Nicholas
"Nicholas? Honey, there is something on the floor and it has your name on it." My mom called up to my room.
I was still sobbing in my bed, with Dylan who was patting my back.
Dylan went down to my mom for me to see what it was.
He came up again and softly laid next to me in bed again. "What was it?" I asked, wiping the never ending tears away.
"Nothing. It was just a trick from your mom to get you down to dinner but i told her you wanted to sleep." He lifted me up and placed my head in his lap while gently stroking my hair.
"Thank you. Thank you for everything." I grabbed his hand and played with his fingers a little.
"No worries." I felt him bow down to me and placing a kiss on my head.
I turned around slightly and lifted myself up to look at him.
"No seriously. Thank you. You didn't have to do that. Hear me cry about that jerk. Help me text him so i wouldn't break down and go talk to him. Thank you, really." I smiled weakly at him.
"I told you. No worries." He smiled at me and took my face into his hands as he wiped away some tears with his thumb.
He stopped swiping but let his hand stay on my cheek.
Then he rushed closer to me and just, kissed me. I wanted to push him away but he just went for it, not letting me get out of it.
He pushed me into my bed and hopped onto me. I so wasn't ready for that. All i could think about was Liam. I was hurt. So hurt. But i still loved him. Of course i did. That doesn't just go away in a few hours. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to cuddle with him. Smell him. Fall asleep with him. Kiss him. Just...be with him. But if he didn't want that, there was nothing i could do.
"Stop." I mummured against Dylans lips.
"Why? You want it. Admit it. You want me." That's exactly what Liam always said. But with Liam it was true and funny. With Dylan? No.
"I don't. Get off of me." I tried to push him away but he wouldn't let me. He just kept on kissing me. And he kissed me uncomfortably hard. I just cried more, thinking about Liam. He would help me. He would punch him. He would save me. He always saves me.
"Shut up. You want this." Ok he was starting to scare me.
"No, I don't. Please let go of me." I tried to scream at him but he wouldn't let go.
He kept on kissing me and started pushing himself harder against me.
Then he lifted himself up and took off his shirt.
"Wowowow no. Stop." I screamed at him.
He pushed me into the bed harder and jumped on me again.
"Shut up. Just shut up." He sounded angry. Oh fuck. What is happening?
"Please. I don't want this." I still cried.
"Stop! You want this. You always wanted me. Never this Liam jerk. I was always the only one for you."
"Dylan, no. I don't like you. I barely even know you. I love Liam."
"He made out with some other dude and he's probably fucking him right now. You don't love him. You are supposed to be with me. I love you. I have always loved you. "
"Dylan, i only know you for about a week."
"No, you knew me before. And you've loved me. You just didn't know it."
"What the fuck are you talking about?! You're messed up. I don't love you. I love Liam. He's the only one i love. I love him and only him. For ever. I need him. I love him so much." The last words came out barely audible and i couldn't help myself but sob again.
"No. Stop talking." He screamed at me.
Then he got down on me and pulled off my pants. "What are you doing? I don't want this, get off of me." But he was so much stronger than me. He held me down on my bed.
"Shut up." He was scaring me so fucking much.
"Please don't hurt me." I cried out again.
"I won't hurt you. Just stop denying that you want me. You want me." He kissed me again. "You want this." His hands wandered to my boxers. "You want me. Because you love me. And i love you. And i will have you, no matter what you say. You're mine." Help.
"Ok. Ok let's do it." If that's the only way I'll get him to stop being aggressive.
"What?"
"Fuck me." I kissed him. It felt like nothing. So emotionless. I missed Liam so freaking much.
"I knew you loved me." He sighed.
"You're right. I love you. Liam was just an act. You're the only one i love. Now let's do this." I fake smiled at him as he kissed down my neck. I turned us both around so i was laying on top of him.
I went down to his pants and took them off and threw them on the floor.
Then i saw something fall out of his pocket.
"Let me just grab a rubber." I smirked and actually grabbed one but also looked what fell out of the pocket.
It was a folded paper with my name on it. What the fuck. So he even lied about what my mom said?!
"Here, put it on I'm just going to go to the bathroom real quick." He nodded and pulled his very hard penis out of his boxers.
If that was Liams i would've started to drool, but Dylans? I just wanted to puke. I was seriously afraid of this boy. If i had carried on to push him away, who knows what might have happened.
But he's stupid for letting me out of the room. He's not even thinking that I'm playing. Stupid and psycho. But he scared me so freaking much.
