After dinner, Peter and I took a walk. Turns out he already asked Gwen and Bren to pick up his car. Not that they had to go far, he’d gotten the ticket a few miles from his house.
“I want to hear you play.”
“Peter…it’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’ve seen me play. You’ve been to my practices…” He glanced over at me. “Been to…my games.”
I laughed. “Yeah. Only the first one counts. I don’t even like thinking about the second one.”
“I’m…”
“Don’t apologize again. I know you’re sorry. So let’s just…forget about it.”
“It’s kind of hard to forget.”
“Well, if you need help with that, there’s this potion I can make…”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I stopped walking and looked at him. “I know what you meant. Unfortunately we can’t go back or forget. We just have to deal with it, move on.”
“How…”
“What are you dressing up as for Halloween?”
“I haven’t really thought of it. Why?”
“Because I told Drake I wasn’t going anywhere until Saturday. I’m trying to limit the amount of time I have to spend with him so I told him I had plans.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “Do you have plans?”
“That depends. What are you dressing up as for Halloween?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Well, don’t do witch. It’s too…obvious.”
“It’s what I am. On Halloween you’re supposed to dress up as something that you’re not.”
“So dead football player would be off the market for you?”
He smirked and nodded. “My mother dressed me up as that when I was six. I don’t know what possessed her to dress me up as a road kill jock.” He chuckled. “I had nightmares for weeks.”
“Why?”
“Because she went full out. Did the make up, the clothes…I got a look at myself in a mirror and flipped out. I was a teenage mutant ninja turtle the next year. It was safer.”
“What is a teenage mutant…”
“Cartoon TV show.”
“Oh. You Americans watch too much TV.”
“You’re half American you know.”
“Yes but when I was a kid, I didn’t really watch TV. I was outside most of the time or helping my mother.”
“Which is how you got so good at the magic stuff.”
I nodded. “She didn’t like me to be idle. I got in trouble if I was.”
“Is that how you learned…”
“Learned what?”
“How to treat magical addiction?”
I shook my head. “Every time one of those showed up, she sent me to a babysitter. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that she let me stay for that. The girl she was treating called me a—” my cheeks flushed when I thought about it “—well it was colorful.”
“Did she survive?”
I nodded. “Took her less time then Bren but she was back on my mother’s door step six months later. Some you can’t cure.”
“What about Bren?”
I smiled. “Bren is—well, it was an adventure to say the least.”
“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“One day.” I looked at him. “Maybe when I know all of your secrets.”
“Why do you make is sound like I have so many?”
“Because you do. Everyone knows it, even me. It’s not hard to tell if a person has a secret. You should know that. Since you literally made me tell mine a few months ago.”
“Yours weighted heavily on your mind. Mine don’t.”
“I don’t know, Peter Marks. You look like the whole world rests on your shoulders right now. Like Atlas.”
“Better than a tortoise or an elephant.”
“Elephants have long memories. You are definitely not one of those.”
He smiled. “I’m an Aries. So more like a ram than an elephant.”
“That doesn’t say much for us.”
“December 22 which makes you a Capricorn.”
“We’re not very compatible.”
“Zodiac signs aren’t everything.”
“Well considering my mother was an Aquarius and my father was a Leo…”
“They were in love and stayed that way.”
“Yeah but they didn’t stay together. They are not a couple to use as an example.”
“Neither are Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, or Heloise and Abelard. But yet they are the most notable couples in literature.”
“You do realize they all died, right? Are you trying to tell me something?”
“No. All I’m trying to say is love can be tragic and hard. Whoever said it was supposed to be easy was blowing smoke out of their ass.”
“Peter…”
“You’re not really seeing Darken, are you?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“Then why am I here instead of him?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you showed up on my doorstep with a cop as your escort. Why are we talking about this?”
“He likes you that I have to admit. I knew that back when we were together but you two don’t have that…vibe. It’s more tense than anything.”
“Peter…”
“You don’t want to be with him, Cass. Admit it.”
“You’re just trying to get me to say I want to be with you.”
“Do you?”
“That’s not the point we’re on right now.”
“You’re right. We were talking about if you were really seeing Darken or not.”
“As far as I know that fact hasn’t changed. Just because we’re not firmly shoved up each other’s asses doesn’t mean anything.”
“It’s fairly simple, Cass. If you like the guy, you’d want to be around him. From what I can tell, you can barely stand being near him.”
“You sound really jealous right now, you know that right?”
“I’m just telling you the truth.”
“Then why did Gwen say earlier that you were jealous?”
“My sister is just trying to get…”
“Us back together. I know. So are you, so is Bren, so is everybody.”
