I haven't gone one second without thinking about her...
I spent the whole day yesterday in either the art room or the guidance officer's room. I haven't eaten since I got the news. I couldn't sleep last night. Some moments I'm crying, others I'm just completely dead.
Its so hard...
And now, Miss Leary and the guidance officer wants me to attend the art show,
Without her...
I can barely breathe without her. I can't go to the art show. Surrounded by our memories. By the paintings she did.
The guidance officer says it could help give me closure.
Death would give me more closure but Miss Leary wont let me. She says I can't. That Cassidy's legacy would be a waste. But Cassidy would still have the paintings. The paintings are Cassidy's legacy. I'm not a part of her legacy.
Without Cassidy, I'm nothing.
I think I might go to the art show before I decide whether I agree with Miss Leary. That's the least I can do, right? I mean, I did promise Cassidy that I'd show up.
I got changed out of my PJ's and headed out of the house. Since I had gotten home yesterday, I had barely left my room. It was so bright outside.
It wasn't hard to find Cassidy's display at the art gallery. It was HUGE. There was even a PowerPoint projecting some of her other works onto the wall above her display. There was a poster that said 'R.I.P. Cassidy Millers' and it even had the newspaper article about the car crash.
I had to stop myself from breaking down and crying when I say it.
Each painting was put into the perfect order and ran from left to right in a semicircle. There was another poster to explain the story behind this line of artwork and how Cassidy had this master plan to help me.
It was amazing. I was so proud of her. I was almost about to run up and hug her except she's no longer here. It was weird. I was proud and depressed at the same time. I didn't know which emotion to display nor how to express both.
"I'm glad you made it," Miss Leary smiled as she approached me.
"Yer..." I smiled back. She could tell my smile was very hesitant.
"You feeling ok?" Miss Leary asked with concern.
I shrugged.
"Its difficult being in a room where Cassidy is everywhere but here. I think I might go have closer look at the display," I said. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone.
Miss Leary nodded; ending our conversation.
Starting from the start, I began closely examining each painting. At every painting I had a flashback. It hurt but it was somehow satisfying at the same time.
I wore a wobbly smile on my face as I looked at the paintings. I was so engaged in the exhibit that I didn't even realise I had started crying.
"Are you ok?" asked a woman who I had never met.
"I'll be ok," I replied.
The woman quickly looked at the painting beside her then back at me.
"You're the boy in the paintings aren't you?" She asked, looking like she too was going to cry.
I nodded.
"I am so so sorry," She said, tearing up, "She seems like an amazing person."
"She was," I whispered.
We both stood there silently before going our separate ways.
I didn't stick around for long after that. I had to leave. I couldn't cope.