Now, you're here, I feel the fear
But everything is oh so clear
I've been addicted to you, since the first hit
Out of control like a surge of electric
Yeah, your skin, the touch, the kiss
The rush, too much, and here it comes
When your lips touch mine
It's the kiss of life, I know
I know that it's a little bit frightening
We might as well be playing with lightning.”
- Lightning,THE WANTED
_______________________________
Don't lose control. Just let him get a taste of freedom. Don't overwhelm him.
Noble's kiss intoxicated him, his warm, soft lips grabbing, tugging, sucking at Jonah's mouth, his tongue, inviting Jonah to explore deeper. His blood boiled and his heart tried to kick a hole in his chest. He was barely aware of his trembling fingers working down the front of Noble's shirt, loosing buttons, exposing warm flesh. More aware was he of Noble's hands, delving into Jonah's own open shirt, fingers gripping and digging into his lower back.
Oh god, please don't let this end.
Blackness ebbed at the edge of Jonah's consciousness and he knew he needed to come up for air, but he would rather suffocate than be the one to end the kiss. Noble was walking a tightrope and the slightest disruption could unbalance him, send him running scared.
A sweet shudder rushed through Jonah when Noble's hands slid down and clutched his hips. Then a sudden dread grabbed him as Noble drew back out of the kiss.
No, baby, don't stop...don't think.
Jonah's mouth hovered close, nearly touching Noble's lips as the man's hot, uneven breath puffed against him. He didn't want to speak, fearful of breaking the spell. His stomach clenched when Noble's fingers tightened on his hips and applied pressure, pushing him back hesitantly.
No...baby, you can't kiss me like that then just stop.
He wanted to resist, to stay right there, his body so close to Noble's, but as much as it pained him to do so, he complied and let Noble push him away. Jonah twisted slowly and sat back on the sofa, steeling himself for Noble's retreat to the front door. But Noble's hands never left his hips as he followed Jonah's movement and slid onto his lap, straddling him.
Oh fuck, Noble. The thought barely entered his head before Noble was drowning him in another sweet, inebriating kiss, his fingers raking through Jonah's hair, gripping his head. With a will all their own, Jonah's hips lifted just enough to grind his crotch firmly against Noble's. The man responded instantly and pushed down to meet him, his need straining against his pants.
There was no stifling the deep groan squeezing up Jonah's throat. His arms went around Noble's waist and tightened, crushing the man against him. Noble let his body meld into Jonah's; no resisting, no trace of hesitation.
Jonah's mind worked overtime trying to figure out how to get Noble from the sofa to his bedroom without the man coming to his senses.
........................
Heat spread through his body, surging his heart, pumping it faster, harder, heightening his senses, making him feel alive in ways he'd never experienced before. If Jonah's arms loosened just then, he was certain he would soar away into the clouds. He'd heard the expression you give my heart wings, but he had never fully understood it - until now. The freedom in Jonah's kiss, his strong embrace...was it possible a feeling alone could make a person fly?
Jonah's soft ebony strands – still slightly damp from his shower – slid between Noble's fingers. His lips were so warm, and soft, yet strong as they tugged and sucked at Noble's mouth, ragged hot breath puffing down Noble's throat. The mild, yet intoxicating scent of his cologne consumed Noble in ways he didn't even understand; how could a simple scent have such a powerful effect on him?
The room seemed to spin and suddenly Noble was staring at the ceiling, his back pressed into the soft sofa cushions, Jonah's strong body pinning him down. The man's mouth was hot on his throat, his teeth lightly nipping the sensitive skin, sending tiny electric shocks straight to his heart, causing it to slam against his ribs. Jonah's hands moved all over his body in a sweet exploration that heated Noble's blood hotter and hotter.
His breath caught sharp and tight when Jonah grabbed his legs and wrapped them around his waist then began to rock against him, rubbing Noble's crotch with his own, going through the motions, their bodies beginning to move together. Though their clothes remained in tact, just the sensation of Jonah's body against him, simulating the act of making love, was nearly enough to shove him over the edge. But he didn't want to just go through the motions.