I ran into my parents room and got my dads gun. Yes he has a gun. A small one, but it does what it's supposed to do.
"Leave my house." I came into my room again and pointed the gun at him.
"Woaah. Baby? What are you doing?"
"I said leave my house. You psycho. I'll call the police. Leave." I screamed at him, shaking.
"I don't understand."
"Of course you don't. It's all in your fucked up mind. Now leave me alone. And Liam too." I got closer to him.
I kept on pointing the gun at him while i threw his pants out of my window and glared at him. I would've never used the gun on him, i was shaking like a little dog, but i couldn't let him do that to me. Whatever he wanted to do. But i was scared as hell and it took all of me not to break down in tears.
I couldn't stop thinking about Liam. He would help me. Save me. I wanted him so bad right now. And shit, i would've talked to him as he asked, but Dylan said i should write harsch and heartless so he wouldn't see how he broke me.
After all, he did make out with that dude. And i didn't know if he was doing anything with him right now. Maybe I'm nothing to him. And it was just a joke for him.
And i was just another fuck to him.
But i didn't want to think about that right now. It would just break me even more.
"If you ever come near me again, I'll call the cops." I shouted at him from my window.
I found myself touch the window frame long. This was Liams window. That sounds so lame but it was. It was his place. He sneaked in to see me, every night. I loved each time. I loved him so much. And i still love him. So much.
"Honey? What's going on in here. OMG. WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?" She immediately started to shed tears and ran to me. "Please don't do anything. You have so much to live fo-"
"Mom i wasn't going to kill myself." She hugged me tight. "It was to scare off Dylan. He touched me. Kissed me. He wanted more. But i didn't. But he didn't stop. Mom i just wanted to scare him. I wanted him to never come back. Mom i was so scared. He wouldn't stop." I cried.
"Baby,...but he didn't do anything to you did he?"
"He j...just kissed me and pinned me down and...at some point where he got really angry i played like i wanted it so he wouldn't be so harsch. It worked but i was so scared. I said i was going to get a...condom but walked into your room and got Dads gun. Mom i was so scared." I cried into her shoulder even more.
"It's ok baby. It's all going to be ok. I'm so sorry i wasn't there earlier. I'm so sorry, Baby. It's all going to be ok."
"No it won't. I don't even care about Dylan anymore. I can't care about him because i can't think. I can't think about anything else but Liam. Mom i miss him. I miss him so much. It hurts."
"Honey. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I don't know what happened. But it's going to be ok." She hugged me so tight and i couldn't stop crying.
"I need him mom. I love him. I didn't know i was capable of loving someone as much as i love him. It hurts mom, it freaking hurts. I love him so much i can't...i can't live without him. What do i do? I love him so much, mom. I just...love him so much." I stuttered, sobbing into her.
"Baby, i don't know how to comfort you. I love you so much and it hurts me to see you hurt like that. Wh...what did he do that made your...situation like this?"
"I...he...people at school saw him making out with another dude after he dropped me off at school. I didn't see it but Madison and Dylan saw him. But the thing is, i love him so much, i would let that go through. I just don't want to loose him. But i think he hates me."
"I really don't like that he did that. And i don't know how i feel about you taking him back that easily but i know how much you love him, why don't you just talk things out with him then?" She kissed my cheek after we stopped our hug.
"He...asked to talk to me but Dylan told me to decline. He took my phone and texted hom, he said things like go fuck yourself, mom, he'll never want to talk to me ever again. I was there when he texted that stuff. I saw it but I was so hurt and so...sad I didn't do anything about it. I should have dome something about it" I let myself fall onto my bed. My head was throbbing, i felt like i didn't have any tears to shed anymore.
"Just call him. Try it." I nodded slowly as she put my phone in my hands.
I dialed his number which i knew by heart and it beeped 4 times.
"Mom, he's not picking up."
She mouthed 'wait' and i waited longer. I was so nervous. What if he didn't want me anymore. What if he was fucking that other annoyingly handsome dude right now? I just wanted to cry again.
It beeped some more times until it beeped faster, the sign that no one's there. I hung up.
"Baby, just give him time. What about the letter i gave Dylan for you?" She asked and my eyes shot to the floor where i threw it after i pulled it out of Dylans pants.
"That bastard told me you just wanted to trick me to come down for diner with that letter. I found it in his pants later." I found myself crying again.
