*wakes up*
I'll just say sorry for posting late and...
enjoy reading. :D
I'm tired.
That's all.
*sleeps back again*
***
‘Tomorrow is another day’… A quote I claim to live by.
As I reflect with this quote, I was hoping that this day would end so I can have a new day tomorrow and start my life… again.
A new day that would turn my life three hundred and sixty degrees.
But who am I kidding? That’s totally next to impossible.
I wish any normal individual could somehow be like a robot where you can program yourself to save a memory that you want to retain inside your mind and it can stay there until the end of time. Then you can choose to delete an experience. Place it in the trash bin and be able to forget it never happened.
There would be a signal or a warning that stops you from continuing or doing something. It would say like ‘Stop! Danger ahead. May cause severe destruction to your heart’ or like ‘Caution! May explode your brain’
Yeah. I’m totally getting weirder.
Or maybe I can just have one day… just that ONE DAY, where my mind would turn into a complete empty, hollow space. Where I wouldn’t be able to remember everything… from my childhood until present time. Where I have nothing to think of, may it be a joyful thought or a depressing one.
I will be devoid of feeling anything. I will be free from overthinking, free from my frustrations, innocence, stupidity, frantic behavior and a lot more. The bottom line…
I won’t be able to feel any pain.
Pain that turns everything upside down.
Pain that drains every energy from you, making you weak and fragile.
Pain that tells you… you lose.
I always say… pain will be connected in everything we do. That it would be expected ‘coz life is not perfect. Anything can go wrong.
But a lot of us would agree that we wanted to have an almost perfect life. Where we can say we’re contented of the things we have and that we’re happy with the people surrounding us.
A life where you look forward to wake up continuously everyday that even if something may go wrong, you’d be able to face it with head held high and with ease ‘coz you have someone to turn to. Someone who’s always there for you no matter what happens. Someone you can lean on.
I wouldn’t say that after what I saw, I have no someone. I still have my family, people I consider as close friends and some people who leave a mark with the simple things they do.
But what makes it different? Why everything seem wrong? Why is it so hard for me? Why is it so painful?
It all goes down to that one word that most of us are scared of but some would kill to have it.
That bullsh*t four letter word.
Love.
I love him… so much. It’s plain and simple. I’m hurting so much because my feelings for him is so deep. I’m hurting so much because I let that feeling drown me.
Some would think that I’m over reacting or maybe exaggerating but I can’t choose what I feel. This is how I feel and it’s slowly eating me. The image of them in the arms of each another kept on lingering inside me, making the pain more unbearable and yawning.
But with all the pain, tears and feeling of sadness, I can’t make myself feel any anger towards them. This is love we’re talking about. Why will I destroy two people who are in love with each other? Who am I to cut their happiness?
And to think… one of them is the one I have deep feelings with.
We all know the saying ‘When you love someone, set them free’, especially when it means finding happiness for that someone.
I love Raf… so I’m letting him go.
I will give him the freedom to be with the one who truly makes him happy. Who can make him feel complete. Who can give what his heart’s desire.
And I know… I will never be that person.
All I’m hoping that someday I will be able to move on and forget even the tiniest bit of feeling I have for him. It may still be next to impossible and it may be a futile attempt but I know in time I will also find my happiness that God has reserved for me.
I won’t ask Him when ‘coz it’s in His time where the perfect person, for me, will come.
I took a slow, deep, calming breath as the air swooshed around me, giving prickles on my skin. It was almost seven in the evening. The sky started to dim and the chilly breeze kept me from waking up.
Well, I wouldn’t be bored in this place as my eyes roamed around the luscious trees, birds freely flying around above us, kids playing on the sand or grasses at the play grounds and some other sceneries that a lot of people enjoy.
This is the only place I know, besides the hospital and Mr. Cooper’s house, outside campus. It was luck on my part that Rupert didn’t try finding me here.
Raf may have told everyone that I’m missing ‘coz until now my phone keeps on vibrating at my back pocket.