As in his fantasy, he waited for the voices to assault him, condemn him. But they were silent, for the moment at least. And though he knew he needed them to keep him on the straight and narrow...he also felt a shimmer of relief that they were quiet. But how long they remained silent, he couldn't know. Did he wish them to stay dormant long enough for him and Jonah to...
“Jonah...” he trembled and clutched the man's shoulders, gripping fistfuls of loose shirt, pushing his body up against Jonah's.
“Shh.” Jonah dropped a flurry of short, firm kisses on his mouth. “Shh-shh...don't speak...don't say a word...just let me love you, baby.” He grabbed Noble's mouth in a stronger kiss and shoved his arms underneath him between him and the cushions, squeezing him tight in his embrace. Jonah's crotch was hard as steel, and grinding against Noble's own solid member as the man rolled his hips in an erotic, rhythmic motion.
Noble tore out of the kiss and gasped hard, his fingers gouging into Jonah's damp muscles. The man didn't cease or even slow his rhythm as his mouth dropped to the hollow of Noble's throat. A low, drawn out – “Uuuuhhhh.” – pulled up out of Noble and he squeezed his eyes shut as Jonah shoved his hard crotch against him with more urgency, massaging Noble's throbbing flesh through his pants. “Jonah...” he gasped again, shaking, every nerve simmering on the surface of his skin. “Can we...go...to the bedroom?”
The bare instant the words were out, Noble's scalp tingled with the realization of what he'd just suggested to the man. He was asking Jonah to take him to bed. To do all the things that Noble had insisted to himself, to Jonah, and to God that he didn't want.
But the words were out and there was no taking them back. Jonah was already lifting off him, his breath staggered, bare chest heaving and beginning to glisten with a sheen of sweat, his glossy black hair disheveled and dropping short strands across his brow and into his fevered eyes. He took hold of Noble's hands and pulled him up off the sofa with him. As soon as Noble was on his feet, he was instantly encased in Jonah's arms again and being kissed with a passion that saturated his senses and eradicated his will to resist the man.
Jonah said nothing as he grasped Noble's right hand and led him around the sofa to the far end of the large living room and through a door that opened into a nicely put together bedroom. Though it wasn't exactly what Noble had envisioned Jonah's bedroom to look like. There was nothing personal, or even really masculine, about it.
“This is...your bedroom?” Noble whispered doubtfully. His words barely made it up his tight throat and had a rough edge to them.
“You don't like it?” Jonah smiled and slid his hands around Noble's waist, kissing his mouth.
“No, I didn't mean...” Noble faltered, panting against Jonah's lips. The man was a bleary haze before him, the searing heat of his bare chest burning into Noble's own exposed skin.
Chuckling low, Jonah kissed his neck and squeezed his hips with strong hands and backed him towards the bed. “This isn't my room.” he said with a murmur and grabbed Noble's earlobe with his lips then his teeth, causing a fierce shudder to rush down through Noble's body. “It's a guest room. My room is upstairs.” His kissed the corner of Noble's jaw. “Much too far away.”
The edge of the bed bumped the back of Noble's legs then Jonah was laying him down, scooting him to center of the mattress, his body sinking into the thick, soft comforter beneath him. Jonah shoved his fingers through Noble's short dark hair, his strong hands cupping the sides of Noble's head. The man stared down at him, his violet depth pulling Noble in, submerging him. Jonah's lips brushed his mouth, then claimed another deep kiss as his tense, aroused body settled against Noble's – as comfortably as if it belonged there.
Jonah's hands rubbed down the sides of Noble's neck, gripping lightly as he kissed down the center of his throat, then lower, his warm, slick tongue drawing patterns all over Noble's chest, discovering a stiff nipple and teasing it mercilessly.
“Uhh!” Noble's chest arched and he clutched at the comforter, his hips pushing up against Jonah's crotch. The man responded and pressed down, rolling his own hips a bit, moving against Noble as he'd done on the sofa. His mouth pulled at the hardening nipple, sucking forcefully, wrenching another short, sharp cry from Noble.
“Oh god, baby.” Jonah panted and he was back up at Noble's mouth, kissing him with the urgency and need of a starving man, his body rocking against Noble's with raw sexual hunger.
