i can't help it, i'm addicted but i can't stand the pain inflicted in the morning; you're not holding on to me.
the only thing michael wanted to wake up to was warm arms engulfing his torso along with lips sloppily kissing the back of his neck, but instead he woke up with his face pushed into a pillow and luke laying so far to the other side of the bed, it seemed like he might fall off. the back of his foot occasionally brushed up against michael's calf, but that was the only contact that michael had gotten all night.
michael wanted more, but didn't know how to ask for more.
a grunt from luke's side of the bed caused michael to jump, unaware that the blond was awake. without a word, luke shifted out of the bed and briefly rubbed his face with his large hands, then looked over at michael. the faux blond could feel luke's hard stare at him, except he didn't know if luke was looking at his ass or the back of his head.
"are you up?" those three words rang loudly in michael's ears, and he froze his entire body. he didn't know if he wanted luke to know that he was up, since he had a feeling that luke might kick him out if he was awake already. it wasn't like luke was going to ask michael out to breakfast, or offer to make him breakfast. that wasn't how luke was, as simple as that.
"c'mon, i know you're up. cal told me about your insomnia problem."
"that doesn't mean i'm up," michael deadpanned, and quickly bit down on his tongue when he realised that he had given away the fact that he was up. a smirk coated luke's lips as the faux blond rolled over on his back and blinked up at the blond standing beside the bed.
"i know that; i'm not an idiot. i also know how defensive you are, so i figured you'd reply to that," luke heaved a sigh as he sat back down on the bed, but tossed a leg and an arm over michael's body so that he was straddling the shorter boy, "now, you didn't answer my question. are you up... for another round of this?"
"if that's what you want," michael breathed out, his green eyes fluttering shut as luke's hand went to caress one of his cheeks. at first, michael thought that luke was going to kiss him, and his cheeks flushed with the thought of kissing luke. he had dreamt of how his mouth would collide with luke's multiple times, but he knew that the blond wasn't the type to show too much affection. at least, not towards michael for some reason.
"mm, that is what i want," luke murmured, his lips brushing against michael's ear and sending a shiver down his spine, "that's what i'll want tonight, so swing by here around ten tonight, yeah?"
"oh, yeah," michael muttered a bit confusedly as luke backed away from michael until his feet touched the ground. he actually thought that he and luke were going to have sex right then and there, but he should have known better. luke was mainly the type to hook up at night.
"i have plans with calum today," luke randomly stated as he watched michael sit up in the bed and reach for his wadded up leggings to put back on, "and he'll be here in around twenty minutes, so i kind of need you to leave right now if that's alright."
"okay," michael mumbled, growing a bit upset at the fact that calum was going to hang out with luke today. michael was that kind of friend who got jealous easily if his friend hung out with someone else more than him, so he found himself hating the fact that calum and luke were hanging out today and didn't even bother to invite him.
michael was painfully aware of the fact that luke was staring him down as he struggled into his leggings. they hung tightly to his legs, therefore they were a bit hard to get into and luke seemed to be getting a bit annoyed at how long it was taking michael to get dressed.
"listen," luke suddenly spoke up as he walked over to michael once the faux blond had pulled his leggings all the way up. michael was pleasantly surprised when luke reached out to grip michael's jaw, his fingers softly trailing his jawline as he tilted michael's face up towards his own so that they could make eye contact, "thanks for last night; it was great. that mouth of yours sure does work wonders."
michael desperately wanted to open his mouth and say something like, "you wanna see how it works against yours?" but he didn't want to make a fool of himself in case luke would say no, so he just smiled lightly and admired the dark blue hues of luke's beautiful eyes. abruptly, luke let go of michael's jaw and took some steps back, giving michael a clear shot for the bedroom door.
it was obvious that luke didn't want michael to stop to go use the bathroom or anything, so michael just bent down to pick up his combat boots and then walked out of the room. he walked barefoot through luke's house and approached the front door, hesitating before he grasped his keys and then unlocked luke's door to get out of the house. after locking it, michael was walking down the driveway and onto the sidewalk, grimacing at the hot cement under his toes.
with as much balance as he could manage, michael put on his combat boots as he walked to his house. he was sure that the neighbours thought he was idiotic, the way he was hopping around trying to push on his boot and walk at the same time, so he pushed back his shoulders and tried not to think too much about what his neighbours thought. the majority of them were people who couldn't afford a bigger house but didn't want to live in townhouses, so they thought they were each cooler than the next. it was annoying.
michael's heart hurt. his heart hurt as he walked into his house and turned on the lights, and as he kicked off his combat boots and collapsed on his bed face down. he couldn't help the tears from streaming from his eyes and down his cheeks, the only thing on his mind being luke hemmings.
luke was somewhat affectionate one second right before sex, then ice cold the next when he wouldn't be holding on to michael in the morning and then proceeded to kick michael out the morning after. the constant switch between the two polar opposite feelings made michael feel pain all over.
the sound of michael's cell phone buzzing from his nightstand interrupted his crying session. the faux blond sniffled as he sat up and wiped his eyes before glancing at who was calling on his phone. he smiled fadedly when his caller id flashed at him from his screen, then he sniffled again before pressing answer and then holding his phone up his ear with a small, "hello?"