I didn’t shut it off to see if my parents and Ruby would call or send me a message. They did call. But I didn’t answer. I’m scared I’ll break down and cry when I hear their voices. I don’t want them to worry about me since it’s my birthday. I don’t want them to think I’m in my lowest point on my special day.
Mr. Cooper, Kaiden and some other friends and close relatives sent me a greeting. I didn’t respond.
Rupert called a few times. I didn’t answer.
Elina called and spammed me with her hysterical messages asking me where have I been. Still I didn’t answer.
And to my surprise, that even my newly plucked eyebrows raised on its highest peak, Christina and weirdly… Liam wished me a happy birthday. Then afterwards, even them attempted to call and send me messages. They were also trying to find me. But still… I didn’t bother to answer.
Then there’s him.
He called and send me messages so many times, I had lost track of how many times he did. Unlike the others, I didn’t or the proper term would be, I can’t try to open any of his messages. I might lose myself yet again. And I don’t want to read or hear from him that he’s sorry for me and that he and Liam were already an item.
I’m starting and trying really hard to accept it but I have no faith in myself when I will see them both… together in each others arms. Just like what I saw earlier.
My heart would still twitch with ache just remembering it.
I don’t really have any idea why would he still bother to find me when his man of his dreams was already infront of him. A little part of me says that he still cares ‘coz he sees me as his girl best friend. Maybe that’s also the reason why he asked me to spend my special day with him. To show that we’re still best friends and nothing will change. We will never be strangers in each other but we will also never get past to becoming more than friends.
I thought my day would start and end well, with my earlier conversation with Christina and Mr. Edwards that I can say turned out right, but I expected too much. Now disappointment and a feeling of lost engulfed my whole being. I even want to run and disappear from everything.
But I can’t… and I won’t.
A few hours of being alone was a good source to recharge myself and breathe a breath of fresh air.
I’m already calmed and a bit collected as I stalked outside of the taxi cab then walked leisurely towards the women’s dorm.
I hung my head low, enough to hide my face, as I passed by the men’s dorm and silently thanked all the angels and saints that no familiar face came into view.
Maybe they got tired of finding me and were now back in their own rooms. It’s already late anyway. They must be tired of searching for me. Oops. I guess I owe them an apology. Explanation? That may come later. Still… Thank God! No more drama for this day. I’ll just make an excuse with Elina so she won’t try to question me like she’s investigating a crime.
That girl is more persistent than Liam.
I peeked once more at the men’s dorm then released the air I was holding when I saw that the coast was really clear.
But surprise, surprise!
Of course I was wrong. Surely, utterly and immensely wrong!
I was rooted on my spot, at the center between the men’s and women’s dorm, stiff as a board. My eyes were wide in so many emotions that were building inside of me but nervousness was more evident. My hands were shaking, cold as ice, but not from the cold breeze, and my heart started to run like the speed of light (I know I’m Ms. Exaggerating again). It was like an instant reflex whenever he’s near and these reflexes seem to multiply more when I saw the darken expression on his face as he moved with long strides towards my direction.
He’s mad. That was obvious.
I prepared myself for any hurtful words I will hear coming from his mouth or for any hurtful thing he may do to me. But then I closed my eyes last minute when he was just five steps away from me.
A startled gasp escaped from someone, which then I realized was from me, when I was roughly pressed into a hard chest and long arms were suddenly enclosed around me tightly.
Pain on my head registered first inside my slow mind but reality sets in and that’s when confusion and astonishment came to me.
I was about to wriggle myself out from his hold and ask him what was he doing but I wasn’t able to continue when he tightened his hold around my waist and buried his head at the crook of my neck, deliberately inhaling, which caused goose bumps and tingles spread all over my now sensitive and alive body.
I can feel his heartbeat trying to compete with mine. What was happening?! I have no damn clue!
Is this some kind of a joke?
I would love the feel of his arms around me but it only made me think of what I saw earlier at the Park. So I thought… this is definitely not right.