Noble whimpered when he felt the tightness in his groin, his balls. The man was going to make him cum inside his pants if he kept this up. Noble shoved his hands under Jonah's shirt and gripped his lower back, his fingers teasing beneath the waistband of Jonah's pants, aching to thrust down deeper and feel his firm ass cheeks in his hands. “Jonah.” Noble whimpered again, tight and sharp. His head was spinning, and around the edges he could begin to hear the distant voices creeping back in, closer and closer. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed them away as the heat of Jonah's skin warmed him, comforted him, soothed his fractured mind.
“Shhh, baby.” Jonah's mouth tasted so good, his kiss so sweet and satisfying. He shifted and moved down his body, dropping hot kisses all over Noble's chest and stomach, teasing his naval with his tongue, inciting a hard groan in Noble. The man's teeth tugged gently at the dark, thin hair trailing a course from his naval down under the waistband of his pants.
“Fuck.” Noble gasped when Jonah's lips touched his swollen crotch, pressing firm kisses against his hardened flesh underneath. Then his hands were massaging him and he bit his lip to stifle the cry swelling loud in his throat. His hips raised on reflex. Jonah's tense, anxious fingers tugged open Noble's pants, dragging the zipper down.
You're really going to do this? The voice crept in unaware, unexpectedly. You're really gonna fuck the man?Just give up without a fight? No sense of shame for your abominable acts?
Noble's chest hitched and tears burned his eyes. He raked his fingers through his hair and squeezed his eyes tight, jaw clenched. Shut up! Get out my fucking head! His pants slipped off his hips smoothly as Jonah slid them down his thighs. A rush of open air hit his aroused flesh, then hot breath blowing lightly up the underside of his stiff shaft.
A sob of sheer sexual anguish stuck in his throat and warm tears ran down his temples as his hands lowered to the bed again and squeezed the blanket tight. The unwelcome voice receded, drowned out by the sudden rush of intense sensations and emotions exploding through Noble's body and mind, cutting fissures through his heart.
The reality that he had crossed a line that couldn't be uncrossed seared into his brain. He would suffer for it later, he had no doubt. Possibly crumble beneath the weight of what he was about to do here with Jonah. He didn't know if he could survive the guilt and shame that would assault him without mercy once he was alone again. But at this moment, he couldn't make himself comprehend the consequences of his choices here today.
All he could see, feel, compute...was Jonah. Here and now, nothing and no one else existed in Noble's world. And when the warm, wet heat of Jonah's mouth took him, drew him in...he let himself go, didn't fight the ecstasy surging through him. His fingers dug into Jonah's hair, grabbed tight, and his hips lifted, thrusting into the man's sucking heat, gliding in rhythm with Jonah's stroking, his hard cock sliding across Jonah's velvet soft tongue, bumping the back of his throat.
Noble's breath burst from his lips in hard pants and groans, whimpers slipping free, evolving into cries of pure pleasure as he'd never experienced before.
........................
Noble's cries of ecstasy were gasoline pouring onto the fire already raging through Jonah. The man felt so good buried in his throat, his juices leaking onto the back his tongue, causing Jonah to crave so much more, thirsting for a real taste of his heated love.
The ache in crotch was enough to crack his mind and it urged him to just strip the man completely and take him, own him, possess him. But he fought the burning need. Noble was his for the taking, he could feel the total surrender in the man. He wasn't fighting his nature now. At this point in time, he wanted all this as much as Jonah did. And later...Jonah didn't let himself contemplate what might come later.
You're making a monumental mistake. You know you shouldn't be doing this. He wasn't ready for this much so soon and you know it.
Maybe he did know it. But he was too far in, they both were. Rational thought was no longer an option.
He squeezed Noble's hard flesh with his mouth and sucked and stroked as the guy worked with him, fucking his throat, thrusting with urgency. It wouldn't take long. Noble had been holding this part of him back for years. This first time around would wreak havoc on him.
“Jonah!” Noble's short nails gouged Jonah's scalp as the man's body arched and tightened, contorting as the orgasm gripped him, squeezed every muscle in his body. “Fuck!” he choked on a cry and shoved his cock in deeper as Jonah continued to suck and stroke with urgency, wanting everything Noble had to offer. “Uuhhh!! Fuuuck!!”