“Then why…?”
“Because I’m not as sure of you as I thought I was. Trust is a big factor in a relationship. And I don’t do what everyone else wants me to do. I do what I want.”
“Is that why…”
“No. You know exactly why we’re not together.”
We walked a little while longer in silence, taking a familiar turn off the track.
“You were wrong, you know.”
“About what?”
“I really was staying with Bren. The only time I was at my house was to get my laundry or to talk with Alma.”
“That’s…” I sighed. “That doesn’t mean…”
“The spell didn’t kick in until that morning we slept on the couch. I woke up with this feeling that I was in the right place but not with the right person. When I tried to convince myself that you were the right person, the thought got wiped from my mind and was replaced with everything Ami. I didn’t want it to be that way, I swear. I tried to change it, tried to figure out what was going on but every time I got close…”
He wasn’t looking at me, he wasn’t really looking at anything. He was remembering, trying to find a way he could’ve fixed it. I felt—so bad for him. The ache in my heart got worse at seeing how lost he looked.
“Saturday, when I went back to Bren’s to get my stuff, he just watched me pack everything up, not saying a word. I could see the…distaste in his eyes, the absolute hate, but I couldn’t link it with anything. I didn’t know why he would be mad at me. He was—is—my best friend. He asked me why I didn’t just come get my stuff while he was at your house. I didn’t know the answer and I still don’t.”
“He knew. Bren’s at the point now where no one needs to explain anything to him.”
“Still,” Peter shook his head, “just as I was going out the door, he pulled me to a stop and said, ‘You’ll figure it out.’ Then he placed the…necklace in my hand. I knew it was yours but I kept trying to figure out why it was so important that you didn’t have it anymore. ‘It doesn’t work for her anymore’ that’s what he said to me. I handed it back to him telling him I didn’t want it. It didn’t mean anything to me. Somehow he slipped it around my neck and that’s where it stayed. I wanted to take it off but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Every time she tried, I would come up with an excuse for her not to.”
He stopped walking and looked at me, straight on.
“That’s how I knew, the second the spell wore off, that you still loved me. Because if you didn’t, the talisman wouldn’t have worked. It wouldn’t be as warm as it was.”
“It didn’t protect you,” I whispered and started walking again. “If it did, the spell would’ve been broken when Bren put it on you.”
“But it was working. The spell was getting weaker. Couldn’t you tell? In the woods, when we talked? I was—different. Later, Amber said the spell should’ve been good for months but by the time you brought the antidote, the spell was almost gone.”
“Then what the hell were you doing?” I demanded. “When I walked in…?” My insides became steel again. “That image is seared into my mind, Peter. If what you’re saying is true, then what the hell were you doing?”
My words had an affect, distressing him more than if I’d slapped him.
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I didn’t know what I was doing. For that whole week and the two days Bren was in detox it felt like I was someone else. Nothing mattered but her. I knew it was wrong, I knew that there was something not right about the situation. How could I feel that way about her when just days before I was so completely in love with you? But every time I would think about it, the thought would just fly out of my head. Like the time before waking up that morning didn’t exist at all.”
“Do you even know how love spells work, Peter?”
We’d made it to the tree house and we stood there in silence for a moment. I was waiting for his answer but he appeared to be thinking over my question and considering going up. I didn’t actually think he would since the last time we were here ended up in a yelling match. I tried to get through to him, he shrugged me off like a bug. Us being here wasn’t helping him any.
“You said…”
I waved my hand to cut him off. “Love spells take away inhibitions, makes small truths into big ones, makes love…” I wiggled my fingers in the air, “disappear. There’s numerous other things, too many to list, but you were in full control of your actions, Peter. You can’t blame the spell for any of them. What you said, can be chalked up to the spell but your actions…”
“I know what I did. I have full memory of it and no, I’m not proud of it. Any of it. I can’t change it…you know that.”
I chose to change the subject. Because where we were going with it, I didn’t want to go.
“Look, I’m freezing. Can we just…”
“I’m not ready to go back yet. I want to talk about this, all of it. Now.” He pointed up. “Coming?”
“No, Peter. No. I don’t…”
He started climbing and I stood down there with my hands on my hips. There was no way I was going up there. He had to be insane if he really thought I would.
“Peter!” Since it was dark I could barely see him. “Peter!”
“Why are you whispering?” He flicked on the light and looked down at me through the door. “You’re not going to disturb anyone.”
“Come back down. Please?”
He shook his head and moved away from the door. He was doing this on purpose, I could feel it. The fact that I heard him laughing softly confirmed it. I very carefully climbed up but stood so just my head was poking through the floor.
