"Iris & Derek"
"Maybe it was a beginning that started with the end."
Gazing back into those blue lucid eyes she had been eluded from the reality; lost in the trance that enwrapped her in the embrace of solace and serenity.
Those eyes that were brimming with nothing but love allured her to the point that she forgot the ache of the loss she just had reconciled with. A storm in her heart seemed to settle by the tranquillity radiated from his eyes. A part of her wanted to rush into his arms and to feel his heart near hers, beating along, to feel the warmth of his body slowly reaching to hers, to feel his breath on her skin. She wanted to feel it. A part of her wanted it all, But she chose otherwise...
With the ache in her heart and tears in her eyes, she walked past Derek, holding her breath.
She walked briskly as if every step was rooting her to the ground, right there in that barren field.
Upon reaching at the car she sat on the bonnet and rested her head on the windshield.
She took a deep intake of air to fill her parched lungs.
Every nerve of her body seemed to give up in that moment. All the strength in her seemed to crumble down to heap. The pain of the truth was unburdening itself on her lone soul, making every inch of her heart to cry out in pain.
She screeched loudly and held her face in her hands sobbing lightly.
She was never strong. And acting like one made it even harder. She had broken into parts and every part felt differently than the other, a part wanted love, other peace, and a part of her wanted to feel every ounce of pain and ache she had been cowardly running from.
She wanted all those tears to come out, which she had filled somewhere inside her to make the truth more of a mirage. To not to give into the reality of his demise. But now there is no need to run away from the only things that have been holding her back. She let them flow; every moment of despair she had spent, wishing it to be a nightmare through her eyes. She wanted to let them go...just let them go.
♥
A brittle noise shred away the reverie and pulled Derek out of it. He saw Iris walking out of the door with her head bowed and shoulders slumped.
He wanted to run after her and to embrace her from the wreck moment she was in. But it wasn't right to do so. It wasn't his place to begin with. She needed to do it by herself. Derek looked away from the door back to the grave and closed his eyes with a sigh waiting this moment to pass in a blink.
He opened his eyes slowly and put his hand on his hips exhaling sharply. Each passing moment with the thought of Iris being outside alone, fighting, accepting this truth made it harder for him to breathe. He wanted to be there for her, to be with her. But....something stopped him from doing so. Something that held him from moving out but whatever it was, Derek defied it and moved out.
While walking out of the barn, his eyes searched for Iris all around but stopped when his gaze found her sitting on the bonnet of the car with her head high, gazing at the moon longingly like a patrich, her chest was calmly heaving up and down.
He stopped in his tracks as he recalled what his mother said once, 'We don't find love where we expect it the most. We find love where it is hard to reach. But if you find the love of your life that makes you question your own sensibility then no matter how many mountains you have to climb or the rivers and oceans you have to cross, just pursue it with all your heart because that's where all the strength lies.'
Derek looked down at his feet and closed his eyes slowly. Taking long breath, he looked up and started walking again.
With each step that led to Iris, Derek notices that how much she was engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't even acknowledges his presence.
He stood there gazing at her for a while and thought of the first time when he saw just her eyes. How desperately he wanted to find her but when he found her he just couldn't make her his.
Iris sighed deeply and looked away from the sky and saw Derek standing there, staring at her.
She raised her brow questioningly but found Derek to be unfazed by it.
A small smile formed on her lips when she realized that he was in a trance.
Looking at the guy in front of her, she never thought when she saw him for the first time that this 'cocky millionaire' would ever become the one and only reason of her smile.
A low chirruping of birds broke the reverie of both and pulled them into the reality.
When brown ones met the blues', their eyes widened in realization and they looked away instantly.
Hastily Derek unlocked the car as he ran his other hand through his hair and slipped into it totally flushed.
Iris looked here and there, startled with what just had happened and found the temperature of her face rising high. She rested her face in her hands and slipped from the bonnet and followed Derek into the car.
Derek saw Iris from his peripheral vision, she had by now buckled her seat belt and had rested her head on the seat with her eyes closed.
The horizon has turned into grayish black with few colours seeping out on it showing the arrival of the dusk soon.
Derek looked away from the Horizon to Iris who had her eyes closed. There was something calm about her that he could feel like the chaos has been washed out and the certain sense of soothing could be felt.
He smiled wryly and looked away from her to the road heading back to Hamptons.
Today had been the day he would remember even when he would turn all senile and gray.
Because today not only gave him the intense bliss but somewhat taught him the meaning of human actions and life but of love too.
After what seemed like a while Iris opened her eyes and glanced at Derek who was busy driving the car. She looked outside and found that they had entered the Hamptons and were just now a few blocks away.