Noble's shaft swelled then burst, filling Jonah's throat with thick, hot cum. He took it, savored it, drank the man down as he gave him shot after shot, his body clenched tight, deep, strangled wails tearing out of him.
When he felt the tension begin to recede, Jonah moved up quickly and covered Noble's fevered, damp body, kissing him deep, not willing to allow the man's mind to start up again and begin drowning him in shame and self loathing.
“Ah Noble.” he groaned through their kiss without releasing the man's mouth entirely. “Oh baby, you taste so good...you feel so good.” He grabbed his throat and sucked his skin, his hands gliding up and down Noble's heated torso, peeling his shirt off the rest of the way. He slid down his body again and dragged his pants off and dropped them to the floor then shed his own shirt.
Noble watched him, eyes burning. He sat forward and grabbed at the front of Jonah's pants, working them open with trembling fingers. Jonah gripped his face and kissed him hard as his body sizzled beneath the feel of the man's hands seeking to get at him.
His fingers slid through Noble's hair and he cupped the back of his head, their mouths locked and tongues dancing together wildly. Oh god, baby, I need to be inside you. I want to make love to you till we both pass out-
The doorbell chimed, echoing through the large house like a gong going off.
Noble stiffened instantly, his hands freezing in place. A sharp, startled breath sucked down his throat. Jonah's hairline sizzled as this perfect afternoon was suddenly knocked off kelter. Noble's breath quickened erratically and Jonah could feel the fear resonating out of him.
“It's okay.” Jonah whispered against the man's trembling mouth. “If I don't answer, maybe they'll go away.” They remained motionless, Noble kneeling on the bed, his fingers hooked in Jonah's pants, and Jonah holding his head, their lips touching, Noble's chest rising and falling in near panic.
The doorbell chimed again and Noble flinched hard. He pulled back from Jonah, but Jonah drew him close again and kissed him. “Just wait here.” he murmured. “I'll get rid of them.”
“What if...” Noble clutched Jonah's forearms, his fingers digging, real panic squeezing his voice. “What if it's Mason?”
“I'm sure it isn't.” Jonah kissed him again.
“It could be.” Noble choked, his words straining. “My car is out front...he would know I'm here.”
“Noble.” Jonah gripped his head, stroked his face with his thumbs. “If it is my dad...then I will cover for you.” He kissed him long, then whispered, “It's okay, Noble. Don't worry. Just wait here.” He kissed him once more and laid him back on the bed, then kissed a path down his chest and stomach and dragged his lips across his heavy member. Noble sucked in a sharp breath that released on a shaky groan. “I'll be right back.”
Jonah stood up, his eyes sweeping over Noble's nude body from head to toe. His feet faltered, unwilling to walk away from this breathtaking sight before him. The doorbell rang a third time. Jonah scowled, snatched his shirt off the floor, slipped it on and went to the bedroom door. He glanced at Noble again, splayed out on the bed, and groaned audibly then left the room.
The chime echoed again. Jonah's face twisted with annoyance and he quickly fastened his pants and buttoned his shirt. “Seriously?” he muttered. “Right now?”
I know this is a bad time to ask for a favor, Lord – but please don't let it be my dad.
He'd told Noble he would cover for him if it was his dad at the door, and he would do his damnedest to keep Noble out of the spotlight and line of fire, but his dad was too fucking perceptive for his own good – and much too much so for Jonah's own good.
Combing his fingers through his hair to regain a semblance of order, Jonah approached the front door and jerked it open a little too sharp. The three people standing on his porch flinched a little. Jonah didn't bother to look them over, ask who they were – it wasn't his dad and that's all that mattered.
A slightly plump, nicely dressed woman smiled and stepped forward, holding a couple thin pamphlets with the word Watchtower across the tops. Before she could get out a Hello, Jonah shook his head. “I already found Jesus.” He slammed the door and walked back towards the guest bedroom, his pace quick, even rushed.
He entered the bedroom. “No worries. It was no one of importance-” His words caught and broke off. Noble sat on the edge of the bed, his pants back on, and quickly pulled on his shoes. “What're you doing?” Jonah's pulse quickened, fear squeezing his heart. “Noble, it's okay. It was no one.”
