Chp61. "Pain is Pleasure"
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"I honestly... cannot stand you."
"Is that so?"
"Mhm. Straight from the beginning, not one thing has changed."
"It hasn't?"
"Nope."
Austin's eyebrow raised at me, knowing well he had caught me in a lie, one I was not going to admit to. "I don't recall that always being the truth, Evans. Don't act like just a few months ago you weren't declaring your love for me in the backseat of my car while I—"
His words hit instantly and it felt like a bolt of lighting striking a nerve. My face, red with embarrassment as I shoved Austin with my elbow. Part of me was hoping he wasn't going to finish that sentence of his, though the other part of me sort of did want him to.
Fuck. I thought to myself, I couldn't keep allowing him- this thing he does to have such an affect on me. He breathes and I practically melt over him. Each. Single. Time. It's pathetic. My mind was at a serious war in the moment, trying to make itself focus on what needed to get done, avenging my father. I almost hated myself for even taking Austin into consideration that maybe I might just miss him way too much in that way to keep playing this wicked game of cat and mouse with him.
"While I was doing that thing you love so much." He finished his sentence and although I was rooting for him to not say it, I couldn't deny the fact that I loved that he still did.
"Also... why do you enjoy lying? You know what they do to little girls like you who lie?" Austin's eyes changed into a deep forest green. For a second I almost felt a little uneasy, which in my case is no surprise but with him, it never tends to happen.
I held in a breath as my teeth slowly began to nibble on the inside of my cheek. Saying I was nervous would be a complete understatement. I was way much more than that. I felt as if the earth was close to opening up a huge hole in the floor of my room and swallow me whole in that very second.
My back was pressed up against my bedroom wall, though I could feel small drops of sweat slither down my neck and downwards towards my back. The feel of his body lightly brushing against my own skin, the way his mouth was slowly beginning to curve into a side grin, like he knew a secret. A secret that I didn't. Austin knew every single way to make me crave him, shrink into this little doll he could control and as to where I would obey. He knew each and every way. I was no stranger to that, I knew so myself.
His eyes stared down upon my own, locking quickly. To my surprise this time they were not vacant but filled with beauty and something else I couldn't quite make out in the moment. In that brief time period, I felt the room begin to increase its temperature by the second. It almost felt like I was suffocating, the lack of air, the bright yellow light hitting my face from the ceiling, letting my body know there was no way I was going to survive this as each droplet of sweat formed around my forehead.
I was too focused on making sure my vulnerability was not showing that the sudden rage flowing through me as I felt his fingertips touch me, carefully caress me, had come to a welcomed satisfying surprised. I sensed the way Austin's hand dropped from my arm slowly down towards my waist, my hip, and finally down to my thigh, in a very slow paced manner, right until reaching my hand. In which he then took no time intertwining with his own. Though I was fully clothed, his touch and presence alone felt like they were burying itself deep within me, into my skin.
Austin brushed his thumb against my hand calmly and softly. I took a small but quick glance down at both our hands touching one another and for a second I had forgotten in which position we were, were we stood, and how mad I had just been at him a few minutes ago. The softness of his touch sent a sensation throughout my body, perhaps only just my lower body but I was afraid I was too stubborn to acknowledge that. Stubborn or possibly just way too embarrassed for that matter, I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
My sudden focus was shaken up by the devil himself. "Are you not going to answer my question?" He asked, still with his brow raised.
"What question?" I replied nonchalantly.
He chuckled back in admiration, as if he knew I was pretty under pressure in that moment and still managing my best to remain calm and relaxed. His laughter thick and growing louder in my ear, he flashed his perfectly straight teeth-smile and slowly shrugged along with his response. "I asked you babygirl... if you knew."
I rolled my eyes. "Knew what?"
"If you knew what happens to girls who lie."
I scoffed at his effort in trying to threaten me. It was flattering but I was afraid that was not going to get to me. Austin did not seem to like that however, he leaned in closer once seeing my blunt reaction. I was able to smell his scent even more now. He smelled like sweet vanilla with a hint of weed, it was intoxicating. For some reason, I grew angry in that moment. I did not like him smoking, and I knew he was either high or had been before coming here. I knew weed was not harming at all, but Austin with a mixture of weed or alcohol bugged me in so many ways. He was nothing but an ass, and right now was starting to prove it.
