Thursday Morning, 1st Week of August, Winnipeg, MB, Canada
Samantha had been home for almost two weeks. She had loved her trip to Gillette with the boys and the time that they had spent together only drew her closer to them. But again, now that she was away from them, the questions and doubts started to surface.
It didn't help that the combined bible study that she had been doing with the college and careers group had been talking about godly marriages. While she knew at the beginning of the summer that that was the topic, she hadn't realized that a few of the specific studies were going to deal with polygamy. She would have almost thought that someone knew about what was going on in her life and was trying to say something about it, but she knew that her friends wouldn't do something so underhanded as that.
Another thought would have been that God was answering her prayers about what she should do with her feelings for both Josh and Jake, but she didn't figure that that was the answer either. So far they had been discussing what was wrong with the polygamous relationships, but as she had pointed out in just this past week's study, the flaw in the relationship had actually been how the husband had treated both his wives. Even if he had had only one wife, if he had treated her the same way, he would not have treated her like a godly wife. To her, that point meant something, but she just wasn't sure of the significance of it yet.
Samantha came in from her morning run to find her mother waiting for her in the kitchen. Her mother held out a glass of room temperature water for her in one hand and a fruit smoothie that Samantha had started drinking after her workouts in the other.
"I just received a phone call from Sharron," her mother started as she took the empty water glass from Samantha. "She was calling to invite us to a girl's day today. It seems like she is coming into the city today with Lily and Sherry to do some back-to-school shopping and beauty appointments."
Samantha smiled as she moved over to the table with her smoothie. She had been able to increase her distance this morning in her run and was starting to feel it. She sat down and tried to hide her joyfulness. Lily and her had been talking about this trip for almost a week. Initially Sharron had wanted to bring Cheryl into the city with them, but for some reason Lily didn't want that to happen. She had been working on her mother for a few days to try to stop her from inviting Cheryl along.
Barb looked at Samantha and tried to hide her smile. "Well...?"
Samantha looked up at her mother and swallowed her mouthful of smoothie. "That's sounds like a wonderful idea. It was nice of them to invite us. Did you say yes?" Samantha wasn't sure how to play this. Did she become all excited in hopes that her mother said yes or was she to low key her response in case her mother said no. She tried to keep her tone neutral and quickly filled her mouth back up with smoothie.
"Well, I had hoped that you would be more excited, but I did agree to the trip on Monday when she first called me." Barb started to laughed as Samantha's mouth popped open.
"Yuck, Gross, Samantha," called out her brother as he passed through the kitchen on his way to the basement family room.
Samantha quickly snapped her mouth shut, but it wasn't before some smoothie had escaped down the side of it. Her mother just laughed as she threw a damp dishcloth at Samantha so that she could wipe her face. "I guess that you are surprised and happy?"
Samantha nodded as she wiped her face. She tried to quickly swallow while grinning. Finally her mouth was empty. "I'm so excited. I can't believe that you kept this from me." She jumped up from the table and ran to give her mother a big bear hug.
Her mother laughed and continued to hug her until..."Ugh, Samantha, maybe you should go take your shower now, hun. You really stink after your run and they will be here in an hour."
Samantha dropped her arms and pretended to glare at her mother. "Nice on mom. I don't stink. I smell of hard work and success-"
"No you really stink," called out her brother as he laughed from the basement.
"I think that you're smelling yourself, dear brother."
Barb just shook her head at the laughing banter between Samantha and her brother.
"So, what time will they really be here?" Samantha moved back to her seat at the table to finish her smoothie.
Her mother turned back to the sink to start on the breakfast dishes since it was her day to do them. "I wasn't kidding dear. Sharron called me from the truck stop halfway here. They will be here in about an hour."
Samantha jumped up with her smoothie in her hand and tore off down the hallway to her bedroom. "Thanks mom," she called out before she slammed her bedroom door shut.
Samantha snatched her toiletries with one hand and raced back to the bathroom. In her second hand she was still clutching her morning smoothie. She had the straw in her mouth and was busy sucking on it when she heard her mother's voice rang out. "Samantha, no running with a straw in your mouth."
Samantha nearly choked and was forced to spit the straw out of her mouth. She looked down the hall in amazement as she wondered how her mother always seemed to know when she was doing something dangerous and not right.