“It isn't okay.” Noble whispered, a notable strain to his quiet voice. He stood up but refused to meet Jonah's stare. He grabbed his shirt off the bed. “I shouldn't be here. I can't...” His face tightened and he swallowed hard, eyes glistening. “I can't be the...man you want me to be.”
Good God, it was shocking how suddenly Noble could be dragged back down into the mire of guilt and shame. Jonah rubbed his mouth anxiously then stepped forward, taking hold of Noble's arms. “Noble...I didn't ask you to be someone you're not. But this is who you are.” He rubbed his hands up over his shoulders and cupped his face, forcing Noble to look at him. “This is right. I know you feel it. This is the real you, Noble.”
“No.” He grabbed Jonah's wrists and pulled his head away, tears building. “No it isn't. It can't be.”
“Why?” Jonah asked tightly, frustrated. “Because a bunch of fucking bigots say so?”
Noble shook his head and turned his back to Jonah – and Jonah's heart shuddered and went still. His eyes raked over Noble's bare back...and the scars; faint but still noticeable. Noble started to slip into his shirt when Jonah stopped him, his brow tight as his fingertips traced lightly over the marred skin. Noble flinched but Jonah gripped his waist and touched his lips to the nape of his neck. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing.” Noble choked and pulled away from him, slipping his shirt on quickly. His fingers trembled as he worked at fastening the buttons.
“Bullshit.” Jonah said and grabbed his arm, turning him around. “Who did that to you?”
Tears swelled in Noble's eyes. “It doesn't matter.”
“The fuck it doesn't.” Jonah held him tighter. “What happened?”
Shaking his head, Noble looked away. “It was a...necessary lesson.”
A necessary lesson? Jonah stared at him, his guts twisting. “What lesson, Noble?” he whispered.
A tremor ran through Noble and he finished buttoning his shirt. “It doesn't matter.” he said quietly, his voice thick, strained. “Some lessons can't be...unlearned.”
“What lessons?” Jonah pressed, but he already knew it was over. Noble was again wrapped up tight in his chains, locked back in his cage. He'd been right there, in Jonah's arms. If they had made love...perhaps it would have broken him free for good. But that was no longer an option.
“I have to go.” The wall of tears in Noble's eyes threatened to crumble. “I'm sorry, Jonah. I...” His chin trembled. “I shouldn't have stayed. It wasn't fair to you.” He walked to the door, gripped the handle, his back to Jonah.
“Noble.” Jonah trembled. “Don't leave like this. Please.”
The tears broke and slid down Noble's cheeks as he opened the door. “I wish we had made love.” he whispered. “I've never...been with anyone...ever. I wanted you to be...my first.” His wet eyes drifted to the floor blankly. “My only.”
“Noble.” The man's pain blasted through Jonah, tearing his heart to shreds.
Noble raised his eyes slowly and looked at Jonah, and the emptiness Jonah saw there filled him with cold fear. Noble gazed at him as one gazes at a priceless treasure they can never hope to possess. “Be thankful for your dad.” he whispered. “Not all fathers love their sons so...unconditionally.”
Then he was gone, the door closing quietly after him. And the illusion Jonah had built up between them over the course of the morning and early afternoon – vanished with him.
Noble was broken. But he hadn't been born that way. Someone had taken special care in breaking the man. And it didn't take a genius to figure out who that someone was.
Not all fathers love their sons so...unconditionally.
It wasn't the voice of God condemning Noble.
........................
“What the fuck is this?”
The magazine hit Noble in the face the moment he stepped through his bedroom doorway. Rage burned in his father's eyes and terror gripped Noble. He dropped his school bag and stared at the man, paralyzed with fear. “Dad...” His attention shifted to the magazine laying on the floor at his feet, crumpled and splayed open, exposing the filth within; nude young men in provocative situations with one another.
Noble gasped sharp when his dad's hand suddenly clutched the front of his shirt. He slammed the bedroom door with his free hand then shoved Noble against it hard, knocking his breath from his lungs. “Lets get this straight here and now, Noble.” Alan Richman snarled, seeming more like an animal than a human being. “My son is not a fag.”
