Faye's
I looked at the guy who took a seat before me. We're couple of inches apart but I could easily guess that he's already a bit drunk. I wasn't yet finish checking him out when I heard Tanya squeal beside me. "Oh my God! He is so cute! I think he is the one. Wait me here girls. I'll just join him for a sec." Saka siya tumayo at lumipat ng upuan katabi nung bagong dating. Iniwan niya lang kaming natatawa ni Tricia. I silently thank the guy for saving my ass from Tanya.
Ang lapit lang nila sa kinauupuan ko kaya habang ninanamnam ko yung milkshake na ni-order nila sakin, rinig na rinig ko rin yung one-sided conversation nila Tanya at nung lalaki. Gusto ko sanang tumawa kaso baka pagkamalan akong baliw nitong isa ko pang kasama. Right now, I just want to cheer for Tanya. Push it further dear, kaya mo 'yan!
I was busy eavesdropping when Tricia suddenly spoke. "I know this is kinda obvious but Faye, I still want to ask. . . kumusta ka na?" At parang biglang namuo yung iniinom ko na muntik nang bumara sa aking lalamunan, hindi ako makapagsalita. Dahan dahan akong napatingin sa kaliwa ko. She smiled at me lightly. "Faye I am your friend, you can tell me anything."
After hearing those words, it seemed that I suddenly couldn't decode any of it. I was loss for words and even basic mobility. It sounded like a miracle for me to hear that set of phrases from someone other than my psychiatrists and psychologists.
After what she said, I suddenly felt the need of having someone to talk to. I've been keeping these heavy burdens to myself for years and today I felt like I found my salvation. A person who's really willing to lend an ear for my sentiments and not just someone who's obliged to do so out of profession and monetary value.
"Trish," panimula ko habang nakatingin sa milkshake na nangangalahati na sa baso. "What are you talking about? I'm now doing fine. I just feel so stress lately but I'm okay." I laughed to sound funny but it seems that I laughed because I just want to convince myself that I am really okay. I glanced at Trisha, she was also seemed not satisfied by my statement so I immediately shifted my eyes back on the table. I'm still a coward, I know.
"Faye, I said you can tell me everything and not just the superficials. I know you're not okay. I am here to listen so please don't hold anything back." And with that, I felt my chest tightened. I don't know where did I get the courage but I was able to spill the tea to her.
Then I laughed at my thought."Ganun ba talaga ako ka-miserable tignan?" She was about to answer me but I continued.
"Yes, I am still that miserable, Trisha. Pathetic isn't it? What do you think is wrong with me? Kasi sa pagkakaalam ko, ginawa ko naman na ang lahat para maging buo ulit ako." I told her wholeheartedly. I always value logic more than emotions but for the first time I let my real emotions visible, and never minding what will going to happen after this.
She faced me leaving her drink untouched. "Are you really fixing yourself? Or are you just doing things to merely distract yourself to the pain you are feeling right now? Faye, learn to differentiate those two things." Nakatingin pa rin ako sa basong kaharap ko. I am scared of facing her. I'm scared of the truths she's actually stating right in front of my face. "Faye"
"Honestly, I don't know where I am heading, Trish. Hindi ko na alam. All I know is that I am still feeling really bad. I thought I was okay... I mean, I wasn't the one who lied and cheated, so the burden should be on Chris' shoulder, not mine. He is the one who should feel guilty pero bakit gan'on?"
"Bakit parang na saakin yung mali? Kasi ako yung sobrang nasaktan... at ako pa rin hanggang ngayon yung nagdurusa?"
"It's hard to admit... pero kasi Tricia, ang sakit sakit pa rin e." I felt her staring at me, trying to decipher my unfiltered statements. Again I tried to sip my drink to distract myself from crying. At habang patuloy ko yun ginagawa, dinig na dinig ko pa rin yung boses ni Tanya sa kabila ng malakas na musika sa loob ng bar. Fucking love songs. What kind of playlist the DJ have this time? Ang panget!
Iritado kong tinignan ang paligid and to my surprise, almost everybody is swaying to the music. Majority of the crowd are coupled at yung iba naman parang tangang sumasayaw mag isa.
Tricia called me and managed to answer me after a couple of seconds in her silence. "Faye listen. He chose to lie and cheat on you. Chris chose to lie and cheat on you. It's his fault. It's never been your fault so stop blaming yourself. Tsaka palayain mo na ang sarili mo sa nakaraan Faye kasi wala talagang mangyayari kung patuloy mo lang itong babalikan."