The more she thought about it, the more relieved she began to feel. Her mother always seemed to know and spoke her mind, so the fact that she hand really mentioned anything about her relationship with both Jake and Josh should mean that there wasn't anything wrong or dangerous with it.
She nodded her head in agreement with her thoughts even as she began to evaluate specific times that her mother had brought up how her relationship looked. She quickly pushed those memories down. She tried to rationalize why they didn't fit, but soon realized what she was doing.
She stopped in front of the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She gave herself a stern look. "Look missy, it doesn't matter if your mom has said anything or not. What truly matters is what God says and that should be all that you are thinking about." She nodded as if she agreed, but as she turned towards the tub, visions of her life without her boys in it flashed before her eyes.
Her knees buckled as she bent down to put the plug in. Her chest constricted and she found it difficult to breathe. Her hands grabbed at her chest as her knees continued to give way until she was sitting on her butt on the floor. Her breaths came in pants. She knew then, as the black spots started to swim in front of her eyes that she needed to slow her breathing.
In...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Out...
Two...
Three...
Four...
She hadn't had a panic attack like this in years. Thankfully she remembered what she needed to do. She continued to count out her breathing until the world stopped spinning and the black spots faded away.
She slowly rose to knees. She was thankful to find that the room did not tilt. She placed her hands on the side of the tub and pushed herself upright. She grabbed for the wall, but was thankful when didn't fall over. "That was a close one," she thought to herself.
She rested for a few minutes as she tried to decide what she should do. She had originally planned to take a bath to shave, but was it better to shower or bathe after a panic attack. She couldn't remember what the long ago therapist has said, probably nothing if she was being honest with herself since she had been too young to be worried about these types of things then.
She knew that she could ask her mother, but then her mother would baby her until she found out the reason for the attack. How could she explain to her mother that she had a panic attack about what her future would be like without Josh or Jake in it? She knew exactly how her mother would react...it would be the end of her time with Josh and Jake. Even though that was the very thing that was the cause, her mother would say that she was getting too close, becoming too dependent for their friendship to be healthy.
She reached into the tub and turned on the water. No matter which one she decided, the water would take a couple of minutes to warm up.
She backed up hesitantly until she was standing in front of the mirror again. She didn't want to look up and see her eyes round and fearful, but she remembered that her therapist had told her that she needed to look at herself when she spoke truths to herself.
She lifted her head and stared. Surprised to see that her eyes were normal in size in held no trace of fear in them. Even her skin, which should have been ghostly pale and with a light sheen of sweat on it, looked normal.
She smiled and told herself that everything was okay. She was going to talk with her boys that night; she could text them now as well.
She closed her eyes briefly and thanked God for bringing her safely through the attack. She thanked Him for her relationship with Jake and Josh, whatever it may be, and thanked Him for allowing this time of girl bonding between all the females of the three families.
As soon as she finished praying, she hopped into the bathtub without a second thought and started to get ready for her outing.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Samantha and Lily were reclining in the comfy chairs in the spa's lounge. They were waiting for the three adult women to finish their treatments before they all headed off for their mani pedis.
Samantha found herself drifting off to the sounds of the background music. The lounge was just the right temperature and after her relaxing massage, it was all just too potent of a combination. It didn't help that she was still adjusting back to trying to sleep by herself.
Sleeping with pillows wearing their shirts and smelling like them seemed to help some, but it wasn't quite enough. Samantha had been thinking about recording the boys as they slept the next time that she stayed the night with them. She hoped that by playing the recording while she tried to sleep would be the added missing element to send her off to dreamland.
Her breathing rate slowed and she felt herself drifting when she heard Lily's quiet voice.
"Samantha, have you ever had someone do something bad to you?" Lily looked at her fingers that were twisting around each other on her lap. She was too scared to look at Samantha; scared that one compassionate look would have her spilling her secrets...secrets that weren't ready to come out yet.
At the same time, she didn't want to look at Samantha's face in case her eyes were full of pity. Pity was the last thing that Lily wanted someone to feel for her. What had happened had happened. Some of it was out of her control, but other parts weren't. Either way, it didn't really matter because she was stuck living the consequences. Those consequences would just get bigger and devastating in nature once people knew.
Now was not the time, but soon...soon she wouldn't be able to keep her secrets, but she wanted to know if Samantha would be a safe person to tell them to.
