8/1/15
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
My knuckles rap against Bailey's bedroom door three times. I tuck a single strand of hair behind my ear as I rock between my heels. Nervousness flutters it's way through my chest as I stand outside of my sister's bedroom door.
"Come in!" I hear my sister's voice call out.
I push the door open to see my sister sitting at her vanity as she curls her dark hair. Bailey's eyes meet mine briefly before focusing on her hair once more. "You look good," I comment as I shut the door behind myself and take a few steps into her room. Tonight is my sister's bachelorette party and we all decided to do little black dresses.
"Thanks," Bailey mumbles in response.
I take a gentle seat on the edge of her bed as she continues to fix her hair and ignore me.
"So," I pause dragging out the single syllable word. "Ask me," I tell her as I play with the hem of my dress anxiously. I don't know if she will go along with what I'm going to do, but I hope she does. Sorry isn't enough for Bailey, I have to show her.
Bailey pauses with her hair as her eyes meet mine in the mirror with a slight puzzled squint.
"Ask you?" she questions slowly.
"Yes," I agree. "Ask me," I state.
"Ask you what?" she asks still confused as to what I'm going on about.
"About Max," I say like it's obvious. "I think I'm falling for him..." I trail as my heart speeds up at my own words. "So ask me about him and our kiss, and he even met mom and dad—"
Bailey's body immediately flips as the curler hits the desk. "Wait, when did he meet them?" she shouts in shock.
"Almost a month ago," I tell her.
"A month?" she exclaims with wide eyes.
I shrug. "You've been busy with the wedding, and I don't know," I say more to myself than her. "It was a step, but I was still scared," I admit.
"And now?" she probes as she stands up from her vanity and comes and sits next to be on her plush bed.
A smile breaks across my lips at the thought of those green eyes and his hands on my hips. "I like him," I whisper. "A lot, and I didn't think it would go anywhere but—"
"It is!" Bailey squeals finishing my sentence.
I nod as her excitement begins to rub off on me.
"And the kissing?" she asks next.
A light blush coats my face and neck in heat.
"Oh, so that good?" she smirks with raised eyebrows.
"He's almost too perfect," I joke with only a slight edge of seriousness.
Bailey sits back against her pillows as she runs her hands down her tight dress. "That's how I feel about Cale," she says quietly almost like she's embarrassed to bring up his name.
"Good," I say as her eyes snap up to meet mine. "Because you are perfect, and you deserve nothing less Bai," I express.
Before I know it her arms are around my neck as she pulls me into her fluffed and curled hair tightly.
"I've missed you so much Gray," she says with tears laced in her voice.
I clutch onto her just as tightly. "I will never not tell you anything again Bai," I state. "And Hayley and I might be close, but she will never be you," I emphasize." And I don't want her to be because you are my sister and you are amazing."
"I love you Gray," she says pulling me in tighter if that's even possible.
"Love you more Bai," I respond.
* * * * *
"DRINK!" Hayley shouts over the loud music at the bar as we all down our tequila shots. My throat burns from the liquor, but the juice of the lime bursts through my taste buds and soothes the fire in my throat.
I giggle with the lime in my mouth as all the ladies cheer with victory for taking their shots like champs.
Bailey stumbles over with her bedazzled sash and flashing penis crown, and falls into me as she gives me a big hug. "Let's do more shots," she mumbles as her words slur slightly.
I shake my head as a smile lifts the edges of my lips. I push her up so that she is facing me and make sure her eyes meet mine. I can always tell how drunk Bailey is by how glazed over her eyes are in that moment. And by the state of her big blue eyes now she's right on the verge of throwing up.
"How about you drink some water and then dance some first," I tell her. "And then we can have more shots, deal?" I ask as a smile coats my lips.
Her head bobs in agreement as I grab one of my glasses of water from earlier off of the bar, and hand it to my sister. I make her down the whole glass before I hand her off to one of her friends from school, and they start dancing like their life depends on it.
Every single set of male eyes is on my sister, her friends, and Hayley. They watch eagerly as my hot friends run their hands down their bodies and shake their asses like it's their job. But as my eyes flick to the side there are just one pair of jungle green eyes that are locked on me and me only.
I walk over to Max and slide right between his bent legs as he sits on a stool at a small table. His eyes watch me carefully as I slowly bite my bottom lip and begin to drag my nails lightly across his jean-clad thighs. I lean in to place a small kiss at the corner of his pink lips, lingering just enough to feel his mouth smile from under mine. He smells incredible and I can't help but want him even more.
"You're drunk," he sings as I pull back so that our noses graze each other.
"I'm the perfect drunk," I counter with a smirk and another graze of my nails. I can see his green eyes turn darker as his hands snake their way around my waist.