“Peter…”
“Come on.” He reached down and gripped me under the arms. “We need to talk without prying ears around. If we went to either of our houses, including Bren’s, someone would be listening. This is the only place we have that’s warm and to ourselves.”
I let him pull me up even though I didn’t need him to. He didn’t cross lines but he sure knew how to push the envelope to its limits. I sat over by the heater while he took up residence on the pallet. From what it looked like, someone had changed out the blankets and put down an actual mattress along with some new fuzzy…warm…
I shook my head, trying not to get drawn in by this place and the meaning that went along with it.
“You know you’d be much warmer…”
“No.”
“So you’re going to stay over there the whole time?” I nodded. There was no way he’d wear me down on this one. “Do you at least want a blanket then?”
“I don’t know. Is it laced with anything that will make me forgive you?”
He fought off the smile that was threatening to take over his face. “No and I promise I’m not lying.”
“Then I’ll take you at your word.”
He got up and brought over a blanket, settling on the other side of the corner from me. His brown eyes were calm and warm, swirling with the little red specks…
“Stop it.”
“What?”
“That—sultry eye thing you’re doing. It’s not going to work. I’m not some unsuspecting new girl anymore. You can’t draw me in just by giving me the doe eyed, sexy look.”
“You’re reading far more into it then you should.”
“No I’m not. I know why you conned me up here.”
“You said you were cold…”
“We saw my father off. There’s no one…”
“Yes there is. Erik keeps a firm watch over you. Not that I blame him.” He looked at his hands which were propped up on his knees. “He’s doing what I should’ve done.”
“Which is—what?”
“Protecting you.” He continued to look at his hands where he was picking at the cuticles. “Instead I was falling for a love spell.”
“You’re not the only one it’s happened to. I’ve seen bigger, manlier guys then you fall under a love spell.”
“I should’ve listened to you. You knew she was up to something and I just marked it up as…”
“Jealously?” I finished for him when he showed no signs of it. “Well, since we’re being honest,” I sighed, “I was jealous. I didn’t want her protecting you. I thought it was my job.”
He looked at me, his fingers forgotten for now.
“I would—I really wish I could take those moments back. I wish I hadn’t put on that necklace…”
“Can’t change the past,” I said quietly.
He frowned. “Why did you say it like that?”
Suddenly I found the hem of the blanket very interesting. The conversation was drifting back to where it was before he climbed up here and I really didn’t want to go there…
“What don’t you want to tell me?”
I looked up at him. “You shouldn’t read my mind. You might not like what you find.”
“What do you mean?” I dropped my eyes again and did everything I could not to think about it. But I knew when you didn’t want to think about something, you always managed to think about it, on some level. “Cass…”
“There’s something you don’t know about your sister,” I said carefully.
“There’s probably a lot I don’t know about Gwen. We stopped sharing everything when we hit puberty.”
I nodded, pursing my lips in thought.
“What particularly don’t I know?”
“You know how—when Bren was…detoxing, I saw something fishy about his memories. I’ve already talked to him about it and he’s aware it’s happened. But it was hazy and I wasn’t sure…I’m going about this the wrong way.”
“My sister’s done some pretty crazy things but she…”
“You’re right.” I nodded vigorously. “Let’s just forget it…”
“No. Go ahead and tell me. I don’t want you to think you can’t share things with me.”
I cocked my head to the side and tried not to read to far into that. There were a ton of things I didn’t want to share, like what happened with Bren in the attic…
“The incident was just something else he forgave her for. It’s not that big of a deal but…let me just say that if you knew how long a list he has concerning your sister and forgiveness, you’d think he was a saint. Some of the things she’s done makes what happened between us look like a five year old’s tea party.”
“What are you saying, exactly?”
“Remember the movie “Push”? I think we watched it—a month ago.”
He nodded hesitantly when he remembered. “Are you trying to tell me that…”
“Your sister tried to push the memory of what happened the night in the woods out of his head. The reason why he can’t really remember why they fought in the first place is in result of the push she tried.”
Peter’s eyes got wide. “I’m pretty sure he remembers that night with extreme clarity.”
“He does, like I said. Gwen didn’t know what she was doing but he caught on real fast. She hasn’t tried it since, at least not on him. Actually,” I scrunched up my face, “I think she tried it on me today. Didn’t take though.”
“Ok press pause for a second. When did she try it on you?”
“During the deposition. She said she was going to do what ever she could to get us back together.”
He waved his hand in dismission. “That’s just Gwen being…well, Gwen. She’s bossy. You know this. Why are you bringing this up?”