“Raf…”
“Karmiy”
I wasn’t able to continue yet again when I heard his soft whisper calling his endearment to me. It wasn’t just a soft tone, it was more like he’s relieved and his tone made me realized how tired he sounded.
He heaved a long sigh, his breath fanning at my neck, making my body on high alert. Slowly, he pulled himself a little away from me so he can look straight to my face.
“Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you. I saw dad with a stone look on his face walking out of our dorm and I thought he did something to you. I wasn’t able to catch him and confront him. He wasn’t even answering any of my calls so I became more worried. I called everyone, except your family, asking them if they have seen you and none of them have any clue of your whereabouts. I was even on the verge of asking help from the police―”
“What?!―”
“Yes! And it’s all because I couldn’t find you!” Raf suddenly shouted as he released his hold on me. What’s his problem? It’s his fault anyway why I went away. He seemed to realize of what he did as he looked contrite but then narrowed his eyes again, “Where did you go? Did dad really do something?”
I shook my head without a second and saw Raf released another breath of relief. What’s up with him? I thought he was with Liam. Doing… whatever couple thing they do.
“Then where have you been? I searched everywhere in the campus but I couldn’t find you” Raf asked with a tone of irritation
“I went out to Golden Gate Park―”
“You went out?! Alone?” Raf’s eyes widened with incredulity, “Are you insane?! What if something bad happened to you? San Francisco is a huge place. You can’t just go outside if you’re not familiar with the place. It’s even your freakin’ birthday!”
My mouth opened and closed, trying to make a come back but I was lost by Raf’s use of tone. Why was he even that mad? It’s not like I wanted to be lost in the woods or something.
He was panting a bit with his rant of outrage. I can see that he really was worried and tired in searching for me. I still have no clue why he did that but I felt a pang of guilt. Maybe I should’ve just called him and told him that I went with some friends and that he can just go with his plans together with Liam.
I bit my lip from embarrassment and guilt while Raf ran a hand through his messy hair before he sighed loudly again.
“I’m sorry” We uttered simultaneously.
We stared in each other’s eyes as silence came between us.
He was sorry for what? For shouting at me? Or for not telling me that he’s already with Liam?
A lumped stuck on my throat as the last question registered in me. Did he just felt worried because I might find out about him and Liam? So it’s only just guilt for him then?
Then I realized… oh my god!
Now I know why he asked me to spend my special day with him alone. He wanted me to know formally that he and Liam are officially together.
Wow! Thinking about it made me want to bawl right here, right now. But I can’t do that infront of him. I won’t let him see my pain and vulnerability.
But I want answers.
Swallowing the lump, I inhaled before asking the question out, “Did you asked me to spend this day alone with you so I can meet him?”
I was trying really hard to calm my nerves as I wait for Raf to answer.
But I wasn’t expecting his puzzled expression and most especially his question back, “What are you talking about? Who’s him?”
“I saw you”
“Saw me when? Karmiy, can you just stop beating around the bush”
“I was there” I whispered when I saw Raf looked annoyed and confused at the same time. But as I said those three words, his face straightened with realization. So it’s true. “I was at the entrance of the park when… I saw you… with―”
Raf immediately cut me off. His eyes widened and hands shaking infront of me, “Wait, wait! Karmiy, it’s not what you think―”
So he’s still denying it. Pfft. It’s not like I’d be able to stop their relationship. As I said, I’m slowly accepting it and I will try my very best to be a complete sport about this. But he can’t possibly deny it if I already saw it with my own eyes.
“No Raf. It’s okay. It’s totally fine―”
“But it’s not like that! Liam came to―”
“I said its fine with me. You don’t have to explain yourself about your love―”
“No!―”
“―with each other. You don’t have to hide it anymore and I understand it―”
“Karmiy stop! You’re wrong―”
“―with whole honesty and as your friend―”
“Goddamit Scarlet!”
For the third time, I wasn’t able to continue what I was saying as Raf placed both of his hands at the side of my face in a flash then captured my lips with his.
As my eyes widen… Suddenly, my world turned into a painful slow motion.