I looked around the room trying to focus and practically look at anything that wasn't him. He was not fond of that. With his other free hand, he quickly caught my chin, lifting it up so that he was the only thing in my view. His eyes once again buried deep into me, into my soul and he was going to make sure I knew that.
Austin stepped an inch closer towards me, leaving my tiny body no choice but to be squeezed in between him and the wall behind me. His hand was still holding mine and as he gathered all of his attention on to me. I witnessed as his jaw clenched before running his bottom lip with his tongue, moistening it.
"They get punished." He growled into my ear as I felt the pulse of my heart skip a beat. Suddenly Austin was no longer simply holding my hand in a caring manner, he was adding pressure to it.
It hurt slightly but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the pain a tad bit. If I told him to stop, I knew he would, and I didn't want him to. As he tightened his grip on my hand, holding it, his other hand in which was still on my chin, lifted my head all the way up in a way that my neck was now exposed to him. I heard a light chuckle coming from his mouth as he trailed a finger from my chin down towards my neck, in which in that case he allowed his full hand to take control and wrap itself around my entire neck.
Oh god. I couldn't help but think to myself. I was feeling my palms begin to sweat, even while holding his hand. My anxiety was an all time high, and though normally I don't get along with my anxiety I was almost positive in this second- we were becoming well fond of each other. I was enjoying this.
Austin's hand tightened around my neck and it slowly began to get a little harder for me to breathe, his eyes were scanning my face for a sign telling him to stop. There was none. The tighter his grip on my neck got, the more it was beginning to arouse me. I felt a slight form of embarrassment when he had stepped a little closer towards me to adjust his hand and an unexpected moan managed to peek out from my mouth.
Amused at my own action and secret little pleasure of mine, he grinned from ear to ear not losing sight of me. "You like that don't you?" He said. "I know you do. Want to know how I know?"
I swallowed the knot in my throat that felt almost impossible to achieve as I awaited for him to tell me my truths, the ones I already knew.
"You haven't told me to stop." He continued, the way it had come from his lips was like he was almost shocked himself by that same fact.
Astounded he continued to look down upon me, quickly taking a glance down to his hand wrapped around my neck then right back up to meet my own eyes. I slowly smirked and right in that second he shook his head in disbelief yet amusement as he leaned down towards my ear, kissing my earlobe lightly. "Get over here, Evans. Now."
I giggled and nodded my head, being a good girl for once in a long time and obeying. Austin let go of both my hand and neck all at once as he raced towards my bed, grabbing all of my stuffed animals and tossing them to the side. I witnessed as I saw Mr. Cottontail, my favorite stuffed bunny, being thrown from my bed across the room.
"Come." He turned back towards me as I made my way over to him. His eyes gave the look of hunger, and I knew he was hungry for me and I was loving every single second of it. I could feel myself literally shaking with excitement.
"I see you're actually following orders now." Austin noticed once he took my hand and threw me lightly onto my own bed, him slowly then climbing on top of me.
"I guess you just bring out the best in me." I was leaning forward, towards him. My chest almost touching his. He took a hand, placed it on my chest and brought me back down for me to lay my back flat against the bed.
He nodded his head as I followed his lead, and remained on the bed. "Good girl." He acknowledged. "You like it rough don't you? I had no idea." I calmly yet nervously looked up to see what his expression was. Amusement. "Who would've known, huh. Little miss Mia Evans, enjoying getting choked against a wall."
"What can I say..." I smirked. "Pain is pleasure."
Austin did not say a word, he stared me down but nothing had came from his mouth. I didn't know if I should start getting worried, so I didn't. My smile had quickly began to fade away as I nibbled slowly on the corner of my bottom lip, awaiting for him to say something. Anything. But it was no use, his eyes were buried deep into my face and body. His expression faded from excitement and amusement to something I couldn't quite point out. It was dull.
"Play with me." I tried to lighten up the moment to get things going. After all I knew I was not the only one aroused from earlier, at least that's what I assumed as I had felt Austin's little friend poking around my thigh just a few minutes ago. "I'm all yours." I said with a touch of encouragement, but I was afraid that as soon as those words had slipped from my mouth, Austin had slipped from my touch.
His eyes looked away from my own as he glanced elsewhere, anywhere but me. "I need to shower. I reek of weed." He said bluntly avoiding me, before getting off from on top of me and slowly then walking off to my bathroom closing the door after him and a few minutes later, hearing the water run.