I propped my elbow on my knee and waited for him to piece it together. When he did, he tilted his head to the side and got up. He was upset now and I didn’t know why. I’d clearly touched a nerve, a nerve I didn’t know was exposed to begin with.
“Cass…”
“I already know you can. You already know you can. You were just surprised to hear Gwen can too. That doesn’t explain the underlying distress though…”
“Why does it feel like sometimes we are having two separate conversations when we talk?”
I smiled. “Because we are.” I looked down at the hem again and that pesky loose thread caught my attention again.
“You know…”
“I’m not telling a death truth. So technically I’m not using my powers. I’m just telling the truth of the present. That comes without me doing anything. I know you can push out the memory of me walking in on you just like I know you want to. But you won’t because that’s the type of person you are. My question is why haven’t you? You could do it, change my memory of that night just like you could take the memory of us having this conversation to cover your tracks.”
“I would never do that to you. I want you to forgive me on your own, not because I made it that way.”
I looked up at him, unwavering. “What if I asked you to?” That look of complete surprise was back on his face.
“Cass…”
“I know what you’re thinking, even though telepathy isn’t my gift but I have enough bad memories to last me a lifetime. I don’t want to remember you like that. And it would make—forgiving you so much easier and I really, really want to forgive you, Peter. I do but that one thing stops me dead in my tracks everytime.”
I was just surprising him left, right, and center tonight. He plopped down in front of me, an audible, soft thunk. The stare he was giving me was a little unnerving but I knew he wasn’t trying to get in my head. My mother told me I would know, without a doubt, if someone was trying that.
“The first time I pushed I did it to Alma.”
That was a completely blunt statement. He didn’t really need to say anything other than that. Our powers aren’t supposed to work on other witch lines, just our own and on normal people. The fact that Peter could read my mind was rare. The fact that Bren could do what he could when it concerned me wasn’t unheard of because our lines used to be one and the same.
But the fact Peter could…
“She told me it was a weak push but I shouldn’t have been able to do it. I was eight and I hadn’t even come into my powers yet. She’d just made a fresh batch of her caramel chocolate chip cookies. She told us they were for after dinner and not even to try stealing one. My sister and I used to think we could fool her because she looks so old but she’s sharp as a thumbtack. You can imagine how surprised she was when she found herself handing one over to me with three hours till dinner.”
“I thought the push was…”
“It was a weak attempt.” He nodded. “She gave one to me anyways and then for the next three hours she lectured me about the consequences of pushing.” He reached over and very gently took my hand.
He’d never pushed his thoughts into my head before and I could see why. It started as a hard pressure until the barrier burst and he broke through. He’s showed me images before but those weren’t forced. That was more along the lines of his mind opening to mine. It was a weird feeling nonetheless, having two people in my head.
I can’t do that to you.
I didn’t like it and after he said his one sentence he was gone. The memory of busting in on him was still there so I knew he didn’t take anything. Not that I thought he would.
“In the off chance of making your opinion of me worse, I should tell you that I used to use persuasion and pushing all the time. There’s a how to the long track record I have. I never pushed for anything…” I nodded so he wouldn’t have to say it. “Let’s just say I wasn’t lacking in dates for Friday or Saturday night after I hit thirteen and my parents allowed me to date. But then something happened that made me understand why the magic I was using shouldn’t be used so cavalierly. It’s a lesson I never want to relearn and I know if I do it again, even on you, I’ll keep doing it until something happens again.
“It’s an invasion, Cass. I know what you saw was horrible and I know you would give anything now not to have seen it and I do too but it happened. I would give anything at this point to move passed it but I’m not going to push you, in the physical form or mental. Please don’t ask me to.”
“Ok,” I whispered.
He tried to take his hand back but I held on to it. I was never afraid of his powers before and I wasn’t about to let him believe I was now. We were always open and honest with each other before and I couldn’t—punish him now. If I did, I ran the risk of him never being honest with me again. Lying was something I didn’t want, not from him. Ever.
“You don’t think horribly of me, do you?”
“No. I’m sure every adolescent boy’s dream is to ‘charm’ a girl into dating him. You were no different.”
“You’re laughing at me.”
I couldn’t help the smile that lit up my face. “Oh…it’s not so bad. It just tells me something about you.”
“Like?”
“Can’t you read my mind?”
“Cass…”
“I knew you had flaws but it’s nice that you’re actually admitting to them, opening up a little. Normally you’re this righteous, by the books, closed up—type…”
“How has anything about us been by the rules? And you know many of my flaws. I haven’t been perfect…”
Just as I was about to launch into how he had been the perfect boyfriend before Amber walked into the picture, there was a loud crack from outside. And the whole tree house shook.