I am a totally slow thinker and down right imaginative day dreamer but I’m not a total moron that I didn’t guess in the first second Raf’s lips touched mine that we were kissing.
Raf and I were kissing.
Raf kissed me.
He was kissing me.
Oh. My. God.
Shock is the understatement of the year.
We’ve shared kisses so many times before but this kiss can’t compare with those kisses.
It was a sweet kiss. A kiss that makes my whole knees go weak and wobbly which I’m thankful Raf placed his one hand around my waist to steady me and pressed me closer to him that every inch of our body were touching.
It’s a kiss that makes my heart flutter that any abnormal heart rhythm can’t compare and I don’t know if I’m imagining it but Raf’s heartbeat was beating so loud, it’s almost I can hear it.
It’s a kiss that brings, not only butterflies, but also thousands of insects and even wild animals and extinct creatures in my stomach, making it harder for me to breath as Raf seemed not planning, not that I’m complaining, on pulling away.
It’s a kiss that melts every insecurity, problem, sadness, depression and pain I’ve felt from the day I had an understanding with the world.
It’s a kiss that makes everything perfect, with no doubts and uncertainties.
It’s a kiss that tells me there’s something… more.
There was a tiny voice in my head that tells me this isn’t right and that I should push him away from me…
But a larger part says I shouldn’t and that I should also fight for my happiness.
When he pressed his lips deeper against mine, softly pulling my lower lip, I gave in and slowly closed my eyes. Tears that I haven’t realized formed fell from my cheeks.
But the tears formed were not because I’m feeling pain… its tears that tells me I’m feeling a lot of joy.
It’s quite weird that with only one kiss, it makes you feel lighter. Suddenly, happiness was building rapidly inside of you and it will come bursting out with so much of it to handle.
With the shared kisses we had, I haven’t realized that his lips were so soft. Soft lips that were now trying to make the kiss deeper, his hand at my jaw moved at the back of my neck pulling me closer to him. It was still light but firm pressure but his lips parted, pulling and stroking against mine.
My lips were parting slightly, mimicking his move. I don’t even know if I’m doing it right.
Oh my god! Do I suck at kissing?!
I had never done this before. The first and only guy, except for Liam’s brutal attempt to kiss me, who I had a kiss with was with the guy, or maybe gay, who’s kissing me right now. But the kisses we shared were only fast, smack kiss on the lips. The kisses always happen so fast, with a blink of an eye, it never even got longer than two seconds.
But this kiss was totally much longer… much, much longer if you asked me, and I’m still not complaining about it.
Three seconds…
Five seconds…
Ten seconds…
I lost count, I think even from the start, of how long we were kissing.
I don’t know if it’s because the oxygen inside my body was getting lower and lower with the way that I’m not breathing or because Raf’s scent and touch filled my senses that my brain cells were not functioning properly but I didn’t realize, until now, the whole reason why we were kissing.
Was this some kind of a way for Raf to shut me up from my rambling? Or he just wanted to kiss me like he always does when we were still best friends? Or it was a kiss that tells me… he also has feelings for me?
But I learned my lesson and expecting and assuming may lead to something tragic. So the last option would be the last priority. I won’t get my hopes up just because Raf kissed me.
I’m still in no proper shape and functioning to question him and before my overthinking self gets starting again, Raf’s lips slowly pulled away from mine but his face was still closer from me, his forehead pressed against mine and our noses were touching. My eyes were still shut closed ‘coz I don’t want to open it and find myself just dreaming.
We’re both breathing hard and a bit panting from the kiss we had. I can’t find my voice to ask him with the most important question I had in mind.
Before I could compose myself, Raf beat me to it… “Karmiy…” He breathed hoarsely.
Okay, seriously that was hot!
Yeah, my mind was really not in shape. Bad Scarlet.
“…You know how to ruin things in your own little way”
With Raf’s voice, like a hot, straight guy, I’m trying really hard to get a hold of me and not pull his face to mine once again and kiss him hard until we were out of breath.
Seriously… that was just a pervert move. I need a whole tank of oxygen before I do stupid things.
