.Lexa's POV.
"May we meet again." Lexa felt a sharp pang deep in her heart. May we meet again, Clarke. It hurt too much to say the words. Every time the words were uttered, the pain dug a little deeper. Lexa had managed to get Clarke to stay in Polis for a few more weeks, but she was out of ideas and Clarke needed to go.
Lexa nodded and quickly turned away from the desperate eyes standing across from her. She could not stay in the room any longer or she would never be able to pry herself away from the woman she loved. She walked down the hall to the elevator with Indra close behind. A comfortable silence fell between the two, but Lexa could feel Indra's unspoken emotions, her curiosity. She could hear each small breath escaping from her lips as she prepared to speak but then thought better of it.
"What is it, Indra?" Lexa asked, voice impatient.
"It is nothing, Heda."
"It is not nothing. I can hear your mind working from here."
"I assure you, it is nothing important."
"Indra, ron ai ridiyo op." Usually Lexa would not care what one of her subjects thought or worried about, but Indra was different. She was one of Lexa's most trusted guards who she had also learned a lot from throughout the years. She was also one of Lexa's closest advisors and if Lexa had friends, she would probably consider Indra one of them. If she cared about any one of her subject's feelings, it would be Indra.
Indra sighed, unable to hide the truth from her Commander. "I see that you and the Sky girl have become close..."
Lexa lifted her eyebrow. "Yes. Her people have joined the coalition and as a fellow leader, we have spent much time together." Lexa could sense that Indra was keeping something from her. Irritated, she stopped walking and turned to face her subject. Indra stopped as well but avoided her Commander's gaze. "What is troubling you?"
Lexa saw a softness in Indra's eyes that was rare. It was a softness that was reserved only for Lexa and she had only really seen it once before... after Costia. It was this softness that stopped Lexa from unleashing her wrath upon the woman before her.
"I worry for you. For your safety. For our safety. We don't know if we can trust them still." The word "them" had a sting to it, a harshness, as if Indra could not even bring herself to say Sky People. Lexa reminded herself that Indra had been on the receiving end of the atrocities of the Sky People. She knew she had to tread lightly because first and foremost, she was a leader, and then she was Clarke's lover.
"I trust Clarke. That is enough for now. She is their leader and I believe that she knows what is best."
"But Heda, she has not been to Arkadia in weeks. She does not know what is happening there. We do not know what is happening there. Pike is their leader now and he cannot be trusted."
Lexa thought for a moment. Indra was right. Clarke knew as much about the Sky People and their plans as Lexa did right now, and this was not much. Pike had already shown what he was capable of and it did not fare well for the Grounders. Lexa just had to hope that when Clarke did return to Arkadia, that she and her people would sort everything out. She did not want to think about what would happen if things went wrong. She did not want to think about what she might have to do if things went wrong. Clarke is a problem solver. She will figure this out, Lexa reassured herself.
Lexa saw desperation in Indra's eyes. They both knew that things could escalate quickly. They could become worse than they were at the moment. The Grounders and the Sky People would both lose if this did not work. "Nou get yu daun, Indra. Clarke is returning to Arkadia and she will sort her people out. And as you said, Octavia is there. She will be helpful as well." Lexa only wished she felt more confidence in her own words.
"But Heda..."
Lexa raised her hand, cutting Indra off. "I already made my decision about the barricade. That is the best we can do now. We must wait for the Sky People to take care of their own business."
"You put much faith in the Sky People... in Clarke."
Lexa had to hold her tongue, for anger was slowly beginning to bubble beneath her surface. Indra was becoming a little too comfortable with her words. But Lexa knew that she could not let her feelings for Clarke take over her diplomacy. "I have seen her strength. I have seen her fairness and her passion for her people. She would not make a careless decision. This, in turn, benefits us as well." She looked at Indra and softened her stare. "There are good Sky People. You have seen it, Indra, as have I. We have to trust that the good will overcome the bad." She paused, thinking of how to phrase the next sentence. "And if it turns out that our trust was misplaced, or that the good need our assistance, then I will be the first to take action."
