It's been almost a month since Camila came home with a rose in her hand and tears in her eyes. It's been almost a month since Camila last talked to Lauren.
As far as she's concerned, Lauren is a part of her past and nothing more. Now, she's just another girl that goes to her school.
Kind of, because she doesn't really See Lauren around the school that much and if she does she always looks high or drunk, making out with Zayn.
But then a few days go by and Camila doesn't see Lauren at all.
Lauren is a forbidden topic to talk around when Camila is at the table and perhaps that's why Normani asks Tori about it when Camila gets up to get herself a drink.
"She hasn't been in any of the classes we share since last Thursday." Tori replies
"She's suck an idiot I swear. I tried talking to her but she told me to go fuck myself." Ariana adds
"And then she went to fuck Zayn." Niall scoffed
"I don't think it's any of your business who she sleeps with." Camila replies and they all look ashamed
"That's not-"
"What you meant? Yeah. It's her life and she is mature enough to know what she's doing. Just please stop talking about her."
So they do; no one mentions Lauren or Zayn or anything about them ever since.
But then Zayn shows up at school just before their last class and Lauren is not with him. And a part of Camila hopes they broke up.
But Lauren doesn't show up for the remaining of the day and Camila knows she's probably drunk or high.
She's on her way home when a car stops on the road.
"Hey."
Camila is confused for a moment or two because he never talked to her before this.
"Can I help you?"
He looks like he's been crying the whole night and like he hasn't slept at all.
"You're Camila, right?"
"Obviously." she scoffs
"This is for you. I'm sorry." He hands her a box and leaves
It takes a few more minutes before Camila comes home and runs upstairs to her room.
The box is full of her pictures with Lauren and things from their dates, tickets to the shows they went to see, stupid plastic rings that Lauren had bought for their one month anniversary, a flower that Camila tucked into Lauren's hair on their day on the beach.
It's quite confusing until it hits her that this is Lauren giving her all their things back and that Lauren is completely done with her.
What a coward, she couldn't even do it herself.
Her eyes scan the box a few times as she's deciding what to do with it all. And then, a light blue envelope draws her attention.
It's probably Lauren rubbing it in her face, or that's what she thinks.
So she opens it and unfolds the papers.
"Drake's 4th mixtape. (Please laugh, you'll get it later.)
I know you're mad at me and you honestly have every right to be. If I was you I'd be pissed at me too. (Hey, that kind of rhymed.)
I treated you badly and there is no excuse for it.
I promised I'd treat you right and I broke that promise. That wasn't very nice of me. It was a shitty move.
I know you think I was only using you for your body, I swear I didn't. It looked like it, that for sure.
The truth is, I had to be close to you. I wanted to feel your touch and hear your voice for just a bit longer. I was always so lost in your words and the way your mind works, it's so beautiful. Just like you.
I can say this million times and you'll never believe me but you are so beautiful Camila. Every part of your body and soul. Every little thing you dislike about you, I adore it. Every thing you wanna change about yourself, it's what made me fall for you. And I kept falling and falling and I still am. There's no bottom to touch, it's only falling for you. Not that I mind because out of everyone, I'd fall for you over and over again.
You're so easy to fall for and to love. Do you have any idea how easy it was to love you?
I'm not gonna say you're flawless because obviously we all have flaws. You're flawless to me though.
Perhaps that's why I never stopped loving you. Even when I tried.
It's bullshit what they say, how the easiest way to get over someone is to her under someone else. Complete bullshit, I'm telling you.
I tried to do it, I'm sure that at some point you found out about it, or realized it on your own. You're not dumb, I should have known that.
I think I noticed it that night when I blurted out I love you and you told me I don't. You looked so sad and hurt. God. I hated myself. So I went with it. Told you that you're right because I thought it's gonna be easier for you.
Because losing someone you love is hard, it's even harder if they treat you right.
Maybe I made a mistake by treating you so bad, but it was the only thing I knew.
Zayn had told me a few times to tell you what's going on, he said you'd understand. It's not that I didn't think you'd understand or be here for me. I was afraid I'd pull you down with me.
I heard the stories around the school. About Zayn and me, drugs and alcohol. They weren't far from the truth. We did get drunk and high a lot. Why the hell not? We're dying anyway.
I don't meant it as in 'oh one day we're all gonna die.' way. I've got cancer. I had it before I came to Miami but the doctors were sure it's gone. I started feeling bad and Lucy took me to a check up and they told me it's back. I'd have a year, top, if I'm lucky and with the right treatments.
That's why I was acting so weird at the end of our relationship. I didn't know how to tell you. It was never the right moment. I mean how was I supposed to tell you something like that? So, to make it easier on you I tried to make you hate me. Did it work? Do you still love me?
Do you remember how I told you my dad has left us? I didn't tell you the whole story. He had a cancer and he left us once it started to get bad. He didn't want me to remember him like that. Once I grew up my mom told me that he took his own life about a week or two after he left. My mom is still mad at him because of it. She says they could have spent that time together, creating new memories.
I agree with him.
It would kill you to see me after chemo, that's why I always took Lucy with him. Until I met Zayn. We clicked. Not because we fell in love. We were never in love. For crying out loud, he's asexual and I'm lesbians. We faked it. A dick move but you'd be able to get over me a bit faster. I think.
Anyway, we got close and we were here for each other every day. He understood, you know? He still does. He's doing the same thing right now. Writing letters. It's just that he has more letters to write. Beside my mom, I only have you and Luc. The first two are written down but I can't bring myself to find the right words for you my love. This is my tenth try, believe it or not. After 7th Zayn was so annoyed at me. He asked why do I care so much if I won't be here to see your reaction anyway. He does have a point. But I guess it's because I care so much about you.
Promise me you'll take care after yourself? Like you took care of me? Promise me you'll love yourself as much as you loved me. And promise me you won't hate me or do anything stupid once you finish this letter? That's all I ask Camz, for you to be safe.
Words could never describe how much I love you and how thankful I am for having you in my life. You are my everything Camzi. I'll love you endlessly.
Always and forever.
[If you're reading this, it's too late. That's the name of the fourth mixtape by Drake.]"
By the time Camila finished reading she was a crying mess. She screamed and cried her eyes out until the dark came and someone walked into the room.
"She's gonna. Lauren's gone." Camila sobbed into Lucy's embrace
"I know. I know." Lucy comforted her but she herself didn't knot how to get through this
--
In case you didn't get it, Lauren's cancer came back and she didn't want Camila to go through it all so she tried to push her away but couldn't do it because she loves her too much. She met Zayn in support group and they 'dated' just for the sake of it. And then when it got too much they took the pills and took their own life(just like Lauren's dad did when his cancer got bad). Zayn's twin brother brought the box to Camila.
***
Because y'all knew something is not quite right with Lauren.
Also, I got a new tattoo on Tuesday.(Ps it's red because it was takes right after it was done.)