"I've noticed that in the time we've had these sessions that you've only talked highly about your father and your best friend, Travis. Never your mother or any other woman in your life. Why is that?"
"Don't know," I kept it short per usual.
"What's your mom like?"
I got angry just thinking about that woman, but I shrugged it off. "I couldn't tell you because I haven't seen her since I was 11. She walked out on my dad while she was pregnant and never looked back."
I was lying through my teeth. I had seen my mother several times from afar in the past 19 years. I just never cared to approach her.
"How'd that make you feel?"
"Alone," I admitted to Dr. Hubert. "Abandoned." I cleared my throat making sure that I wouldn't get rowdy today while talking about her.
"Do you think that plays a part in why you're detached from the rest of those around you...or why you don't trust people?"
I chuckled lightly and shook my head. "No, it doesn't. For the most part, I dealt with it well back then because my dad was still there. When he died that hit a nerve that I never knew bothered me. It was like a part of me was gone. Then, to top it off a few months later--" I stopped myself from even thinking about that whole situation.
Dr. Hubert sat there and nodded as she wrote in her pad. I noticed that she didn't press me when I would pause in the middle of a statement like she normally did. I actually saw a small smile appear on her face.
"What?" I questioned, curiously.
"I'm just noticing progress with how you're talking today. You're actually giving me something to work with. Barely any one word answers."
I shook my head. "Yeah, thank my house guests for that. They require three or more words a reply."
"Well, that's great. Talking is the best thing because you obivously have a lot to say and even more things on your mind. Now, back to this session. I have to ask, have ever been in love?"
I thought long and hard, but no woman came to mind.
"If you have to think that hard, then that means no," she said with a slightly surprsied face. "But, why do you think that is?"
"Casually sleeping around always was easier. I never cared to get in a relationship because--"
"You thought the girls would leave like your mother did," she answered with her own response.
"I wasn't going to say that."
"You weren't, but that's what it all comes down too. You can't trust a woman enough with your heart or even your time for that matter."
"Not necessarily. I just don't trust most people in general. I do, however, expect them to fuck up or to leave me in the mud."
Dr. Hubert pushed her glasses up on her nose and nodded. "So, you think everyone leaves?"
"I know they do. My mom, gone. My dad, gone. My sister, gone. One of my best friends, gone. My son, gone. My partner, gone."
I felt myself getting angry just thinking about these things, but I kept my composure.
"You son? That's a first...you've never mentioned him before. Tell me about him."
"He's not mine." I laughed, angrily. "His dumb ass mom gave him my name and knew he wasn't my kid. She knew."
"Are you still involved in his life?"
"No, I cant be. Too many strings attached for me."
"Strings? Can you elaborate..."
"Ready to go BJ?" I asked my son as I packed his clothes back from him staying over for the weekend.
"Yes, papa. You like my wrobe?" I laughed at him trying to say to say a big word and nodded.
"It's wardrobe, lil man. Nice try though." I looked down at what he was wearing and smirked. He wanted to be a big boy and trying to dress himself today. Aside, from his shoes being on the wrong foot he did good enough.
After I switched his shoes to the proper foot, I gathered his night bag so I could get him home at decent time.
"Papa, why I can't stay witchoo?" BJ questioned as we got on the elevator to Tasha's spot. Hopefully, she wasn't with the attitude about me being a few minutes late.
"Your mommy would miss you too much," I told him even though I wish he did stay with me. Part of me even considered fucking around with Tasha again just so that could be with my son more.
When we got to the 3rd floor, BJ did his usual routine and held on to my leg as we walked down the hall to the apartment.
Just as we got to the door and I was about to knock, a man faced the opposite way was talking to tasha. "T, we gone have to tell Bam at some point. That's my boy."
I knew that voice from anywhere. "Tell me what, Ky?" I questioned with knotted brows. I was more so trying to figure out what the hell he was doing at Tasha's crib than anything.
Tasha came to the door when hearing me and cracked a smile before kneeling down to BJ who was still tugging at my leg. "Hey mama's baby," she cooed with her arms out for BJ.
I picked him up and kissed his forehead before handing him to her. "Love you buddy." Tasha left the door, leaving me and Kyle alone.
"Tell me what bro?"
"Y'all throwing me a surprise birthday party or some shit?" I joked with a half-smile.
Kyle put his hands in his pockets and tapped his foot. "I don't know how to say this but--"
"Nigga, just talk bruh. This me you talking too," I said while leaning on the wall.
"Before I let you know, I just gotta say I'm so sorry bro. It was stupid of me to cross that line, but back in school me and Tasha fucked around."
I laughed hysterically. "Nigga, shut up! Y'all couldn't stand each other back then. You trying to tell me that was all sexual tension."
I continued to laugh until I saw the seriousness in his face. "Man, you serious?"
Kyle was silent. "As a heart attack."
Although the news was shocking, I wasn't mad. Tasha was out there whenever me and her took breaks, and vice versa. "Alright, that's cool. That was like three years ago fam. Is that it?"
"Nah...not quite."
My eyes widened. "Ky, don't tell me you still fucking with Tasha." I shook my head hoping that he would say otherwise. "You already got Sky and we all know she love you to death. Hence, your broken engagement to Daliah."
"It ain't even like that. I-I just--when me and Tasha was messing around we didn't use condoms. I took a home made paternity test and BJ is m-mine bruh."
