~ Mikael ~
If I didn't see it with my own eyes and hear it with my own ears, I'd never believe it's really him, sitting here in the staircase, quietly sobbing in his hands, shoulders shaking with every breath. "Randy?"
I think the groceries can wait a little longer. Randy looks up with red eyes and heaves a deep sigh, when he sees me. He wipes his eyes and mutters, "H-hey, Mikael."
I step toward him cautiously. "Uhh, what happened?" I have a feeling that it has something to do with Gray...
Randy doesn't answer my question as I slowly sit down beside him, but he doesn't ask me to leave, either. I wouldn't blame him if he did. We're not particularly close. Apart from what Gray has told me, I don't know much about Randy. We've never had an actual proper conversation.
But maybe he just needs somebody to rant to.
Eventually, he croaks out, "Gray broke up with m-me."
"He did?" Damnit.
Even though I'd obviously thought of the possibility, I still hoped it wouldn't be true. I really just can't imagine Gray breaking up with Randy because of such a little thing. If that was even the reason he did it. Perhaps... he didn't even break up with Randy because of the kiss he shared with Seth.
"Did he say why?" I ask.
"He did, but he didn't have to." Randy takes a shaky breath. "He wasn't very... devoted to the relationship. I could just..." He lifts his hands and glares at them. "...feel him slipping through my fingers."
A sigh slips out of my mouth.
I know exactly what he's talking about, now that he mentions it. In the beginning, the only thing Gray could think about was Randy. I could see it in his face. He was even more absent than usual and he had that... dreamy look.
Yet, after a few weeks, it sort of wore off. The past week, he hadn't even mentioned him, and if my suspicions are right, he hadn't even thought of him, unless Randy came up to him himself. It must have been awful.
"Randy..." I put an awkward hand on his shoulder, but I don't even know what I want to say. How could Gray just end things like this?
"He said," Randy chokes out, "that he didn't want to lead me on—that it's not fair to me... and I understand."
Is that really what he thinks, or was it an excuse?
"But that doesn't mean it doesn't make you feel like shit," I say softly and he nods, wiping his tears away. Poor guy... "Why are you here, by the way? In the staircase?"
"Gina and Simon are in the apartment and I didn't want to bother them."
"I'm sure they won't mind," I tell him, standing up and offering him a hand. "And she's your sister. I'm sure she can help you more than I can."
He silently puts his hand in mine and I pull him up. I'd give him a hug, but I'm not sure if that would make him feel better or just awkward, so I give him a friendly pat on his shoulder, and he nods in thanks, before climbing up the stairs.
Immediately, I take out my phone and text Elija and Seth to ask them if they know where Gray is. In less than a minute, I get a reply from both of them. No idea. Great.
I could call him to find out, but then there is the possibility that he won't pick up. He knows we'll find out about what he did sooner or later, and unfortunately for him, I already did. I curse under my breath and try anyway. It's the only clue I've got. After listening to the phone cutting to voice mail three times, I give up and head out to get groceries instead. I'll find him later.
On my way back to the apartment building after getting groceries and whatever else we need for when we're going to Sweden, I walk by the park behind the university and notice Pat heading in the opposite direction. I call out her name and she looks up from her phone with a smile. "Heya, Mikael. What's up?"
"I was just getting stuff for our trip to Sweden."
"Oh right, I totally forgot about that." She sighs. "I've got some pretty boring lonely weeks ahead of me then."
"Ah, yeah... uh, why don't you join us, too?"
For a moment, she just stares at me in surprise. "Aren't you going with your super close-knit friend group-thingy? I wouldn't want to barge in on your special moments and stuff, you know."
I laugh and tell her, "It's fine. There's already..." I pause to count in my head, "nineteen people coming, so why not make it twenty?"
"Jesus, who are you taking? Your entire family?"
"Actually, yes. It was just going to be my family at first, but then we added boyfriends, girlfriends, friends et cetera. It's kinda crazy."
"You could say that."
"But d'you wanna come?"
"Yeah, sure," she says, smiling. "Sounds like fun."
"Awesome—Oh, have you, perchance, seen Gray anywhere?"
"Yeah, he's in the park."
"Really?" I ask with wide eyes and she nods and opens her mouth, but I run off before she can get a word out. I scan the park for the familiar untidy head of hair that belongs to my (quite stupid) friend Grayson, and I hear Pat following me, telling me he was by the water last time she saw him. I hurry to the lake and find him sitting cross-legged by the edge of the water, staring across it with an empty gaze.