Iris sighed deeply and looked down to her hands which was firmly placed on her laps.
'I grew up in a cocoon of love and care made by the people around me. I grew up alienated from the truth and harsh realities of the world. I never thought that darkness exists and even has the power to consume you to your core. But slowly as the illusion of happily ever-after fades away from my life I learned that I didn't learn at all. Life is all about experiences and I never experienced it. Rather live among the shadows of others hiding from the sun in the shade of obliviousness. I learned this truth the hard way. Today when I confront my biggest fear of being left all alone, I find my decision more plausible than before.
Love is the pillar of our life but we, our own self is the base on which our life stands. We can find love but we can't find our self once we get lost.
And I need to find myself not defined by anyone else but me. I need to find myself. And that's what I will do.'
With a deep intake of breath, Iris glanced back at Derek and caught him staring at her from the rear view mirror and looked away instantly escaping from his captivating gaze.
Shifting uncomfortably, Iris started scrolling down her phone to elude the silence that was building.
When a notification caught her attention sent by 'Headmen and Co.',
hesitantly she opened it and a conversation with Laura resurfaced in her mind again,
"Hello? Laura?"
"Iris?"
"Good morning."
"Good morning... I hope you are enjoying your leave because I want your ass back here, next week."
With a smile on her face Iris continued, "I called you to ask for something."
"Yes. What?"
"You asked me to join the other branch of the firm in Rome?"
"Oh! That."
"Yes.. Does that offer still stand?"
"Umm.. Yes. It's our other branch and we could transfer anyone there.
But why? As far as I could remember you didn't want to leave."
"I didn't, back then but...Not now."
"You fine, Iris?"
She gulped hard and continued,
"Yes, I am. Can you please do this for me?"
"Of course. Why not! I will tell Michael, the HR, No I will order him to get you a good accommodation too. All you need to do is to join there."
"Thanks a lot. You don't know how much I want this."
"Iris, I don't know what made you take this decision but I hope you have thought about it thoroughly."
"Yes...I did."
"Okay, Iris. Join when your leave completes and I will tell Michael to get started with the transfer papers."
"No, I would like to join this monday. If possible?"
"Oh! No problem. It's good for us. Join there soon."
"Yes. Sure."
"Goodbye Iris."
"Goodbye."
Sudden disrupt of motion brought her out of her reverie. And noticed that they had reached outside Veronica's house.
She turned around to see Derek before moving out of the car and found him looking at her with an unwavering gaze.
"Stop looking at me like that." Iris said as she busied herself, unbuckling the belt.
"Like what?" Derek asked as his eyes traveled down to Iris' hand which was fidgeting around the lock of the belt failing to unlock it.
"Like... Like that." Iris emphasized on 'that' without even meeting Derek's eyes.
Derek chuckled lightly and held Iris' hand, stopping her from unclasping the belt,
"You are not even looking at me straight in the eyes and yet you know the way I am looking at you?"
He asked with an arched brow and a smile tugged on his lips.
Iris looked up slowly with flushed cheeks and shook her head,
"I..I.."
Iris stuttered looking at those blue eyes which were staring back at her.
Derek smiled and unbuckled the belt in a swift move.
"Like?" He asked looking deeply into her eyes.
"Like I am a universe and you are a solemn star in search of me." Iris whispered before she moved out of the car.
Derek rushed after Iris and asked,
"Is it still a surprise to you?"
Iris stopped in her tracks and turned around tentatively with closed eyes,
"I am leaving." She whispered slowly and turned around, facing him under his gaze which was filled with perplexity.
He looked at her befuddled as he tried to conclude what she had uttered and furrowed his eyes.
Iris took a deep breath while gulping hard like she had just swallowed a rock, "I am leaving."
She said it again.
As those words reached his ears, again this time more eloquently, some sudden emotions freed them from the bound that Derek chained them in and his eyes widened.
Derek opened his mouth and then closed it, trying to get hold of the words hanging in his mouth but unable to do so. Words and emotions that had somehow all got mixed up right in the moment slowly made their way out,
"Why?" Derek asked with clenched teeth.
Iris looked at Derek intently and noticed that lines on his forehead and gulped. "What?" She asked with a frown.
Derek sighed deeply, jerking his hands in air while turning his back facing Iris.
He wanted to breathe. He wanted to compose himself, get rid of those enraged emotions of hurt that had drenched his brain. He ran his hand through his hair and bowed his head and glanced back at his shoes which were dusted with sand and then clenched his eyes.
He just couldn't take this anymore. Everything...everything is outlandish when it comes to Iris. Everything seems to go in circles. He didn't want to give up on her but this time he didn't know what to hold onto to keep her stay right there with him in that moment. But this time, the moment and Iris, both were different and he didn't know anymore how to handle it.
