Caden
I've never seen my parents cry before.
Mom will shed a few tears here and there, but I've never seen her full on cry.
Dad? Dad doesn't cry. He hardly ever gets emotional. He's strong. Dad's really strong.
So to see him standing in the doorway of Mom's hospital room, unable to move, his eyes red, actual tears sliding down his cheeks...
I think it's strength.
Mom didn't come home last night.
We were all worried.
We called the jail and they said she left without Rose.
And then the hospital called Dad, told him Mom got into a bad accident. She pulled out in front of a semi truck on the highway, got hit by somebody going sixty, and flew fifty feet through the windshield.
They said it's a miracle she survived.
She's in a coma. She's breathing on her own, but she has hardly any brain function.
The doctor was honest with Dad's questions.
There's about a ten percent Mom is going to wake up.
My sisters are all crying. Rose is still in jail.
I force myself to be strong.
I didn't let Dad call the family. I called.
Dad had answered the phone on speaker.
The look on his face when he found out...I'll never forget it.
He looked like that nurse that called had ripped his fucking heart out and handed it to him in a bag full of nails.
Now he's standing there, staring at Mom.
He looks like he's about to start sobbing.
The doctor walks into the room, checking her machines.
Dad clears his throat.
"I don't care," he starts, whispering. "If you have to build fucking organs. You bring her back. I don't care how much it costs. I'll rob every. Single. Bank. In this fucking country. Bring. Her. Back."
He takes a deep breath.
"We are doing everything we can." He says.
Dad doesn't move, or respond.
The Doctor kind of looks at him.
"You can talk to me." I say quietly.
He sighs, turning to me.
"No, I'm fine. Talk to me." Dad steps fully into the room now.
The doctor nods.
"She sustained bad crush injuries to her abdomen. She didn't have a seatbelt on. If she did, she couldn't gotten just a concussion and a broken arm."
Mom always wears her seatbelt.
She'll yell at us if we don't have one on.
Once, on a drive to Vermont, Mom stopped the car in the middle of the interstate until I put my seatbelt on.
I told her she was a bitch.
She's not a bitch. She's my Mom.
She was trying to protect me.
All the grounding. She did it because she loves us.
I look at Mom, and my chest hurts.
I want her to wake up.
<><>
It's been a week. We picked Rose up.
Rose won't talk to anybody.
The whole family is here. Rose hides in the corner, staring at Mom, numb.
The doctor said that when she was hit, she was crying.
He said she probably couldn't see and that's why she pulled out in front of the semi.
Dad isn't even Dad. He doesn't leave Mom's side. He lays there tracing patterns on her arm.
He'll talk to people, but he's not him.
He doesn't even hold a conversation. He only speaks when he's spoken to. He keeps kissing her cheek, trying to get her to wake up.
He's very gentle and loving.
The power of attorney is Dad, and the doctor told him he needs to make a decision on if he wants Mom to stay on the machines.
They're not keeping her alive. She could live on her own.
Dad keeps saying no, that she's going to wake up, but I don't think she will.
I think Mom is going to die, Dad is going to go into a depression, and he'll kill himself or die from a broken heart.
The doctor is watching Dad.
"Did you decide what you want to do?" He asks.
"You're not unplugging her." He says. "Until those machines start breathing for her, you're not unplugging her. She's still in there. She's fighting to get out."
He sighs.
"Sir, with all due respect-"
"With all due respect, this isn't your decision." Dad cuts him off. "She stays on the machine."
The doctor nods, walking out.
Dad keeps swearing he's been seeing Mom move, and the doctor said that there was a spike in her brain activity, but nobody else is seeing it and I think Dad's imagining it.
Rose sits up.
"This is my fault." She whispers.
Everyone looks at her.
"Why?" I ask.
"I told her I hated her. I told her I wanted her to fucking die. Her phone was dead. She probably tried to call Dad, but he didn't answer so she drove. She was crying because of me. I'm sorry. You guys should give me up for adoption."
Dad is silent, staring at Mom's face.
His jaw is tight, and for a second, I think he's going to tell Rose to get out, but he doesn't.
"She knows you don't hate her." He whispers.
"Every time one of us says we hate her or that she's a bitch, she believes us. She says she knows." I say.
"I was so mad. She trapped me there. She was just trying to get me to realize the consequences of my actions. Now look at her. I can't live without my Mom! She's-" she throws her hands up. "Well, she's a bitch!"
Dad looks at Rose. Everyone does.
"She is! She does shit to piss us off! She'll come up with the worst punishments!" She starts laughing. "But she's a great Mom. The best. She's harsh because she loves us. She can be a bitch, but she can also be pretty great. She's stubborn, sure, but if somebody messes with somebody she cares about, she'll fight. She's ruthless. Mom..." Rose looks down, and she's crying. "I don't want her to die. She can't."
Dad opens his arms. Rose walks into him, crying into his chest.
"Okay, let's go home for a bit, shower, eat something." Dad says. "If she was conscious and trapped in this hospital, she'd be irritated. She hates hospitals. Maybe she needs a bit of silence."
I don't want to leave Mom, but if Dad can, I can too.
