I swear I'm trying to get back to updating weekly/biweekly. It's just that there is a lot of stuff on Addy's plate and sometimes she gets stressed out. But it's okay. I'm here. Let's chit chat.
So, this week we have a rant about something a TON of people ask my opinion on, but I don't like giving, because I'm a soulless bitch. And to be honest, my opinion changes daily and situationally. Which means, you guessed it, this rant is more of an open discussion. I would LOVE to hear your opinions on the topic today, which means, leave them in the comments. Even if you're not the kind of person who comments a lot, drop me an email or a PM or just comment. I really, really want to know how others feel and I'm sure everyone else wants to know how you feel.
So let's get to it and talk about: Trigger Warnings
I don't know if you guys have noticed lately or not, but there has been this huge controversy over whether or not trigger warnings should be placed at the beginnings of classic novels. And this controversy has inevitably spilled over to Wattpad, so I think it's important we discuss this.
How do we feel about trigger warnings, guys?
I toyed with the idea of whether or not I should tell you guys my opinion, because I know it's controversial. But I have been confronted with a lot of angry readers over some (okay a LOT) of the material in Pretty Little Bones, which as you guys probably know by now is more or less a memoir and felt it was finally need to address this.
So I did a little digging and came across the two most popular arguments which we shall discuss below:
1. It's important to protect people, especially when they're mentally unstable
I promise you I understand the importance of protecting someone who is sensitive to sore topics. But at the same time, I feel like if I had hidden from everything like that, I would not have been able to live a real life. I would spend every day hiding and I don't think that's much of an existence. But I don't know. I've been wrong before.
And I discussed this with my best friend when I was debating whether or not to have my students read a more serious book with abortion and hints of rape in it. And he told me he thought it was important that I not let the students hide from these horrible things. Obviously if it bothered them so badly they couldn't handle it, such as a student who had experience sexual assault or something, there should be supplemental reading, access to counselors, etc. But, as he said, if we shelter our future generations from these horrible topics, who will they talk to? If we make everything a taboo, we're never going to get anywhere.
I mean, just being in active war zones, he's seen a lot of really terrible, terrible things. Things that probably make what happened when we were kids seem like walks in the park. And we hide that from the public, but we shouldn't. Because it's sad that this is going on in the world and we don't know. We spend too much time in our own bubbles and I don't think that's right. That's what happened in Vietnam. The horrors of the war were shoved down people's throats and it was decided the public couldn't handle it. And now we know nothing about the horrors of the world. And that's unreasonable, in my opinion.
I mean, my best friend and I were always the kinds of best friends that told each other anything and everything. But there are things he's seen while deployed that he doesn't talk about. And he went through a lot before then, but those things were so terrible he won't mention them at all. Because as a society, we've become so sensitive that there are topics we hide from. And I don't like that.
Books are a powerful tool that open the door to important discussions. I think we need books that discuss the hard topics like abuse, r*pe, violence, abortion, depression, suicide, and every other sensitive topic, because we need to let our future generations know it's important to talk about. It's important to seek information and more importantly, to seek help. And I feel like trigger warnings take away from that.
2. Trigger warnings ruin the plot twists
While I can see how this is a sometimes selfish reason, I can almost get on board with people who argue this for one reason: when these horrible things happen, it should be shocking. We shouldn't be prepared for this kind of behavior. It should twist our souls up and tear us apart. We shouldn't be expecting it, because someone said it was coming. We should be outraged.
And if you put it at the beginning of one chapter, it's going to need to be at the beginning of the rest, because you shouldn't throw in something like abuse or r*pe and not deal with the aftermath. That's not okay. So it would have to run throughout the book, which means you should just label the beginning and be done with it, right?
So those are the two points and I would love to hear how you feel about them. What do you think? Are they valid arguments?