This seemed to satiate Indra's fears as she slowly nodded in agreement. The crease in her brow, however, was still visible and the corners of her lips remained pulled down into a solemn frown.
Lexa sighed, "What else, Indra?"
"As I said, I also worry for you, Lexa." This caused Lexa to lift her head to meet Indra's gaze. Indra rarely referred to her by her name. She is lucky that we are alone. Indra would never dare address her by anything other than her title if others were present. But Lexa knew that she was only speaking from a place of care, from her heart. And she had to give Indra credit from letting her emotions show because it was so against what their people believed in.
"You do not need to worry about me." Lexa retorted, a little more harshly than she had intended to.
"You remember what happened the last time... I witnessed what happened the last time." Lexa's body reacted, anger and guilt taking hold. She fixed Indra with a poisonous glare. She did not expect her to dare bring this up. Had it been anyone other than her trusted advisor, their tongue would have been detached from their throat before the thought was even completed. Indra did not back down, however. "I watched as you broke, as the light left your eyes, as everything changed. I was afraid that you would never come back. I even feared that you would no longer be able to fulfill your duties."
I would never turn my back on my duties.
"But then something happened and you came back stronger than ever. It was as if that horrible event brought out an even better leader in you. You formed the Coalition, you even somehow managed to allow the Ice Nation to join, and despite what happened, you became the fairest, wisest, and strongest Commander there has ever been. You matured so much."
If only Indra knew the true sacrifice, Lexa thought to herself sadly.
"I knew what changed, and I wish it hadn't been the case. I saw as you closed yourself off from everyone, how you hid your heart. But that is what we do, as warriors. It strengthened you. Do not be angry with me, Heda, but I was glad that you did this. For you would never feel the pain again. And nobody could use your heart against you anymore."
It appears she does understand the sacrifice. Lexa was in awe of Indra. Yes, she could usually read her emotions through her actions, for Indra was never one to keep anger or hostility bottled up. The other emotions she could read in her eyes. But actually hearing Indra express herself was mesmerizing. Am I becoming too soft? Lexa almost had to remind herself of everything she had learned growing up as a Grounder.
"But now it seems that the Sky girl has managed to find her way into your heart..."
How can she possibly know already? Lexa was stunned at Indra's intuitiveness. Or perhaps she had not concealed her feelings as well as she thought she had. Lexa sighed. She could not lie to Indra, nor did she want to. "It will not interfere with my duties, Indra," she reassured her warrior.
"I know you would never let that happen, Heda. But things are different now. We are in a much more precarious situation than ever before. Clarke is not just another subject, a civilian like Costia was. She plays an active role in what happens with her people. She was their leader."
Lexa understood the difficult situation that they were both in as leaders. She did not need Indra to remind her. She had never intended to fall in love with a Sky Person. She did not ask for this. It just happened. The second she laid eyes on Clarke, she could not stop herself. A force much greater than her was drawing them together and consuming her thoughts. It would have been so much easier if we had never met. But then again, life wasn't easy. If it had not been this, something else would be making life difficult for Lexa and the Grounders. At least this predicament had a silver lining, and something amazing came of it.
"But look at all the good that has come from our alliance with the Sky People. Had I not trusted Clarke, none of the good would have happened. We would have never gotten our people back from Mount Weather."
"Excuse my words, Heda, but it seems as if you might be blinded in this situation."
Lexa gritted her teeth and held back the words she wished to unleash upon Indra. How dare she... But Lexa prided herself on being a fair leader, so she let Indra speak her mind since there was no malice behind it.
"Yes, the Sky People are not all bad. In fact, I trust Okteivia kom Skaikru with my life. But you are giving them all too much credit. The alliance that you formed with them, and then later allowing them to join the Coalition, appears to benefit them much more than us. More trouble has come to you than to them. What have they sacrificed for us? You sacrificed everything."
