alpha, it was obvious by how the other three seemed to subconsciously follow his lead. And the fact that he was the only one who kept eye contact with me until his mate asked him to introduce everyone.
Now, her, I didn't really like. She gave me a weird smile when we were introduced. I also don't appreciate the rude way she snapped at her mate -the alpha, of all people- when she told him to introduce us. My family was barely saying a few words, and we usually never shut up. I couldn't understand why an alpha as strong as Logan would be with someone like that.
Every time we locked eyes throughout the evening the chord thickened again, no matter how brief the moment was. His presence was just thatenormous and daunting. Even Connor was backing down.
"Too young to be so grave and intimidating," I finally say.
"He intimidated you?" Marianna wonders with a frown.
"Not on purpose, but yeah," I find myself confessing. I would never admit to this in front of anyone other than her, especially not my brothers. I would never hear the end of it.
"How old is he?" Marianna asks curiously.
"I don't know, but he can't be older than Connor," I reply.
She pauses and stares at me in shock. "That young? And he's alpha? Why the sudden change?"
I'm just as clueless as she is, so I simply shrug. A moment later, she resumes emptying the cabinets.
"You know, if you put these at the bottom, they'll squirt all over your suitcase," I jokingly say.
She grins but doesn't stop. "I'm just checking that everything is here."
"Where else would they be?"
"Mason and Nathan's room."
I grimace in disgust. "I didn't need to know that."
She giggles. "Then why ask?"
I take a moment to memorize her laugh. After she leaves today, who knows when I'll see her again? And how long will she stay next time? This time, it was a week, but we got lucky because her university had a longer Spring Break. There's no seeing her again until the summer starts. Who else am I going to be myself with?
I love my family; I really do, with all my heart. But even though we all know the truth, they raised me to be a boy and they consequently act like I am. When Marianna came into our family, she already knew my secret, so it was never weird to behave like a girl with her. She had no preconceptions. Who am I going to confide in now? If only Mason mans up and proposes, then there will be more reason for her to move here.
The more I think about these things, the more the lonely feeling in the pit of my stomach expands until I'm close to tears.
My silence catches Marianna's attention and she stares at me with worry in her beautiful blue eyes. "What's wrong?" she asks kindly.
Wordlessly, I go and hug her. She doesn't hesitate to put her arms around me and hold me close. That's when my eyes really start tearing up.
"I'm going to miss you again," I whisper against her shoulder, my voice cracking.
"I know darling. I'll miss you too," she promises.
"I've gotten so used to you living with us," I tell her.
"Believe me, I'm used to you guys, too," she assures me. "But you know I can't just drop out of school. I've only got one year left, and then, maybe, if the time's right, I will be here more often. Besides, my parents are still in France; I can't just leave them childless so early on."
It's selfish of me, but I'm glad that she said "my parents" and "France" instead of "my family" and "home." It reinforces the belief that we're her family, too.
"So what happens when you do get married?" I challenge. "What then?"
"I don't know," she admits. "I can't imagine a life different than the one we have now."
I pull away and hesitate to say what's on my mind, but she urges me with an encouraging look. "Long distance relationships are known for failing..." I trail off.
Marianna seems amused by that. "You know that won't happen with me and your brother."
"Relationships can mean friendship," I hint, allowing myself to show even more vulnerability. This isn't just anyone; this is someone I consider to be my sister.
My point dawns on her. "Oh, but we're not just friends, Dyl. We're practically sisters," she voices my thoughts.
Hearing this makes me grin like a child on Christmas. This is the first time we voice how strong our bond is, and it makes me happy that she feels the same. It's enough for me, for now. And just like that, my girly moment is over, and I'm back into my old role.
"So, big sister, I guess you won't mind if I borrow some of your clothes?" I joke, secretly hoping she'll say yes.
It would be nice to have some girl clothes, if only for the illusion that I can actually be one someday. It's not like I can go shopping.
Marianna laughs whole-heartedly. "Knock yourself out, soeurette." I'm guessing that last word means littlesister.
Excited, I go raid her closet and come up with a couple of things that I like; a pair of skinny jeans and a grey blouse with a purple cardigan stitched over it. That gives me an idea.