When I sit down beside him, he doesn't even notice me until I say, "Gray, what did you do?"
He jumps at the sound of my voice and looks at me, his eyes filled with countless emotions. The strongest one, sadness.
"What did you do?" I repeat.
It's not like I don't know what he did, and that's clear to the both of us. I can see he knows. No, I am dying to know why he did it. I want to hear it from him. His side of the story.
Pat whispers, "Uh, should I leave?"
I look at Gray, leaving him to decide to him, and he seems to just... give up. With a sigh, he replies, "I b-broke up with Randy."
Pat promptly plops down beside him with a shocked face. "You did what?"
Then Gray's bottom lip starts to tremble and I can see his eyes filling with water, until a sob slips out and he throws himself onto me, squeezing the life out of me with his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. He whimpers against me and Pat looks at me with a face that says 'what the hell is going on?' I just sigh and rub Gray's shaking back for a while, until I think it's safe to ask, "Why, Gray? It's not because of what happened at the p—"
"N-n-no, it isn't. I-I swear, it's not."
"Then what?" I ask, looking him straight in the eyes.
"I just didn't feel like I... liked him enough."
"Then why are you crying?" Pat asks.
I shoot her a look. Really?
"B-because even if I— I don't know! I just care about him a lot and I didn't want to hurt him!"
"It's okay, Gray," I tell him, giving him another tight hug. "I guess it's good you didn't keep leading him on... Not a lot of people are smart enough to break up with their boyfriend when it's over."
"That's exactly why I did it," he murmurs. "I swear it wasn't because of..."
I pull back and look at him. "You sure?"
He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than me. If I didn't know Gray as well as I do, I wouldn't have noticed the slight hesitation in his voice. But I heard it very well and I'm not letting it go now. He quickly looks away from me, sniffing, staring at the ground and wiping his cheeks dry.
"Gray."
He turns away from me and I glance at Pat, who's still sitting next to Gray with a very confused face. She shrugs, obviously not of any help to me. I don't even know why I looked at her.
"Gray," I repeat.
"No!" he snaps. "I mean, yes—I mean... I don't know!"
"I'm pretty sure you do."
He groans and abruptly gets up from the ground. He starts walking away, so I quickly scramble up and catch his wrist. "Whoa, where are you going?"
"Home. To pack my bags."
"You know he's... there?"
"Yeah... I can't stay away forever, can I? I've been doing it all day already. Time to face my fears... or whatever. Be courageous and all that." He shakes his head and continues his way.
"What are you gonna do then?"
Kissing someone when you're drunk and breaking up with your boyfriend because you don't love him is all great and all that, but what does Gray want? Does he want to be... with Seth?
It's kinda weird. I mean, it shouldn't be—look at me and Elija—but it's still two of your best friends... potentially dating each other. That's weird. Now I know what Seth and Gray must have felt like when Elija and I started dating—if you can even call it that. I don't know what the hell we were doing in those first few weeks. It was a mess.
"Depends on what he wants," Gray mutters.
Then Pat interrupts, "Okay, uh, you don't have to tell me anything, but uhh... I'm gonna ask anyway. I'm pretty sure we're not talking about Randy anymore here, so who is it we're talking about?"
"Uhhh..." Gray looks away from her, frowning at the lake like it's the biggest mystery he's ever encountered. He shuts his eyes and then murmurs, "I'd rather not say."
"O-okay... fair enough." She nods and then sticks a hand in the pocket of her jacket and pulls out her lighter and a cigarette, before sticking it in her mouth. She lights the cigarette and announces, "I'll be off then."
We say goodbye and watch her walk off with a cloud of cigarette smoke around her, and suddenly, Gray whispers, "I'm sorry, Mikky."
"What for?"
"Just... in general, for messing everything up."
"Ah, well..." I pat his shoulder. "Everyone messes things up at least once in their life. Now go get it sorted out." I tap on the side of his head with my finger and give him a smile.
During the entire journey to Sweden, there's an awkwardness spreading through our companionship, and especially in two certain parts. Obviously, there's Gray and Seth, who are literally not even talking to each other, which is quite disconcerting, and then there's Elija's family... I can't even begin to try describing the tension going on between them. As far as I know, they're not mad at each other anymore, but I can imagine they're having some... difficulty getting over all the shit from the past twenty years.