"Then open it now. I'll be downstairs. I'll leave you alone now. I love you." She kissed my head and picked up the letter from the floor. She took dads gun from my bed amd probably placed it in their room again.
The letter was wrinkled. I opened it and cried when i saw that my name was blurred out. Probably tears. Hopefully. That would mean he cried too. If the letter is from Liam.
Nicholas.
I'm so sorry. I don't know what i did to make you feel that way about me. But you have to have your reasons and i accept them. I accept everything you do, because i love you, Nicholas. You're everything to me. I love you more than anything. And i promise, you won't have to deal with me anymore. Never again. I won't be able to hurt you ever again. Just please, know that i love you. That i will always love you. I know what we had was only a month and a bit longer but I've never, ever in my life had such a connection with anyone. Please remember me like i was when you loved me. When i didn't hurt you. Have a good life my love.
Goodbye. I will always love you.
Liam.
I was sobbing. The fact that he called me his love made me cry even more. If he was being himself while writing that he would've added something like 'wow this sounds cheesy' but he didnt. Which meant he wasn't ok. I just knew he wasn't. I was crying my heart out again.
Ok I needed to fucking talk to him. I was so afraid. So scared. This was almost like a goodbye...or suicide note. But it wasn't. It couldn't be.
I grabbed my phone again and dialed his number as fast as i could.
Again, no one picked up. I ran downstairs to my mom.
"MOM." I screamed as i grabbed my car keys. "Come. We have to go to his place. I don't know where he lives but I'll find it. I'll find him."
"W..honey?"
"He's not picking up and I'm scared he's going to do something to himself. Come on. We have to find him." I couldn't stoop my tears from falling down.
"Ok, where do we look?"
"His place first. He says it's 10 minutes from mine and it probably looks old and...i don't know...worn out. And the grass is probably long. He is always staring at our grass and saying it's beautiful. Oh my hod, i miss him so much. We have to find him." My mom drove because i wasn't able to anymore.
"Ok that has to be it." I said after about 15 minutes of driving around. "Stop the car." I shouted at her, not meaning to sound angry. I ran out to the front door and banged on it.
I saw the bell. It said Joseph. I cried even more. "Mom that's it." I banged harder on the door. No one answered. "Sorry i have to." I kicked into the door a thousand times until it finally broke. "I'm paying for that. I have to find him." I ran into the house as a pitching scent of alcohol stung my nose.
I didn't know my way around but ran into every room i could possibly find. Liam wasn't there. I totally forgot about his abusive dad who could jump me at any second but to my advantage i didn't see him either. And there was no car outside of the house.
I found a set of stairs and ran up them.
I ran through every room until my heart sank down into my pants as i fell to my knees, pressing my head against the bloodstained body.
My beautiful man.
"MOOOM CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW." i screamed as loud as i could. The fact that Liam didn't move at that scared the shit out of me.
"Baby, I'm here. Wake up. Please." I cried as i looked at his arms. They were covered in blood. Like the rest of his body. I found several cuts on his arms which made me cry even more. But the most scary thing was, his whole body was bruised up, fresh bruises. His face and his neck, and as i lifted up his shirt i barely saw any skin that wasn't red.
Liam was so cold.
It was clear that his ass of a father did that to him, but what son of a bitch would let their kid bleed out on the floor. He wasn't in the house. He just left. Left him here to die.
"Baby, please wake up. I need you." I cried into his neck. I held his hand as i kissed his face all over.
A few minutes later the ambulance arrived and carried him away. They allowed me to stay with him while we drove to the hospital. My mom drove with my car behind us.
"Is...is he going to be ok?" I asked the paramedic sitting with me in the ambulance.
"We can't say for sure. He has lost a lot of blood. If he has been like this for 2 hours more or less, it's critical. We will do our best. I'm sorry."
"Don't say I'm sorry. That means he's not going to make it. He IS going to make it. He will. He has to." I softly laid my head onto Liams shoulder and smelled him. "He has to. He doesn't know that I'm sorry. He doesn't know that i forgive him. He has to know that. I love him so much, he has to know that i love him." I screamed, while crying into my boyfriends numb body.
"I'm sure he knows that." The paramedic patted my shoulder.
"He doesn't. He knew. But we had this huge fight and i told him i hated him and that he should fuck off and all of that shit. I'm so sorry, baby. I love you." I got to Liams ears and whispered into his ear.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled and gave me a weak smile again.
"I love you. You hear that? I love you. Please wake up. Wake up for me. I need you. I can't do this without you." I cried into his neck.
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