Hey I'm getting really upset about this story. I've planned it out and it's almost done but all the chapters seem meaningless and basically the same thing over and over again. There's basically no plot, nothing interesting happens, and the writing sucks. Overall, I'm not really sure how I feel about it anymore because it used to excite me but now it just seems like I'm writing the same chapter over and over and over again because I have no fucking idea what to do with it. I guess I'll just try to finish it though I sort of really can't stand it anymore.
Anyways, on a better note, I wrote this chapter quite well because I listened to Taking Back Sunday's new album (Tidal Wave- go buy it) on repeat while writing and oh my god it's so good please go listen Death Wolf and Holy Water are the best songs on it (in my opinion so far.)
Also though this story is pretty stupid, thank you a lot for 750 reads and I'm pretty sure I'll get to 1k by the end of this. I have two (ONLY TWO WHAT THE HELL) chapters left to write and they'll be decent but the next chapter sucks complete ass so don't be too upset with the lack of anything good in it WHY ON EARTH ARE MY AUTHOR'S NOTES SO LONG??? GO READ NOW I'M SORRY
-
// so close your eyes, i'll guard the door
// and when you wake, you'll wake with me
-
Alex had been hit by his father.
Which had happened before, and was just happening more and more consistently and Alex never really knew why he had been hit, well, he just knew that he must have done something wrong. The last time, he had been at Tom's funeral and had been adamant about not wanting to go. Dragged along by his parents regardless of his feelings, Alex had spent the entire funeral trying to breathe away all of his worries, which, not surprisingly, didn't work. He ended up leaving the service without telling anyone where he was going, and his father found him wandering around outside in the trees and wondering if things would be different if Tom was still alive.
The answer: they would be.
So Alex's dad shouted at him because, obviously, the easiest thing to do was just to simply sit in a room and not do anything at all, but everything that everyone had been saying about Tom and "what a shame" it was that he wasn't alive and that he had been "too young" had all gotten to Alex and Tom had always told him to drown everyone out at funerals because it was better not to hear anything at all when they went to a funeral of a family friend. Yet Tom had been alive for that one, holding Alex's hand so he wouldn't start shaking, and smiling at him when things got dreadfully serious and painful. But this was Tom's funeral, and no one was there to hold Alex's hand and make him feel better.
He thought a lot about the person designated to hold his hand these days, because that person was important and pretty, and that was before they had kissed on the hood of Jack's car but Alex still thought about him often but his thoughts were ruined by his father. So when Alex didn't reply to any of the angry words being shouted at him, and instead blatantly ignored his father, he had gotten hit.
Maybe he had understood it that time, because everyone was stressed and upset and he didn't want to blame his dad but then it happened again, and this time it was bad.
Alex knew that his parents were home as soon as he got there, because all of the telltale signs hung around the front of the house. The mailbox wasn't shut properly, the lights were on inside, the stones on the gravel path in front of their house had been moved to the side, everything seemed normal. Blood had already become a significant taste in his mouth, but the familiar flavor did nothing to bring him back out of his nervous daze, and he continued up the stairs of his house and in through the door as if nothing was wrong.
Something was wrong.
Evidently, Alex's parents had gotten the call from the principal and to them something was definitely wrong. So Alex walked in and immediately heard his name being shouted, a command for him to come into the kitchen. As though he was watching himself through a lens, Alex slowly walked into the kitchen, his eyes wandering back and forth from his mother to his father. And then they were shouting. Of all people, it was his parents who should know that when anyone shouted at Alex, he tuned out. If he was listening in the first place, any attention lapsed as soon as the person speaking to him raised their voice in the slightest. Yet neither of them used that knowledge that night, and Alex had had enough of everyone's yelling and he couldn't fucking stand them so he just said.
"I don't care." And then he got hit.
Alex had sort of expected it to be more dramatic, but he reacted in slow motion because he wasn't aware of what was happening but he was still shaking, he was shaking so hard and his mom was yelling but this time it wasn't at him it was at his dad and then he just slipped upstairs and locked his door even though his parents didn't like when he did that, and then he just kind of collapsed.
The little part of his wall between his bookshelf and his closet doorway had started to feel a little more like home than the rest of his house did, but then where you slept wasn't really home. If Alex had to really pick a place where he felt home, it would be anywhere in the company of Jack Barakat. Still in a shaky daze of pain and confusion, Alex spent a decent amount of time down on the floor lost in his thoughts, but the light had slowly faded out of his room and he finally came around to the realization that the sun had set and the world had moved on from what had happened earlier without him.
So he got to his feet and joined the world.
Joining the world mainly consisted of Alex sitting on his bed and watching the sky. It was the color of faded denim, the cool, calm shade that was left behind after the sun had set and all the fancy clouds had gotten out of the way. Alex loved the color of the sky right after the sunset, but right before the sky turned completely dark. There were tiny hints of pink and purple left in it but overall it was just a pale blue that housed darker wisps of clouds and Alex loved the color of everything, he just had no one to talk to about it.
