Louis
Finally, we pull up outside my house. I knew it was coming but I'm still not quite ready to be here. Except, I am, because as soon as I started recognizing the landmarks we've passed, my body was buzzing with excitement.
It's still buzzing.
I've jumped out of the car the second it stops moving, before it's even shut off.
And then I just stand there, at the edge of the walkway to the front porch. It's my house, the familiar house I've lived in for years, and from the outside, it looks the same, and I don't know what the problem is, but my feet won't listen to me.
I don't want to go in.
I don't want to see that things have changed.
And then the driver strides past me, and knocks on the front door. Great. Now he's gonna be the first thing my mum sees. I don't know why that matters to me but apparently it does.
My mum opens the door as soon as he knocks, and she looks exactly the same, and I can't help myself.
I run up the path and into her open arms, not even caring that I'm 21 and probably shouldn't be so excited to see my mum.
Or at least, I shouldn't show it.
Where the neighbours can see.
But I don't care, I'm just so happy to be home.
“H-hey, Louis” my mum says, obviously taken aback by my hug.
In all fairness, so was I.
I let go, step back.
“Hi, mum” I say softly.
She smiles, the familiar mum smile that means safety and love and I missed it so much and I didn't know how much I needed it until right now.
“I missed you” she says. “I'm glad you're home.”
I am too.
I'm glad I'm home.
-
We head into my den, and Mum invites Harry and our driver to sit down. On our familiar couch. It has a stain where I dropped a chocolate ice cream onto it, and it looks as if the side has been chewed, from the time we took in Flynn's dog and he tried to eat our couch. Nothing's changed yet and it's amazing.
Harry collapses onto the couch as though he's been here before, and I suppose he must have been. But it doesn't bother me so much anymore, because everything's okay now.
I sit next to him, Mum sits in our armchair, and the driver uncomfortably lowers himself onto the couch next to Harry.
Suddenly, I get the feeling this is going to be at least a little bit awkward.
“So, how are you, Louis?” Mum asks me.
Simple question.
Yeah, right.
I open my mouth, and then close it again.
I don't know how to start.
Or where to start.
Or what to say at all, honestly.
“We've been better, Mrs. T” Harry says, after a long pause that very nearly became awkward.
I nod, relieved.
I'm glad he's here. Even though a few days ago I know I wouldn't have thought that. He's really not so bad.
“I'm okay, though, Mum” I say. “It's strange, but the doctor said I'll get my memory back soon. They weren't very specific about how soon 'soon' is, but hey, better than nothing I guess.” Harry laughs softly.
“I know” Mum says. “I'm glad. Whenever 'soon' happens to occur.”
Then there's the expected awkward pause, where I desperately search for something to say. Only dumb things seem to come to my mind. Oh well.
“So . . . I'm in a band now” I finally say.
Mum laughs, but her eyes are shining.
Tears.
She's trying not to cry.
Harry laughs a loud, fake laugh, obviously trying to smooth over the awkwardness.
“Where're Stan and Flynn?” I ask Mum.
Trying to make this more normal.
“I thought they would've been here.”
They should've been here.
“Stan's at University” Mum says. “But Flynn's home on break. She wanted to come by, but I wanted to see you first.”
“Sorry” I mumble. “It just feels like I only saw you a week ago.” I don't want to hurt her or anyone, but I don't know how not to. Every time I say something it seems like someone else gets hurt feelings. My feelings hurt too.
“I know” Mum says. I suppose either accepting my apology or pretending to.
“So, is my room in order?” I ask. “I'm tired.” I'm not but I want to get away from everyone and pretend that I haven't lost my memory and I really am seventeen.
Harry sighs.
Then I remember that me going to bed means Harry leaving, and I feel bad, but I'll see him again, I don't know why he's so resistant to the idea of a separation. I won't be gone forever.
I just need to be here until I get my memory back.
I don't want to think about what happens if I don't get it back.
I don't even want to think that sentence.
“It is ready, Lou” Mum says slowly. “But it's only three, you won't be tired tonight.”