Samantha slowly tried to relax her shoulders muscles that had immediately tightened with Lily's words. She kept her voice soft and quiet. "I have...have you?"
"Yes..."
Samantha waited. She prayed that Lily would continue and open up.
Lily bit her lip to keep from adding anything to her yes. She pulled her fingers apart from where they had been tightly clasped together. She stretched them out straight along her thighs. She started to rub them up and down her thighs. When she felt like she had some control again, she continued. "What did you do about it?"
Samantha sat up. She could hear the murmur of voices in the hallway getting closer to the lounge. She needed to respond to Lily with something that would let her know that Samantha was someone safe to talk to before the mothers came back in. "Lily, I always found someone that I could trust to talk to. It didn't matter if it was weeks or even years later. I just needed to tell someone."
The door to the lounge opened. The three moms walked in laughing and joking. Lily sat up and plastered a happy smile on her face while Samantha did the same thing.
Before the moms could ask the girls anything, their escort showed up to take them to the nail room. The moms exitted first. Lily and Samantha followed.
As Lily walked beside Samantha her hand grazed the back of Samantha's. "Thank you," she whispered before she lengthened her steps so that she could put her hands on her mother's shoulders.
Samantha smiled and continued to walk behind them. Each step with Lily was small, but she knew that one of these days Lily was finally going to spill the beans.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ladies finished with their spa appointments and headed out into the mall in search of the food court. They had decided on eating an early lunch before they tackled the stores.
Sherry and Samantha sat at the tables while the others went off in search of food. Samantha was pleased to see that Sherry was looking a little better than last time, but there still seemed to be something wrong. She had been praying for Sherry these past few weeks, but it had been just the night before at bible study that someone had said something that reminded her of Sherry.
There seemed to be no time like the present to ask Sherry so Samantha just jumped right in. "Sherry, do you think that your illness could be from being pregnant?"
Sherry looked at the concern in Samantha's eyes. "The thought had crossed my mind when I first got sick, but I have had my normal periods for the last two months. Besides that, after Bryan, I had an IUD inserted."
Samantha nodded in understanding, but the conversation last night kept playing in her mind. She turned face Sherry head on as she reached for one of Sherry's hands. "Last night at bible study, one of our newlyweds revealed that she was pregnant. It had come as a surprise when she visited her doctor after having been feeling unwell for the last month. She, too, had had a normal period, and she had an IUD."
Sherry sucked in her breath and tightened her grip on Samantha's hands.
"She told us how the doctor had said that pregnancies could still happen with an IUD as they could be dislodged so she always checked her female patients that came in feeling unwell for an unplanned pregnancy."
Samantha looked up to see shock and wonder cross Sherry's face. Samantha had been scared to say anything in case her wasn't her place, but she had felt an urging from God to speak.
Sherry's face broke out into a huge smile. She pulled Samantha into her for a hug. "Thank you Samantha," she said before giving Samantha a kiss on the cheek.
She pulled back from Samantha and reached into her purse for her phone."I had totally forgotten that my doctor had warned me about that possibility until you said it. I should have purchased that test weeks ago when Sharron suggested it."
She opened her phone and started to scroll through her contacts. "The good news is that my OB is here in the city. Don't say anything to the others." Sherry winked at her and then started talking on the phone to arrange an immediate visit.
The rest of their group returned to the table just as Sherry was putting her phone away.
Sharron looked at her concerned. "Was that the guys? Is everything alright?"
Sherry just nodded as she smiled. She gave Samantha a wink out of the corner of her eye. "It wasn't the guys. It was just an appointment that I needed to confirm. Samantha and I need to head out for a bit right now, but we will be back later to finish shopping with you."
She nodded to Samantha as she stood up from the table.
Barb looked on in curiosity. "We can all go with you."
Sherry looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile. "It's fine. Lily really needs some new clothes for this school year and my meeting will be quick. I really hope that you don't mind me bring Samantha, but I could really use her help. We should only be gone for 2-3 hours at the most."
Samantha gave her mother a pleading look. When her mother nodded, Samantha squealed. "Thanks mom. You're the best." She ran around the table to give her mother a quick squeeze and kiss on the cheek. "Make sure that you have lots of new clothes to show me later," she said to Lily before waving at the three of them staying behind.
