***unedited***
One month later
Rebekah
He never came back to see me.
One month. 31 days. 744 hours. 44640 minutes...
I could go on but I suppose that would be a waste of time...
It would bring me more pain than anything else.
I stared back at my reflection, I've changed, I changed my clothes, my room, everything... I didn't look like Kylie nor did I look like Rebekah. I didn't feel like any of them. I looked and felt like a different person; like a new person. I liked it but does that mean I've changed? Does that mean that people could forget what I did? Can I forget and forgive myself for what I've done?
Sighing, I turned around and stared at the boxes of clothes that belonged to Kylie. I'm finally packing it, I felt nervous about going to school; I know everyone knew what I did and this time, I would not be able to lie.
I sighed and went down, my parents at the door; smiling awkwardly at me, my mom hugged me tightly and said "Have a good day at school honey." then, her smile slipped "And we have to talk about something important when you get home okay?" I raised an eyebrow, feeling curious "What? Why can't you just tell me now? It's something bad right..." I paused, not wanting to be right, but the way they looked at me confirmed everything I hope not to be true.
My dad sighed and took a step forward "We would be moving to New York by the end of this month." I gasped and took a step forward, hoping I heard wrong. "What?! You can't do that!!!" I felt so angry and upset, my whole body was shaking and I had no idea what to do.
My mom shook her head at me and massaged her head for a second as if she knew I would react this way "Rebekah, we are doing this for you!" she said firmly as I shook my head, hot tears streaming down my cheeks "The whole town knows. This isn't good for you and you know it. We are already worried about you and this whole situation, this mess? You would get bullied and we don't want that for you. You need a fresh start where no one would know you or know what you did."
This was a nightmare, it felt as if the walls in the kitchen were closing in on me. "I'm already going for therapy, i'm cooperating. So, why are you doing this to me?" I sobbed quietly.
"Rebekah, we are doing this for you. The whole town knows, you would not be happy. Your whole life would be turned upside down and we can't see you like that. You would be depressed and..." my mom bit her lip and massaged her head "This is the consequence Rebekah, you should have thought about it."
I shook my head "I hate you, you and dad always runs. When Kylie died, you ran and now, you're running away because you don't want people talking about you and don't even pretend this is about me. Stop pretending that you care about me or what people say about me." I glared at them and walked out, leaving them stunned, disappointed and sad.
As soon as I slammed the door, I felt the guilt weighing down on me. I hesitated and looked back, considering going back to apologise but something in me snapped. I remembered how they treated me like a criminal, how they glared and made me feel as if something was wrong with me.
What really hurt me was the fact that they were my parents. I already felt like something was wrong with me at school, how does people looked at me as if I was a terrorist, a murderer. My parents did the exact same thing, they didn't trust me. They never believed in me and now, they have the audacity to pretend as if they cared.
They may be my parents but they have no idea how much I detest them. They have no idea what they put me through.
I stood in the empty hallway of my school, dreading what's about to come. I got myself into this mess and I've got to face the music. I knew what I did was wrong, sick even and as much as it hurt to admit. I knew in some sort of way, I was like Luke.
I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Cole. His face darkened as he saw me and hesitated as he made his way towards me. I could feel my heart pounding through my chest. His jaws clenched as he brushed past me.
My heart dropped 'What the heck just happened?'
"Cole, what the hell?" He didn't turn back, just kept walking and I wanted nothing more than to tackle him. "Is how you're going to act around me now?!" I caught up to him and grabbed his arm.
He paused for a second and turned around slowly. His smile unmistakeably forced "Oh, Hello Rebekah. I didn't see you there."
He said my name with so much hatred and disgust, it made me flinch. "Real mature Cole. What are you? 8?" I frowned at him as he smirked at me "Takes one to know one and at least i'm not a pathological liar." He smiled at me forcefully.
"I'm so sorry Cole. I really am. I did what I did because I was scared and I didn't-" he shook his head and cut me off "You know what? I don't want to hear it, I honestly don't care. Goodbye Rebekah. Nice knowing you."
He turned around and just as he was about to walk away I grabbed his arm again, hoping he wouldn't push my hand off "Please, listen to what I have to say. You can hate me, you don't have to care but please listen to what I have to say first."
He hesitated then turned around to look at me and I took a step back, his presence suddenly making me anxious and insecure. I let out a nervous breath "I know what I did was wrong but I didn't know how I was supposed to tell my parents. Kylie and I switched that night. She looked exactly like me, her clothes..." I hesitated, hating that I have to relieve that night again.