"Paulit-ulit ka lang masasaktan kung paulit-ulit mo rin lahat ng 'yon sinasariwa. Hindi na iyon magbabago. You'll just end up fueling your self-condemnation." Kita ko sa mga mata niya na nasasaktan rin siya para sakin. I'm fully aware na nahihirapan din sila ni Tanya na nakikita akong nagkakaganito but I just can't help it. Humans could not just turn off their emotions at will and I believe that's the flaw of being alive.
"Hindi ba sabi nila, embrace the pain until it hurts no more? Yun lang naman ang ginagawa ko e. And how could I forget someone who gave me so much to remember Trish?" I told her half-whispering.
"Faye, you need to grasp the fact that everyone deals with pain differently. Maaaring sa iba, embracing the pain worked better that way but definitely not with you." She paused for awhile. "It's okay to keep the memories but make sure to learn how to shrug off all the feelings attached. Tandaan mo hinding hindi na siya babalik sayo, it's useless to tend that affection." May kinuha siya mula sa purse niya saka inilapit sa mukha ko. It's too late for me to know na tissue pala iyon at muli hindi ko na naman namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako. "It's okay to cry Faye. It's okay." Pag aalo niya sakin at hindi ko na napigilan na yumakap sa kanya. Tricia just continued patting my back which made my eyes produce tears more. "Sobrang minahal mo talaga ang baklang 'yon ano? Tatlong taon na't lahat lahat siya pa rin." Tumango ako. Sobra sobra Tricia, kung alam mo lang.
"Hey I saw you guys hugging each other's back, is everything okay?" Tanya came looking bothered. "And why are you again crying Faye?! Is there something wrong? Tricia anong nangyari?"
Trisha answered with shrugging shoulders "Chris"
Seeing Tanya's reaction from concerned look immediately shifted to dismay. "You know girl, according from what I've read somewhere, moving on isn't something you can measure in a timeframe. It happens. It will just eventually happen." Umupo na ulit siya sa dati niyang upuan kanina, sa gitna namin ni Tricia "Tsaka isa pa, why don't you try opening some doors for other guys out there? I'm sure lots of men are hitting on you hindi mo lang pinapansin dahil diyan sa past mo. And we don't know, maybe on the process of searching 'the one' you will be able to finally move on." Mahabang litanya niya. She have a point actually pero mas pinili ko na lang tumango at manahimik kaysa magsalita pa. Ayokong masira ang gabi naming lahat nang dahil sa akin. This night is suppose to be fun, not like this.
Mabilisan kong pinawi ang lungkot na nararamdam ko at saka dali dali ko ring pinunas yung mga luhang kumawala sa mata ko kanina, careful enough for me not to ruin my makeup. Nung feeling kong okay na ako, I made a thumbs up to let my friends know that I'm already fine and relieved. Ngumiti naman sila pareho at saka ako niyakap.
"Anyways, why did you leave the guy alone? Balik ka na doon Tanya baka hinihintay ka na niya girl." Pag iiba ko ng topic pero hindi ko inaasahan ang naging reaksiyon niya. "Hinihintay my ass! Hindi na ako babalik don! Gosh! At first, I thought I was talking to a statue, then when he started to speak, it sounded so sarcastic and offending. I don't know but I could smell something fishy on that guy. Bakla ata 'yon bwiset!" Napatingin tuloy ako sa katabi ko 'di kalayuan. He just keep on knocking down shot glasses. One after another. He seems fine baka suplado lang.
Ibabalik ko na sana ang tingin ko kina Tanya nang naisipan kong mag order ng sarili kong inumin. Something that I've been longing for. Something I really need right now.
"Faye why don't you come with me clubbing on Tuesday may bago—what the hell are you drinking?" Pero huli na nang nakita nila ako. Naka lima na akong shot glasses habang abala sila sa pakikipag usap sa isa't isa kanina.
"Alcohol I guess?" I answered. Nasapo na lang ni Tanya ang kanyang noo habang umiiling at si Tricia naman ay pilit na kinukuha sakin ang hawak kong maliit na baso na may kalahating vodkang laman.
"Ano ba?! Gusto kong uminom! Just for tonight guys, please let me be." I almost begged at them. But Tricia didn't hear me at all and still stole the glass of liquor from my grasp. "You know what? Let's just go dance with the crowd girls!" At hinila na nila ako sa nagsasayawang mga tao.