<><>
We all went home and showered and had dinner at the house.
This has been the longest week of my life.
We're walking down the hall, to Mom's room.
Rose walks in first, and then Ruby.
Rose bursts into tears, burying her head in her hands.
We all move in to see why she's crying.
My jaw is slack.
Mom is sitting up in the hospital bed, stabbing at some brown blob.
"Mom." I say.
I haven't cried once. I haven't let myself break down. Dad was always the rock of the family for everyone, but when Mom fell into the coma, he lost it.
I stepped in.
But to see Mom sitting there, awake, stabbing some blob...
I lose it.
I pull the hem of my shirt over my mouth and nose.
It's a habit I've had since I was little. Ever since I was like, four or something, I've been doing that when I'm going to cry.
Last time I cried in front of anyone, I was ten.
"You're alive." I say.
"Yes." Mom says. "Come here."
I walk over to her, hugging her. She hugs me back. I hug her for a long time.
She pulls away though.
"I'm okay, Caden." she says. "Really."
Everyone rushes to hug her, but Rose is just standing there crying, and Dad looks like he's about to start crying too, and I know he's not about to cry in front of everybody.
Mom looks at Rose, sighing.
Nobody says anything.
"I don't hate you." Rose gasps.
Mom takes a deep breath.
"I know." She says.
"I really don't! I don't want you to die! I was mad you left me there! But you were trying to teach me a lesson! You were showing me what I'd get if I didn't clean my act up! I was trapped in that jail, miserable, and you were...you were basically dying, and I couldn't come see you. I couldn't do anything! I will never do anything illegal again! I won't even jaywalk."
Mom laughs. Rose hugs her. Mom hugs her back..
Rose steps away after a minute, and everyone looks at Dad.
He still hasn't moved.
Mom raises her eyebrows at him.
He takes a deep breath.
I'm excepting him to start crying or something.
He walks over to her bedside, pulls his shirt off, and his shoes, and then he picks up the brown blob, pulling Mom's blanket back, and crawls into the bed with her. She's sitting up, but I don't think she cares.
"Well give you guys a minute." Nana says, shooting us a look.
We all slip out, into the hall.
Brecklyn
I'm assuming I was almost dead. The doctor said I was in a coma, and he mentioned that Noah was a mess, not even able to leave my bedside until today. The only person that didn't cry was Caden.
I'm surprised when Noah just climbs in bed with me.
Everyone leaves.
I've never seen him really cry before.
I've seen a few tears, but after all these years, I've never once seen him sob.
I can feel him shaking.
He's crying.
I shift, laying down on my side, my face aligned with his. He buries his head in my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me. I lay there with him, letting him cry into my shoulder.
I run my fingers slowly through his hair.
"I'm here." I whisper. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. I'm right here."
I hold onto him for a long time.
I hold him so long that the sun goes down, slipping behind the clouds.
After a while, his breathing shallows and he falls asleep.
I fish his phone out of his pocket, texting Caden.
Me: you can come in now
A minute or so later, they come back in. I'm sitting up again.
"He's asleep." I say.
"That's great." Caden says. "He hasn't sleep for a minute this whole week."
The doctor comes in.
He doesn't even comment on the fact that Noah's in the bed with me.
"How are you feeling?"
I shrug.
"Sore." I say. "Is this the surge?" I ask.
He looks at me.
"You know what the surge is?" he asks.
"Yes."
He sighs.
"I don't think so." He says. "You've been moving, struggling to wake up for a while. The surge is usually sudden." He says. "Are you tired?"
I nod.
"Exhausted."
"You should probably sleep." He looks at Noah. "Should I get another bed?"
"No, this is more comfortable." I say.
He looks at Noah again.
"He really loves you." He says.
I take a deep breath.
"I know."
"I'll be back to check on you." He says.
"Wait." I say. I'm nervous. "When will we know?" I ask. "If it's the surge?"
He looks at the clock.
"Probably another hour or so. Things will...well, you know."
"On a scale of one to ten..." I hesitate. "Ten being the highest chance it is, one being the lowest..."
He hesitates. "Four." He says.
Four.
That's high.
"Okay." I whisper.
He gives me a sad smile, walking out.
"What's the surge?" Rose asks.
I hesitate.
"The surge is when a coma patient wakes up suddenly with a lot of energy, and then dies." I say.
She gulps.
"Are you going to die?"
I sigh.
"I don't know."
She looks down.
Rose
Dad woke up ten minutes later, and now he's sitting in the chair.
Mom told him what the doctor said, that this could be the surge.
Dad's face got grim.
Now we're waiting.
Mom is asleep.
We're all watching her sleep.
Two hours have passed since then, and everything is the same.
The doctor said that if this is the surge, she'll be dead in the next twenty four hours.
We're all watching.
Noah
Everyone keeps telling me that I should sleep.
I'll sleep when she's home.
It's been twelve hours, and we're all waiting.
Mom's been sleeping a lot.
I keep reaching out to wake her up and make sure she's still alive, but I pull my hand away.
She needs to sleep.
We're waiting.
<><>
The twenty four hour mark passed, and then the forty eight hour mark passed.
