8/4/15
"UGH, I CAN'T believe you're leaving," I groan as I stand in the entryway of my house with Hayley and her bag lying by my feet.
I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her in close. She chuckles as her arms do the same to me.
"I'll see you in less than a week!" she says with a smile as she pulls away.
I nod. "I know, I know," I concede. "But I'll still miss you," I say with a small shrug.
"Same G," she admits to me.
"Thanks for coming again," I say as I pull at her duffel before handing it over to Hayley. I needed my best friend more than I even knew after my awful fall out with Bailey, and even the other night with Cale. She is my rock, and I love her for that.
"Anytime," she says as if it's nothing. "I loved getting to meet everyone," she tells me earnestly.
I roll my eyes jokingly. "You mean Chase," I tease.
Hayley shakes her head. "Chase is a cutie, but for some reason I wasn't feeling it," she says with the scrunch of her nose.
"Maybe you weren't his type," I say with a smirk.
She tosses her long hair over her shoulder and throws me one of her million dollar smiles. "Please Gray," she says with a raised brow. "I'm everyone's type."
I laugh though I know she's speaking the truth. She is what every guy wants, and she usually gets what she wants. I shove her shoulder with mine lightheartedly. "Alright it's time for you to leave now."
Hayley tosses her hand over her chest in feign shock. "What happened to the friend that was already missing me just a few minutes ago?"
"You know I love your crazy ass," I tell her.
She winks. "I know."
She pulls me in for one last hug, but not before whispering, "Four days and the wedding is over and you never have to see him again."
I pull back with a sigh at the thought of Cale. "Four days," I repeat.
"Focus on the future. Focus on Max," she urges. "Gray, you deserve to be happy."
"Do I?" I ask with a scoffing breath hating the doubt that weighs on my conscience daily.
Hayley's hand lands on my shoulder as her eyes meet mine. "More than anyone I know," she says quietly before grabbing her bag and walking out the front door.
* * * * *
"Where are we going?" I question as Cale's hand rests in mine. His fingers lace through my own as we continue to head down the beach.
The water washes up against our feet in a warm greeting as we make our way down the beach. The sky and air around us is pitch black besides the spotlight of the moon cast beside us. The stars shine brightly, and the darkness surrounds us making me feel nervous. Nervous and excited, because the summer is drawing to a close and I want Cale.
I want him to know how I feel, in every single way possible.
"I know a secret little place," Cale simply comments.
"Is this where I find out you're a serial killer?" I joke wryly with a small smirk touching my lips.
Cale let's out a breathy laugh. "Yup, you got me," he responds with the same teasing tone of my own.
I love the way he plays back. I love our banter. God, I love him way too much. But I can't do anything to change that now. I'm too far gone to stop myself from loving him now.
We continue to stroll down the beach as silence wraps around us. But it's not uncomfortable. It's the exact opposite, because it's perfect and calming and everything I feel when Cale has his arms around me.
My eyes are focused on the dark waves rolling up onto the shore when Cale stops walking causing me to pause as well.
I turn to face Cale when I notice the small cave. I drop his hand as I walk forward to the large opening. I run my hand over the smooth rock, and bend down to squat and look into the cave. A plaid blanket lays on top of the soft sand that fills the small rock cavern as well as a few flashlights and pillows.
I stand up and walk the few steps back to Cale.
"What do you expect to happen tonight?" I question with a raised eyebrows.
His face flushes red as embarrassment laces through him. Cale is never embarrassed, far from actually. He is always confident and filled with an ease that even I am jealous of at times. It makes me want to laugh at his sudden shyness.
He rubs a hand down the back of his neck as he continues to turn into a tomato. "No," he sputters out. "I just wanted to do this, I don't know..." he trails as if he's unable to find words. "Nothing has to happen—"
I place my hands on his chest as I rub my thumbs lightly against his heated skin efficiently cutting off his words. "What if I want something to happen," I say as my voice rasps out.
Cale's eyes immediately turn a shade darker as his eyes lock on mine. I want Cale more than anything, more than I've wanted anyone ever, and that should scare me. But it doesn't. It just makes me feel even more needy. We've been messing around all summer, and I'm ready. I'm beyond ready for him, beyond ready for every part of Cale Hasting.