“Right” I mumble. “Where are the girls?”
Right, I've got sisters.
Oh, no.
They're going to have changed a lot.
“School” Mum says, oblivious to my sudden panic.
“Oh, yeah” I mumble. I've got time to get used to that thought. “What about Dad?”
Mum looks away.
Oh, please let him be okay. I don't like her looking away from me like that, what if I missed something horrible, like he . . . no, he must be fine. It's fine. It will be fine.
“I guess you didn't hear” she says. “We . . . we got a divorce, two years ago.”
My heart drops to my toes.
“N-no” I stutter. “I-I didn't hear. I – why?”
Harry shoots me what I think is supposed to be a reassuring look, but it reminds me that I've already heard this news once, and Harry probably comforted me at the time.
“We just grew apart” Mum says. “We were fighting a lot. The girls get summers with him and every other weekend.”
“What else have I missed?” I ask softly.
I thought this would be better, being home, but things have changed here, too.
It's almost worse than waking into a life that I don't remember, because here I remember.
“You'll remember” Mum says.
Before I can shout at her, tell her that I need to know now, that waiting won't help, the front door swings open.
I'm on my feet in a second, heart racing, breathing shallow.
When I glance at Harry, almost reflexively, he's also on his feet, eyes on the door.
My Mum is watching both of us, confusion in her eyes.
I'm confused, too.
Why does a door flying open scare me so much?
But I forget about it quickly.
My sisters run through the door, into the house.
-
The twins are hugging me first.
Daisy and Phoebe, the youngest.
They're taller than I remember, but then, they were four last time I remember them.
They would be eight now.
This is the worst part, I decide.
I don't know my sisters.
“Hey, Louis” Lottie says, grinning at me from the doorway.
She'll be fourteen now, and Fizz, next to her, must be twelve.
They're so much older now.
They've dropped their rucksacks by the stairs, like we always did, but they're hovering by the door, kind of awkwardly, like they don't belong.
I'm the one that doesn't belong.
Daisy and Phoebe are still clinging to me, but I raise a hand and wave shyly.
“Daisy, Phoebe, he might need to breathe” Mum says. Daisy and Phoebe release me, giggling and dancing around. They're so much older now, it's so strange to see them changed like this.
Lottie and Fizz walk in and take a seat on the floor.
“Hey, Harry” Lottie says, waving at him. He smiles and waves back. Even Harry knows my sisters better than I do.
“Louis' back!” Daisy shouts, like she thought nobody had noticed.
“Sort of” I mumble, and Harry catches my eye and smiles sympathetically.
“How are you, Louis?” Lottie asks. She sounds as though she's trying to be mature, but I suppose she is, at least more so than I remember.
“I'm alright” I tell her, and I guess I'm trying to protect her, because I honestly don't know if I'm alright or not.
“That's good” she says, and then I realize that I'm still standing, and apart from the twins, I'm the only one. I sit back down next to Harry on the couch.
Daisy launches herself into my lap, and Phoebe, not to be outdone, climbs into Harry's. I remember holding them when they were four, and now Daisy's so much bigger.
Who thought sending me home was a good idea?
It wasn't.
It's so much harder to get used to losing for years of people I know so well.
“Are you staying this time?” Daisy asks, shifting around in my lap so she can look at me.
“For awhile” I say. “Maybe a long while. I dunno yet.”
“Stay forever” Phoebe says, grinning widely.
She's got a tooth missing, I notice.
“I can't” I say. “But I'll stay for awhile, okay?”
Daisy hugs me, taking me a bit by surprise.
“Stay forever” she says. “I missed you.”
After a minute, I hug her back.
-
We sit around for ten more minutes or so, my Mum and sisters questioning me about how I've been. Mum and Lottie and Fizz are treating me as if I'm made of glass, and if I'm being honest, it's almost insulting.
I just want everyone to act as normal, and no matter who pretends to understand, no one really does. If they understood, they would treat me normally.
At least the twins don't seem to care.
Mum must've told them I lost my memory, but they're not acting like it.