And I need oxygen, for me to understand clearly what’s Raf been saying ‘coz my slow processing was getting slower that it took me seconds to register what he had said.
My eyes instantly shut open to see Raf looking intently at mine with an amuse expression on his face.
“What?!” I half hissed, half shrieked ‘coz I’m still trying to find my voice. I tried to pull away from him but he just pulled me closer to him, his hand on my waist tightening more.
“Once you told me I was dense… now, look who’s talking”
Again… “What?!”
“I know you’re over thinker, clueless, unobservant, paranoid, pessimistic, and a bit judgmental―”
“Hey!”
“―But you seem to level up ‘coz now, you’re a bit stupid”
What the hell?! What was he trying to do? A minute ago, we were snogging (hey, I really like British words) and now, he’s listing my bad traits.
Very well then!
I tried pushing myself away from him again but to no avail, he’s still stronger than me, “Yah, okay! Thank you very much! Keep on insulting me!” I growled, poking a finger on his chest
“I wasn’t insulting you. I really love those traits about you karmiy but sometimes it makes me want to smack your head just for the heck of it”
I gasped from his words then narrowed my eyes at him, “Why you… irritating, jerk, big-head gay!”
“There you go again!” Raf grumbled
“What?! What did I do?”
He sighed before finally releasing me but his right hand took hold of my left one. “We really need to talk”
“We’re talking!”
“Not here Ms. Grumpy”
I moved my head to the side, feeling a bit mad, “Hmph. No. I’m not coming with you” Does he think I will come with him after telling me those things. Well, he’s definitely wrong.
“It’s not an option”
Before I can react and snap back, I yelped in surprise when I was suddenly hanging in the air as Raf carried me on his shoulders then started walking forward.
“Rafael!”
“Yes karmiy?”
“Put me down this instant!”
“Nope”
“I’m warning you. If you don’t put me down I’ll… I’ll…”
“You’ll what karmiy?”
Argh! I can’t think straight with all the kissing and hugging and now my head was hanging upside down, I might get sick and puke any second.
I didn’t try to squirm and fight back anymore ‘coz I might fall head first on the ground. Raf also seemed to be silent as he continued walking wherever location he’s going.
The lights illuminating the darkness tell me that we’re at the park where I saw Raf and Liam earlier this morning. I can feel something I don’t want to feel as memories of it pictured in my head.
“Don’t” Raf interrupted my thoughts, “Don’t think about it please”
My eyebrows furrowed with confusion. What was he talking about?
He heaved a sigh as he spoke, “We’ll just talk Scarlet. If I place you down… can you not run from me again?”
His use of tone and voice, softens and stirs my heart like there’s something more from his plea.
I mimic his sigh and whispered my response, “Okay”
Gradually, he placed me down, my feet felt the cold ground. He straightened up then stared at my face. As another of my own reflex, my cheeks started flushing and it turned redder when I remembered what we had done earlier.
I still can’t believe we kissed. The reason behind it was still hanging in the air and I want to know the answer.
Before I could ask him, he surprised me yet again as he circled his arms around me and pulled me to him until we were seated at the bench… me, seating on his lap.
I haven’t even got the chance to react when he buried his face at my hair, leaning his forehead on my shoulders.
My body’s reaction was so fast as my heart started drumming and my mind became hazy.
Stupid hormones.
“What will I do to you karmiy?” He groaned, his voice muffled by my hair where his face was hidden
“Wha―”
He pulled away from my shoulders to look me straight in the face, “If you’re always like that, thinking and judging ahead and jealousy eating you up, you’re surely making yourself miserable. You’re just making it hard for you. Do you really want to pity yourself and feel pain even if it’s not really worth it ‘coz you’re just making assumptions? You just had to run away, not knowing what’s really happening. You didn’t even know the whole truth about the situation and you just thought of the worst thing about it… about the person… about me. If you stayed longer or approached us, you should have known why Liam came”
I was speechless after he spoke. What do you say to that ey?