On the other hand, the rest is having the greatest time, and we haven't even arrived yet. Apparently, Pat immediately took a liking to Ingrid. I'm not sure if they're such a good combination, but what's done is done. Sebastian soon leaves his girlfriend and her new best friend alone, because he can't get a single word in. My uncle, Peter, finds it fascinating that the father of his nephew's boyfriend has the same name as him, so he talks to Elija's father to no end, but I doubt he's listening.
Apparently, we've been arranged in the plane rather oddly, which resulted in me and Elija sitting in a row with my mother. Lucky for her, we aren't a very cuddly couple, and while Elija did suggest it, we're not going to join the mile high club. I don't know whether he was joking or not, but just... no.
During the ride, I see my mother shooting Elija's parents the odd glare and I don't have to guess what she's thinking. She's never particularly liked Katherine and I can imagine she's trying very hard to work out the new mystery: the recently-reappeared, infamous Peter Grimes.
"Mikael," she finally whispers, leaning over with her hand next to her mouth. "Can I trust him—Peter Grimes?"
"You've already agreed he could come along, haven't you?" I reply with an eye roll. "I told you, it's fine. There was just some... unfortunate misunderstanding in the Grimes family. You know how it goes sometimes."
"Yes, you told me, but you never really told me what actually happened. Why have I never even heard of this man?"
"It's a long story," I sigh, turning my head to look at the young man who had to live with all the unnecessary consequences. I can't help feeling bad that he had to go through all that, because he wouldn't have had to resort to visiting other people's homes—or more accurately, their beds.
He didn't have to—he could have found some other way to distract himself—but it's apparently how he chose to deal with it and I'm not saying it changed him for the worse, but well... he didn't have to.
He plucks an earbud out of his ear and raises his eyebrow at my staring. I just smile at him lovingly, which makes him even more confused. "What is that doofy smile?"
I keep smiling at him, noticing my mother turning around to chat with Ingrid and Pat behind us, which gives me the freedom to tell him, "I love you."
For a moment, we simply stare at each other, but then he smirks and says, "Do you now? Well, I don't love you, obviously. I can't love, remember?" He starts to pop the earbud back in with a smug face and I hit his arm and hiss, "You're an ass."
He whispers, "And don't you loooove this ass?"
"I just said I did," I say with an eye roll, which makes him chuckle, but then he murmurs, "Hey, Mikky, remember when I admitted I was in love with you? That essentially means the same thing as 'I love you', right?"
I think about it for a few seconds and conclude, "Uhh... that depends on what you—Well, I suppose in this case, yes."
"Then I was the first one who said it. Ha!"
"Oh, is it a contest now?" I ask. "What's next? The how-much-do-you-love-me game?"
"How much do you love me?"
"You—Did you seriously just ask me that? This is getting... Nope, that's too much. I pass."
"Liv!" Elija calls out. "Mikael won't tell me how much he loves me!"
"Dude, I think the front of the plane didn't hear you," I groan. "You're such a fucking dick."
"Hey, Micke, don't swear," my mother scolds, the hint of a smile playing on her lips. "How much do you love Elija?"
I sigh and give her a glare. "Why are you humoring him?"
"Well, because he's practically my son-in-law!"
Ingrid and Pat have both put their heads in between our seats and Ingrid hisses at me, "Tell him how much you love him, Micke!"
"Not at all."
When we finally get off the plane, I see Gray quickly sneaking off into the men's room at the airport, so I follow him and wait for the door to fall closed behind me, before asking, "Did you talk to him yet?"
Slowly, he turns to me, but his gaze stays fixed on the floor. I already know his answer before he says it. "Not really..."
"You're gonna have to talk to him some time, Gray. You said so yourself. Tiptoeing around like this is... infuriating."
"I know..." he sighs. "I will, I promise. When we get to the hotel, I'll go to him right a—"
The door to the bathroom opens and both Sebastian and Seth come walking in, which makes Gray immediately shut up and look away. Sebastian's eyes go from me to Gray to Seth, but instead of asking why this thick tension is hanging in the air, he simply backs up to the first urinal and pretends we're not there. Gray looks at anything in the room but Seth, before abruptly sprinting out of the bathroom. I hope for his own sake that he's only leaving because Sebastian is here, or he's got a problem. This is getting ridiculous.