"Good choice," Marianna comments when she sees them. "Want to help me pack now? Mason appears to be occupied."
I chuckle, remembering that nothing gets in the way of my brother and his stomach, not even his mate. Then I stare at her and grin. "Only if you help me prank him, and I promise, nothing extreme."
She grins back. "What do you have in mind?"
I tell her, and she approves. We make a plan of action then immediately begin executing it. I hide in the hall outside Mason's bedroom door. Then I hear Marianna's voice calling out to him.
"Mon amour, can you come help me with something?"
Seconds later, Mason strolls into the guest room. "What do you need?"
When I'm sure he's too far from the door to see me, I go into his room, with all the ninja skills I've acquired over the years, and head straight for his desk. I quietly search the drawers until I find what I'm looking for, and I execute my plan. Then I hear their voices coming closer. I panic, so I jump in his closet. Right as I close the door on myself, they walk in, laughing and giggling flirtatiously.
Watching them isn't part of the plan. I'm supposed to be out in the hall again and come in when the deed is done. But it doesn't matter now; my innocent eyes have already been assaulted. I close them to protect them from more harm, but my hearing tells me all I need to know. Marianna kisses him passionately and keeps on driving him backwards until the back of his legs hit the chair. Then she pushes him down and straddles him, proceeding to make out with him. All the while, I throw up at least three times in my mouth, praying it will be over soon.
An agonizing one minute and seventeen seconds later, Marianna pulls away, and I open my eyes to find her with a love struck smile on her face. Mason is much worse; he's dazed and panting, not bothering to hide where his gaze is drifting.
Please let this be over soon!I think to myself.
"I should get back to packing," she sighs.
One of his eyebrows shoots up. "You're kidding, right? You got me all riled up and now I'm not even getting anything?"
Gag! That's four!
Smiling suggestively, Marianna stands up and holds her hand out for him. "You want to help me? The suitcase might get too full. It might need some weight over it to close it."
My poor innocent ears!I mentally shriek.
"Let's go," Mason replies eagerly.
He goes to stand up, but then he falls back on the chair. "What the hell?"
That's my cue to jump out of the closet. "Hey!" I shout, and he jumps in shock.
"Michael?!" he yells and then he scrambles to throw something in his lap; the closest thing he finds is his beanie on his head. Ew, seriously?! "What the hell did you do that for?"
The usually nice and caring Mason is way gone now, and he's replaced by angry-because-he-was-just-left-hanging-and-embarrassed Mason.
"Payback's a bitch, huh bro?" I tease. "Glue me once, I glue you right back."
"That's not even funny!" he protests.
Marianna and I exchange smirks. "It's a little funny," she says.
His eyes go as wide as saucers. "You were in on this?!"
She smiles coyly and leans over to whisper something in his ear that she knows I can hear. "Don't worry, mon amour, I'll make it up to you." He stares at her longingly, his anger forgotten.
I make my repulsion known by gagging loudly. "Get a room, you two!"
Mason glares at me. "We're in myroom. You get out."
"Marianna has to pack," I object, a little jealous.
"She's right," she backs me up before he could say anything. Then she smiles seductively at him. "Later."
His gaze is full of promises. "You better."
God, their horniness is so obvious and unbearable to watch. I literally have to drag Marianna by her arm out of Mason's room.
"Can I help?" he calls after us.
"No!" I reply.
When we make it to the guest room, I close both bedroom doors for extra precaution. My only solace is knowing that Mason is struggling to get out of his glued situation right now.
"That was fun," Marianna comments, beaming.
I give her a flat look. "You didn't feel my repulsion. You and I enjoyed that for different reasons."
She laughs joyously, and I can tell she's still high over making out with my brother. "Oh, just wait till you're in love, Dylan. Then you'll think differently."
Suddenly, I'm not up for packing anymore. Dejected, I look away and wait for her to catch on, which she does a couple of seconds later.
"Ah, Dyl, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad," she apologizes sincerely.
Like I always do, I shrug it off. "It's no big deal."
