A/N: I know. I'm on time. It's shocking. I might not be posting a chapter next Saturday because of Thanksgiving, but I'll be back soon. I hope you have a lovely week and I hope you like the chapter! ~Lily
Long silence followed the quick confrontation, leaving all three boys haunted and confused, especially Phil, who was unaware that Tyler and Troye were seeing each other. Eventually, Troye sighed and asked, "Can you leave or at least turn around?" Out of the trio, Troye was, by far, the most outgoing, and he was always willing to speak his mind and try to earn what he wanted.
Phil jumped slightly, shocked by the sudden noise, and turned slightly red as an embarrassed blush washed over his face. "Oh, um, of course," Phil rushed, turning to walk out of the room as fast as his legs carry him. "I, uh- I am so sorry." When Phil gently closed the door behind him, he heard a slight creak and the soft rustle of sheets from the other side. Low, quiet grumbles sounded as Tyler and Troye spoke, but the voices were muffled, and Phil immediately felt guilty for attempting to listen to their private conversation.
Phil began to overanalyze the situation, wondering why Tyler had a boy in his bed. Of course, Phil inferred a few segments of information, but he wanted to allow Tyler to explain the situation before he jumped to any drastic conclusions. Now, Phil Lester does not judge people; he's not a judgmental person and that quality never reveals itself in his attitude or character. However, Phil worried that Troye would play Tyler, and simply throw him away like a piece of garbage that no longer has any use or purpose. He felt guilty for worrying that Troye was a bad person before really meeting him as a person, but Tryoe Sivan was known for playing unsuspecting boys, especially gay boys who were still insecure and uncomfortable with themselves. Phil thanked his lucky star that he never fell for Troye's charm, and Troye had an excess supply of that.
Suddenly, the Tyler's bedroom door opened, surprising Phil who jumped off of the wall across from the door, and Troye walked out, now fully clothed and carrying a light jacket. He looked at Phil, mumbled, "Let's all pretend that never happened," and walked down the dark hallway, not once looking over his shoulder.
Slowly, he opened Tyler's door, scared to knock in case he awoke someone, for they would both die a long and painful death. Tyler sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, but looked up at Phil and placed his glasses gently on his face. Phil looked down, ashamed he thought visiting Tyler in the middle of the night was a good idea, and feeling second-hand embarrassment from the feeling radiating off of his friend. "So," Tyler whispered, looking down with a red face.
Phil looked up, opened his mouth, but found it too difficult to speak to Tyler when they both felt so ashamed and embarrassed, and returned his gaze to his shoes. "I'm sorry," Phil whispered, trying to show Tyler how much he needed his best friend in his life. "I-I wasn't thinking. I just... I really missed you." Small tears formed at the corners of Phil's eyes, threatening to fall like raindrops, but Phil swallowed the lump in his throat and they quickly dried.
Tyler shifted uncomfortably on his bed, rustling the sheets loudly, and causing both boys to cringe. "I shouldn't've stopped talking to you. I shouldn't've walked out of the house like that. I'm sorry," Tyler quietly replied, hoping Phil would accept his offer of friendship. In all honesty, Tyler craved their relationship more than Phil desired it.
Phil looked down, uncomfortable and sad, wanting their friendship to remain intact with all of his being. Finally, his small voice asked, "Why did you get so mad about Dan?" Once Phil openly said the words, he regretted them, knowing that Tyler felt insignificant next to Dan, but he still needed the full answer, and he needed it from Tyler.
Tyler closed his eyes very tightly, as if he were trying to wake up from some horrible nightmare. "I slept with Troye," he muttered, displaying his guilt and embarrassment. "He didn't talk to me for days. I thought he played me. I didn't want that to happen to you." There was a long, uncomfortable silence, but Phil finally pulled Tyler into a bear hug, enveloping him in warmth and love.
After the small, but kind, gesture, Phil wondered, "Why didn't you tell me?" He felt so untrusted and unloved and insignificant, but he couldn't tell Tyler that, especially when he was so upset.
Tyler looked down for a long moment, and when his deep blue eyes met Phil's, he whispered, "I didn't want you to be disappointed in me."