Even though he had sort of gotten himself out of his daze, he lost track of time again when he watched the sky and this time when he came back around, a dark navy sky greeted him. The beauty had been lost. Alex felt lost, and wanted Tom and Jack and Rian and people that made him happy and safe but no, he was stuck in his room with an aching face simply because he didn't want to participate in some stupid math competition that would make the school look good. Why were people so horrible?
-------
Something was hitting Alex's window. He first had to consider all of the possibilities as to what it could be, but then the tapping didn't stop and Alex's worries about his parents coming to yell at him some more about why they were being woken up by the sound of something that suspiciously sounded like rocks hitting the side of their house became stronger.
Pebbles. They were pebbles, pebbles picked out of the mix of gravel and whatever else was in the front path leading up to Alex's house; and of course, Jack was out there throwing pebbles at Alex's window in the stupid form a cliche that Alex wasn't sure if he appreciated or not. His hands shaking again, Alex managed to pry his window open which immediately caused a cease in the throwing of rocks.
"Hi!" Jack shouted in a voice that was way too loud, causing Alex to pull a finger up to his own lips and shushing him. "Sorry- I- can I come up?"
Jack had been thinking about Alex all day long, although his thoughts had taken a major detour and hadn't really gotten back on track yet but were headed there somehow. For some reason, he had felt that something was wrong and Alex usually came looking for him if something was wrong but no, he was up in his room having the audacity to shush Jack. There wasn't any other way to get Alex's attention (little did Jack know, there was) so he proceeded to embrace the cliche of throwing pebbles at Alex's window. Thus, when his boyfriend's shadowed face appeared notably holding an expression of fear, Jack faltered and spoke instead. And he was invited inside but only if he didn't make any noise until they got to Alex's room. Immediately obliging, Jack met Alex in the front entryway.
They hugged as soon as Jack shut the door behind him, Alex hanging on for dear life as if when Jack pulled back he would be gone forever. Alex was shaking again, nervous that his parents would walk downstairs because they heard the rocks, or Jack's voice, or the door slamming, or their footsteps or- or-
"What happened?" Jack broke the no noise rule without hesitating, and Alex could have slapped him right there and then. Jack realized what he had done, and quickly followed Alex up the stairs so he could finally talk. Alex shut the door slowly behind him, and turned around to face Jack.
"I swear to god-"
"No, stop." Jack hesitated, stopping only because Alex sounded fed up and it wasn't good to be fed up. Alex had another bruise on his face. And this one wasn't as bad as the other one that had turned multiple different colors before it had finally decided to fade back to his skin tone. The other one wasn't completely gone, but the new one on top of it made Alex look even more worn out.
"I got suspended. I cursed at the people and I got in trouble and I'm suspended and you are not supposed to be here and my parents are really really mad." Alex was shaking badly now, so Jack held his hands and looked him right in the eye. And Alex seemed to be trying to look away because he was nervous and just... scared, but-
"I love you. And school might be shit and your parents might be assholes but we've got exams and then school is over and everything is going to work out, you know that. And yeah, we've got a few months left but then we can go anywhere and do anything and be free for a couple months and everything is going to work out 'cause you've got me and Rian and... yeah. We're good." It was a pretty lame inspirational speech, but it helped Alex enough and all he needed right then was something to help enough.
"Yeah- I. Thanks." I love you. Another pause followed, and Jack seemed to realize what he had said.
"Can I clean your room?" He continued, finding a new task to work at that wasn't awkwardly comforting Alex. Jack didn't wait for a reply, and instead began pawing around Alex's closet.
"Are you looking for something?" Alex asked, slightly confused by what Jack was doing.
"I just want to decorate," Jack replied. He had a point, Alex's room was pretty bleak compared to Jack's poster splattered room that had clothes and random knick knacks strewn everywhere. Alex, not knowing what to do, awkwardly sat back on his bed and thought.
"Where were you after school?" He asked, not wanting to make a big deal out of how distraught he was, especially when Jack wasn't waiting at his locker but wanting to bring it up somehow.
"I was talking to Rian. He's having a rough time, you know."
"With what?"
"Life." Jack threw a tangle of Christmas lights behind him, letting out a joyful yell as he stood up with a box of paints. "You've got paints! And lights!"
"We're not painting my walls. Don't yell." Jack turned back around, noticing how uptight Alex was acting.
"We're not painting your walls. Can we hang up the lights?" Alex nodded, watching as Jack stood on his desk and taped the lights up in certain places, looping them around half of Alex's room. Alex bit his lip as he watched Jack work, standing on desks and chairs and eventually having to balance between the doorknob of Alex's closet door and the edge of a dresser. Alex couldn't help but giggle at how ridiculous Jack looked, struggling to tape up the lights. Fighting the temptation to plug in the lights and watch Jack fall out his his precarious position because of a minor electric shock, Alex shuffled his feet and bit at the inside of his cheek. Jack finally fell onto the floor, hitting the light switches on the way down and letting out a confused laugh as both of them were left in complete darkness. Crawling around on the floor for a while, Jack finally found the outlet and plugged in the fairy lights.