Cole raised an eyebrow, looking at me as if I was dumb "Is that what you wanted to tell me? Because I was there that night. I already know what happened." He scoffed "If this is some lame attempt to make me forgive you, you're insane. I mean, how can I ever trust you again? As far as I'm concerned, you are a liar and you would do anything for people to believe in your lies."
I let out a sharp laugh, feeling agitated that he thinks he knows me. "I was so stupid, you are the biggest ass I have ever met. You're so cocky and overconfident, as if you know all the bloody answers; but you don't know anything at all. If you are going to be a cocky know it all, then go. Don't listen to what I have to say at all but I will no longer feel guilty because I wanted to explain why I did what I did. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who doesn't want to listen and thinks they have it all figured out."
He raised an eyebrow and looked me in the eye as if reading what I was thinking. After what seemed like forever, he nodded "Okay."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, shocked and happy that he didn't walk away "I woke up in the hospital not remembering anything in the last few hours. My parents- I remembered them giving me this look, a look of utter disgust and hatred; they looked at me as if they didn't know who I was, as if I was a monster..." I let out a shaky laugh as the painful memory flashed through my head as if it had happened yesterday. "they told me that I killed Rebekah and it hit me. They didn't know that I was Rebekah. They didn't realise that we switched."
Cole's face was cold as stone as his eyes burned into mine, I didn't know what he was thinking or feeling. I wondered if he hated me, if he thought about walking away right now and never looking back. "That doesn't explain why you didn't tell your pare-"
I sighed and cut him off, he didn't understand. "Look Cole, put yourself in my shoes-"
He snorted and smiled at me bitterly "That would be quite difficult because I wouldn't do anything quite stupid and sick."
I glared at him, having a sudden urge to murder him. "I should have just let Luke shoot you." I mumbled, agitated.
Cole snickered at me and I continued before Cole could retort back. "I woke up and I was in such shock and devastation, I couldn't believe she died Cole, I really couldn't. What was really horrible was that, I didn't remember and I blamed myself. My parents hated me and they blamed me. They asked me 'Why didn't I take care of her? Why wasn't I there? How could I have not known what happened.' And I didn't answer them, how could I? I just sat there crying, blaming and hating myself. How could I possibly tell them that Kylie and I changed that night? I wasn't in my right mind Cole, I was so scared and... I was young and stupid and terrified. It's like... they lost another daughter. The whole night... they thought I was Kylie, how could I possibly tell them that we switched?"
I stared at my shoes as the tears ran down my cheeks, the anger and hatred I felt for myself was rising and I knew I couldn't live like this any longer. I could feel Cole's eyes on me, he didn't move or say anything as I cried, remembering the night when I lost everything.
Finally, Cole said in the softest voice "Bekah." He said my name without disgust, sarcasm or anger. It came out so sweet and soft that I almost didn't hear it. "Look at me." He said softly.
I bit my tongue and tasted blood in my mouth, I didn't want to look at him as fear coursed through my veins. Anger, guilt and self hatred raged deep inside of me. How could I possibly look you in the eyes Cole? I thought to myself, feeling shattered and confused.
Annoyed that I didn't look at him, Cole huffed and ran his fingers through his hair roughly.
You won't understand what I'm feeling, you don't understand me.
"Look at me Rebekah." I continued to stare at my shoes, my fingers curled up into a fist. "Did it help? Running away? Do you think you made anything better? You lied for a long time, how long did you think you could keep that up? You ended up hurting everyone."
"Shut up!" I looked up at him and glared, my body shook with anger and self hatred "You don't think I know what I did?!?!" I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair not sure what I'm supposed to do or feel.
Hot, painful tears ran down my cheeks "I know." I whispered quietly "I know what I did, I know the consequences that I have to face but I-" I looked away from him not sure how I was supposed to put my feelings into words. I had never said it out loud, I had never talked about how I felt.
"You're what?"
How am I supposed to tell you?
"You're what?" He asked again, growing agitated with me.
You won't understand.
"Beka-"
"I'm confused!" I looked him in the eyes, hoping he wouldn't read my mind or my soul. He didn't say anything, just stared at me with an unknown look on his face.
Did he expect me to continue...?
He raised an eyebrow at me as if waiting for me to continue and I sighed mentally.
"I know it was wrong and I wanted to tell everyone but I didn't. I was scared but some part of me..." I bit my lip for a second, thinking.