While Phil and Tyler continued their discussion, the boys poured every detail of their lives into the other, rekindling their friendship with more love, trust, and care than it ever possessed before. Miles away, Dan awoke from a long, unsettling sleep on the floor of his living room. He felt his heartbeat pounding in his head and his back was sore from laying on the uncomfortable carpet. Despite the slight pain he experience, he knew the house needed to be clean before his mum came home the next morning, so he stood up. Immediately, he grew dizzy and blackness outlined his vision, making him stumble backwards before the blood drained to the rest of his body and he felt full consciousness.
Checking his phone, he discovered a text from Phil, and wondered why Phil would want to talk to him after the all of the terrible things Dan had done.
Phil: the animations still aren't done. I'll be in the library tomorrow
Recognizing Phil's offer, he pushed the black-haired boy's contact information and pressed the call button, hoping Phil would answer the phone, despite the early morning timing. Of course, the call startled Phil, who was hugging Tyler with a smile, and ripped him from his friend's grasp as he jumped. He heard the tone in the silence of the situation, and answered the phone before freezing, listening for signs of movement. He nearly sprinted out of Tyler's house before answering the call.
He, of course, skipped over the caller ID because of the late timing of the phone call. "Hello?" Phil asked, wondering who would be awake and why they would call him.
On the other side of the line, a groggy voice answered, "Phil?" They sounded tired, angry, sad, and, overall, unhappily upset.
Phil pulled the phone away from his ear, checking the contact, before he replaced it and questioned, "Are you alright, Dan?" Why would Dan call Phil at such an odd time? Why would Dan call him at all, especially when he was mad? Phil began to panic, hoping the boy was safe and healthy.
Dan sighed, wondering, "Could you come to my house and help me clean something?" Dan felt legitimate pain when he lowered his pride to ask for help, especially with a task like cleaning.
Phil, on the other hand, smiled happily, unmindful of the time, and agreed, "Of course! When do you need me?" He was ecstatic to help, even with a task like cleaning, and even more excited that Dan called him and seemed to have forgotten about the bet. Both boys were extremely uncomfortable about the bet, and Dan, who had remembered the bet very well, was unwilling to bring up the subject.
Dan displayed a slight hesitation before he admitted, "Now." There was a long, confused pause because Phil was puzzled as to why Dan needed him so urgently and so soon. "My mom comes home in like three hours and I broke something. There's red dye everywhere. I need help."
Phil ignored his reluctance, and decided, "I'll be right over." Something deep in his gut twisted, but not in a necessarily bad way, and Phil knew how nervous he suddenly became, hoping the feeling meant something good was about to happen.
When he pulled into Dan's driveway, light raindrops had begun to sprinkle the face of the earth like a light shower. Phil walked up the steps to reach the front door and extended his hand to ring the doorbell, but Dan already yanked the door open. Immediately, the strong, sulfuric scent of alcohol invaded Phil's nose, making him cringe slightly. Dan stared at Phil for a moment, unsure of why Phil agreed to help him. Dan knew he didn't deserve Phil's friendship, or even his presence, but Dan also didn't want to sacrifice the gift he had received. Partially, though, Dan was staring at the moonlight on Phil's face and the stars twinkling in his eyes. In that moment, despite the ratty clothes Phil wore, Dan knew that Phil was gorgeous, although he'd known that fact for a long, secretive while.
After a few minutes of staring, Dan stepped to the side, creating no noise as Phil stepped inside and neatly placed his tennis shoes along the side of the doormat and Dan wanted to smile at how organized the boy was. But Dan Howell doesn't smile, especially at black-haired boys because of something as stupid as habits involving footwear. Phil liked Dan's home; it was warm and bright and, despite the disgusting smell of alcohol, Phil inhaled a breath of cinnamon. He subtly looked around at the pictures on the walls, staring at the smiling faces, unaware of the boy staring at him with the smallest, half-smile hidden beneath his mask. As Phil admired the house, awe evident in his eye, Dan looked at Phil with similar adoration in his mind.
After some time, Dan finally whispered, "I can't get it out of the carpet." Phil's head snapped up, alarmed at the sudden voice breaking his trance.
Nodding, the raven-haired boy followed Dan down the hall, through the kitchen, where an empty glass with dried, red spots lay on its side, and into the living room, where a large, brownish stain greeted him. "What happened?" Phil interrogated upon noticing the broken glass around the wall, where something dripping had dried in and unkindly pattern.
