Jed
It's amazing how wide Fiona's eyes can get.
I found myself on the receiving end of her bewilderment quite a few times already, but right now, I think it's a climax.
She stares at me for entire fifteen seconds before she finally dares to blink. A frown makes its way onto her face and she pulls back so abruptly her forehead almost knocks against mine. I remain in my kneeling position as she falls back onto her bottom, landing in a pile of fallen leaves. I fight the smile threatening to curl my lips up as she reaches out and grasps handfuls of the leaves, then throws them at me.
"Don't." She says, reaching out for another portion of ammunition. "And w-w-why would you even kiss me?"
I sit back on my haunches and smile with ease. "I can think of many reasons."
I can see her breath is still shaky when she releases it slowly. "Please don't kiss me." She says.
I arch a brow. I don't know if I'm more confused or hurt or amused. "You know, this is the first time a girl has ever said those words to me? I mean, I've heard the compilation quite a few times, but the word 'don't' thrown in between them is -"
"Exactly." Fiona sits up straighter, as if what I just said had given her back her confidence. "I'm not one of those girls. Never will be."
My brows pull in together. The certainty in her voice worries me. "Should I take it as an offend on my behalf?"
"Not really." She shakes her head. "I'm just not the type to... You know."
"No. I don't know." And I really don't. Right now, I have absolutely no idea what Fiona's talking about.
She sighs and drops her gaze, glueing it to the hand tracing patterns in the leaves. She looks uncomfortable having this discussion but hell with it. I didn't like it when she said she was never going to be one of those girls, as if the idea of getting close to me was repulsive to her.
"Fiona, talk to me."
She tips her head back and lets out a strangled sound, something between a whimper and a groan. "I'm just not the friendly type." She finally utters.
I blink. "I beg to disagree. I enjoy being friends with you."
"We're not even friends." She objects. "You just feel sorry for me because I don't have anyone else to talk to and Makena had probably made you stick around so that I don't look pathetic."
Wait. What? I blink again.
"You -" I can't even say it. "You think I talk to you because I feel sorry for you?"
Fiona sniffs and nods. "And also because you want Everett to give you a ride in his shiny Chevrolet."
My mouth hangs open. I can't help it. I stare at her long enough that she finally gives in and looks at me. And when she does, all air is punched from my lungs. Because I see it.
She believes it. She actually fucking believes this bullshit. However the idea had even gotten inside her read head, she accepted it and chose to believe it. And I can't help but wonder if I was the one who has somehow put it there.
"Uhm - well." Fiona clears her throat. "This has gotten awkward." As always when she's nervous her rough Scottish accent thickens, leaving me, an American of blood and bone, struggling to understand her words.
"I think... Yeah, I think I'll go now." She gets up and brushing off her bottom, bends down to pick up her rollerblades and turns to leave. It takes me two seconds flat to get to my feet, run up to her and block her path.
"You're not going anywhere." I tell her. "From what I remember, you promised me a day. This is not a day yet."
Fiona sighs, stepping from one foot to the other. "It's okay, Jed. I already told you. I don't want you to suffer here for an entire day. Taking me rollerblading was really nice of you and I had fun but -"
"Stop talking." I cut her off abruptly. From the way her eyes widen again, I can tell I shocked her with the strength of my voice. But Ada's senseless talking is really starting to get on my nerves and I need to set a few things straight. "Just stop talking for a moment."
I take a step back and thrust a hand through my hair. I suck in a deep, calming breath and force my heartbeat to slow before I continue. I cup my jaw with my hand sand turn, facing Fiona.
"How in the hell did you come up with that idea?" I ask.
She frowns. "Coming here was your idea."
"I'm not talking about coming here." I reply. "I want to know where you got the idea of me staying with you because of pity."
"Well, I have a head." She crosses her arms over her chest. She officially exited the confusion state and entered her angry defense mode. "And I have a brain and I can think. It doesn't take much to notice that guys like you don't like girls like me."
I don't think I'm following. "Could you please stop using the term 'guys like me' and 'girls like you' or at least explain them? Because I have no idea what you're talking about."
