Pic: do I even need to say anymore? ;)
Vid: (my new fave) Love - Lana del Rey
So.. this is a filler chapter since I felt that at this point in the book, it was pretty necessary. (thank god for autocorrect - I never know how to spell that word..)
Enjoy!
"Look, it's not that hard! Just kick the goddamn ball at least a few meters away!" Ben screamed from the other side of the field we were situated at.
It was a rainy day, not even a smidge of blue in the sky. Grey clouds approached us, and I could already feel the small droplets fall on my my face.
"I don't want to do this!" I yelled back, ripping the gloves off my hand and stomping away from the goalie post. "I don't even like football!"
"It's not even football, there's only two of us." He said with yet, another eye roll, its the same face he's been pulling for the last hour.
"I don't care, we're not in school anymore, I'm not required to do physical activity so stop making me!" I whinged out, my voice getting slightly quieter as I walked towards him and he came towards my direction.
He swung his arm over my shoulder and then shook his head vigorously and continued to spray me in the face with droplets coming from his wet hair. I pushed him back, but then he pushed me and I ended up getting tackled down onto the wet grass.
"Hey stop, I'm going to get ill!" I cried as he straddled my hips and pinned my arms over my head - something he's never done before, ever.
"You're going to get ill anyway."
I rolled my eyes, "you're such a twat."
He just snorted and got off me and stretched his arm out to help me get up, but I knew better, so I didn't take his offer to help me stand up. Instead, I just got up off the muddy ground by myself and brushed off grass and dirt from my clothes.
I picked up the football from the ground and flicked hair out from my eyes, I was now drenched in rainwater and couldn't wait to just jump in the shower when I get home. Ben walked a couple meters ahead so I just followed with the ball tucked under my arm.
"Do you reckon Jace would freak out when he finds out that you're not straight?" I asked when I caught up to his side.
He just turned to me, his brow cocked up and then looked straight ahead again. "No, why would he react that way?"
"Well, it's really unexpected that you're Demi." I shrugged, "my gaydar is incredible, but you've never done anything to make me think you're the slightest bit gay."
He just snorted, "stop thinking so much into it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He just shook his head at me with a smirk, flicking rain droplets from his hair at me. "Can we just stop discussing this?"
"Fine, whatever."
He just looked off into the distance and started walking in the general direction towards both of our houses.
I dusted myself off, not that it helped at all, and caught up to him. Pfft, he could've at least waited.
I flicked my hair out of my face and kept my head ducked down to keep the rain from hitting my square in the face.
Silence settled between the both of us as we headed back home. I wasn't sure whether we were heading to his house or my house, but I really didn't care either. I just wanted to be inside a house where it's much warmer.
Walking beside him in complete silence was something that was so simple yet so satisfying, and it wasn't something that I wasn't used to. Ben didn't talk much, it was usually me who did all the talking, but I just didn't feel like it today. That, and I couldn't think of anything to say, at least something intellectual since Ben didn't do small talk. He liked deep conversations, something that leads from one thing to something else, something that makes you think hard about your answer.
Our hands brushed against each other as we walked side by side, and I just smiled slightly to myself when I stretched out a little further and tried grabbing his hand, except, as soon as I did, he pulled away as if I had just given him an electric shock.
He turned to look at me, and I probably looked a bit disheartened right now, I wasn't quite sure really since pretty much all day I've had the most glum expression on my face.
Apparently my 'glum' expression wasn't such a bad thing after all, because he just reached out and grabbed my index finger and held it very loosely, and then it was like this morning again when we didn't say a word, we just enjoyed each other's company and I for one, enjoyed having his hand in mine. I wasn't quite sure how he felt about the latter.
We ended up going back to his house. It didn't look like anybody was home, and usually is be happy about this, but I knew Ben, and I knew he wasn't thinking the same thing as me, therefore, pursing something with him wasn't on the list for today - that, and I wasn't in the mood for anything of the sort.
I took my shoes off outside and left them to the side to dry, then Ben opened the door and I scurried In after him and shut the door behind me.
He rushed upstairs and I tried my best to follow after him, but the wetness of my clothing made it slightly more difficult. It wasn't soon before a towel was shoved in my face.
"Thanks." I murmured. He just nodded curtly in return and turned away to grab himself a towel.
This was the Ben I liked.
I smiled to myself before walking into his room and vigorously dried my hair with the towel. Ben walked in and did the same before sitting at the foot of his bed and letting out a deep breath.