Thankfully the DJ changed his playlist back to party music so the people went wild again. Nung una, nakatayo lang ako sa harap nina Tanya habang sila indak na indak na sa tugtog. Mukha akong timang sa gitna na pinagmamasdan ang lahat ng galaw ng nasa paligid ko. Some were really good dancers, some were just moving with the beat but I could see a lot who were into dirty dancing. The various scents were also too strong for my olfactory, fusion of booze, cigar and different perfumes. It's making me giddy.
Kinalabit ako ni Tanya at may sinabi siya sakin na hindi ko naman naunawaan dahil sa lakas ng musika. "What?!" I shouted back at her. But they just pulled me towards them and made me move to the groove. Nung na loosen up na ako, I started hoofing it. Shit! So this is how alcohol works.
"Alright girl! That's how you should do it!" Pagchicheer sakin ni Tricia. I just smiled at them and move my body as what the rhythm suggests. I know to myself that I'm not a good dancer but definitely not a bad one either, just the exact fusion of both so there's nothing really for me to be ashamed of.
Maya maya, sobra na akong nadala ng tugtog kaya hindi ko na namalayan na wala na pala sa tabi ko ang dalawa kong kaibigan at tuluyan na kaming nagkahiwahiwalay. I am now surrounded by strange faces but anyway, who cares? I'm now having fun! The vodka is hitting me up and all I could do right now is to rock with the jam.
Then suddenly I felt someone at my back was trying to dance with me so I'm about to turn around when he got me by waist and made me face him straight off. I instantly saw his set of white teeth and gray eyes boring at me.
"Hi. I'm Iñigo" He said leaning near to my left ear. Me being not rude also leaned over near his right ear "Faye". We're both still dancing while we shook off each other's hands. "Nice meeting you Faye." he said still not breaking the eye contact. Ngumiti na lang ako bilang sagot. He's obviously hitting on me, I knew it.
Iñigo is more of a Western guy, maybe a half or something. Judging his facial features halatang may halong Asian genes because of the shape of his eyes, walang supratarsal crease and etcetera. His looks is screaming opulence. He's handsome and all but not exactly my type. The typical club guy per se.
At napansin ko lang, habang patagal nang patagal kaming magkasayaw mas nagiging touchy siya. Kanina pahawak hawak lang siya sa bewang ko then it moved up to my hips at ngayon ang lapit lapit niya na sakin, our body is almost rubbing each other. I am not comfortable at all so I move a little bit away from him but he is persistent. Wala na rin akong maatrasan kaya hinayaan ko na muna maybe later there will be enough space for me to move back to. I don't want to push him because I don't want to come out uncouth in front of the guy.
But things unexpectedly went crazy when he started fondling my buttocks with his two hands. Hindi ko na napigilan na maitulak siya palayo sakin out of reflex. "What the heck are you doing?!" I hissed at him but he just bit his lips and pulled me against him. "Come on Faye just cut the crap. Don't act as if you didn't liked it" At nakuha niya pa akong ngitian ng nakakaloko. Heavenly God! I just want to swipe that smirk out of his face!
"You know what? Just find someone else who can conform with your arousals. I'm not interested at all!" Tatalikuran ko na sana siya nang bigla niyang higitin ang kaliwang braso ko. "Quit playing hard to get will you!" He looked irritated like shit! Siya pa talaga ang may ganang mainis! I was about to defend myself when somebody snatched my arm from Iñigo's grip. Mabilis niya akong kinaladkad palayo doon sa lalaki. And because the DJ turned the mellow love songs on again, the people went laid back also which made us bump each person we walked into.
At dahil ang pinaka ayaw ko sa lahat ay ang kinakaladkad, I managed to pull him over. We're now still within the horde but it's a little less crowded. We both halted but he remained there standing. I looked at my arm which he is still holding, nangmamanhid na ito dahil sa higpit ng pagkakahawak niya.
Kakalasin ko na sana ang braso ko mula sa kanya nang bigla siyang nagsalita at humarap sakin. "What are you doing here?"
I was about to answer him when our gaze meet each other's eyes. Biglang nawala yung pagiging tipsy ko nang makumbinsi ko ang sarili kong totoo ang nasa harapan ko. I immediately withdraw the stare and shifted my eyes towards the empty space beside him. So hindi talaga ako na malikmata kanina, siya nga iyong nakita ko. Great timing, huh?
"Just having fun" I told him in obviously-sounded manner. I heard him broke his crisp laugh like he's really amused by my answer. That made me look at him.