And before I get to my story, I feel the need to defend myself a little (since I feel like I made it obvious I'm not the biggest proponent of trigger warnings). While I, too, am disappointed in the way our society continually treats mental illness, I think it's incredibly disrespectful how we completely disregard the work that past generations have done to get us to the point where we are today. You guys realize that while I'm not that old, I still grew up in a time when you did not talk about mental illness at all. And you can probably tell that it's still fairly ingrained in me.
So while I still think we have a long way to go, whining about things isn't going to get us there. And we really need recognize how far we've come and appreciate the hard work of the individuals before us. Because without them we wouldn't have all this information and all these support systems.
I think it's fine to have a brief disclaimer at the beginning of a story such as "this contains blah blah blah." And I did that at the beginning Pretty Little Bones, because I get it. There is a lot of really, really bad stuff in there. But I did so in a way that I think is at least slightly productive. There are helpline numbers, which you could not have found when I was in school.
But what I don't like is people telling me to put a disclaimer on every chapter and then, especially knowing it's nonfiction, require that I go into gory detail, beyond what's in the story, to show that I'm being realistic.
Just because it's a mental illness you have/have researched about/know someone with does not make you an expert in realism because everyone reacts differently to everything. I hate when someone argues with me about what an eating disorder, or PTSD, or anxiety, or whatever is supposed to be like, because not everyone is the same. That's why I encourage you to go out and find as much information as you can, but take it all with a grain of salt.
But I get it. I do. See, I grew up in a time when there weren't trigger warnings and safe spaces and all that shit. I went through some shit as a kid. And as I was growing up, I was set off by things that are now called triggers. But back then, my panic attacks and all that shit were things that could have gotten me sent to a mental institution. And this wasn't that long ago, guys.
I seriously used to make my best friend present me with everything I knew bothered me (or, I guess triggered me is the proper terminology) every fucking day until I learned how to control myself. And it sucked. It's not something I suggest you do, ever. Especially if you're not actively seeking therapy from a trained professional.
And honestly, a lot of the things I asked my best friend to do probably left him with some mental damage. There were times when we had to stop, because he was so uncomfortable with what we were doing, and they weren't even triggers for him. Just something about having your best friend begging you to stop, then instantly begging you not to. It can't be easy.
He bought pills from his old drug dealer just to help me when I had panic attacks, because for about two months when I was seventeen, all we ever did was get me to the point of a panic attack and attempt to make me just "get over it". Not a good idea. Don't do that.
But my point in all this is: I didn't come from a time or place where other people were responsible for my mental safety. I wasn't warned about everything and I think that's why I have such a hard time accepting this call for constant trigger warnings. Maybe that's why I'm not the best person to write this rant. My vision is disturbed by my history.
Which is why I need YOUR opinions! Seriously. I don't care how you do, just let me know. What do you think about trigger warnings? Should they be at the beginning of stories? Should they be at the beginning of sensitive chapters? Should they even be there at all? What is your suggestion?
Let me know what you think below. Because I seriously need more info and opinions before I can commit to any major decisions. If you guys convince me, I may add more warnings to Pretty Little Bones. Change my mind if you really believe in this!
And you all want a story. So here. My best friend got in the habit of being able to sleep anywhere and he usually had to sleep in really cramped spaces, so when he came home over the summer, he was able to stretch out and sleep and he took full advantage of that. Like, between him and his dog, I had to curl myself in a tiny ball in the corner of the bed. That or just let them lay across me, which happened quite a lot.
But with sleeping in cramped spaces, he alsolearned to sleep in really weird positions. And as you guys know, he'sfreakishly flexible. So I made a game out of trying to get him to fall asleepin weird places. Like, once I had him asleep in his recliner, except he had oneleg over the back of it and one over the arm, and his head was hanging over theside. Once I managed to get him to fall asleep on the counter while I wascooking, and he was just sitting slouched against the wall. And I woke him upby spraying him with water, because I'm so sweet. But my favorite was when Isomehow (don't ask) got him to fall asleep under my desk. And it was absolutelymagical. He had his knee pressed against his cheek and it was one of thefunniest things I have ever seen. And he wasn't even sore when he woke up. Justvery confused as to why he was under my desk. It was great.