"I am not blinded, Indra. It is quite the opposite. I look past the here and now, to the future. I see the potential of the Sky People. I see the good in most of them. I saw the sacrifices that Clarke has made and will continue to make. Not for herself, but for her people. Someone bad could not do this. I see a future where they can help our people. They can teach us so many things. Look at the technology they have, the knowledge of things other than the woods and the ground. The weapons too. Perhaps one day, we can change ourselves as a people and learn about those. And if you would like to focus on the present, then the 13th Clan did already play a major role in saving my life when Queen Nia spearheaded the coup. Clarke's vote counted, making the vote not unanimous."
Indra bowed her head in defeat. Lexa was correct. "I know you are worried for me, Indra. For our people. We are at a fragile place. But look what the Sky People did at the Mountain. They are strong, and we could use that. And we have allies within their camp. We just need to give them some time... As for me, I will always separate my head and my heart. You know that. I would never endanger our people or myself. And Clarke... she can take care of herself as well. She is not weak." Lexa knew these words were true, but she also knew she was hiding the full truth from Indra. Clarke was strong... so strong. Lexa would not have been so attracted to her if she were not. But Lexa could not guarantee that either of them would be completely safe. She was worried for Clarke every time she was out of her sight. But she could not let Indra know. She couldn't know what would really happen to Lexa if anything happened to Clarke. No! This is not the time to think about this.
"I hope, Heda... " Lexa could feel that Indra was not buying it. Yet again, actions from both women were speaking louder than words. But there was nothing Lexa could do.
"Now, do not question me again!" Lexa broke the silence and put her Commander mask back on. There was no time for this now.
The two stepped into the elevator and rode it down to the holding cages. The door opened and Lexa was greeted by two guards standing on opposite sides of the hall. She called the first one over and instructed him to prepare horses for Clarke and her friend as well as food, water, and other supplies that might be necessary for their journey to Arkadia. "When you are done, fetch Tris and have her prepare for the journey. She will be accompanying Clarke and Murphy back to Arkadia."
Tris was one of Lexa's most trusted guards. She had seen her strength in battle as a warrior and she had witnessed her loyalty throughout her years as Commander. Tris was one of the only guards that Lexa always brought with her on long journeys to other clans. She was the sister of Gustus and was loyal to a fault as he had been. Even when she had heard the news of his death at the hands of Lexa, she did not hold any ill feelings toward her Commander. She understood the laws and she lived by the word of the Commander. She also knew that Gustus died saving Lexa, and she would do the same. It was also Tris who had saved Lexa's life during a battle against the Ice Nation. Lexa had been busy fighting three warriors at once, not noticing a fourth that was aiming an arrow at her. Tris, seeing this, ran through an entire hoard of Ice Nation leveling anyone in her path, and jumped in time to take the arrow for her Commander. She fought until the battle was won and even managed to walk back to Polis, not accepting the horse that Lexa had offered her. She would never let Heda walk while she sat atop her horse. People respected Tris. She earned it. Many also feared her after watching her win match after match during training and public fights.
"Instruct her to inform the warriors at the barrier to let them through without any problem." Lexa emphasized the last words, implying that if Clarke or Murphy were injured, blood would be drawn.
"Sha, Heda." The guard bowed and left to fulfill his instructions.
Lexa felt more at ease knowing that Tris would be accompanying Clarke on her journey, but she really wished it could be her. She knew that she could provide the best protection for Clarke.
"Heda, I could go with them too..." Indra offered, as if reading her thoughts.
Lexa thought about it. That would be better... two guards instead of one... But she needed Indra in Polis now. There were other pressing matters that she needed to attend to and she knew Indra could help. "Thank you, Indra, but that will not be necessary. I need you here."
