"What do we wear when we are going to see someone at the hospital?" I groaned, looking at the mess I'd made.
I had almost thrown all the clothes from the cupboard and was still clueless what to wear.
Melanie jumped over a pile of jeans in order to reach me. She was all dressed up and ready to go, unlike me.
Melanie was wearing a grey dress, with black boots and a black fur coat, her golden brown hair were tugged into a neat and orderly braid.
"We're not going to a funeral, are we?" I scorned, observing her from head to toe.
She rolled her eyes and smacked me with full force.
"Let's get you ready to go." She said, pulling out a blue sweater from another pile and black jeans.
She handed me the clothes and ordered me to wear those. Well, she was more in fashion than I was.
As James had told Melanie the room number where his mom was staying, we walked into room number 308 to find a tall brunette standing in front of the bed.
I looked away as soon as he turned to notice the door unbolted. I noticed those hazel green eyes before looking away.
A wide smile crept along his face and he came closer to hug Melanie. Yeah, that's Melanie, she hugs almost everyone. And I don't.
"You came." He said softly as he examined me.
I looked up to face him and handed him the bunch of flowers Melanie forced me to buy for his mother.
"Hey." I replied casually.
He examined my face a minute longer until his mother interrupted. Thank God.
"So who of you is Elene Fox?" she said, smiling brightly.
"I am." I said suddenly said without thinking and went close to her.
"I'm James' mother, you know of. Tina Rowell." She said, again with a wide smile.
Her smile resembled so much like the guy who's annoying me for some time. James resembles so much to his mother.
She offered me her hand to shake and I took it respectfully.
James came and stood to the other side.
"And I'm Melanie! Elene's best friend." Melanie came from behind, showing that she exists too.
This made James and his mother laugh.
"And I'll be waiting outside, you guys have chat." She ran towards the door and disappeared.
I started to feel confused, awkward as the silence grew.
"So, it's good to finally meet you. I'm so busy that I hardly ever get to meet James' girlfriends." Tina admitted, that followed by widened eyes of mine as well as James.
"Mom! She's my friend. I've corrected you a dozen times." He exclaimed.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll see how long." She grinned, looking at me like she was giving me some sort of a gesture which I wasn't getting.
I peferred to keep mouth shut.
After listening to his mother talk about how fat she got and the diet was necessary and drinking is good and bla and bla, James forced me out of the room.
"I'm so sorry about that." He said, looking down.
I chuckled. "She's fun. I like her." I chuckled again.
He widened his eyes and tried to laugh too.
"Well, that's new."
Melanie stood up as she recognized us.
"You wasted my half an hour Elene. You owe me that." She said in a solemn tone.
"Yeah, fine." I said flatly, rolling my eyes.
"I'm waiting in the car." She said showing me the keys and ran outside as she received a call from Bryn.
I sighed and turned away from her to face James still standing behind me. I just noticed that his jaw line resembled Adrian's jaw line.
He was busy texting someone on his phone when I decided to leave right away but he gripped my hand as soon as I stepped away.
I widened my eyes on our hands clasped in each other's which made him leave my hand suddenly.
He was used to my reactions now.
"So you noticed Conan and Melanie's spark or whatever we're calling it?" he asked, biting his lower lip.
"Frankly, no. But I did hear them yesterday discussing something like Debbie is sorta jealous of Melanie because Conan said Melanie to not worry and that he'll talk to Debbie. And then Melanie told Conan that she doesn't want to be the one who's the reason Conan and Debbie are arguing." I explained him utterly.
He studied my face for a time and then bit his lower lip.
"Okay. That's interesting. But you'll have to be sure that they have something before you talk to Conan about it, right?" he inquired.
What? I have to talk to Conan about it now? Ugh.
I nodded in return avoiding any further conversation.
~~~
I was busy staring at a blank piece of paper with a pen in my hand.
Okay, just get it out.
Lets get this over with.
Tell him.
What's the harm in that?
He'll probably judge you too soon, Elene. Ugh.
My conscience was not cooperating with me, and I hate when that happens.
Okay, even if I decide to tell him, what could I possibly say to him?
I can't even talk about it with Mel, this letter guy is beyond the thought.
But I don't know his true identity. And I find him understanding. Maybe that's enough for me to trust him?
