Ludwig's jaw went slack and he gripped Feliciano's waist as he slowly sunk down onto him, puffing out a few restrained breaths when he was fully sheathed in his tight heat. The German looked up at him from where he was reclined back, head supported by the arm of the couch.
Feliciano took his right hand from where it rest on his waist and brought it up to cup his cheek. He closed his eyes at the feeling of Ludwig's calloused fingertips against his skin. The Italian kissed his palm and moved to the bruises around his knuckles.
Ludwig sat up, a twinge of guilt evident in his gaze, and gently moved his hand away, placing it on Feliciano's lower back, out of sight. It throbbed dully and he ignored it as best he could, blue eyes searching Feliciano's.
The Italian gently cupped his neck, pressing his lips to his forehead and then burying his nose in his hair as Ludwig began to move, thrusting up with a soft grunt.
They panted softly together, breaths syncopating and occassionally falling in time as their bodies rocked and pressed together.
Feliciano closed his eyes, furrowing his brow as the German's hips snapped suddenly, powerfully and quick. His mouth dropped open and soft whimpers dripped from his lips.
Ludwig kissed Feliciano's shoulder, biting down gently at times when he felt him tighten around him. He shuddered as the Italian moved his hips as well, rutting against him as he thrust up and moaned quietly.
He felt an overwhelming sensation bubbling up, consuming him inside and clawing at his ribcage. The German rambled softly against Feliciano's neck and he could not stop.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm not- "
Feliciano pulled back and kissed Ludwig, wet and slow and desperate. He felt Ludwig whimper and he pressed harder, swallowing the sounds he made. They shared breaths and shifted with each other, everything too close and too hot.
Ludwig's arms wrapped around his waist, chasing his kiss everytime he bounced, rising and falling in minute movements that created an almost unbearable friction.
Feliciano pushed his tongue into his mouth and Ludwig moved a hand to the back of his head, cradling him and kissing him until his lips were swollen and raw, too afraid that if he stopped, all the words trapped inside would just spill.
Feliciano's hand moved between them, clawing at Ludwig's chest and then moving up to grip the back of his neck, other hand occupied lower, breath choking every time he edged closer.
Feliciano felt Ludwig's fingers tighten in his hair and his arm began to tremble. He felt him groan and then whine against his mouth.
"Feli, I-"
"I know, it's okay." He muttered, words quick and cut. "Me too, me too, Ludwig. Ah-"
They clawed at each other and pressed impossibly closer, Feliciano's legs shaking and hips pulling up, clenching as he swore and his body jerked.
Ludwig pulled his head down into the crook off his neck and thrust up, quick and hard. His breaths came fast and his moans stuck in his throat, choking up and his hands shook as he gripped the cushions of the couch. Ludwig gasped loudly and rutted his hips, milking his climax as much as he could until his trembling arms could no longer support his spent body and he fell back, Feliciano collapsing onto his chest.
Ludwig kept his fingers tangled in his hair and he used his free hand to haphazardly throw the blanket over them. He nuzzled against Feliciano's temple and bit his lip, shoving down a burning feeling crawling up his throat.
He felt like he was going to be sick.
~
Feliciano woke up alone the next morning, blanket tucked around him and his clothes neatly folded on the chair on the other side of the room.
He felt a twist in his gut and a sharp jab in his chest.
The Italian stood and dressed himself, eyes downcast as he tried not to let the feeling consume him.
Feliciano frowned as he heard Ludwig shuffling in his room, a soft tumble and then he heard dry heaving. He rushed to the door only to find it was locked.
"Ludwig?" He shook the handle. "Ludwig, are you--open the door!"
Feliciano got no response other than a bathroom door slamming shut.
~
Good days for Ludwig became scarce. He looked like a hollowed out shell of a man and his breath smelled of liquor. His door was always locked and he seldom left his room.
Only to eat after Feliciano had gone to work or to bed.
Everything scared him. He would lose it at the sound of a door shutting a little too loud, his voice would roar in the middle of the night, shouting and thrashing in sweat-soaked sheets.
And his door was always locked.
He would not accept help, not even from Gilbert or Feliciano.
The only thing that seemed to make his constantly tensed muscles relax was the burning feeling of whiskey slipping over his tongue and down his throat.
Feliciano wondered if he'd ever be okay again.
~
Christmas Eve
Feliciano shivered as he walked into the door, shaking the snow out of his hair as he removed his gloves and heavy winter coat. The Italian saw the flicker of candlelight coming from the living room anf quietly made his way over.
Ludwig turned, a little unsure on his feet, and looked at Feliciano with an unsure smile. The Italian grinned back and laughed softly.
"You got a tree." He walked over and admired the ornaments Ludwig had scattered around the tree.
"You said you wanted to have a real Christmas this year." Ludwig whispered and twisted the string of an ornament he was holding.
"It's beautiful, thank you." Feliciano leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his unshaven cheek.
Ludwig handed over the ornament and watched him hang it. They went and sat on the couch where Ludwig had a bowl of popcorn and a needle and thread.
"I-I tried to do it," his mouth twitched and he grasped his trembling hand. "But I kept-" he lifted his hand, a bandaid on his index and middle finger.
Feliciano felt a pang of sadness in his chest but he smiled past it. "It's okay. We'll do it together."
They sat by candlelight as Ludwig passed him the popped kernels one by one, eating a few along the way. Feliciano poked the needle through them and strung them along.
He finished a line and Ludwig went to put it on the tree. He would look at it and then adjust it. Feliciano passed him the last line of popcorn and the German placed it atop the pine branches and he shifted it.
Again. Again. Again.
Feliciano stood slowly and approached him, gently placing a hand on Ludwig's arm. He swallowed hard and looked away.
"It's perfect, Ludwig." He said softly, as if not to startle him.
Ludwig followed him back to the couch where they sat in a comfortable silence, the German plucking at a thread on his pants as soft music played from the record player in the corner.
Ludwig looked over at Feliciano's face and watched as the flickering candlelight gave him a soft glow. He gripped the fronts of his pants gently and swallowed hard.
"Merry Christmas." He whispered.
Feliciano looked over, a small hum falling from his lips. "Merry Christmas, Ludwig."
Feliciano looked at him now, he noted the sunken in cheeks and tired, dull eyes enhanced by dark circles. He looked at his cracked lips, shaking hand, and bouncing knee and still loved him as much as he always had.
He felt his heart drop low in his stomach and brought his eyes back to Ludwig's blue ones.
"It's late." Ludwig whispered. "You should get some rest. Dinner with everyone tomorrow."
Feliciano swallowed his three little words down his throat and nodded instead. "You too. Thank you again, this is," he turned and smiled at the tree. "Wonderful."
The Italian wandered to his room after gently carressing Ludwig's cheek and left the door open a crack. He turned out the light and changed into his nightclothes before climbing under the cool covers.
He closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep, eyes heavy. He heard a creak and sat up tiredly, squinting at the silhouette in his doorway.
"What's wrong, Ludwig?" He whispered.
"There's, I saw lightn-"
As if on cue, thumder rolled and then cracked above them and Ludwig dropped down as if a bomb had exploded nearby. Ther German cried out desperately and Feliciano took his arm, leading his shaking form to the bed.
He looked like a frightened child and Feliciano laid down with him, holding him in his arms, stroking his hair as he rocked and muttered nonsense.
"Shh. It's okay. Just a storm. Just a Christmas storm." Feliciano kissed his head. "You're safe, shh, it's okay."
Feliciano didn't know which of the two he was really trying to console.
~
To be continued...