Dan nervously scratched the back of his neck, muttering, "I was mad." In all honesty, Dan knew Phil was one of the only people who accepted him as a person and didn't view him as a mentally challenged monster. He felt relieved that Phil didn't fear him because Dan hated the look of terror that popped up in the eyes of his fears. Dan didn't want to be scary; he wanted to be normal, and Phil was the only one who made him feel like a normal teenager with a normal life.
Phil giggled lightly, amused at Dan's aggression, but Dan felt his shoulders tense. "Why are you laughing?" he demanded, suddenly insecure and uncomfortable. The truth was that Dan had never been so vulnerable as he was in this moment, although, soon, he would be even more so.
Phil smiled up at him, sticking his tongue out slightly, and Dan relaxed his posture. "Nothing," Phil replied, shaking his head slightly. "You never cease to amaze me, Dan Howell." Dan looked down, unaware of how to respond.
Eventually, Dan mumbled, "Just help me fucking clean." He noticed Phil cringe at his choice of language, but said nothing as he walked to the closet full of cleaning supplies. (A/N: CLEANING SUPPLIES ARENT THE ONLY THING IN THE CABINET, DANYUL)
Phil walked inside, standing on his tip toes as he attempted to reach a stain remover. Dan, who struggled to swallow the grin poking at his lips because of Phil's problem, stepped forward and stretched his long arm above Phil's head to grab the bottle. Startled, Phil turned around quickly, watching Dan above him and wishing he could stretch his own arms around Dan, who just radiated loneliness. Soon, though, Dan stood in front of Phil normally, offering the bottle to him. "Thanks," Phil whispered, unwilling to trust his own voice, especially because of the awkward tension tension between the two boys. "Uh, can you please grab me a rag?" Phil asked, trying to change the subject or at least remove the topic from his mind.
Dan nodded, disappearing as Phil returned to the living room, accompanied by the ugly stain. As he began to spray carpet cleaner on the floor, he was unaware of Dan watching him closely, and Dan was confused as to why he wanted to watch Phil perform a task as simple as cleaning a carpet. Still, Dan wanted to see Phil, even if it was in such an odd and mundane setting.
Clearing his throat, he entered the room and handed Phil the slightly dampened washcloth. Phil stood, looked around the room, found the trash can, and dragged the bin to the wall. He knelt on the ground, not wondering or caring why Dan wasn't helping clean up the mess he made, and began to pick up the glass shards.
Dan sat on the edge of couch, his arms on his knees, watching with fascination as Phil cleaned the glass. He wondered how a simple human being could hold so much grace, beauty, kindness, passion, and raw perfection. Of course, Phil was far from perfect, although Dan viewed him as so. Eventually, tortured by the uncomfortable silence, Dan asked, "Are you going to say something about the bet?" For once, he was curious, and decided to let Phil speak freely.
Phil, whose eyes remained on his task, quietly replied, "No." The response was blunt, and Phil hoped Dan didn't think he was being rude, but he didn't want to elaborate and make Dan uncomfortable or unhappy.
Dan tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Why?" he interrogated, his gaze boring into the side of Phil's head.
Phil stopped what he was doing and looked up, meeting Dan's dark brown eyes. Dan's eyes held many secrets in their shadows, but Phil's eyes, though they were bright and blue, contained their own unspoken thoughts in their depths. Phil frowned, wondering, "Why would I talk about the bet if it makes you uncomfortable?" Phil was not raised to point out people's insecurities or to push their buttons.
Dan sighed, as though it were obvious. "Because you won," Dan admitted, though he didn't admit that he really wanted to kiss Phil, even if it was late at night in his living room with a pounding headache from a slight hangover.
Phil stood up to stretch his legs and came to sit by Dan, wanting the boy to open up to him. He knew how hard it became to hold in all of your thoughts. "Dan," he whispered, trying to sound soft and gentle. He placed a small hand on Dan's arm, relief filling him when Dan didn't flinch away from his touch. "Your feelings are more important than a stupid bet. You don't have to follow through with it, especially if you don't want to." Deep inside of him, Phil wanted to kiss Dan, but he certainly wouldn't if it made Dan unhappy.
Dan bit his lip, thinking for a long moment. Finally, he quietly admitted, "Phil, I'm sorry, but I couldn't kiss you. I'm not comfortable with that. I-I'm gay. I really don't want to be and I tried to fight it, but I'm fucking gay." He knew that Phil was about as queer as hey come, but he still feared Phil's judgement.
He looked up at Phil, who was smiling gently. "Dan, there's nothing wrong with being gay."