My mouth fell open, trying to make a word to come out. Raf, the genius, just lectured me. And I totally got what he said ‘coz I really did that. I made an assumption, thought the worst then ran away. But…
“I―I’m… I’m n-not jealous”
He groaned once more as he rubbed his face with his hand, “Is that the only thing you heard? You don’t even have to deny it karmiy”
I swallowed a lump as he narrowed his eyes. I can’t just tell him I’m jealous. It will make his ego bigger. And I’ve already confessed my love to him. I don’t want anymore humiliation and rejection.
“Do you want to know what really happened?”
I just nodded in response.
“I’ll tell you what happened but answer me first”
I tilted my head to the side, giving him the queue to continue. He raised his hand and softly stroked the side of my cheek, “Are you jealous?”
What?! No! I’ll shriek my answer, laugh at him, get up then walk away from him.
But no, I’m not gonna fool him and most specially, fool myself. Whatever he’s doing, I’ll go with it ‘coz I want to know the truth and… We already know the answer.
“Yes” I uttered softly but clear
He didn’t laugh at me, like I imagined him to do; instead he moved closer then placed a sweet, chaste kiss on my forehead.
“I know” He mumbled against my forehead
I should say that he’s a big head for saying that but his tone was so light. Like he’s so happy I admitted it.
I then realized I opened my vulnerability and heart to him again. I don’t know if I should be ashamed of myself for always admitting my feelings to him.
He interrupted my thoughts once more as he circled his arm on my waist and the other around my shoulders, placing my head on his shoulder. I was cradled tightly on his lap like I was a child.
I can feel and hear his heartbeat, calming me and removing my weariness. Then I felt his lips pressed at the side of my hair.
“Liam saw me alone at the park” Raf started speaking in a gentle tone, rubbing circles at my back, “He came to ask an apology. He also told me everything. He was crying when he told me about him… being gay and his feelings for Rupert. I don’t know what to do so I did the best way and that’s when you saw us… hugging”
After he spoke, I sat up straight abruptly, my eyes widen with shock. He released his grip on me with a puzzled look on his face.
Oh my god! I did assumed things. I did ruin Raf’s surprise.
He chuckled on my shock state, caressing my cheek, “Did that answer your question my dear karmiy?” He asked with a sparkle in his eyes but his expression changed, “I was so worried about you and I really thought dad has something to do with it. I was so relieved when I saw you and―”
He didn’t finish ‘coz now I was the one who caught him by surprise. I circled my arms around his neck and hide my face at the side of his. He stilled for a second but regained himself fast as he hugged me back, his arms around my waist.
“I’m so sorry Raf. I ruined your plans. I’m not thinking straight ‘coz… ‘coz…” I was so jealous ‘coz I love you so much.
I can’t say it. I’m too coward to say it. But I think Raf already know what I’m trying to say…
“Sshhh. It’s okay” He whispered near my ear, “As long as you’re already here… with me”
“But you’re surprise. Our… date” I mumbled the last word, my cheeks heating up.
Why do I have to say that?! Stupid, stupid Scarlet!
Grrrrrrrrr.
Raf chuckled heartily, “Yeah. You ruined our date”
“Hey!”
“I’m just kidding. But…” He pulled away a bit from me to look at my face, “I can still show you what I discovered. I should’ve have shown you that tonight but I think it will be more wonderful at dawn” He smiled cheekily as I raised an eyebrow at him.
“What do you mean at dawn?”
“We will wake up early tomorrow so I will show you one of my supposed surprises”
I pouted at him, feeling guilty that I messed his surprises. And what does he mean we will wake tomorrow at dawn? Where are we going?
“You’re over thinking again karmiy” He lectured, “C’mon, let’s go to sleep so we can wake up early”
He stood up, still holding me by the waist then released me to intertwine our hands as we started to walk.
Aww, we’re parting already?
I wanted to be with him longer. Stupid me and my pitying self. I should have just approached them earlier so I should’ve known that it was all just a mistake on my part. And Raf and I should’ve continued our date and he should’ve shown me all his planned surprises.