Jack had an idea of the expression that would dawn on Alex's face once he finally got the Christmas lights set up, and he couldn't help but smile himself. He didn't know why, but the little twinkly lights reminded him of the night that he and Alex had spent out under the stars, and he could tell that Alex was thinking about it too. In a marginally hyper way, Jack then asked if they could watch Home Alone.
So they did.
Home Alone was their movie, the movie that they always watched when they needed something to watch and talk over at the same time, which was exactly what they did. Both of them felt like they needed clarity on what was happening with each other and such, so they cuddled under Alex's warm comforter and talked in quiet voices and only sometimes giggled or yelled when Jack would lean too far in some direction and their shared earbuds would go flying and get lost in the blankets. And even though it wasn't something life-changing and mega important, it was enough positivity to stop Alex from shaking and frowning and worrying so much and by the time they had finished the movie and talking, Jack had gotten another idea and Alex had relaxed enough to look at the clock and realize that they were able to talk in normal tones as everyone had to be sound asleep by then.
Jack asked if he could play some music and Alex replied that he could if it was quiet so Jack played Motion City Soundtrack quietly which sounded weird but Alex liked them because one of their members had funny hair and Alex was all about funny hair. Jack Barakat had funny hair. Alex had always wondered about Jack's hair, about how damaged it might be, about how fluffy it would feel if it wasn't so spiky. By the end of the day, Jack's hair always ended up in some weird style that looked silly and tonight wasn't an exception. Alex reached out and patted Jack's hair, smiling.
"You've got soft hair." Alex said quietly, drawing his hand back.
"Thank you." Jack replied, beaming at him. Jack was proud of his hair and happy that other people liked it too. "Can I paint your back?" He then asked, nodding his head a bit to the song playing.
"What?" Alex asked, confused. Paint... his back?
"Paint your back. Yeah, like Tumblr girls. You have paint, why not?" Jack was grinning and Alex really didn't have any problem with it so he just replied with-
"What are you gonna paint?" Alex had never taken Jack for an artist, and was only slightly worried about what was going to be painted onto his skin.
"You'll see."
-------
They had switched to Taking Back Sunday and Alex was falling asleep. The calm music and the feel of the brushes and paint being swirled around on his back was relaxing, and Jack was singing a bit and talked sometimes but otherwise it was a warm, wonderful silence that Alex absolutely relished. He had long since lost the worry of what Jack was painting, and had just relaxed into a calm daze.
Jack was certain that Alex had fallen asleep, and wasn't sure if he wanted to wake him up or not. His eyes were closed, the messy fringe of his hair falling over his face, a little strand of hair moving back and forth as it was blown by his rhythmic breaths. His back was covered in paint, and Jack couldn't help but feel proud of himself because he had really created a masterpiece.
The song changed to something louder, and Jack would have to make sure to personally thank Chad Gilbert some time in his life because Alex had woken up. He sat up, and Jack let out a little "it's not dry yet!" and Alex remembered that his back was covered in paint, so then he just stared at Jack.
"We'll let it dry then," he said, and then he got up. Jack watched him move toward the window and let out a nervous laugh when Alex opened it.
"Are you-"
"We'll let it dry on the roof." He finished, and climbed out of the window.
-------
Alex seemed to have a thing for climbing out of windows, but it added to his magical persona so Jack never doubted anything about it. The moon was out and it was big and bright and Jack was terrified but exhilarated at the same time and he was on top of Alex's fucking roof, slipping and sliding and falling and laughing and hanging onto his boyfriend's ankles because he was going to break a limb sometime that night, he knew it for a fact. Eventually, they managed to find a precarious place to sit on the roof that didn't involve either of them sliding and falling down the triangular structure.
The stars were out, and silver tinged clouds slowly crawled across the indigo sky.
"Hey Jack?" Alex asked in a small voice.
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. You're very important, you know." Jack smiled, watching his breath fog up in the air in front of him.
"You're very important too. Thank you." Alex nodded, watching the sky. He was beautiful, Jack thought, he was so beautiful.
Jack couldn't believe that they were real right then, that he was sitting on a roof with the boy who had ignored him for the first few days of school, only to laugh when he had damaged the gym floor. He was up there with the boy who had curled up with him on the floor of Rian's shed, the boy who had called Jack's shirt hideous right before he had kissed him, the boy who had made Jack laugh so hard that he wished that he could be by Alex's side forever, the boy with the pretty hair and intelligent words who was sitting on his roof with the sunrise painted on his back and a smile sketched on his lips and love, so much love colored into his heart.
-
haha the author's note at the beginning was too long so-
1. frank's new album comes out tomorrow i can't (UPDATE IT COMES OUT A MONTH FROM TODAY I'M LAUGHING I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING)
2. i barely edited this chapter so please deal
3. i have a math test tomorrow i'm gonna fail good god
4. fast updates and okay chapters that are long be proud of me!