Then I go to the closet to start emptying it, but she stops me with a hug. She doesn't say anything this time, because she knows there are no words to comfort me about this.
I can never find love. I can never get married and have kids of my own. I'm destined to live alone for the rest of my life. Most of the time, this fact is easy to ignore because there's so much going on to distract me. Almost every time the subject comes up, I manage to breeze out of it without making anyone suspect a thing. I got so good at hiding it that I've even convinced my family that it doesn't bother me. But this is the second time it comes up tonight, and it's really frustrating.
No matter how much Marianna understands me, this is one thing she can't ever relate to, so I don't talk about it, even to her. I'm not about to change that now.
"Your plane leaves in four hours," I remind her. "We should really finish packing."
Her expression tells me how much it pains her to see me hurting and not be able to do anything about it. For her sake, I put on a strong smile.
"It's okay, Mary," I reassure her. "It's just life. I'll adjust. I'll be fine."
She doesn't seem convinced, but she knows not to push me. She shakes her head in frustration. "Un jour, soeurette, tu trouveras l'amour, et tu pourras enfin vivre librement," she says, of which I only understand the words "soeurette" and "amour", which is what she calls Mason. Love. Whatever she said, I'm sure I disagree.
From then on, the atmosphere is heavy. We do keep up conversation, but we pack faster than we would have if we were talking animatedly. It's not like she has a lot stuff, anyway. It's the only reason why she didn't pack until the last minute.
Before I know it, we're loading her suitcase into the back of Dad's car. Mary, Mason and I are hopping in, with me calling shotgun. There's no point in all of us going to the airport to drop her off, so the others say their goodbyes in the driveway before we leave.
On the way, the three of them keep up conversation, but I'm too distracted to join in. I hate how affected by this I am right now, and I wish I can snap out of this sad and lonely feeling already. I may not have had my first attack, yet, but I still get mood swings that are very hard to get out of.
At the airport, Mason and Marianna go to check her luggage in and get her boarding pass while Dad and I wait in the cafeteria. We're an hour early, anyway, so we have some time to kill.
"Are you okay?" Dad suddenly asks me. "You barely said a word since we left."
I try to think of what to tell him. "I'm just... I'm really going to miss her," I finally say, which is completely true.
His lips tighten in sympathy. "I know, kiddo. We're all going to miss her, but aside from Mason, you probably will miss her the most."
I nod wordlessly and stare at my cup of hot chocolate. I would kill for some coffee right now, to wake my senses up again. I know my dad would definitely object. I can't ever have anything harmful in public, because who knows what I'll do when I'm too pumped or too drunk or too high to care about boundaries? A coffee right now would probably be harmless, but to my dad, it's just like the college thing. A small risk can lead to a big risk, so avoid them altogether.
Mason and Marianna take more time than they should have, but I understand why when they join us. Marianna's hair is untied and her face flushed. Looks like laterfinally came around; and probably in an airport bathroom, too. How classy.
God, I'm so bitter when I'm upset, I remark.
Marianna and I exchange looks when they meet up with us. "Boarding's in ten minutes," she says.
Dad stands up immediately and gives her a hug. "Have a safe flight home, Marianna," he tells her kindly. "Call us when you land, no matter what time it is."
"I will, Steven," she promises. "Tell Brooke goodbye again for me, please? And thank you so much for having me."
He pulls away and smiles at her. "You know you're always welcome. You're family. Don't take too long to come back, okay?"
She grins back. "I won't," she assures him.
He leans forward and kisses her forehead. I feel a stab of jealousy. He never treats me as tenderly as this, but I push it away. It's just my frustration at the whole love situation, and It's making me more emotional than usual. I guess it doesn't help that I'm a werewolf, too, and that emotions are felt much faster and take longer to dissipate than with humans.
After Dad, it's my turn, and I'm reminded again of how much I'm going to miss her. We hug closely for a long moment. Before we pull away, she whispers to me only, which is covered from my dad and Mason's ears by the murmur of the crowd around us, "Don't let life get you down. Stay happy no matter what, okay? I promise, someday, everything will make sense."
I really doubt it, I want to say, but I hold back from doing so. I doubt things will ever make sense. I'm always going to wonder why out of all the werewolves in the world, I had to be the first one who had to hide her gender.