At least he will still show me something tomorrow. But something clicked on me…
“Wait! Wait!” I stopped walking while Raf turned to face me, “You’ll wake me up in our dorm room at dawn?”
“No” He dragged, looking at me like I’m insane, then he grinned widely, “You’re sleeping in my room… with me”
“What?!” I screeched incredulously
“You think I’ll let you go that easily? I haven’t seen you in the past hours so you’re coming with me” He smiled wickedly
“No” Yes, it’s a yes!
“Why not?” He asked, pouting
“I’m not sleeping with you”
“Why not? We’ve slept so many times together before”
“But that was before” I argued, “And besides, women can’t sleep in the men’s dorm and vice versa. You know that Raf”
He wasn’t faze as his grin grew wider, “Trust me karmiy, you can sleep with me” He wiggled his eyebrows making me blush. Suddenly, I feel like running away. This looks like trouble.
I didn’t have time to react when he pulled me again to walk towards their dorm. When we got to the entrance, I was feeling so nervous I could pee any second. What will Raf do?
But to my amazement, the guard just smiled at him as we approached. Then the guy at the reception desk didn’t even give us a glance until we entered the elevator.
Okay, that’s totally weird.
When the elevator door closed, I stared up at a smirking Raf with a look on his face that says ‘Told you’
Huh. Whatever.
“How?...”
“That’s one of the perks of people knowing I’m gay” He gave me a goofy grin that I can’t help to smile back. So that’s the main reason. And here I thought because Raf is so rich or the guard is gay and he has a big crush on Raf.
Yeah. I really am paranoid and assuming.
Because of my over thinking self, I didn’t realized we were walking, or more like Raf pulling me, towards their dorm room, entered in the living room until we got inside his room.
It only dawned on me, when we were standing at the center of his room, that I’m all alone with Raf.
Alone.
With him.
In his room.
In the middle of the night.
And to think, we just kissed awhile back.
That sounded right―nope, it’s wrong! Totally wrong!
Oh my god!
My heart started beating fast again, like it’s my normal rhythm, and I stiffened when Raf approached me until our faces were a mere inches away.
“You should see your face right now karmiy” He spoke in his husky voice. I should be worried by his tone but the amused look on his face tells me otherwise.
I began to turn back at him and walked outside but he held me prisoner by my waist, encircling his arms around me.
He laughed when a gasp escaped from my lips, I can feel his chest vibrating at my back. He released me, which I’m grateful ‘coz any minute I may pass out with his actions, then turned me around.
“I’m just teasing you karmiy” He smiled sincerely as he placed his hands at side of my cheek, “You look tired. Let’s get you to bed, okay?”
“But how about Elina? She’ll get worried too…”
“Stop right there” He placed his one hand infront of my face to stop me from talking then took something out from his pocket, which turned out to be his phone. He was pressing something on it with his right hand while his other hand was never leaving the side of my face.
I was watching him intently when he pressed his phone over his ear then waited until I heard a mumble coming from the other side of the line.
“Elina. She’s with me… Yeah… She went somewhere… I don’t know, soul searching?…” I cocked an eyebrow at him when he winked at me, “No, you get back to sleep… I’m not gonna rape you…” He rolled his eyes and I giggled, imagining Elina teasing Raf. That perverted roommate. “She’s sleeping in my room… Of course with me…” Raf pulled his phone away when Elina then shriek so loud, I can even hear it. I grumbled curses under my breath as I took Raf’s phone and ended the call.
“I guess its fine with her”
“Yah” And another round of curses under my breath. That roommate. She really wanted me and Raf to be together but in a twisted, erotic way like she imagined it. Ugh.
Raf chuckled, erasing me from my thoughts. Then I remembered…
“How about Rupert? You asked him to find me. He also tried texting and calling me and…”
Raf didn’t let me continue again when he walked past me towards his door. He opened it then shouted Rupert’s name. I heard shuffling outside but I can’t see anything ‘coz Raf was blocking the view.