The man's breath was hot in Noble's face, and he almost wished he smelled alcohol on it. At least then he could blame all this on his dad being drunk. But there was no trace of such odor. His dad didn't drink – ever. It was a sin. Just as being gay was a sin.
Alan stepped back suddenly. “Take off your shirt.” he ordered tightly, then began unfastening the thin, sleek black leather belt looped through trousers.
“Dad?” Noble trembled, throat closing as his eyes widened, filling with tears.
“Take it off!” His dad yelled.
Shaking, Noble slowly removed his shirt, then cried out when his dad grabbed him hard by the back of the neck and shoved him towards the bed, thrusting him down face first. His hand squeezed Noble's neck until the boy cried out a second time.
“We're gonna deal with this now.” Alan hissed in his ear then shoved away.
“Dad, please...” Noble cried. “I – I won't look at it again – ever! I swear-” A sudden scream tore out of him when the stinging snap of the leather belt connected with his bare skin. “Dad! Don't! I'm sorry!” He choked on his cries as the belt laid across his back again and again.
“Say it!” His dad raged and hit him again.
A strangled scream wrenched up Noble's throat. “I'm not gay!”
“Say it right!” Alan yelled. “Tell me you're not a fucking faggot!”
“I'm not!” Noble gagged on the pain burning up his spine and through to his stomach, twisting his guts with nausea. “I'm not a fucking faggot, Dad! I'm not!”
The force of his dad's wrath and hate poured out into the belt as it lashed his skin again and he felt a sticky wetness as it broke the surface. “Say you'll never have another sexual thought about a boy again!”
“I won't!” Noble buried his face in the blanket, choking on sobs, tears burning and streaming down, soaking into the bed.
“What happens to faggots, Noble!” Alan pressed, hitting him again.
Noble wailed. “They burn in hell!” The belt cut his skin again and foamy saliva bubbled in the back of his throat as he tried to breathe around his screams.
“And what does God think of fags?”
“He hates them!” Nausea welled and he knew he was going to puke, but struggled to control it.
“That's right!” Alan brought the belt across his back once more, hard. Noble writhed in pain, throat closing, squeezing his cries. His dad grabbed the back of his neck again and jerked his face up off the bed. “God hates fags, Noble.” He squeezed his neck hard, causing Noble to whimper loud. “Are you a fag, Noble? Are you!”
“No!” he choked. “I'm not a faggot, dad! I'll never be a faggot! I swear! I won't!”
Alan shoved him down and released him. “See that you don't, Noble.” He panted hard. “'Cause God is watching. He's always watching. And He will burn you, boy. Don't think He wont.”
Noble nodded and buried his face in the blankets, crying.
“I'm sorry I had to do this, son.” Alan's voice was suddenly calm, almost soothing, as if he truly regretted what he'd had to do. “But it was a necessary lesson, Noble. I'm just trying to save your soul, son. God requires us to be pure, holy. Learn this lesson well...and there won't have to be more. Do you understand?”
Noble nodded against the bed, chest hitching. His back burned and throbbed.
“I'm not doing this to be mean, Noble.” his dad said quietly. “But because I love you, and I want you in heaven with your mom and me.”
The man went silent and Noble knew what he was waiting for. “I know, dad.” he trembled. “I know you love me.” He choked on a hard sob. “I – I love you too.”
He could hear the smile in his dad's voice when he said, “That's good. Now wash up and come down to dinner. Your mom made your favorite. Spaghetti and meatballs, with homemade garlic bread. Smells delicious.”
Noble squeezed the blankets in his fists and fought the sobs trying to take over. “I'll...I'll be down soon, dad.”
When his dad was gone, Noble slowly, carefully crawled off the bed, sharp cries erupting with nearly every movement. He spotted the crumpled magazine and picked it up – then began tearing it to shreds, page by page, his face twisted in pain and rage.
“I'm not gay.” he choked, tearing at the pages frantically. “I'm not!”
* * *
The car idled at the end of the long drive, out of sight of Jonah's house. Noble gripped the steering wheel until his arms ached. Tears slid down his cheeks and dripped off his chin as he stared blankly into the trees across the road.
“I'm not gay.” he whispered thickly. “I'm not.”
He would get help. Surely now God would fix him.