"Why...Why are you telling me now?" He asked with furrowed brows and heavy breath, even the sound of his voice seemed so odd to his own ears. He didn't even feel this deeply when Sarah left. But today he felt something so different in himself.
"You should have just left...that's what you are good at."
Iris bore his gaze at Derek's back as her eyes glistened. She was taken aback with the harshness in Derek's voice that made her skin prickle and made her throat go parch. She looked down slowly to her hands.
It wasn't supposed to be this hard but more than Derek, it was her heart which was giving up on her. Maybe now she had grown so used to it that she expected him to stop her. But it was foolish of her to feel that way, he is human. He can be hurt and he is hurt. She felt like she played with his heart all along that made her sink into the guilt all the more.
Iris sighed deeply and as her gaze landed on Derek's right hand which was turned into a fist, she slowly took his fisted hands in hers and stroke his knuckles causing them to relax instantly which in turn made him turn around to face her.
"I don't want you to see me as a coward, who runs away."
Derek looked at his hands in hers and felt the strong effect that enveloped him, he slowly looked up into her eyes and seemed to get enthralled by them like he did seven years back, amidst all the chaos...
Uncertainty was washed away from the wave of reconciliation. He looked at her and found himself captivated by this lady who was standing right in front of him, the glint in her eyes seemed to penetrate serenity that awed him. Her eyes were like a moon amidst the vicious clouds of past but now when they cleared away she was there right above all- shining.
He drew his hand back from her grasp and took a deep breath, "But you are running away."
"Not from myself. Sometimes it's important to run away from the world in order to find yourself. I am just doing that."
Derek looked back at Iris earnestly and she looked back with the same emotions reflecting his,
"I don't expect you to forget everything that happened between us and I won't even say that forget about us, about whatever happened with us. But with time I want you to. You are like that perfect kind of guy that everyone dreams of. And a part of me is scared that as soon as I will hold you, you will vanish too and I don't want that. I want you to stay because people like you are the reason that this world is still a beautiful place for people like me, who are lost from their path and are stuck in deep abyss of darkness."
Iris took a step forward and held Derek's hand in hers.
"I don't even know why I am feeling guilty of doing this to you. Maybe because I feel for you. Maybe too strongly because my heart flutters every time when I think about leaving. Only you make me dubious of this decision. "
"Then don't. I will be with you. For you. Whenever you need me. I won't vanish or run away I will stay." Derek said looking back at Iris fervently and holding her hands in his grasp.
"I want to do this on my own. I want to pick every piece of my broken self and put it back together. To heal slowly on my own. I know you won't stop me or push me or do anything that I don't want to do. You will let me do whatever I want and I want this, to do everything on my own now. To live a life on my own now. To make a castle from the heaps of dust on my own."
Taking a step closer, she continued staring at him,
"You don't deserve the love I could offer you. Because maybe that's not love at all. You don't deserve to be a rebound."
Derek closed his eyes with the pained expression clearly visible on his face.
"What do you want now?" He asked slowly opening his eyes.
"Nothing."
A weak smile formed on her lips and she took a step covering the little distance that was left between them. Standing on her toes she slowly bent forward and placed her lips on his, ever so gently. It wasn't sparks and fire. It wasn't explosions and butterflies. It was what it was- Just a souvenir for remembrance. For others, it must've been a start. But for them, it was something different.
Derek relaxed as he registered the proximity between them and instantly held Iris around her waist and pulled her in his embrace with his lips on hers.
Iris encircled her hand around his neck and slowly ran them through his thick brown hair.
It wasn't a collision of waves, rather how the waves rushes to shore gently washing it, soothingly.
He deepened the kiss as his hand slowly travelled from her waist and cupped her cheek.
He wanted her but she was not his to begin with. He wanted to savour her, to keep her remembered, every tickle, every emotion that has been released with the collision of the emotions of both of them. She ran her hands through his hair and entwined them behind his head pulling him closer. He tasted like first rain of the summer, made her feel like a parched Soul devoid of love.
Iris slowly unlocked her hands from his neck and put it on his chest just above his frantically beating heart and pushed him away lightly.
Iris wanted him to let go and he wanted her to hold on.
Iris broke this kiss and stood away heaving slightly but gazing fervently at Derek. Iris slowly reached to his hand, entwining them.
She squeezed his hand gently and pulled out slowly from his grasp and turned around with her back facing him.
"I love you." Derek said as he held his hand out instantly to hold Iris but stopped in a mid-way.
"I love you, too." She whispered.
T•H•E E•N•D
♥