He's laughing but I can see no emotion on his face at all. He stood there with his eyes fixed on me like I'm some kind of bubble that would disappear anytime."I see. I've been watching you since I saw you dancing really hard back there. And it was so not you Kirstine." saad niya habang nangungunot ang noo. Bakas ang disgusto sa tono ng pananalita niya pero wala akong pakealam. "You've been a beautiful mess that you almost got yourself into trouble." dagdag niya pa.
"And it's nice to finally see you, again. Though you have changed. A lot." He paused. He smiled at me bitterly because even if he deny it, he knew that he, himself changed me.
"Sure" Sa dinami ng sinabi niya, iyon naman ang ikinaikli ng sagot ko. Because I'm not yet ready for this. Hindi pa ako handang harapin siya. Ayoko nang pahabain pa ang pag-uusap naming dalawa dahil parang hinihigop niya ang hangin mula sakin. Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos lalo na at napakalapit niya sakin. I don't mind if he thinks I'm too rude. I just turned my back from him and leave him there but with just few steps, I felt his grip again and made me face him.
"Wala ka na bang ibang kayang gawin kundi ang takasan ako?" Mas diniinan niya pa ang pagkakahawak sakin. He's looking at me intently while waiting for my answer.
Kahit na maingay at malakas ang musika sa loob nitong club dinig na dinig ko pa rin ang mabilis na kabog ng dibdib ko. Those stares. Those fucking stares! I hate it for making me feel this way. It demoralizes everything in me.
"Tigilan mo na ako, Chris! Ano pa ba ang kailangan mo sakin?! Masaya ka na diba?! So leave me alone!" I look at him with the same intensity as what his eyes giving me. Kakalasin ko na sana yung braso ko mula sa kanya nang kinaladkad niya ako palabas nung masikip at maingay lugar.
Pilit ko pa rin inaalis yung pagkakahawak niya sakin habang dinadala niya ako sa kung saan pero masyado siyang malakas. Nang makarating kami sa parking lot saka lang niya ako pabalang na binitawan. What's his problem?!
My heart is still thumping so fast that I can almost feel the hard rhythm on my chest. Para na akong aatakihin sa tuwing tinitignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Just end this night Faye!
I'm about to open my mouth to say something when he suddenly mumbled so I asked, "What?!" But he just rolled his eyes on me. God please stop me from strangling this gay in front of me.
"Please just tell me what do you need! I'm itching to leave you." I told him while glaring. He's doing the same. "You."
"Anong sabi mo?!" Tila nabingi ako sa sagot niya.
"You asked me what I need so I answered “you”. Ano bingi ka na rin ba ngayon Kirstine?" He said in irritated tone.
Now is my time to roll my eyes on him. What does he mean by that? He needs me for what? Fuck him and his words! "Over thinking, huh?" He added. Damn you Hernandez! You really know how to mess with my head.
"Stop blabbering senseless things will you! Ano ba talaga ang pakay mo?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay to make him feel little bit intimidated but I guess it didn't work base from his facial expression. Deretso lang siyang nakatingin sakin. I think I'm the one who's getting intimidated because I can't even look him in the eye for just a minute.
"I want you to stop being like that Kirstine. Stop acting like you are physically and emotionally strong. I need to talk to the real you." He said straightforwardly. Hindi pa rin siya nagbabago. Still the domineering Hernandez. I just can't help but to fake a laugh.
"Really? At paano ka naman nakakasigurado?" And I plastered my rehearsed fake smile.
"I could feel it." He said with smirk on his face. "Nagtatapang-tapangan ka lang. You are trying to act tough. That is your defense mechanism Kirstine. I know you." Then he leaned to the black Mercedes beside us while sliding his left hand inside his pocket.
Tumawa ulit ako ng pagak para hindi niya masyadong mahalata na tama siya. "So self-assured Chris, huh?" He just cocked his head while shrugging. "And will you stand straight? You're bothering me! Also stop acting like you're cool hindi bagay sa image mo. Ang bakla hindi kailanman magmumukhang cool just so you know!" I told him in a matter-of-fact tone. Halos gumaralgal na din ang boses ko nang maramdaman ko ang malamig na hangin na dumapo sa balat ko. Damn! Why are we even talking here?! Mind him, I'm just wearing a short, thin piece of clothing!