He would stop talking to me, that's for sure. But by virtue of the fact that I don't know who he is, it would be easy for me to just tell him and not care that he'll judge me.
Ugh. So much fuss over a stupid letter.
I took the pen in my right hand and started to write.
Hi,
You got me, ha-ha. Yeah, I do am uncomfortable and I knew sometime this topic is going to arise. And I have sort of planned on telling you about that but just not today. I'm so busy in pushing James away from my life that I need some time. I'll write you a letter when I'm ready. And thanks for understanding that.
Elene.
Conan texted me that he had something important to talk to me about though his room was connected to mine through a door. I stood up putting the letter on its usual place and walked into his room.
"Yes?" I demanded, folding my arms and rested my back on the wall that joined our rooms.
He bit his lip and gestured me to sit down.
"Is everything okay?" I asked him casually avoiding the worried look that usually arose.
He was struggling for words and that look was similar.
Finally I decided to break the silence.
"Is this about Debbie?" I groaned looking up at him.
He shook his head. "Why do you think Debbie's the reason I always get worried?" the anger spread all across his face all of a sudden.
I let out a short laugh. "Okay, don't get all fuming at me." I alleged raising my hands in the air. "Why are you worried?" I added quizzically.
Conan cleared his throat and took a pause.
"You're the reason I'm worried." He admitted.
Okay, so that made me worried. The last time Conan worried about me was when Adrian invited me to have dinner with his parents the first time, because Conan was the only one besides Melanie who knew everything about him and me.
He tried to aware me and I just ignored him. This time I don't want to. Maybe he is worried for a legit reason.
I eyed him suspiciously wanting him to explain and he got me at some extent.
"Where do you think you're exactly going?" he asked me.
"I..uh. Sorry, what?" I had no words to answer on a question that I didn't understand.
He cleared his throat. "Elene, don't get me wrong. But I'm worried about you. Where do you think you and James are going?" he concurred, making the curves on his face more prominent.
He was dead somber and that was scaring the hell out of me.
"What are you talking about? Because I'm not getting a single word Conan." I confessed.
He took a brief sigh. "I don't want what happened with you and Adrian to happen again with you and James. Not that James isn't a good guy, I trust him, I really do. But you know, I can't keep myself from thinking about what happened to you after that day. You changed Elene. You totally changed." He took a pause and I preferred to listen quietly rather than arguing.
"You stopped going to parties, you stopped talking to other guys and you changed your appearance in such a way that no one could ever notice you.
"Yet here you are with James, who notices you out of the blue and decides to hang out with you in struggle to change you and bring out the best in you. Can you tell me what is actually going on with you?" he said.
He sounded more worried than ever, and I appreciated him being vexed for me but that was just too much, like Melanie had made him learn those lines to say in front of me.
I was out of words. Literally out of words.
"Conan, I appreciate you being upset about me but I know what I'm doing. I know James is trying to become a part of my life but I'm too busy to push him out that somehow he is settling. He really wants to know me. I don't know what to do but I promised Melanie that I'll go to her blind date and Gavin's party and decide what to do after that.
"I want you to stay by my side and keep having my back so I don't lose control. He reminds me so much of Adrian. His expressions, his smile, his height, his taunts, his jaw line. EVERYTHING. It's like reliving the moments I want to run away from."
A tear escaped my eye as I stopped talking. He came closer and hugged me.
I breathed in his chest and rested my head until I held myself together.
I noticed Debbie standing at the door waiting for our conversation to end, but she looked like she was in a hurry so I stood up.
He stopped me all of a sudden. I turned to look at Conan with a poignant smile.
"I'm your brother Elene, I'll always be by your side, you just have to look at your right, and there I am. Just be careful and alert this time." He whispered as I stepped to leave.
"Yeah sure. Thanks" I whispered slightly smiling.
I could hear voices of Debbie yelling at Conan and Conan yelling back.
They were fighting, again. It's almost a week now. I have to talk to Conan about this at any cost.
James was right.
How could I be so blind to not see any of this?
Conan doesn't know what's happening. Debbie is fighting with him. Melanie is not going to open up this way.
I have to talk to Conan.
I was so busy in sorting out my problems regarding moving on and James that I couldn't even perceive that James might be right.
Ugh.
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