To: All of the Children who Disney Channel has Lied to
From: Ricky Rat
Re: I AM A DISGUSTING AND PESTICIDAL RAT SO LEAVE ME ALONE
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September 27th, 2011
Okay, kids, this is Ricky Rat here, and I have something to tell you. I know you are all crazy about the famed “Micky Mouse”, but I have a secret for you. I am your so called “Micky Mouse” who you all adore, love and think of me as your one and only idol. To tell you the truth, Walt Disney himself, back in his teenage years, was traveling through the streets of New York, and found me, his new talent, to showcase. I was living in Brooklyn, in a sewer. Yes, I didn’t live in a giant shoe or anything, but a nast and diseased filled sewer. You might think because I hit stardom, I found a new home, more reasonable for a star like me, but no, this is where the story takes a turn. Walt brought me to his studio and began to brainstorm ideas of what he could exploit me as. Then, this idea popped into his head. He was going to make a talking elated mouse who could walk on two feet which he didn’t possess rule the children of earth. How did he turn me, a sewer, into that, though? Well, every day before filming I was locked on a table, similar to the one Frankenstein was fastened onto, and shaved from head to toe. This rid my appearance of any matted hair and buzzing bugs, but did nothing about my stench and wicked appearance. They then sent me through a car wash, until I was waxes clean. What they hid from you though, was behind the scenes photage. Each and every one of the camera men wore scrubs, and radioactive gear to protect themselves from my pesticidal elements. Walt, himself, even stayed home during shooting and demanded the government to clean his studio, with it being a public building and all. On camera though, a was a jolly “mouse” on medication, to make me overactive and extremely uncontrollable. It raised my voice, thinned my body, and even discolored my eyed from a bloodshot red to the black pupils that you know and used to love. I know this is all sudden to you young children, but this is the truth, and until it goes viral and I see it air on television, I will not contaminate you for your fan letters and such. When it airs though, anything that is sent to me, will have remenence of my pesticide and possible some radioactive chemicals like polonium sprayed onto the return letter. I know you’ll regret sending it then, so just advising you know, save yourselves from aggravation and save me from not shedding anymore pesticide! I want it all to last forever!
P.S. If i ever hear the term “Micky Mouse” used, Ricky Rat is coming for you
Leave me alone, Ricky Rat