Samantha and Sherry headed out of the food court towards the mall exit.
Barb looked around the table. "I wonder what that was all about?"
Lily and Sharron both shrugged their shoulders before Lily opened her mouth to take a bite of her food.
"I don't know, but knowing Sherry, she won't be able to keep it a secret for long. That is why she probably only took Samantha with her." Sharron shared a look with Barb before the two of them started to eat their lunches as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Sherry and Samantha were sitting in the waiting room of a busy OB clinic. Sherry had already checked in and given a urine sample. She had even seen the nurse to get the initial check up done. Now they were just waiting to see the doctor and to get the results.
Sherry's legs were bouncing as she sat in the seat. She didn't want to get her hopes up after all her difficulties conceiving and carrying Bryan, but she couldn't help it. She felt Samantha's hand rest on top of hers, stilling them. She looked up to see Samantha's beautiful smile.
"Sherry, are you sure you want me here with you? Wouldn't you have preferred Sharron or even Lily?"
Sherry was surprised to see the hints of vulnerability in Samantha's eyes. She turned her hands over until she could hold onto Samantha's hand. "Samantha, sweetheart, there is no one other than Jason that I would want here with me at this time. And even if Jason were here, I'd still want you, too."
Samantha smiled in relief. She hadn't had a lot of chances to get to know Sherry on her own, but what she did know, she really liked. While Sharron came across as more of a second mother, Sherry came across as an older sister. She felt like someone Samantha could confide in when she didn't want to share something with a mother, but still get that motherly advice if that made any sense.
"Sherry Ward"
Sherry stood up dragging Samantha up with her.
"Follow me." The doctor's assistant turned on her heel and walked off down the hall. Sherry and Samantha followed along behind. Sherry continued to hold Samantha's hand drawing strength and support even though Samantha knew nothing about Sherry's pregnancy history.
They had only been in the office for a few minutes when a woman about Sherry's age walked in wearing a white lab coat. She walked over and gave Sherry, who had stood up immediately, a hug. She stepped back and motioned for Sherry to take a seat. "I'm so glad to see you today Sherry, even for an emergency visit." The doctor's eyes sparkled and her smile lit up the room.
Sherry sat and stared. She wanted to speak, but couldn't. She was scared of what the doctor was going to say. She was so locked up in her own mind that she completely missed the doctor's smile. She blindly reached for Samantha's hand and squeezed.
The doctor looked between Samantha and Sherry. She knew what was going through Sherry's mind. "Sherry, your test came back positive. You are pregnant."
Sherry sat stunned. "A-a-are y-you sure?"
The doctor beamed as she nodded.
"B-b-but the IUD?"
"That is what we need to check on and then remove. We should also try to give you a due date since you told the nurse that you had been feeling unwell for about two months now." The doctor motioned for Sherry and Samantha to follow her through the connecting door into an exam room containing an ultrasound machine.
She motioned for Sherry to lay down on the exam table as she continued. "Why didn't you come in earlier? Has it been that busy that you couldn't come to the city or even take a pregnancy test at home?"
Sherry's cheeks started to color. She looked away from the doctor, too embarrassed to meet her friend's gaze. "I forgot what you said about the IUD until Samantha," —Sherry motioned to her causing Samantha's cheeks to redden like Sherry's— "reminded me that it was possible to still get pregnant."
The doctor started to laugh as she started to prepare the machine. "Sherry, don't worry about it. I will bug you about not remembering things that I say, but you aren't the first and you won't be the last lady to come through my doors saying that they forgot."
She turned and winked at Samantha. "So Samantha, since I know that Sherry has four boys and I've met Lily...I'm wondering which boy you belong to?"
Samantha's eyes popped open giving off a good impression of a deer stuck in the headlights.
The doctor laughed as Sherry chuckled while undoing her pants zipper and pulling things down in prep for the ultrasound. The doctor tucked in a towel to protect Sherry's clothes while they waited for Samantha to answer.
Sherry decided to help her out. "Samantha is a friend of both Jake and Josh. She lives here in the city so the three of girls came in to have a girl's day with Samantha and her mom."
"So Jake's huh?" The doctor raised her eyebrow at Sherry who shrugged her shoulders in return.