This is it, I can't hide anymore. I don't want to hide who I truly am anymore.
"Some part of me loved every second of it. The thrill of being someone else. The thrill of being someone entirely different. Someone who wasn't afraid or timid, someone better." I could feel the rush in my body, the adrenaline as I finally let that out. "Haven't you ever wanted to be someone esle? Haven't you ever felt like you didn't belong? And that being yourself was the one thing holding you back? When I pretended to be Kylie, I believed that I was holding my own self back but as Kylie; I was finally free."
Cole took a small step back from me, I knew I should stop talking but I didn't want to. I had to get it out, I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to my parents, my therapist... He was the only one I could talk to.
"I was so tired..." my voice started breaking and I let out a nervous, relived breath; finally feeling free. "I was so tired of being my sister's shadow. I was tired of being everyone's shadow. I was tired of being invisible, I was tired of everyone not knowing who I was. I felt shattered and lost and for a while I actually felt like I found myself but I was wrong. I was fine before, I was happy but I didn't see it and being my sister..." I stared at Cole and took a small step closer to him, hoping he would understand, praying and hoping the closeness would somehow make everything better. "Being Kylie, changed me; I became sick and twisted and that's when I was truly lost that's when I became shattered and I can't escape that. I cant escape from my mistake, it would forever haunt me and..." I couldn't continue because of the look he was giving me, pity.
He pitied me, my heart shrank. I knew this would be the outcome but I didn't care. I just wanted that nagging feeling I felt inside of me to disappear. I just wanted someone to understand me and what I was feeling but no one does.
I could feel the tension and even though we were standing in the big hallway, it felt like I was suffocating; as if the walls were closing in around me. I let out a short laugh which sounded weird and foreign to my ears, as a miserable attempt to break the tension.
He raised an eyebrow "And what?" I could feel my heart pounding through my chest and I wanted to disappear as I felt a huge pit in my stomach. I shook my head, as I finally decided that he won't understand me at all.
How could he?
"And nothing..." I stared at him, still feeling sad. Not sure what I was supposed to say or do anymore. I finally decided that no one will ever understand me and I had to be okay with that. I had to move on and pick my own self up because no one would.
"You're wrong Bekah." He said quietly and at first I thought I said it out loud.
Did I actually say that out loud? I thought I said it in my head...
"You're not shattered."
Oh, I didn't say it. I'm not that crazy I suppose.
I didn't say anything, I didn't know how to respond because I knew that I was shattered; I can't be fixed or helped. "You opened up to me and yeah, what you did was pretty sick. Okay, it was really really sick; I'm not sure who would actually do something like that and be able to pull it off."
Bastard.
"But you're not shattered, you're just...broken." I tilted my head and studied him. "Broken?" I asked him feeling confuse "Is that your way of complimenting me?"
He shook his head and smiled at me sadly "No, it's not an insult... or a compliment. What I'm trying to say is that you're not shattered, you can't fix something that's shattered and when I look at you, I see someone that's strong and beautiful and broken. You're broken, I'm broken. Everyone around you is broken in some ways and that's not a bad thing because we are all flawed and that makes us perfect."
I stared at him barely able to contain my tears. "You know..." he raised an eyebrow at me as I said seriously "You really should be a therapist."
"I know. I think I would save alot of lives." He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes at him.
He gave me a serious look then "So, what now?"
I bit my lip and decided to tell him "I'm going to be moving by the end of this month..." I said as quietly as possible; half hoping he wouldn't hear me.
He ran his hand through his hair again and cleared his throat, not looking into my eyes "Right, well um... that's good. It's probably better if you did..." he trailed off and bit his lip.
"I don't think it would be better-" he cut me off and looked me in the eyes. His eyes looked so hollow and empty. "You should go, a new start and what not. Trust me, you should hear what people are saying about you. It's really bad." He smiled sadly at me then looked away and quickly said "Well, I should go. I'll see you when I see you?"
I stared at him, not quite sure what to say to him "Okay then. Um, talk to you soon."
He nodded then gave me a half hearted smile and walked away from me, without a glance back and as I watched him disappear from the hallway I felt as if I lost something; something that I would never be able to replace.
Wow, i'm bad at updating regularly. I'm so sorry (I suck)
And this is a long chapter, slightly boring but I just wanted to explain why she did what she did and that she's not completely mental. Just slightly messed up and she she doesn't really have control over her emotions.
Anyways, vote if you like this part :)