It's seventy two hours now. She's awake, normal.
Her doctor walks in.
"Well, I think you're going to make a full recovery." He says. "For now, you need to start walking now, getting your strength back."
"Can I change out of this ridiculous gown?" Brecklyn asks.
"Sure." He says
"And this tube, I want to pee on my own."
"Okay." He says.
He kicks everyone out, but I stay in, and he takes the tube out.
He disconnects her from everything and leaves.
Everyone comes back in.
"Alright, I'm getting up." She says. "I don't need any help." She adds, shooting me a look. "Don't help me."
"Okay." I say.
I stand up anyways.
"I don't need help." She says, stubborn.
"Alright." I say.
I let her stand up on her own, reaching behind her to hold her gown shut.
The second she stands up, she loses her balance.
I catch her, steadying her.
"Stop saying you don't need help." I say. "I know you want to do it on your own, but you can't. For now, you're going to have to suck it up and let me help."
She looks annoyed, but she nods.
She keeps trying to push herself. I put my hand on her shoulder.
"Love, I know you want to just be healed at the snap of your fingers, but your body has been through a major trauma. You don't have all your strength, so you need to listen to your body."
"Okay." She says. "Don't let me fall."
"I won't." I say.
I hold her gown closed, walking with her to the bathroom.
I go in with her, and she pees, and I help her change, and then I help her back to the bed.
"I want to bathe." She says.
"Don't push it." I warn. "You probably can't stand up that long."
"Then come in with me." She says.
"Mom, ew. Even when you're half alive, you're still making sex innuendos." Rowan says.
"I'm not making sex innuendos. If he comes in with me, I won't fall."
I know she's right.
I sigh quietly.
"Let's ask the doctor."
I make her eat a full meal and go on a walk around the hospital floor she's on. She's laying down now, drained.
The doctor comes in, and she sits up.
"Can I bathe?" she asks.
He hesitates.
"I don't think you're strong enough to shower. You can sponge bath."
"What if Noah comes in with me?" she asks.
He hesitates.
"You guys realize you can't have sex, right? There's no way you're strong enough."
"We wouldn't have sex." she insists.
He hesitates, looking at me.
"She might not even be able to stand up." He says. "I can send nurses in."
"I can take care of her." I say quietly.
"She could collapse."
"I can handle her." I repeat. "I'm positive. She'll be fine."
"Alright." He says. "Okay. Just...just be careful. I'm going to wait in here."
"Will you run home?" Brecklyn asks. "I need a few things."
I nod.
"What do you need?"
She writes a whole list.
I don't argue with her about all the things she needs.
I leave.
Brecklyn
The second Noah is gone, I take a deep breath.
"How bad was he?" I ask.
Everyone looks at me.
"When I went out."
Caden sighs.
"I didn't even recognize him." He says. "Seriously, when he got the phone call, he looked like the woman had thrown his heart into a bag of spikes. He stood in the doorway for ten minutes, and he was crying. He told the doctor he would rob banks to get enough money to save you, that he didn't care if he had to put robot parts in. He didn't' speak unless he was spoken to, or to the doctor, and he never left your side until today. Dad is always strong. I've never seen him so vulnerable. I always thought he was the glue keeping the family together, but I realize now that it's you. If we didn't have you...I mean..."
"We'd be little assholes." Rose says.
"I mean, it was bad. Rose amditted what she said to you, and she admitted that it was her fault, that you and Dad should give her up for adoption." Rowan takes a deep breath.
"I thought Dad was going to tell her to get out." Brooke says softly.
"What did he do?" I ask.
"Well Rose said 'I told her I hated her. I told her I wanted her to fucking die. Her phone was dead. She probably tried to call Dad, but he didn't answer so she drove. She was crying because of me. I'm sorry. You guys should give me up for adoption.' And Dad was frozen, and then he whispered, 'She knows you don't hate her.' And Caden said, 'Every time one of us says we hate her or that she's a bitch, she believes us. She says she knows.' And Rose said, 'I was so mad. She trapped me there. She was just trying to get me to realize the consequences of my actions. Now look at her. I can't live without my Mom! She's-well, she's a bitch!"
"Did you have to mention that part?" Rose snaps at Ruby. "Seriously?"
"I'm a bitch." I repeat. "It's alright. I'm used to it."
"I'm not done." Ruby says. "So Rose said you were a bitch, and we all looked at her, and she said, 'she is! She does shit to piss us off! She'll come up with the worst punishments!' She was laughing. She said, 'But she's a great Mom. The best. She's harsh because she loves us. She can be a bitch, but she can also be pretty great. She's stubborn, sure, but if somebody messes with somebody she cares about, she'll fight. She's ruthless. Mom...' and then she was crying, and she said, 'I don't want her to die. She can't.' Then Dad hugged her and said, 'Okay, let's go home for a bit, shower, eat something. If she was conscious and trapped in this hospital, she'd be irritated. She hates hospitals. Maybe she needs a bit of silence."
I frown.
"I really do hate hospitals." I sigh.
"Yeah." Ruby says. "And Dad showered for the first time in a week. He hasn't showered since."