When Marianna and I break apart, Mason spins her around before we can look at each other and crashes his lips to hers. His arms wrap desperately around her waist. I don't say a thing about it this time, because I know how he's feeling.
It's never easy to say goodbye.
When we get home, it's almost 9 pm. My brothers are in the living room playing video games, at least Nate and Danny are, while Connor is watching, and I'm guessing my mom is cleaning up in the kitchen after dinner. The sight of video games doesn't even cheer me up. All I can think about is that I need a long hot shower to calm myself down. Sadly, I get interrupted on my way to my room.
"Yo! Mickey!" Connor calls my name. "Want to go for a run?"
My ears perk up with interest. 'Go for a run' is what we say when we're talking about shifting into wolf form. This is just what I need to vent out and distract myself from my emotions. It works a hundred times better than a shower does.
"Sure," I agree, suddenly positive again. "Who's going?"
"All of us," Nate answers, his eyes fixed on the screen. "Except Dad."
"Mase, want to come too?" Danny asks.
"Let's go," Mason agrees.
"Hold on a second, let me just finish him off," Nate says confidently.
"You wish!" Danny retaliates.
Sensing an opportunity, I look at Mason and Connor respectively, and then I nod my head at Nathan and Daniel. They smirk, and a silent agreement passes between us. I count with my fingers to three. Then the two of them scream and jump on the two guys playing while I run to the TV and yank its cable out of the wall. I hear their protests, and it's like music to my ears.
"Man, I was this close to beating the shit out of Danny!" Nate complains.
"Get off, Con! You broke my console!" Danny yells.
Mason, Connor and I laugh about it for about seven seconds, until Nate and Danny start fighting back, and a wrestling match begins. We don't need to voice the teams this time, because it's pretty obvious. However, we don't get to do much, because it's less than a minute later when Mom yells at us.
"How many times have I told you not to fight in the living room? Everybody out! Go for a run! NOW!"
The five of us freeze and exchange awkward looks. Sometimes, I swear, Mom can be scarier than Dad.
"We'll continue this outside," Nathan announces, to which we all agree.
We scramble off each other, pushing and tripping one another while doing so. What can I say? Boys will be boys. We can't really help it.
Five minutes later, we're out from the back door and taking the path that leads to the woods a couple miles away. On the way there, Nate and Danny have an argument on who was supposedly going to win the video game.
"Dude, I had you cornered like a little mouse," Danny is saying.
"Oh please," Nate objects. "I had like seventeen exit routes."
"That's not logically possible," Connor comments, obviously trying to get on Nathan's nerves. He's always been the easiest to rile up.
"Whatever," Nate exclaims in anger. "Once we're done with this, I want to continue our match, and then we'll see who wins."
"We'll know who will win this particular match, but the one you started at home, we'll never know who won that," Mason adds with the same intent as Connor.
"You guys are such assholes," Nate complains.
"And you're a p-" Danny starts to say but suddenly stops.
We're almost at the edge of the woods, and we all freeze. There's a fresh werewolf scent emanating from the left side of the clearing, and it's none of ours. I recognize a couple of the signature scents, but the other five are unknown to me. This can only mean one thing.
When I glance in the direction of where the scent is coming from, I can see the pack house in the distance, some five miles or so away, lit up in the dark night like a lone street lamp. I never knew it's this close to our home.
They must have just gone into the woods, or else we wouldn't have detected their scent from so far away. Damn. I was really hoping I would be able to let loose a bit. Guess it's going to be a hot shower after all.
"You guys go ahead," I tell my brothers and start to back up. "You could use a free night."
"No way, Mickey," Mason is the first to object. "We're not going if you're not going."
"Yeah," the other three back him up.
I roll my eyes in a show of indifference and gesture at the pack house. "They live here, now, which means we'll probably run into them a lot when we go for a run," I remind them. "We all know there's no way I can shift in front of them, unless I want Dad to kill me. Do you really want to keep your wolves bottled up for so long?"
There's a moment of hesitation. "What about you? Where are you going to shift from now on?" Danny asks.