He placed his hands at the collar of his shirt and lifted it up over his head, it sort of took me aback but then I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from his back as it rippled and the muscles in his arms as soon as they were thrown above his head.
"You can stop staring now," he smirked and stood up to walk over to his dresser. He threw me a shirt and it hit me on the face. Usually I'd be able to catch it before but I felt like I was in wonderland.
Cheesy? Just a tad.
The shirt he gave me smelt fresh, and I turned my back to Ben and I stripped off my old football shirt. I stared down at my stomach - it looked bigger than ever, and even though you could see the faint lines of how athletic I used to be, I still felt bad. I'd never worried so much about my weight beforehand, but seeing Ben's photoshopped body made me realised how mine could've been.
I quickly changed into the warm, dry shirt and turned around, only to see Ben looking at me with a cocked brow. I just shrugged to him and he shrugged back. I noticed he'd already changed into a pair of joggers, and had another pair for me in his hands. I quickly changed into them.
His glistening green eyes drilled holes into my face. His mouth was open slightly and his eyebrows were furrowed, making him look curious. Scrap that, he looked mischievous. It was a wonderful look on him.
My hand had a mind of its own and traced up his chest, placing itself on his heart. I could feel the pounding against my hand, it wasn't rhythmic at all, it was all over the place actually, and not vey suited to his taciturn persona. Why am I comparing his personality to his heartbeat? Perhaps it's just because he doesn't seem like the type of person to be struck by anything, his chill and calm complexion gave away the idea that nothing could make his heart race.
Apart from me.
Cautiously, he placed his hand on top of mine. On his heart. His callous fingers brushed against my smooth skin, and the feeling of it was addictive.
Using his other hand, he gripped the hem of the t-shirt I was wearing, and lifted it up, only to slip his hand underneath and use the tips of his fingers to slowly move up and down, rhythmically... unlike his heartbeat, still thumping against the palm of my hand. I kept my eyes trained on his hand that was warm on my abdomen.
"What are you-" I started, instantly getting cut off.
"I've never done that before."
"What?
"Touched a guy... like this."
I met his eyes again. His complexion still mischievous, with the slightest hint of curiosity.
"And? How do you feel?" I asked, my voice low.
His fingers caressed my nipple, causing my eyes to roll back slightly, but I quickly composed myself and hoped he didn't notice. His eyes were now glued to my chest anyway.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
"Doesn't feel as odd as I thought it would." He mused, and moved his hand to my lower back, pointing downwards so his fingertips stuck themselves in between my skin and the waistband of the sweatpants.
Earlier, I may have decided upon not pursuing anything of this sort, but now I was thriving for it.
I met his eyes again, the bright green drawing me in, and found myself leaning in. My lips just aching to meet his. To feel their softness, their texture, the taste.
However, I thought about how precious our relationship was. It was very precious. To me anyway. I didn't want to rush anything with him.
So instead of meeting his lips, my hand dropped to my side and my forehead met his chest instead. I breathed in his blissful scent; although the shirt he wore had just been washed, I could still smell a trace of his aftershave.
"Did I do something wrong?" He murmured, running his fingers through my hair.
"No." I replied, lifting my head up off his chest and meeting his eyes again. I kissed him on the cheek, "i just want this to go slowly."
"Me too." He nodded, and hugged me tightly. It felt nice being hugged like this, with his muscular arms around me and his scent wafting around my nose.
After he let go, I grabbed his hand and dragged him downstairs. "Come on, I want food."
He just gave the smallest chuckle and let me pull him to the kitchen, then he tugged my arm towards the pantry and pulled out a few packets of crisps. He closed the door again by kicking it with his leg and then we sat in front of the TV in the living room.
We decided on The Devil Wears Prada. Actually, that's a lie. I was the one that decided on the film and Ben just went along with it because he knew how stubborn I was.
"Be a dear and dim those lights for me." I muttered, smirking at him. He rolled his eyes, but did as I told him to anyway, before taking a seat back on the sofa. He invited me to cuddle by stretching an arm out, and I happily accepted and scooted closer to him.
I liked the fact that Ben acted like this scary, mysterious guy that you didn't want to approach, but he was a big softie on the inside. He would really only open up to certain people, and I was glad to be one of those people.
His thumb brushed against my arm, upwards and downwards repeatedly, it was such a small action, but it bought me so much joy and it was making it slightly more difficult to focus on the film.