"I'm not sure there really is a perfect drunk," he plays as his hands flex and tighten around my waist making me fall between his legs even more. With his body flush against mine I can really feel how much he wants me at this moment, and it makes me feel wild with this sudden need.
"Oh, there is," I confirm as my lips brush his.
A small groan leaves his lips as my body brushes up against his in the most delicious of places. "Do you want me?" I question teasingly.
"More than anything," he answers immediately as one of his hands drop to push behind the fabric of the skirt of my dress. His thumb brushes against my bare skin causing me to let out a small involuntary whimper.
My skin tingles with need as his thumb continues to circle my naked and flushed skin.
"What do you want to do to me?" I ask as I push my teasing to another level. I know I want Max, but in another way I love the teasing and the tension that is between us even more. I'm afraid of what will happen once we take it to the next level. I have been with other guys here and there, but I've only ever slept with one person that I had actual feelings for and it ended in a broken heart. But I know Max, and I'm falling for him. Max wouldn't hurt me...would he?
Once again doubt weaves its way through my body and I hate it, I hate everything about it.
"Grayson," he groans as his eyes fall to my lips tearing me away from the thoughts in my head. "I want to drag you into the bathroom and do so many things to you," he growls as his hand rises even higher under my dress making me shudder against his rough fingertips.
"Then why don't you?" I say as a single finger brushes the zipper on his jeans triggering him to push his hips lightly into my hand on reflex.
Max shakes his head at my words and grabs my hand to stop my teasing movements against him. I lick my lips and smirk as his dark eyes meet mine his hold tightens on my wrist making my breath stutter in excitement. He is so close to breaking and I want him to break, I want him to feel as out of control as he makes me feel. Every emotion I feel for him scares me, and Max always seems so calm and collected and perfect. But I don't want perfect right now. In this moment I need some wild.
"I can't," he states simply.
"Why?" I ask with raised eyebrows.
"Because Grayson," he starts. "You're drunk and this is your sister's bachelorette party and I'm just here to DD," he pauses. "Nothing more tonight."
"Why nothing more," I question again.
His hand is now completely under my dress, but we are so hidden in the corner that no one notices our forbidden touching. His fingers brush against the lace on my hip as my body flushes with white-hot heat.
"Because I want you sober—"
I cut him off, "But I'm not that dru—"
I try and argue but he cuts me off with his words and with his hand sliding around my bare hipbone making me wish he would drop his hand further and release the ache that has been growing steadily all night.
"I want you to feel everything I want to do to you Grayson," he breathes against my lips. "Every touch of my hands on you, and everywhere I want to kiss you" he rasps as his lips moves to graze against my neck making me tremble. "I don't want alcohol to cloud your head when we're together Grayson, I want you there with me completely."
"So you do want me?" I ask quietly as his lips brush my collarbone.
"I want every single part of you under me, on top of me, in the shower..." he lists as he nips at my neck playfully making a small giggle falls from my lips.
"Okay," I agree simply.
"Okay," he replies with a bright smile on his handsome face. "Now go dance with your sister and have the best night, I'll be right here ready for when you want to leave," he says as he takes a sip of the beer he's been nursing all night.
I bring my lips to his and kiss him lightly though my body urges me to push it further, but I don't. I keep the kiss light and playful as my hands circle his neck and taste the slight whisper of beer on his tongue. His hands is out from under my dress and brings them both to my waist as he tugs me closer to his warm body.
He pulls away after a few minutes but not before placing a few more pecks on my tingling lips.
"Go dance," he tells me with a small slap on the ass making me laugh.
"Only if you watch," I play with a wink.
Max smirks. "Wouldn't want to look anywhere else."
My body buzzes as I walk to the middle of the bar and dance until I can't dance anymore with my best friend and my sister.
* * * * * *
"Thanks again for tonight," I tell Max as he helps me put Bailey into bed upstairs.
"No problem at all," he says with a wave like it was nothing. But it was everything. He hung out with a bunch of drunk women all night, and stayed sober to drive us. He then helped me put Bailey and Hayley to bed as they were pretty gone by the end of the night.
I know I definitely don't deserve Max, but I'm too selfish to let him go at this point. We walk downstairs towards the front door as Cale staggers in and my whole body goes cold instantly at the site of him.
It's as if my two worlds are colliding and I don't know how to respond or feel in this moment.
It's been a while since our last conversation about me telling Bailey about our past. And ever since then it's been even more awkward because with Bailey aware of our past he's kept his attention far away from me. I haven't minded the time away though, because it meant time for me to spend with Max and focus on him and only him without fear of the past.
"Hi," I mumble hoping to just bypass him and continue to avoid him until I leave after the wedding.
But Max has another idea instead. "Hey man, Cale right?" he checks as Cale nods in response. "I'm Max, nice to meet you," he says as puts a hand out to shake Cale's hand.