"hey michael, it's ashton," the voice on his phone rang through his ear, causing michael to smile again, "i was just calling because cal canceled my plans with him once more and i'm left with a breakfast reservation that shouldn't go to waste. do you want to come with me? wait, are you okay? you sound kind of sad, even though you only said one word. i'm pretty good at reading my best friend."
"yeah, i'm fine, just tired," michael absentmindedly replied, that being his automatic reply every single time he was asked that, "i dunno, ash. i don't think i'm in the mood to go out for breakfast right now. i'm thinking i'll just make a poptart then take a nap or something."
"take a nap?" ashton repeated in astonishment, "mike, it's nine in the morning. didn't you just get up a little while ago? why would you want to take a nap?"
"i dunno," michael shrugged, even though he knew the answer perfectly well. because when he was sleeping, he wouldn't be able to feel the same pain that he felt when he was awake.
"c'mon, please come to breakfast with me," ashton was begging profusely at this point, causing michael to bite back a tiny smile and rub the back of his neck awkwardly, "maybe it'll cheer you up? i can tell something's wrong, even though you won't tell me. please, i'm really lonely and you're my only other friend besides calum. i'll even drive over to your house and pick you up if you're not in the mood to drive."
"how about you cancel the reservations and you can come over?" michael suggested, fiddling with the corner of his bedsheets, "we can make poptarts together and take a nap together."
"that's boring," ashton whined, causing michael to sigh in frustration at his stubborn best friend, "i'll even pay for your breakfast? what else can i do to make you come?"
"that's what she said!" michael exclaimed proudly, hearing a snicker from ashton's end of the line before he reluctantly added, "i'm sorry, ash. i really don't feel like going out and socialising today. maybe tomorrow?"
"fine, i'm coming over," ashton spoke flatly before michael heard a click, indicating that ashton had hung up. michael frowned before pulling his phone away from his ear and locking his phone, a great wave of anxiety rushing over him because he shouldn't have even invited ashton over in the first place.
don't get him wrong; michael loved ashton. he was a great guy and always there when you needed someone to talk to, but they both had very different lifestyles. for example, whenever michael took off his clothes at night to take a shower, he would randomly throw his clothes in his bedroom and not bother to pick them up later, because you never know when you're going to want to wear that outfit again.
ashton, on the other hand, was kind of a neat freak. he needed everything to have its own place and hated when things were out of place, and in michael's small house, everything was out of place. it gave michael anxiety whenever ashton came over, because he would rant about how important tidiness is before he'd proceed to start cleaning up. and when ashton cleaned up, ashton went through michael's things.
michael didn't like people going through his things; that had always been a pet peeve of his since kindergarten.
after some great moments of self-pity, michael reached for his phone and found himself going to luke's contact information. his thumb hovered over the 'call' option while his teeth gripped onto his lower lip like their lives depended on it.
he didn't want to seem like the clingy one-night stand that the main characters almost always had in drama movies, but michael couldn't help but want to hear luke's voice. luke's voice was so fucking soothing in his ears and michael thrived on listening to the blond talk, even though he hardly muttered a few words to michael at a time.
"fuck it," michael muttered before he pressed down on the 'call' button. his breathing picked up speed as his phone showed the fact that he was sending a call to luke, and he numbly held the phone up to his ear. michael nibbled on one of his fingernails to keep his breathing steady, but multiple rings had gone through his ear and luke wasn't picking up the phone.
"hey, it's luke. sorry i couldn't answer your call; please leave a voicemail and i'll get back to you as soon as possible, as long as this isn't cal. thanks, bye." beep.
"um, hi, it's michael," michael awkwardly pulled his hand away from his mouth and hesitantly continued, "um, just wanted to make sure we were set for that time tonight? i'm not sure because my friend's coming over, so i just wanted to make sure that was a good time for you. um, okay, i'm ranting now. i guess i'll see you soon, then. bye."