It was halfway through the film when the front door opened and Wendy popped her head in. She was carrying two bags of groceries and Tasha held two more.
Tasha didn't any notice that the two of us cuddling like this, or maybe she did but she didn't seem to care, but it was Wendy whose eyes I caught right before she winked to me.
I smiled to myself and looked to Ben, who seemed more into the film than I expected him to. It was as if he had just blocked out everything but the television playing in front of him, and I stifled my laugh.
I made use of my free hand and placed it on his knee. The gentle touch knocked his right out of his stupor and he looked around wildly as if he had just heard a gunshot or something.
"Oh. Hey mum." He greeted.
"I'll leave you two." Wendy smiled, walking to the kitchen with the two grocery bags in her hand.
"I knew I picked the right film."
Ben just rolled his eyes and moved his hand from around me, and instead he placed it on the inside of my thigh, just not so much in a sexual way, as if he wanted to do something, but it was more in a compassionate way like 'I want to touch you, but be subtle about it too'.
The film went on, and on, and on, and I thought it would never end. It felt longer than usual because of Ben's burning touch on my thigh. All I could think about what how much I wanted to kiss him. How much I wanted to touch him in places only I'm allowed to. How much I wanted to clench a fistful of his hair and cry in agony.
I had to do something about my sexual drive.
Ben just looked like such a masterpiece, with his tactical looks and colourful personality. A chiselled jaw that could cut steel, a perfectly rounded nose, and cheekbones that make you want to scream in jealousy.
I felt spoilt, like I had just bought this masterpiece, but I didn't have the eye to properly observe it and perceive it as the artist intended.
I felt that we didn't fit together nicely like a jigsaw. Shouldn't couples do that?
This connection we both made didn't feel real. It was so brand new, it was taking me some time to get comfortable with. I was used to flings and one night stands, and open relationships that involve me having a lot of sex. A slow paced relationship like this felt so foreign to me.
I know that Ben was trying to pull a move back upstairs when we were standing in his room, but I don't think he would've enjoyed being in the forbidden zone of my pants this early in the relationship. Me? I was all for it, but I decided to put my selfishness aside. That's what you do in a relationship, right? That, and today I've been going to through a whole plethora of emotions. I know I might think I'd want to do something in the moment, but when it comes to it, I'd probably not feel the same way.
"You think too much." Ben mumbled.
"I know."
"Stop."
"It's not that easy." I snickered, meeting his eyes.
He moved away a bit of hair that covered up my eyes, and gripped the inside of my thigh a little more tightly.
Go slow. My mind screamed at me.
I sighed.
"I want to kiss you so much right now." I breathed out. I admit, it sounded pretty stupid, and very thirsty.
Ben shrugged, "do it."
"Wha-"
"Do it." He repeated, the sternness in his voice becoming apparent. Is it bad that it was such a turn on?
I licked my lips and draped my arm across his stomach so that I could grip onto his waist. Everything seemed to move extremely slow after that, our heads were leaning in moving slightly to the right so that we didn't bump noses, but honestly, it felt like hours until our lips finally connected and mounded with each other's.
Sure, I've kissed Ben before, but those kisses felt nothing like this one. This one involved him actually kissing me back, it felt so real and so unlike all the kisses I've had in the past. It felt like anything you'd hear out of a romance novel, with the truest part being about how electric the kiss is.
I didn't want to retract, but I felt like I had to since I wanted to see Ben's reaction. He looked... stunned, but no longer revolted.
It was him who initiated another kiss, this time we were so over the first time jitters. This time, we were biting each others lips and finding ourselves perfectly in sync as we moved our heads to get a better angle.
His lips weren't as soft as they looked, they felt quite rough, but I didn't seem to mind. His stubble grazed against my face and I caressed his cheek as I slowly found myself straddling his waist. Although we weren't using tongues just yet, I felt content just kissing him like this, feeling his warm hands on my waist and his heartbeat against my chest.
Everything I said earlier about not fitting like a jigsaw flew straight out of my mind. Why? Because it was a complete lie. I didn't feel connected to him before because there was a lack in substance. Kissing him now, I felt like nothing else in the world mattered, and if people frowned at the fact that two people, with completely different personalities were dating, then they're obviously the ones that lack in intelligence because right now, with Ben, I felt like I had never been so emotionally attached to anyone in my entire life.