"Gray," he whispers my nickname. It has never sounded more perfect then when he says it. "We don't have to do anything you don't want—"
But I again cut him off as my hands rise to lightly wrap around his neck. "I want everything," I whisper as I take a step closer. My nails graze down his neck loving he way his body trembles against mine. "I'm ready," I breathe as my thumbs reach out to trace over his perfect lips.
God, I want him.
"Do you want me?" I question as my body brushes against his. The air around us fills with a humid heat, and suddenly it's hard to breathe and all I want is the untamed electricity that courses between us. The electric touch that has surrounded us every single day, the fire that I don't want to put out because in the flames I feel at home with Cale. I thrive in his wild flares, because they make me feel alive. Because he makes me feel alive.
He leans in so that his nose grazes mine, and his hands fall to my waist to draw me in even closer. Cale shakes lightly under my touch, and I love the way he's trying to gain his control as it slowly leaves him.
Because that's how I've felt every day since I've met this man. Out of control, on fire, and filled with a thirst only Cale can quench.
"Fuck yes," he growls out and suddenly we are moving backwards towards the cave. "I want you Grayson, more than anything," he continues as he pushes us back even further.
We fall onto the blanket of the stone fort that covers us, and Cale falls next to me.
His chest rises and falls quickly as if he can't catch his breath around me. His eyes flickering from my lips, to my eyes, to my chest, and everywhere in-between like he can't get enough. His hands then grip my wrists and push them up so they lie above my head. "Always you," Cale whispers into my ear making me shiver. "It's only you," he says again as his lips fall against the skin of my neck.
I want to tell Cale that I love him. Tell him that I love him so much, even without seeing a dumb shooting star. But I'm too scared so instead I break away from the hold Cale's hands have on me, and tangle them into his hair and crash my lips against his.
If I can't tell him that I love him, I can at least show him.
And that I do, all night long.
I open my eyes as my breathing begins to slow from the memory that attacked me out of nowhere.
Out of every moment I had with Cale, this is the one I hate to remember the most. The moment I showed him how much I loved him. The moment I gave him every last part of my body and heart. I bared my all to him, and only hours later he decided to crush me in a way that I didn't know was possible. I knew hearts broke, but I didn't know one's soul could as well.
I pull the fleece blanket around my arms even tighter in attempts to sooth myself. I cast my gaze upon the sky and focus on the stars as if the sky can give me answers.
Cale's words the other night wrecked me in a way everything else he ever said or did never had. He tells me he loves me, tells me that it was his father's idea to break up with me, tells me that he only wants me, and yet four years ago if he had told me any of this I would've found a way to work through it with him.
But now I have to push him away and regain my focus as Cale's words once again tear through my heart like a knife.
Max is everything I need to move on, and here I still am letting Cale get to me. I don't understand why I can't get him out from under me, why we are attached, and why my heart just won't let go.
My eyes continue to watch the sky as if I'm looking for something, and then that something comes to me. As if the gods above heard my unknown plea for my secret needs.
My skin breaks out in small bumps, and my heart stops beating as a flash of light burns across the midnight sky.
A small gasp falls from my lips as my heart beats faster and faster just for that single instant. That's the moment tears fill my eyes. I've waited years to see a shooting star, so many long years, and I finally see one. Finally. Years to feel something, anything from a burning flying star, and it's dumb to still want to see it. But I have, I waited and waited to see if this millisecond would affect my life. And it has.
I hate to say it, but Cale was right. My body feels alive, my soul aches for more of this fleeting magical moment. It feels like everything, it feels like life...it feels like love.
I don't know how to take all these emotions that flood my body. But as I close my eyes all I can see is that vivid flash of light that filled the dark night and scarred my memories as well as my heart.
A ringing sound fills the air and my eyes fly open to see my phone buzzing on the table next to me. Max's name flashes across the screen and that's when I know.
My heart sinks and the tears that once filled my eyes begin to run down my cheeks.
I shake my head and I let the phone go to voicemail as angry sobs shake through my body.
"Why, why, why, why, why?" I whisper over and over again as salty drops fall into my shirt dampening my clothes.
"Why can't you be the one?" I ask as my eyes watch the sky hoping to find another answer. But I know that I won't, I know this is it.
I know that it's all over.