Eventually, our driver, who's been sitting awkwardly next to Harry on the couch, says that it's time for Harry to go.
Mum, Lottie, and I walk them to the door.
Harry and I just sort of stare awkwardly at each other for a minute.
“Well . . . 'bye then” I finally say.
Harry steps forward, enfolds me in a tight hug, and then leaves without a word.
I watch him walk to the car, get in, and drive away.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
-
I head back inside to see Fizz directing the twins in doing their homework. She looks up briefly, smiles at me, and then turns back to the twins.
They have a routine and I don't belong.
-
I make some excuses to Mum, and then drag my suitcase to my room.
It's a bit emptier than it used to be, and my bedspread is gone.
I left it at the flat with Harry.
Some of my stuff is here, but I know most of it is in my suitcase or the flat.
I moved out of home, sometime in the four year gap in my memory.
I want to cry but I can't, anyone could walk in at any time.
And anyway, I don't cry.
I can't even remember the last time I cried.
Years and years ago.
I usually just get angry.
Boys aren't supposed to cry.
“Do you need any help?” a voice asks from the doorway. I turn, and it's Lottie.
“I . . . sure” I say, surprising myself. I don't like to need help, either, but it's only Lottie, and I don't need help. But I do miss my sister.
So I let her unpack my suitcase, and we talk about all sorts of things, and I miss her just a little less.
I'm glad I'm home.
---
A/N: Hello
I'm back!
The following message is direct from my profile, for those of you that didn't read it when I sent it out about a month ago.
"Hey, guys!
I kind of just disappeared on you for like a month, I'm sorry.
I did this thing called NaNoWriMo, which Wattpad's been advertising for a month or two now, but basically you write a 50,000 word novel in a month. Spoiler alert: I did it! (p.s if you're on that site, add me as a buddy, I'm asilverskyaboveme, just like on here. If you're not on there, check it out if you're a writer, it's great and the forums are full of cool tips and cooler people.)
But yeah, I'm back! I've been writing the next chapter of Fall, but it's been going kind of slowly.
Concerning the contest I announced in the last chapter, I got like three entries. Guys, there are over 3,000 of you, I can see you. But if you don't want to enter, no pressure. I'll announce it again with the next update, but if I don't get at least 15 entries, I'll probably cancel it. Hey, you were only gonna get a personalized one-shot . . . c=
I may be posting the novel I wrote for NaNoWriMo to my account here, in the next week or so. So look forward to that! It's an original story, but as an advantage, it's already been written, so updates should be pretty regular. So no waiting months for me to get my act together c=
LAST THING. I just wrote a 50,000 word novel in a month, so I think if I really put my mind to it, I can finish the stories on this account. So I want you guys to choose ONE story from the following list for me to focus on finishing. When I'm finished the one with the most votes, I'll go on to the next one. Sound good? Okay, here goes. The list: No Envy, Angels, Moments, Seven Billion, Open Your Eyes, Drive, Catch You, Future, Broken, A Drop in the Ocean, So Much Time, Alainn, Everything About You, What Makes You Beautiful, One Thing, Starstruck, Stand Up.
I WILL be focusing on Fall as well.
You guys are amazing, and I'm sorry I vanished."
I know this is Fall and not any of my other stories but it would be great if you could cast votes in my pm box or on my profile.
Okay, contest! I think a lot of you freaked out when I asked you to predict the end of this book so forget about that. But if you could either pm me or leave a message on my profile with your entry, that's fine. All I want you to do is tell me what you would like to see on my account in the new year. New books, old books being finished, fanfiction or original fiction, characters you would like to see more or less of, all that good stuff. Just leave it in my private messages or on my profile to enter. Prizes inclue: personalized one-shot, personalized graphics (book covers, icons, website banners), and dedications. I'll pick winners mostly randomly.
So yeah. Add me on NaNoWriMo also if you're on there. And that's where I was.
And I'm back.
Concerning this story!
This was mostly a filler chapter, sorry. But cute. And sad.
Leave me a comment.
Yay for the Tomlinsons!
Vote please.
Love you <3
~Brook