The two walked down the dark corridor to the cage where Titus was being held. Lexa never frequented this floor of her tower. It was damp and dreary, with a faint smell of mildew and rust. There was no upkeep here and Lexa looked over the broken bricks and crumbling stone overgrown in some areas with moss with disgust. The sole purpose of this floor was to hold criminals. It had housed criminals of war, of treason, spies, Queen Nia at one point, and various other creatures awaiting sentence. This was no place for the Commander. She made the decisions upstairs and then the criminals were brought to her. This was a special case, though, and Lexa needed to see Titus herself.
"Who was it?" Indra's voice broke the silence and echoed down the hall.
"Who was what?"
"Who was it that shot you?"
This surprised Lexa. Surely Indra had heard. Almost everyone in Polis knew by now, even the citizens. Word had quickly spread through the city which is why extra guards had to be placed around Titus. Lexa did not want him dead before justice was served.
"You have not heard?"
Indra shook her head. "We were only informed that somebody had shot the Commander. People came up with their own theories, but I did not believe any of them. They were outlandish. Some were even saying that Titus did it!" Indra scoffed at this, not believing it could be true at all.
Well this is going to be interesting.
"I knew it could not be him," Indra continued. "He cares for you more than anybody. He lives by the law of our people. He would never break it by holding a gun."
I thought the same thing... Lexa did not know how to respond, so she continued to walk in silence. She began to wonder again, How did Titus come into possession of a gun... Maybe he was not the person she had always thought he was.
They arrived at the door to the cell and all Lexa could do was let Indra see for herself. She watched as a thousand emotions passed over Indra's face. Shock, confusion, denial, anger... rage.
"No..." Indra whispered to no one in particular.
"Open the door," Lexa commanded.
The four guards stationed at Titus's holding cage bowed their heads and one moved to unlock the door. Lexa walked in followed by Indra who still looked shocked. Titus was chained to a wall on the far side of the room, curled into himself. Dark circles surrounded his eyes which were now blank and sullen, red with sadness and lack of sleep. He appeared much thinner and more frail than Lexa remembered. His face hollow and his shoulders hunched. His robe looked like it was swallowing his entire body as it fanned across the floor around him. No longer did he appear strong and tall, a symbol of the flame and a trusted advisor of the Commander. He looks so weak... so thin. Lexa was convinced that his bones were probably visible through his skin. She wanted to be so angry, she was, but she couldn't help feeling sorry for him. He had been such a huge part of her life, it was hard separating the hatred from the caring.
Indra did not have this problem. "You!" she cried, as she propelled herself across the room.
"Indra!" Lexa tried to stop her, but her words fell on unresponsive ears as Indra unsheathed her sword and pulled Titus to his feet by his collar. She threw him against the wall and pressed the sword to his throat. It surprised Lexa that Titus was not fighting back, hardly even moving. His eyes looked so empty, they weren't even registering the person in front of him.
"Death to Fleimkepa!"
There was pure rage in Indra's eyes. The compassion that Lexa had just witnessed when they were talking was gone, overtaken by complete darkness and hatred. Lexa saw a fire in them that she was afraid she might not be able to extinguish. Droplets of blood were beginning to form as Indra punctured the skin at Titus's neck. A snarl lifted her lip, exposing her white teeth, and crinkled her nose, giving her an almost feral appearance.
Lexa inhaled and produced the most threatening voice she could. "Indra, hod op!" She needed to reel Indra in, to calm her, before her rage forced her to make a decision that Lexa did not want. This was nothing new to Lexa. She was used to Indra's anger and her spontaneous actions when pushed far enough. This time, it felt different though. Her anger was more fierce, more biting, and Lexa was afraid that Indra would not obey her.
Indra turned her head and her eyes found Lexa's. Lexa fixed her with a deathly glare, paired with a slight tilt of her chin into the air. Indra understood this. All the Grounders did.
"He does not deserve to live!"
"I know. But we must think about the consequences." Lexa remained calm.
"Heda, ai ste beja yu daun. Teik ai frag em op." Indra pressed the blade of her sword deeper into Titus's flesh. Blood was now dripping slowly down the blade toward the hilt of the sword.