“Scarlet’s okay. She’s already in their dorm room” Raf informed Rupert
What? But I’m here.
I heard Rupert’s ‘Okay’ then Raf swiftly closed the door to turn back to me.
“Now, can we sleep?”
“Why did you lie to him?”
He just shrugged then walked towards his walk-in closet, “I don’t know” He lamely responded, telling me that he doesn’t want me to know the reason
I followed him but stopped at the door when he walked back holding a shirt and a pair of pajamas.
“Have you eaten?”
I was about to answer when my stomach began to rumble. And there goes my tomato cheeks…
“Guess not” Raf grumbled, obviously annoyed at something, “You take your shower and I’ll make something for you” He passed me the clothes he’s holding then walked straight outside of his room. He’s bipolar again.
I sighed but obeyed the gay bipolar. He’ll be pissed if I didn’t do what he says.
So I took a quick shower, loving the feeling of the water as it relaxes my tired and worn-out body, then put on Raf’s clothes, not admitting to him that I inhaled every scent from it.
His scent relaxes me more than the water.
You’re like a stalker young lady.
I think I am.
I emerged from the bathroom and saw a plate of sandwich and a glass of milk at Raf’s study table. My heart pumped more blood when I saw him getting out of his walk-in closet with… *gulp* only his boxers.
I swallowed and tried to look mad at him but inside, I was having the time of my life staring at his sexy chest, “You’re not sleeping with me if you’re only wearing that” I snapped at him
He bent down to look at his sexy chest then back to me, smiling wickedly, “Why not? Too hot to handle?”
Okay, that’s it!
“I’ll just go back to my room then”
I didn’t even have the chance to walk out when he was infront of me in a flash, placing his hands on my waist, “Na ah ah. You’re not doing that karmiy. You’re staying here” His touch was making me go crazy! And is it bad that he’s commanding was making me hot? Oh god! “Okay, I’ll put on a shirt. Just stay here with me”
I was drowned by his beautiful blue eyes as he pleads. His sweetness is eating me all up. Waaaaaa!
But I still nodded which made him smile.
He took hold of my hand, not before placing another kiss on my forehead, then pulled me towards his study table.
I didn’t even realize I was hungry when I started to eat the sandwich Raf has prepared. I ate it all and downed the glass of milk while he was watching me with a glint of joy.
He once again held my hand and I followed suit towards his bed. My heart was still drumming wildly but I relaxed a bit when I remembered that this is Raf. He won’t do anything that I’m not comfortable with.
The kiss we had awhile back was still a big mystery to me. I won’t assume things until Raf say something that will name what relationship we have.
And seeing things, we have jumped another stepped in this unnamed relationship and weirdly as it seems… it’s not awkward as I think it would be.
He let me get to bed first as he switched the lights off, then the only light in the room was coming from the lamp at his bedside table. He then lay beside me, fixing the covers over us.
It wasn’t a surprise when he pulled me in his arms, cradling me against his chest. I didn’t try to fight back ‘coz this thing we’re doing, not a sexual innuendo, was like a very normal thing to do. Not because we were best friends then and that we always do this but it’s just something more.
I placed my left hand over his chest, and smiled when I felt his frantic heartbeat. I can’t help but think… Does that beat because I’m here? That I’m this close to him?
“Happy birthday my karmiy” He whispered, his lips against my hair
I closed my eyes, loving his voice, his smell that’s filling my body, his touch… I love everything about him.
“Thank you” I mumbled against his chest
He raised his hand at the side of my face then slowly trailed his fingers from the corner of my jaw to my chin, “Do you trust me karmiy?”
That was an unexpected question. But there’s an easy answer to it…
“Yes” I whispered, half smiling, looking at his eyes that even in the darkness, you can see how beautiful it is.
“Never leave me again” Raf whispered back.
With his fingers still under my chin, he slowly lifts it up and pressed his lips softly to mine.
If this was a dream, I hope I won’t wake up ‘coz this dream was too good to be true.
***
*wakes up then waves hand*
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I'll sleep again. :D
*closes eyes*