The twinkle of the stars is shown in his eyes. And the soft kiss of the wind on my pale skin. The last bit of the sun has lowered over the horizon only seconds ago. I exhale deeply in thought about today. I feel as though I could spend the rest of my life just sitting here with this nerd. Oh, how cute out kids would be. But only in my dreams. That couldn't happen. After chemo it's nearly impossible to get pregnant and the only way that would've been possible is if. But they didn't.
"What're you thinking of?" Zach asks me.
"You." I answer only half honestly.
"Hmm...." Zach says smiling and hugging me. "I think I like that." I grin and sink into him enjoying the feeling id been missing. We both lay back so our backs are against the cold grass. My eyesight starts to blur before I'm even crying. I wipe the back of my hand on my cheek even if tears hadn't fallen. "Are you okay?" Zach asks me leaning backward to examine my face.
"Yeah." I nod and smile weakly.
"No your not." Zach keeps looking at me as though I'm a crossword puzzle. But I can't be solved.
"No. I really am. It's all better again. I've always been taught, 'it never gets better' but." I break into a laugh. "It's better."
"Who taught you that?" He asks.
"Myself. That's what happens as an orphan." I shrug.
"Holly." Zach says seemingly forgetting our recent conversation. He holds a soft finger toward my lip. And with the other he points upward. "Look." I look up and almost immediately see a light shooting across the sky.
"A shooting star." I whisper. "Make a wish."
"My wish is already true," Zach whispers to me and leans closer to me. My lips twitch in a small smile as I lean closer to him.
"A whole year changes how people feel you know." I say quietly.
"Have they?" Zach asks fear strong in his eyes.
"Only if you let them. Cause mine haven't even budged." I say quietly.
"Me neither." Zach pulls me so I'm sitting up and hugs me. "Holly. I still love you." Zach chokes out the words. "And I can't lose you again. Promise me that?"
"Promise." I reply softly.
"Holly?" Zach whispers.
"Yes?"
"Look at me." I tilt my head up and pull slightly away from him. At this moment our faces are so close we share the same breath. I inspected every movement of his face waiting for him to make his move but honestly? I could sit here all day. Zach rests his forehead against mine drawing my breath out of me. In movies at this moment their eyes ate normally closed and they're preparing to kiss or just recovering but now? My eyes weren't going to close and by the look on his face neither were his. He stared right at me with his beautiful Amber eyes.
For a moment I see pain in Zach's eyes and he leans back grimacing.
"What's wrong," I ask him scared if id done something.
"My leg." Zach gasps rolling up his pants leg revealing the prosthetic. I almost choke on my own breath just looking at it.
"Zach, it's just a prosthetic." I whisper as I lean in beside of him.
"Let's go somewhere. Just not here." Zach grimaces and I help him up nodding. Confusion had long passed over me as we made our way to wherever Zach was leading me.
"Where are we going Zach?" I ask.
"To my dorm at Seattle pacific." Zach says. "My roommate is probably out drunk."
"I go there too!" I say like a six year old. "Mine is probably finishing reading divergent for the 27 time was it?" Zach laughs painfully.
"Got lucky."
•••
"You weren't wrong." I say and examine the empty dorm.
Zach sits down and pushes on certain spots of his fake leg.
"It's phantom leg syndrome." Zach says and I sit beside of him. "I feel pain in a leg that's not even there."
"Oh." Is all I can say.
"Tell me about yourself." Zach smiles but it comes out in a grimace. "Most of the pain has left."
"Where do I start?" I laugh nervously. It feels like your telling your doctor you didn't do what he prescribed.
"The climax." Zach says.
"When I tried." At first the look ok Zach's face resembles confusion. But then understanding and pain flickered. "I was really sick and I didn't want to do anything anymore. I had no will to live." I shrug. "Then j almost tried. My therapist, Aaron stopped me. I promised to get better and I did then the shooting." I choke on my word and look away to hide the tears. "I wa walking when i stepped on a drivers license. It had his name on it. A bullet sounded the air and everybody but me and Jackson- the lil boy- were the only people who didn't scatter. He saw us and when he ran we his in an alley. But he found us and-" I hiccup on a sob.
"You don't have to go through this much detail." Zach says and cups the side of my arm.
"No I've got it." I start but sobs rack at me.
"No stop." Zach shakes his head. I just nod and reluctantly let him pull me towards him.
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Sorry it's late😔