"No, Indra. We still need him." Lexa was beginning to think that Indra had not heard the whole story of what happened that day. She was unsure if Indra knew that he was not trying to kill her, but Clarke. "Now, chil yu daun!"
Indra reluctantly removed her sword from its spot at Titus's neck and returned it to its sheath. She stepped back with a huff, allowing Lexa to take her place in front of Titus. She stepped into the space in front of him, bringing her face within inches of his.
"So Fleimkepa, what do you propose we do now?" Lexa would not say his name. He did not deserve it.
Titus avoided her glare, pressing his cheek against the wall in hopes of escaping through it. He did not move to speak at all.
"Chek ai au!" Lexa was becoming more and more frustrated by the lack of response.
Titus slowly turned his head to face Lexa. When their eyes met, Lexa felt a flood of emotions. This was so difficult. She did not know what to do. She wanted to exact vengeance for herself, but more for Clarke, but she also wanted to be fair. She did not want anger to fuel her decision. She had to remember the significance of the Fleimkepa. Lexa could see the remorse and the pain in his eyes. She wished that it hadn't been Titus who had done all of this. Why couldn't it have been anyone else... The decision would be so much easier.
For the first time in weeks, TItus spoke. "Heda, I am so sorry..." His voice was weak, thin... It sounded as dry as a desert. His cracked lips trembled with each breath he took. Lexa almost felt bad for him.
Lexa stood straighter before him, towering over his cowering silhouette. "Are you sorry for what you did? Or what you meant to do?" Lexa knew Titus was not sorry for what he had planned to do. He had set out to kill Clarke because in his twisted mind, he thought he was protecting Lexa.
"I do not know... I am sorry for what happened... to you. I never meant harm..."
This infuriated Lexa. "But you did! You meant harm to Clarke. You tried to kill her! When she had done nothing to you, to me, or to our people." Lexa was having trouble suppressing her rage. Her hand found her dagger and she instinctively pulled it from its sheath.
"I was trying to protect you, Lexa." This set her off. Before she could stop herself, her hand and the dagger were flying directly towards Titus's face.
Crash!
Lexa felt a sharp pain shoot through her fingers and down her hand as she let go of the dagger. It clattered to the floor. Her eyes refocused, and she saw that instead of plunging the weapon into Titus's head, she had smashed it, and her hand, into the wall mere inches from his ear. If she had meant to kill him, he would be dead. She thanked her body for not allowing her to do so. She pulled her hand from the wall as pieces of brick and cement fell to the floor.
"Guard, bring a bandage!" Indra shouted out the door.
Lexa noticed her whole hand was covered in blood. Great... She flexed her fingers to make sure nothing was broken and when satisfied, she bent down to pick up her dagger. She placed it back in its sheath and looked back up at Titus whose whole body was trembling in fear, sweat forming beads along his bald skin. She took a deep breath in and steadied her nerves.
"I do not know what I was thinking, Heda," Titus continued after he regained his composure.
"You must not have been. You accused me of letting emotions dictate my decisions, but that is exactly what happened to you. You let your anger, your hate, your fear rule over your actions. Otherwise, you would not have made such an irresponsible decision."
Titus bowed his head. He whispered the next words. "I deserve death."
This took Lexa by surprise. She did not expect Titus to give up so easily. She was disappointed. But he was clearly so distraught, so weighed down by his actions, that he might never recover.
"I agree," Indra chimed in from the other side of the room.
Lexa knew this was true. People were put to death for much smaller crimes. She could not appear weak in front of her people. She brought her hand to her head and brushed it through her hair, wracking her brain for a solution. Help me, she begged of the former Commanders. They had not come to her in her sleep this time. There was no advice, no direction provided in her dreams. She was on her own.
Notes:
"Ron ai ridiyo op" = Speak true
"Nou get yu daun" = Don't worry
"Sha" = Yes
"Hod op" = Stop
"Ai ste beja yu daun" = I beg you
"Teik ai frag em op" = Let me kill him
"Chil yu daun"= Stand down
"Chek ai au"= Look at me