I take a precautious step forward, having a feeling she's about to bolt. She instantly stiffens, clearly not liking me being this close.
Good. Because I don't like her reasoning. Two can play this game.
"You think I don't hear the things people at school say? How all the girls thinking you stick around just to score me think I'm not worthy of you?"
Well, this is not how I expected this conversation to go.
"Wait a minute because I don't know where this is all heading anymore." I, too, am starting to get angry. "Are you afraid that I talk with you just because of pity or because you think I want to sleep with you?"
I can't help the disgust seeping into my tone at the end of the sentence.
"It's not -" She sighs and her gaze darts to the side. "I'm not calling you a manwhore, Jed."
"Good. Because I'm not one."
"... all I'm saying is that we're no good together. Can't you see it? When I don't throw you down the stairs, you punch someone in the face on my behalf and when you don't, I am the one to punch you.
And if that isn't called an unhealthy relation, then I don't know what is."
It takes me a moment to proceed her words. And when I do, I lose it.
"To hell with healthy! I like you, goddammit!" I don't often yell, but when I do, I hear it's quite spectacular. "I like you." I repeat in a calmer voice. "Is that so hard to understand?"
"Yes!" She yells back, fully getting it on now. "Random guys don't take interest in random girls, especially after they had almost killed them. And we haven't even known each other two months. There's not much there to like."
"For your information, it takes one meeting for a person to state if they like another person or not." I share a fact with her. "And don't you think it's pointless to teach me about my feelings?"
"I don't care about your feelings!" She replies. "They shouldn't matter."
She shakes her head, as if wanting to convince herself of it.
I try not to get what she said get to me and take another step forward.
"Do you know what I think your real problem is?" I drop my voice to a husky murmur. Stepping closer, I stop a foot or so away from Fiona and do something I know is sure to shut her up, even if just for a second - I lower my head and bring my lips close to her ear. "I think you're afraid."
My method worked again and she freezes, her whole body stiffening. She didn't get to put her rollerblades back on and I can once more exercise my power of height difference between us.
I let my last words hang between us before continuing.
"I think today made you realize just how real all of this is and you came up with the first excuse that formed in your mind to escape. But you should know better, Fiona, because you know I'm not letting you run off like that."
Fiona's claws come out once more when she murmurs. "Bullshit."
"And when I said I was going to kiss you? You nearly passed out." I go on, ignoring her protest. "For some reason, the thought of getting close to another human being scares the crap out of you."
"I don't know if you've heard, but homeschooled children are not famous for being friendly and outgoing." She replies quietly.
"I know." I nod, shifting my head so that I'm now looking at her face, not whispering in her ear. "And I understand it. But goddammit, Fiona, you can't cut everyone out just because you're not friendly."
"I can try."
A chuckle makes its way out of my throat at her grumbled response. "I won't let you."
I get even closer and lay my forehead on hers. This is the closest we've been since the night on her patio when we almost kissed. Funnily, she wasn't about to run off then. It's not the first time when I wonder what would have happened if her brother hadn't walked in on us.
"I've already told you this once, Fiona, and I'm going to repeat it every chance I get until you understand it." I whisper. "There's nothing to be afraid of."
There's a moment when her large golden eyes gaze into mine when I think I have her. That I've finally made that step forward and somehow crumbled one of the walls she had surrounded herself with for some reason. For one second, I can see the future in bright colors and triumph inwardly.
But it all comes crashing down when she tears her forehead away from mine, turns on her heel, and runs - literally runs - off, in her socks, clutching her rollerblades to her chest.
I don't move from my spot and stare after her until her red mane disappears in the trees, blending with their bright colors. Once she's out of the sight, I let out a frustrated growl. Turning, I kick the basket standing next to me, sending it tumbling across the leaves.
For one moment, I allowed myself to hope. And as usual, it all came rushing back to me, laughing its ass off.
***
L/N: Sorry guys, no kisses for you today. But I feel like a storm is coming. What do you think? Should Ada finally give in? Or are you willing to wait another thirty chapters?
I wonder how long it's going to take these two to finally get together...