"Wow, that had to be a lot to handle."
"I mean, yeah. Kyle was my boy from middle school. We were literally ying and yang." I told her.
"When's the last time you saw Kyle?"
I thought to myself to see if I even remember correctly. "About 8 years ago when I tried to full-custody of the kid. Even after the 3 years I took care of him, I wasn't entitled to any rights. I took a step back after that."
"How would you say your last interaction with him was?"
"Everytime I saw him after finding out about the kid, I fought him. I'd black out and beat his ass, everytime. That's the only way I knew how to release what I was feeling."
"Hmm, I've noticed that you refer BJ as the kid a lot. Why do you put so much space between you two?"
"It's a defensive thing. Had to cut that part of me off, including the kid. The whole thing is fucking embarassing like talking about it now pisses me off."
Dr. Hubert nodded with stern face and wrote in her tablet. "Do you think that you could ever be friends with Kyle again?"
"Nah."
"Back to the one word answers, huh? Well, our time is coming to an end but what I would like for you to do before you come back for the next session is open up to one person."
I smacked my teeth because I was not in the mood for games right now or any other activity.
"That doesn't mean tell your whole life, but just loosen up and have good dialogue. Maybe go on a date or just hang out because despite what you'd like to think, you're a people's person."
"How'd you gather that?"
"It's my job to know and I know that that aspect of you is closed off right now, but try to open it up if even only for a few hours."
I stood from the couch and shook Dr. Hubert's hand before departing from the building. I needed to get home and take my meds because I wasn't feeling too well.
"Hey!"
I walked inside my loft to see Lauren on the computer and Nas playing the game. I greeted them both with a headnod.
"It's food in there if you want. I made white rice and limas, flank steak, and cornbread. I was gonna make you some cabbage since you liked the last batch so much, but it went bad."
"No problem, I appreciate it," I said while walking to the kitchen.
"Hey, Bam. Can I ask you a question?" Nas asked while he was still focused on his game.
"What's up?" I replied while putting food on my plate to eat.
"Can help me with my basketball drills? My mom had told me that you were really good back in high school and in a college."
I gave Lauren a look from the kitchen and she shook her head. "Nas, I told you that Bam doesn't play anymore baby. We can get you a coach or something to help you."
I thought about it and maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea to help him. Nas is a good kid. "It's no problem. We can go after I finish eating, but be ready to work youngin." I smiled slightly, moving to sit on the couch beside Lauren with my food on hand.
"You know that you don't have to do that, right?" She lowly said as she leaned in to me.
"It's cool."
"It's just saying that you've already done so much for us..."
"Lauren, chill. I got y'all, didn't I tell you that already? Hell, your cooking is all the payback I need because lords I was eating cereal and chinese food everyday," I admitted and she cracked a smile.
"Hmm, I know what I'm going to do for you now!" She suddenly got excited and my brows arched in confusion.
"Oh, word. What's that?"
Lauren was furiously typing on her laptop as I put a spoon full of food in my mouth. "What you really need is a girlfriend, so what better way for you than online dating."
I looked at her like she had lost it, but she really was on the internet creating a profile. "Real funny, but I'm not doing that."
Lauren smacked her teeth and smirked before picking her phone up in my face. "Say cheese or something, you need a good profile pic."
My face was straight as a line. "Nah, I'm good. I don't need a girl right now. I got too much baggage as it is and my attention span isn't that long."
She shook her head and still took the picture. "Boy, please. You're a catch and if you weren't such a eww sometimes, you'd be good."
"Mama, what's a eww?" Nas interrupted as he paused his game.
"Stay out of grown folks business and play that game, that's what." I shook my head and smiled.
"Yeah, what's a eww?"
Lauren rolled her eyes as she typed on her phone. "All done. I just your picture to my email, so that I can put it on here," she said with a grin as she pointed to her computer.
"Lauren, I'm warning you. Don't mess around and get one of them girls stood up. I'm not doing it."
"C'mon, Bam. For once, take a chance. I haven't even posted the profile pic yet and you already got women interested. You know that girls love nice guys with no kids and a good job."
I looked down at my plate and took a bite of my food. "You're really going to be the death of me."
"Sooo, does that mean you're down to go one at least one date? It'll be fun."
I thought about what Dr. Hubert said earlier and I guess this would be a step in the right direction. I nodded slightly. "Fine, one date."
"Two dates...because there's no guarantee that the first one will be good." I gave her an irritated look and scratched my neck.
"Fine, two dates."
I leaned forward to put my plate down and thought about the hell that I was setting myself up for. Just as I was about to speak again, my phone rang. I glanced down at the number and hit ignore.
"Same person?"
I hadn't even noticed that Lauren was watching me. "Uh, nah just a wrong number," I lied.
"Oh, okay..."
Erin's husband had been hitting me up on a regular basis, but I wasn't ready for that confrontation and I don't think I'll ever be. Talking to this man about his deceased wife that I was sleeping with isn't an ideal convo for me.
Vote, comment, & whatever else ;)
Is it acceptable for Brandon to still have a grudge with Kyle?
Do you think the online dating will be a success or nah? Should Brandon even be dating with this depression he's going through?
Kyle will appear in present day text for next chapter, which will be...tea sip worthy or not🤔