Cale stares at Max's hand for a few long seconds before placing his hand in his and returning his shake.
Ugh, why does Max have to be such a nice guy?
"Nice to meet you too," Cale responds. His voice is even, though his eyes are narrowed in on Max.
"Did you have your bachelor party tonight also?" Max asks.
Cale nods as he stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his worn jeans. Jeans that make me think of that summer, so I quickly avert my gaze and focus on the profile of Max. "Yeah, fun night," Cale simply responds.
Max nods. "Cool, well have a good night," he says as he places his hand in mine and we walk out the front door together.
We reach Max's car and I place my hands on his cheeks and kiss him lightly. I pull back to look into his perfect eyes and can't help the small smile that pulls across my face at the sight of him. "Thank you so much for tonight," I say quietly as if we are in our own bubble.
He places a lingering kiss to my lips in return. "I'll always be here Grayson," he replies easily as he repeats his promise to me.
Max pulls away with one last peck to the lips before he heads to the drivers side of his car and slides in. I toss him a wave and one last look before I skip up the steps and into the front entryway with a huge smile plastered across my lips.
"So that's Max," Cale comments as I close the front door behind me.
And just like that the bubble Max created for me is popped and my smile drops.
My bottom lip folds into my mouth as I itch to run away from Cale and put some much needed distance between us. He's been drinking, and so have I, and last time we mixed those two ingredients we both ended up making a huge mistake.
But that won't happen again. I refuse to let that happen again.
"Yeah, that's Max," I curtly comment back.
I start to head to my room when a hand shoots out to stop me. A hand I know too well.
I rip my arm away and without looking back I say, "Leave me alone."
"Gray," he sighs quietly.
"No," I say harshly while keeping my gaze forward on my bedroom door.
I hear another sigh slip between his lips before I hear his footsteps retreat away from me towards the living room. I can hear the squeak of the hardwood floors, and the sound of his body sinking into the lush sofa, as I stand frozen in relief that he walked away.
Cale walked away, which means so can I.
I didn't fall into his trap or his gaze or his warmth. I get to walk away and continue to focus on my relationship with Max. I get to focus on my happiness.
My hand reaches for the doorknob when Cale says, "I never wanted to leave you."
He says it so quietly. So under his breath, that I almost didn't hear him. I wish I didn't hear him.
My body flips around to face the living room where Cale sits.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I barely breathe out.
His eyes meet mine as his drunken body sinks further into the couch. "It wasn't my idea," he starts. "My dad—"
I raise a hand to cut him off. "I can't hear this Cale," I whisper as my heart clenches between pain and anger and a small piece of hope even slips in. And that hope angers me even more.
Suddenly his body stumbles to a stand and he makes his way over to me, as I stand motionless. As he saunters forward my back hits the door I once believed I would walk through and leave Cale behind, and yet here I am.
His body sways in front of me as the smell of hard liquor and his cologne engulf me in a haze of confusion.
"He found out," he starts referring to his father. "He said you were too young, and the image was bad for the business, and he threatened to take away my inheritance and I was young and stupid—"
"Stop!" I whisper yell at him as I shove my hands against his hard chest.
He pushes forward so that his hands hit the door behind me and encase my head as his eyes flicker up and down my face. "No, Gray you have to know I've always loved you," he urges as his blood shot eyes meet mine. "And that I want you and I made a mistake," he rambles on as his body barely grazes mine.
Tears prick my eyes as my breathing becomes short and filled with anger and uncertainty at his words. My eyes close tightly because I can't stand to look at his face anymore. I can't listen to his lies anymore. I can't listen to him tell me he loves me anymore, I can't listen to anything from him anymore. Because if I do I will fall for what can never happen.
"Gray, it's you and it will always be—"
My eyes fly open finally. "No!" I say once again shoving him in the chest, this time harder.
He tries to grab at my hands, but I pull away.
"No, it isn't me and it never will be," I say forcefully. "You're engaged to my sister and you need to leave me the hell alone," I growl out before I tear into my room and slam the door shut behind me.
I have to stay away from Cale. I have to keep my distance or I will let him break me. I will let him ruin my progress and ruin what I have with Max for one last touch. One last kiss. Cale is my weakness, and I have to stay away to keep my strength.
Tears fill my eyes completely now as I sink to the floor against the door. I pull my legs into my arms and hold them close as I try and comfort myself from the confusion and anger that laces through me.
"Gray, are you okay?" Hayley says sleepily as I hear the rustling of sheets from my bed.
"No," I cry out as sobs wreck through my body and Hayley flies out of bed to wrap her arms around my body.
Why does he always make me feel so much? He makes me feel too much and I hate it.
I hate him.
Except I don't hate him, and that makes me hate myself even more.