"Why? Still affected by my charm?" Nawala yung atensyon ko sa pag kuskos ng magkabilang braso ko nang marinig ko iyon. "I guess hindi nga talaga kita lubusang kilala Chris. I didn't know na meron ka rin palang side na mahangin." I may seem to have epilepsy kapag lagi ko itong kausap. Hindi ko talaga mapigilang hindi siya marolyohan ng mata. Kairita!
He tried to constrain his laugh but it still came out from his mouth. "On second thought, I'm starting to like your little rebel attitude Kirstine. Entertaining."
"Fuck you, Chris." It's all I could say out of my frustration. Naiinis na talaga ako sa kanya idagdag mo pa yung lamig dito sa labas na kanina pa bumabalot sa katawan ko.
"Yeah, sure. But that would be romantic if you'll be the one doing it to me." It made my jaw slightly drop due to disbelief. Am I hearing things right? I looked at him and I could see that he is enjoying his little bubble. At mas lalo pa siyang natuwa sa naging reaksyon ko sa sinabi niya.
He's laughing way too hard and I just found myself staring at him. Tila hindi ko siya naririnig dahil wala akong ibang magawa kundi ang tignan ang mapupungay niyang singkit na mata. Sa kabila ng malamlam na ilaw dito sa labas ng club, masasabi kong walang masyadong nagbago sa kanya pwera lang sa medyo umiksi niyang buhok. He looked matured and classy with his outfit too. Mas naging gwapo siya lalo tignan.
I came back to my senses when he shamelessly accused me of poring over him. "Done checking me out?" That's it. He pulled the last straw. I can't stand being with him any longer. He is just making fool out of me. At mukhang wala rin siyang balak na kausapin akong matino so I might as well leave. Dinala-dala pa ako ng gagong 'to dito sa labas tapos wala naman palang matinong sasabihin. I should've just followed my instinct a while ago.
Walang sabi- sabi akong tinalikuran siya at mabilis na naglakad palayo sa kinaruruonan namin kanina. Pero hindi pa ako nakaka-pitong hakbang nang naramdaman ko na naman ang mga braso niya, hindi sa braso ko kundi sa buong katawan ko. I felt his warm body against my back. I wasn't able to react because I was caught off guard. I wasn't expecting that he would dare to get to near me this close after all what happened.
"I was just messing with you, Faye. I just really miss you." With his gentle voice lingering on my right ear, it is terribly enough to sent me shivers. Damn! Why is he making everything hard for me? Bakit niya ba ito ginagawa? What is he up to?!
So hard as I could, I broke his hug and immediately pulled myself away from him. Ayos lang na mamatay ako dito sa lamig huwag lang siyang muling lalapit saakin. Being close to him is enough to be equated to horror, I felt so scared. I was so afraid that he might hear my heart beating so fast because of his presence. "Stop it Chris will you! I don't have time for your silly jokes! I am fucking tired! I am going home and don't you dare follow me!" Tinignan ko na siya ng masama para naman malaman niyang seryoso ako sa pinagsasabi ko. Sa totoo lang pikon na talaga ako kanina pa, I was just keeping my composure.
I was about to turn my back on him when he did something that made me totally lose my little patience. He hastily pulled me by waist and insolently kissed me. His lips moved as if he longed for me for centuries. With his eyes closed I can tell that he really don't regret what he is doing. I could also feel his arms holding me tighter towards him but me on the other hand, still wasn't moving not even a blink.
To be honest, I am hurting. I felt attacked. The moment our lips meet I know to myself that I am now going to burst. I know that he had some shots because of the faint taste of alcohol but I am also aware that he's sober enough to not to do it but he still did! Nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa niya. Pakiramdam ko pinaglalaruan niya ako. Why is he doing this to me? I don't want to do this to him but he fucking needs to stop.
I slapped him.
Nakita kong napapikit siya sa hapdi ng sampal ko sa kanang pisngi niya. Kinalas ko na yung mga kamay niyang nakahawak sa bewang ko at bahagya akong umatras para mabigyang puwang ang nagkakadikit naming balat. And I see no reaction from his face upon doing it. I guess he really expected me to do that in the first place.
Naikuyom ko na lang ang mga palad ko dahil ramdam kong anumang oras ay sasabog na ang mga emosyong kanina ko pa tinatago. Gustuhin ko mang umiyak ay hindi ko magawa dahil natatakot akong makita niya ang mamumuong luha sa mata ko. Ipinangako ko sa sarili ko na hinding hindi ako iiyak sa harapan ng baklang 'to. Gustuhin ko mang tumakbo at iwan siya ay hindi ko rin kayang gawin dahil nanginginig na ang mga binti ko na anumang oras ay kaya na akong sukuan.