Samantha decided that she needed to rescue herself from the minefield. "Well, if you ask the families, Bryan would say that I'm his."
"Very true, Samantha. Very true." Sherry laughed along with the doctor.
The doctor picked up the ultrasound jelly. "Let's take a look at this baby, shall we." She squirted some jelly on Sherry's pelvis and placed the transducer on it.
All three of them looked at the TV screen. The doctor manoeuvred the wand around until she could see the things that she needed to. "Hmm. That's interesting."
Sherry looked at Samantha wondering if she could see anything in the picture. Samantha shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't at all familiar with pregnancy ultrasounds. In fact this was the first one that she had ever seen live. Prior to that she had seen pictures from some of the ladies at church, but they always had things labelled.
They both looked at the doctor expectantly.
The doctor smiled as she pointed to the screen. "This, here, is your displaced IUD," —she moved her finger— "and this is baby A while baby B is here."
Sherry gasped. Her mouth dropped open in amazement. She had needed some minor fertility drugs in order to get pregnant with Bryan so she never expected that she would be able to conceive without them. That itself was a miracle, but then to have two! She was blown away. Tears started to run down her face as the doctor put up a split screen revealing the two heartbeats.
Samantha reached out and held onto Sherry's hand. "Congratulations."
Sherry turned to her and beamed.
The doctor continued on with her examination and then carefully removed the IUD. She went over the warning signs, gave Sherry some prenatal vitamins, and then booked the follow up appointment.
Before they knew it Samantha and Sherry were heading back to the mall. Ultrasound pictures of baby A and baby B safely stowed in Sherry's purse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The five ladies returned to Samantha's house for an early meal before Sharron, Lily, and Sherry started on their two hour journey home.
Sherry had just finished filling her plate when she turned to Barb. "Barb, I was wondering if you would be agreeable to Samantha coming out to stay with us next week. There are back-to-back rodeos in Saskatchewan for the next few weeks."
Barb pursed her lips together. She was glad that Samantha had found such great new friends, but she had been travelling a lot. Granted she hadn't truly missed much work since she was filling in for others whenever she was back in town. It also wasn't like she had been ignoring her family. She was actually at home more this summer than she had been the previous summers.
"To be honest, we were going to travel next week to Saskatchewan to meet up with family for the next week or so as a family holiday."
Sherry finished the bite of food that she had put in her mouth. "That would work out beautifully. You could drop Samantha by the farm on your way. Then Samantha could come with us for the rodeo since we are bringing Josh with us. Your family could come watch the rodeo if they wanted. Then we could bring Samantha back home with us or the boys could bring her by where your family is for a day or two before turning home."
Sharron put down her water glass. She knew that Lily had been hoping that Samantha would be able to come with them for the second rodeo. Now was as good as time as any to ask. " Then Samantha could travel with us the following weekend to the second rodeo. We could then bring her home after that or if you are still in Saskatchewan, you could pick her up."
Samatha looked pleadingly at her mom. She liked to go and visit her relatives, but this would be so much better. Most of her older cousins would not be around for most of their visit due to jobs. That would have meant that Samantha would have been alone for most of her family's vacation and her mother in that.
Sherry could see that Barb was on the fence about letting Samantha come with them. "It would be a big help if she could be there with us." She looked at Samantha and smiled. "Samantha was with me today when we found out some exciting news...I'm pregnant. That's why I've been so sick."
The four ladies around the table, including Samantha, were overjoyed with the news. Sharron had to wipe away the tears that were running down her face. She knew how much this baby would mean to Sherry and Jason.
After congratulations had been shared and hugs had been given, they all sat back down at the table to resume eating.
Sherry picked up her fork, but didn't put any food on it. She looked again to Barb. "Samantha would be a big help since this pregnancy will be higher risk. I'm carrying twins."
Again congratulations were shared before they resumed eating. The next few minutes passed in silence. The only sounds were the scraping of utensils on plates as the women scooped up their food.
Finally Barb put down her fork. She smiled at her daughter. "Since Samantha would be on her own without her cousins for most of the week, I suppose that she could spend that time with you."
"Really?"
Barb nodded her head at Samantha's question.
Samantha stood up and squealed. She ran around the table to give her mom a large hug.
They spent the rest of the meal making plans for the upcoming two week vacation that Samantha was going to share with her three families.