Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

A Downfall of Research

I was so happy. Honestly, I was obnoxiously happy. All my joints have been returned to their proper positions. My best friend has been here with me for a few days now and we’ve been having an incredible time.

Then someone managed to piss me off. So here I am…ranting in the middle of the night while my best friend attempts to cook dinner (we’re insomniacs….yes, we eat dinner at one in the morning. (Did I mention he’s back and I am just so completely, totally, insanely happy (except for this minor thing that really pissed me off)?))

Let’s talk about this: A Downfall of Research

I got this email from a girl earlier this evening telling me that I’m a lying bitch. Actually her exact words were “ur a fucking liar. Get ur facts straight before you tell people ur being “honest” bitch”.

Why? Because apparently, the emotions I described in a short story weren’t up to Wikipedia’s standards.

Now, I’m going to be incredibly vague here, because this is my rant and it’s what I want. Sorry.

Anyway, she was trying to tell me that one of the scenes in a story I wrote was completely wrong, because the way the character reacted was totally unrealistic. But what she failed to realize that the story wasn’t fiction. It was seriously a non-fiction piece. How is non-fiction unrealistic if it actually happened?

But I’ve always said there’s no reason to be rude to people, no matter how rude they are to you first, so I wasn’t. I never asked her if she’d been through what was being discussed in the short story, because it’s none of my business. I never told her to shut her goddamn mouth (because for some reason telling me that I supposedly have to have this desire to molest children and I have to be terrified of all men kind of set me off).

I simply said that every character has unique emotions.

And she replied with an article she copied straight from Wikipedia about the “psychological effects” of the topic I was covering.

So, you know what? I’m going to give her credit. Yes, she was completely rude to me without good reason, but I don’t really believe in just being totally mean.

Because 1. She didn’t know it was a true story (like I usually do, I never disclosed that juicy little tidbit), so she had no clue that her argument was invalid (and I guess it wasn't. It was a strange way to react).

And 2. She actually did research. I was so proud that someone actually researched something.

But that also showed me something very important.

Research can only teach you so much. It can give you the basics of anything. You can learn the foundation. You can know all the interesting twists and expose yourself to the fun facts, but that’s only part of the equation.

Something very, very vital is missing when you research: experience.

Because when you think about it, we all react differently. Sure, there are patterns that most people follow and categories that most people fall into, but at the end of the day we are all unique.

And so are our emotions.

To illustrate my point, I’ll give you examples (that are true, so don’t argue with me (just kidding. Argue away. I don’t care)).

Most people cry at funerals, right? I mean it’s sad. You are quite possibly never going to see that person again. After a while, though you tell yourself you won’t, you’re going to forget the sound of their voice. You’re not going to remember how they smelled unless you catch that scent again.

You’re going to forget their laugh and maybe the color of their eyes.

All you’ll have are memories and after a while those are going to fade.

So it makes sense that people cry.

Except I don’t. I laugh. Yes, I know that makes me an evil, horrible, terrible person, but I laugh. And it’s not just because other people crying makes me uncomfortable and it’s a really awful defense mechanism. It’s because I don’t need closure.

Honestly, I don’t. I don’t need to tell people goodbye. I didn’t when my best friend was dying (thank God he didn’t. I still wonder if I would have cried at that funeral). I didn’t tell any of my grandparents goodbye. And all the people that died unexpectedly, I’ve yet to feel angry about not getting to say goodbye to them.

I don’t need closure. And that’s obviously not normal, but it’s me.

When I was really, really sick back in November (and I mean, I was terribly, terribly sick) I wrote out my entire Will and Testament and planned what to do with my body after death and never once cried. I didn’t worry about telling all my family and friends goodbye, because I don’t need closure.

I wasn’t scared of dying anymore. In fact, I requested to not have a funeral (but since I live in the a super superstitious section of the south (say that three times fast) I arranged for a way for people to say their “final goodbyes” and lay my soul to rest or whatever they have to do).

I laugh at death and cry over a glass of water. That’s not normal. But it’s not impossible. Just because Wikipedia says most people react to death by crying doesn’t mean that’s the only emotion.

My best friend didn’t feel anything when his mom died (and you can try to tell me he was still going through the stages of grief or whatever, but he truly, honestly did not).

He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t sad. I remember how he just rolled his eyes and told me that casserole must have been in the dictionary next to death, because everyone he knew baked his family one and brought it to them after the funeral.

It was weird. I mean, I laugh, but I am a little sad about all that inevitable forgetting. He wasn’t. Not at all.

He was kind of annoyed at how mundane it was.

In fact, he jokes about not having emotions all the time, but it’s not exactly a joke. He truly has very few emotions. He’s constantly looking at me in situations where he isn’t sure what an appropriate reaction is. More often than not, in unusual situations he bases his reactions off of mine.

I think it’s why he’s so good with suicidal people. He treats them like everyone else, because he doesn’t really feel the urgency. He doesn’t get the emotion to be afraid or to be sympathetic.

Once he very seriously asked me if having a very hard time feeling emotions made him a sadist or a psychopath. I still haven’t come up with a good answer, because I don’t know. Wikipedia doesn’t really know either, so we’ll just have to wait, I guess.

But my whole entire point to this rant is that research can’t tell you what to feel. It can’t tell you how to react.

It’s like my best friend always says.

You always think that you’ll be the person that does the right thing, but you’ll never know if that’s true until the moment comes. Those few seconds before you react are the most honest seconds of your entire life.

And I believe him. Because we always think we’ll act like everyone else. We think that if we know enough about a subject, we know how to portray it, but we just don’t.

Maybe it’ll connect with thousands of people who experienced the same thing. Or maybe you’ll find someone who laughs at a funeral and didn’t connect with it at all.

I think we need to be conscious of the fact that when it comes to emotions there is no right or wrong.

Sure, we should probably follow the guidelines, but we shouldn't just write scenes straight out of a textbook.

And we should all be aware that just because it wasn’t your reaction doesn’t mean it can’t be a reaction.

So I'm not even mad at that girl anymore. She pissed me off by telling me that my experience didn't happen, but that's okay. How boring would my life be if everything happened just like a Wikipedia article?

How boring would our stories be if everything happened by the book?