I couldn't help but feel isolated by him. But what was worse was the feeling of my mind telling me I was close to losing him. And perhaps he was never truly mine but the proof of today that was physically a small part of him slipping away from me, and the fearful possibility of him slipping mentally as well. I couldn't allow myself to let that happen.
I had debated so much until finally deciding to do something about it. I stared down at the small door handle while my heartbeat seemed to increase in a millisecond.
Just do it. Open the damn door Mia, cmon. I tried to convince myself and build up the confidence and enough courage to get in there. My mind was shooting me down however, fighting within myself and allowing the extreme anxiety to kick in. Letting me know that this was a bad idea, but my heart was telling me to go for it. And I knew those two would be battling it out like day and night. I had no time or patience left for this.
I sighed preparing for the worst, rejection. I was terrified but I knew I'd regret it if I allowed this day, this moment, to just go down in this sort of way. The water was running and it was loud, the steam of it covered up most of my view and had fogged up the entire mirror. I saw Austin's clothes lying on the floor. Taking a deep breath, calming myself down, I closed my eyes shut as I began removing my shirt. Following along with everything else until I was fully nude. I reached for my hair and removed the elastic band that had been holding my hair together and once it hit my shoulders, I felt goosebumps.
I opened the curtain and took Austin into view. His back was towards me. My eyes couldn't help but to look down at his bare butt, he always did have such a cute butt. I smiled at the thought.
I placed a foot in, following the other until my body was fully in the shower joining him. He did not acknowledge my presence but I knew he knew I was there, right behind him.
I did not say a thing but allowed my silence to take over. The only sound was the water running and hitting both our bodies lightly. I placed both my hands on his shoulders, rubbing them calmly right to moving my hands between the crook of his neck and shoulders, massaging him slowly.
He did not speak. I reached down to grab the shampoo, taking some into my hand and using it to lightly massage it into his hair and scalp, he allowed me to do such once he did not try to stop me. I continued for a few more minutes before the water took all the shampoo from his hair. We were both still quiet, but I didn't mind. I was so close to him yet felt so distant, and there was nothing in the world that I hated more than this feeling. In which I would never wish upon anyone, even my worst enemy.
I wrapped my arms around his neck while his back was still facing me. I did not care in that moment if he acknowledged me or not, I just wanted to hold him. And so I did, I held him for minutes and minutes, without words. I just wanted him there with me. The water was hot against my skin but I could care less, I just wanted him in my arms.
I leaned my head in towards his shoulder and kissed his skin gently, whispering into it, loud enough for him to hear me. "I love you," I declared. "Always will." I kissed his shoulder a second time. "And I'm yours." I assured him for a second time. Seeing as the reason he dashed away was probably because he was not sure I was saying it because I meant it or in the moment when I had told him the first time today.
I kept thinking of how he'd brush it off and this shower would have been filled with nothing but my hopes being crushed. Those thoughts were soon pushed away once his hand held onto one of my arms wrapped around his shoulders. He took my hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on top of it.
"I love you." Austin said, his tone of voice low but clear. "So fucking much." Turning back around, he faced me. Staring right into my eyes he flashed me a small smile, a genuine one. I returned the favor. "Always have, always will."
His lips then took no time crashing into mine, with full force. I moaned into his own mouth as he took control over the kiss, meeting my tongue with his as his body pushed me up against the shower's wall. He paused, parting his lips from mine and slowly pulling away. I pouted at him in disappointment, I didn't want to stop kissing him.
Austin stared at me for a few seconds until his hand found its way back to my neck. A mischievous smirk plastered on his face. My back was right against the wall as he had complete control. "Now Evans, tell me... how rough do you like it?"
The water was pouring down at the both of us, and the steam grew thicker while the nonstop chills and goosebumps found a home throughout my entire body.
"On the verge of death rough." I smiled.
"As you wish." He said as he tightened his hand around my neck, using the other free hand to turn my body right around in a sudden movement. Bending me over, I felt his hand smack my ass hard, very hard. And I winced from how good it felt, right then and there, I knew we were only just getting started.
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Does anyone even read this anymore? I feel like it's so old.
Too long chapters? Should I make them shorter or is this okay with you guys?