I shrug. "I'll just do it in my bathroom," I say, like it's no big deal.
"It's not the same," Nathan points out.
"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" I snap.
"You can't keep your wolf bottled up either, Michael," Connor tells me.
"I'll be fine," I insist.
I can tell they're about to object one more time, but we suddenly freeze again. The scent is getting closer and it's right in front of us now. As one, we turn to the trees and see them walking out in our direction. I can make out Logan and Cade, but the others, like I said, are strangers. A few seconds later, we're standing about seven feet apart. There's something about the way they're all huddled close together, with Logan front and center. That makes me anxious, like I'm tensing for a fight, although no one's acted hostile yet. I avoid looking at them as hard as I can and instead stare at the ground.
"Hey," Logan starts, and he sounds much more relaxed than he did earlier in the diner. "You guys here to shift?"
We exchange looks and come to another silent agreement, although I don't like it. We can't separate now, or else it'll look suspicious.
"Actually, we were just taking a walk," Mason says calmly.
"Oh," he says, sounding surprised. "Well, would you like to join us?"
Although he said it normally, I can tell he's being extra polite by inviting us to shift with them. I can't stress enough how unusual it is for a pack as big and powerful as theirs to invite strangers to share things with them. It makes me wonder again why Logan is going against all the rules of conduct I've grown up knowing about packs like his.
"Thanks, but we've been out here for a while now, and we should really get back," Connor declines as respectfully as he can. It just serves to add more tension.
"Are you sure?" he checks, sounding almost disappointed.
That's when I make the mistake of looking up and my eyes instantly meet Logan's. In the dark, it's even harder to tell what color they are. The heat I felt in the diner rises again, and it's even stronger this time, because neither of us breaks eye contact. I'm too intimidated to look away, but I don't know why he won't.
The others, my brothers and Logan's pack, all notice the staring match and feel the thickening tension between the two of us. I know that I'm going to have to be the one to break it.
"Yeah, we're sure," I say, and my voice sounds strained. It's just so hard to talk normally when he's staring at me like that. Especially since I can't look away, and my body feels like it's in flames.
"No need to be so territorial," Cade says. There is a warning in his voice.
They've misinterpreted the reason for the tension. But at least I know now why Logan won't look away; I'm practically challenging him by looking straight in his eyes. I'm thankful that Cade spoke, because it finally gives me something to look at other than Logan. The beta's hands are locked into fists like he's preparing for a fight. I need to calm the situation down.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to give you that impression," I say honestly, and I'm glad that my voice sounds steady and sincere. "It's not about territory. We're just not used to running with anyone outside our family. You can relax now."
All at once, the SMP members seem to deflate, except for Logan. Then they notice that they listened to someone other than their alpha and resume their rigid postures. But when Logan's shoulders relax and a small smile appears on his face, they slacken again.
"Some other time, maybe," he says, and it's the closest to friendly I've ever heard him sound. "When we're more used to each other."
I don't want to dispute him, and I especially don't want to keep looking at him, so I just nod and glance at my brothers like I'm telling them that we should go. Thankfully, they follow my lead and nod their heads in respect for Logan. Then, we all turn around and walk away.
Judging by the lack of footsteps, I can tell they're still standing in their spot, watching us leave. We don't dare say a word to each other in case they're also listening. It's only when I see our house that I look back. They are just silhouettes in the dark now, and they're retreating to the trees; all but one.
When we get home, we're too exhausted to say anything to our parents, so we mutually agree to put it off till morning, and each one goes to his room. I lock myself in my bathroom, draw that much needed hot bath and do what I said I would do; I shift. It's not as much of a relief as it would have been if I was out in the open, but it's all I can do. I prance around in my bathroom for a while, thankful that it's quite big, and even play with the water in the tub a little, pretending it's a pond or a river.
But then my fur becomes so soaking wet that it's almost heavy. I repress the urge to shake it off, mostly because I don't have the energy to clean up the bathroom afterward, and I just shift back.
All things considered, the hot water did relax me and eased all of the tension from my shoulders. I have to come to terms with the fact that, for the time being, this is going to have to be my only method of blowing off steam.