We were stuck right in that position when he broke the silence. "I am sorry Kirstine. I just don't want you to leave without hearing me out first."
I was left stupefied. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Good heavens! He doesn't want me to leave so he opted to kiss me without minding how would I feel? Gosh why does he have to be such a jerk?!
I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I'm so fucked up! Hindi ko alam kung nananaginip lang ba ako o nasa joke time show dahil gulong gulo na ako sa mga nangyayari. Wala na akong naiintindihan. I'm emotionally bleeding and internally screaming. Pakiramdam ko pinaglalaruan na talaga ako ng tadhana.
I keep myself mum until he again spoke,"Damn Kirstine! I'm desperate to talk to you!" And just like that, I exploded.
"Hanggang ngayon Chris wala ka talagang pakialam sa nararamdaman ko ano? Can't you see? Hindi pa rin ako handang kausapin ka but here you are insisting. Sa ginagawa mong 'yan lumalabas na iniisip mo lang ang sarili mo. You're dying to talk to me just because I know up until now your fucking guilty conscience is still bothering you. You don't care about how would I feel. Wala kang pakialam sa akin kahit obvious namang nasasaktan na ako sa pinaggagawa mo. You don't care about me at all!" Matapos kong sabihin sakanya lahat ng iyon ay mabilis na akong naglakad paalis dahil hirap na akong kontrolin pa ang mga luha sa mata ko. Tinawag niya ang pangalan ko ngunit hindi ako tumigil o lumingon man lang sa kanya bagkus mas binilisan ko pa ang lakad. Lakad- takbo na nga ang ginawa ko nang maramdaman kong sinusundan niya ako. Fuck this ladyguy! Fuck him and his persistence!
I don't even know where I am heading but I just keep my feet on the run. I won't allow him to get near me again tonight kasi natatakot ako na baka hindi lang 'yun ang masabi at maggawa ko sakanya. Pakiramdam ko naikot ko na ang buong parking space pero hindi pa rin ako tinitigilan ni Chris. We're still on the car park but I'm already too punch-drunk to think clearly where to go. Hinahanap ko rin yung sasakyan ni Tanya kanina pa pero hindi ko makita. When shit really happen, it pours.
"Kirstine kanina pa tayo ditong paikot ikot. I'm sorry but I just can't miss this chance to talk to you kasi baka hindi na naman ulit kita makita. Just listen to me even just for few minutes then I won't bother you ever again." I felt that he isn't really joking because I heard his footsteps became more rapid. So he's really going to keep this up? Dang it!
My pouch is not with me so how can I get a cab? My friends were also nowhere to be found. If I'll get in the bar I'm sure that would be my dead end. I will never attempt to make a scene lalo na ngayon na may malaking deal akong kakaharapin. Trouble is the last thing I need to mind right now.
Nang may makita akong lalaking papalabas ng club pakiramdam ko bigla akong nabuhayan. May naisip na akong paraan para makatakas sa makulit na baklang 'to.
Nakita kong dumiretso kaagad yung lalaki sa sasakyan niya malapit sa entrance nung lugar kaya mabilis akong lumiko at nagtago sa malaking sasakyan sa kanan ko para takasan si Chris. Hindi rin naman ako nabigong iligaw ang paningin niya dahil sinimulan na niya akong tawagin. When I made sure that I finally lost him, I ran towards the guy's car as fast as I could. I get in without minding the deadly glare and harsh cuss coming from the dude on the driver seat. Mamaya ko na siya proproblemahin ang importante saakin ngayon ay ang makalayo ex ko. Sa totoo lang, mas natatakot ako sa mga sasabihin ni Chris kaysa sumakay sa isang sasakyan kasama ng isang estranghero.
Abala akong nakatingin sa labas ng tinted na salaming bintana nang bigla na lang nag uunahang dumausdos sa pisngi ko ang mga luhang kanina pa gustong tumulo.
Naisip ko lang, mula noon hanggang ngayon, pilit ko pa ring pinapaniwala ang sarili ko na wala na akong nararamdaman sa kanya. I keep telling myself that he, my ex-boyfriend who turned out to be gay doesn't deserve anything of me, not my tears, not my love, not even my worth pero parang lahat nang iyon bumaliktad nang muli ko siyang nakita. And that's enough to prove my three years was nothing but mere pretension of forgetting him.