Dan stood up, overwhelmed by his own confession and Phil's response. Worried, Phil stood as well, following him as Dan ran to the bathroom after stumbling to gain his balance. "Dan!" Phil yelled, banging frantically on the door. He didn't want Dan to hurt himself, and he worried that the brunette would do something irrational or dangerous.
Dan, who had quickly locked himself in the bathroom, felt as though he were going to throw up and he wanted to cry. But in a good way? Dan was so relieved that Phil accepted him, and so happy that someone finally knew his deepest, darkest secret, but he had no idea how to react. He felt numb to the world, though he was vaguely aware of Phil banging on the door and screaming his name urgently. He heard the door handle shaking aggressively as Phil pulled on it, attempting to enter the cramped bathroom.
Finally, Dan opened the door; he didn't rip it off the hinges in a Dan-like fashion, nor did he swing it open swiftly and allow it to bang against the wall, but he slowly creaked it open, looking down and leaving himself vulnerable and visible to Phil. Suddenly, Phil's small arms were wrapped around him tightly, as though shielding him from the world. "Don't do anything you'll regret," Phil whispered, desperate for Dan to remain safe. "You're so important, Dan. There's nothing wrong with being gay." Dan stood in the doorway of the bathroom, uncomprehending of the level of care Phil displayed and unresponsive to the hug.
When Phil felt Dan's entire body tense, he slowly stepped back, blushing slightly. "I-I'm sorry, but I worried. I know that coming out isn't easy," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. Though he didn't know why, Dan wanted to run his hands through Phil's hair too.
Dan took a step towards Phil, making Phil take a step back as he tried to put a small, but comfortable and reasonable, gap between them. Dan kept walking forward, and a very confused Phil continued to walk backwards until his back hit the cold, hard wall. Although Phil was against the wall, Dan still stepped forward, though his movements were slow and seemingly dramatized. Eventually, Dan's feet were outside of Phil's, gently brushing the sides of them. Phil's entire face was bright red, and he stared at his feet, noticing Dan's bare feet brushing against his socks. Dan smirked at Phil's embarrassment and leaned in closer to him, catching his chin with his hand. Gently, Dan pulled Phil's face upwards, looking into his blue eyes. Dan leaned against Phil's forehead, closed his eyes, and whispered, "Can I kiss you?"
The question shocked Phil, and he reacted slowly, not knowing what to say. Eventually, Dan's eyes fluttered open, hoping Phil wasn't uncomfortable, unwilling, or scared. "I-I'm sorry, what?" Phil whispered, unsure if he heard Dan correctly.
Dan's hands pressed against the wall on either side of Phil's head, trapping him into answering the question. "Can I kiss you?" Dan repeated, though he felt suddenly less confident.
Immediately, Phil's hands found themselves on Dan's cheeks and Phil pressed their lips together. Dan stepped even closer to Phil, melding their bodies into one, single being. Warmth radiated off of Phil, embracing Dan in heat, making him feel cared for. Dan's hands moved from the wall, placing one beneath Phil's chin and running the other through his black hair. For several minutes, their lips were connected passionately, and Phil finally understood why books always explained sparks flying. He felt the sparks inside of him as a happiness and a love and pure, raw joy exploded within his being. Dan understood the fireworks, feeling all of the joy of any celebration erupting inside of him, spilling out of his body and into the world.
After moments of soft and gentle running hands through hair, touching forearms and shoulders, caressing cheeks, Dan pulled away. He inhaled deeply, biting his bottom lip gently. Phil studied Dan's features as he processed the situation, until Dan's eyes suddenly opened, wider than usual. Dan turned red, but not from embarrassment, and his jaw tightened as his breathing quickened. Phil frowned when Dan's shoulders tensed. "Get out," Dan whispered, stepping back quickly.
Phil's frown deepened. "What?" he asked, confused.
Dan looked away, biting the side of his index finger. "That was the deal. We're even. Get out," he ordered, raising his voice. "Leave." Dan's voice was harsh and demanding, but his voice cracked at the end of his words, revealing his emotions.
Confused as to what he did wrong, Phil hurried out the door. Dan watched the car pull out of his driveway as Phil drove away, and Dan wished he would've stayed. Despite his words, he knew he could never "get even" with Phil because of all the positive impact Phil had on his life. That first month and that first kiss were only the beginning.