A low crackle of thunder forced me to open my eyes. My hands stretched across the quilt until I touched another warm body beside me. I jerked upright on the quilt and squinted my eyes through my hair which swirled round me as a breeze whipped across the clearing.
I'd stayed out all night with Daxson.
I glanced over at Daxson's peaceful, sleeping form with a smile. He slept on his right side with his arm tucked beneath his head. A small trail of drool dripped from the corner of his mouth and created a pool on the quilt.
Another boom in the air pulled my eyes away from him. Black clouds sprawled across the sky and billowed in from the west. The air grew heavy as the humidity pressed down on my shoulders, threatening to suffocate. Sweat beaded along my skin as the scent of rain consumed me. We didn't have much time before the storm hit.
"Daxson!" I shook his shoulder hard as I scrambled to my feet.
He rolled over and raised his hands as he stared at me. It took him a moment to register the fact we had stayed out all night.
"Shit. Is it morning?" He asked.
"Yeah, and it's about to rain cats and dogs." I pushed him with my foot. "Get up. We've got to go."
Daxson stumbled to his feet and rubbed his face with a yawn. He stretched his arms above his head before he rolled up the quilt and shoved it into his backpack.
In the distance, a jagged bolt of white lightening split the gray sky before vanishing, followed by another crack of thunder. Daxson secured his backpack with the snap of a buckle across his chest. He stood in front of me and stretched his arms like he didn't even notice the storm brewing over head.
I motioned forward with my hand. "Well, lead the way. Quickly."
Daxson started toward the edge of the trees with another yawn, but it was too late. For a moment, everything stopped. Even the wind held its breath. Then, the rain poured across the clearing with a roar. The cold icy rain pierced my pale skin and drenched my clothing.
Daxson glanced back at me with a loud laugh. "You scared of a little rain, Ally? You going to melt?" He asked as we entered the tree line.
The leaves of the trees provided some relief from the downpour as we walked the old path back toward his truck.
"No, its fine. I'm fine. I just didn't think you'd want me to ruin the jersey you just got me." I followed him along the path.
I stumbled over a slick tree root, but Daxson caught me. "Careful." He released my arm with a smile. "We can get another jersey, but we can't get another you."
The rain against his skin made him glisten. My eyes traveled from his jawline to his lips. The thoughts of kissing him returned to my mind. His lips looked round and soft, his bottom one protruding out just a bit. They were moist from the rain. Stop it, Allyson. A few raindrops hit me in the face and forced me to keep moving forward. I was aware of Daxson right behind me. He was probably waiting for another chance to save me if I fell.
"You don't seem like much of a morning person," I called over my shoulder as I ducked beneath some wet leaves.
"Not really. I prefer to sleep in. My mother always hated that about me." He laughed.
"My mother never let me sleep in past eight. She said the most successful people wake up early."
Daxson caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me to pull me to a stop. He put his finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet before pointing to the right of the path. A doe and her fawn stood in the forest with their eyes locked on us. The doe snorted a few times before deciding we weren't a threat, and nudged the fawn further into the woods. We stood in silence until the deer disappeared from our view. If you took the time to stop and admire it, nature was a beautiful thing. So many people lived blindly without ever truly enjoying the world around them.
I jumped when Daxson released me and leaned close to my ear. "Well, your mother would despise me." He shrugged. "But I'm still successful."
"Successful is an understatement for you. You lead the country in yards per receptions, receptions for touchdowns, and you became only the third wide receiver to ever win the Heisman Trophy. On top of that, you won it two years in a row."
Daxson chuckled behind me. "I mean, I try not to brag."
I rolled my eyes. "I've also been reading some articles about the draft. There's a lot of people out there who think you'll be the number one pick."
"I try not to think about it too much. It puts a lot of pressure on me. I just play one game at a time,"he replied, lifting up a branch that was blocking the path.
I ducked underneath it. "That's how I live. One day at a time."
We walked in silence for the rest of the trip. I was proud of myself for not falling and busting my face in front of him. I knew he would have never let me live that down.
As we exited the trees, we raced to his black truck that sparkled in the rain like a beacon of light. We climbed into the front seats and slammed the doors closed with a few laughs.
I rested my head back against the seat and tried to pull my wet hair from my neck. "I'm sorry if your truck gets wet."
Daxson tossed his backpack into the backseat and started the truck with a shrug. "It's just water. It'll dry." He backed out of the grass and onto the gravel road.
The dark clouds dissipated as quickly as they gathered. Bright rays of light snuck through the dark clouds and warmed the ground. I rolled the window down and hung my hand outside to feel the breeze against my skin. Daxson snuck glanced of me out of the corner of his eye and kept a smile on his face as he drove.
"How'd you find that place?" I asked as my free hand played with the edges of the baseball cap that sat on the middle console.
Daxson leaned against the side of his door. "I told you I don't like to party, so I spend a lot of time outside. I like to hike and explore. I stumbled across it my sophomore year after a rough therapy session. It's become my place to escape."
"It really was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with me." I picked up the baseball cap and flipped it backwards on my head.
"You're welcome." He grinned when he saw me put the hat on. "That looks good on you."
I blushed as I moved my hand up and down with the flow of the wind outside the window. "Everything looks good on me." I smirked and flipped my hair over my shoulder.
Daxson chuckled as he turned up the radio. "Oh, yeah. Of course."
Our arms rested against each other on the middle console as we sang along to the radio. The variety of music we listened to made me smile. We sang quiet and slow to old country songs, but we also battled each other to keep up to the lyrics of some rap music. It was such a contrast to riding with Lindsey down backroads. She was always more of an old rock soul. Between songs, he caught me studying the tattoos along his arms.
"Does your ink have significance? Or do you just have it for the looks?"
Daxson glanced at the tattoos along his forearm before turning his eyes back to the road. "They all have a story attached to them. A few of them are dedicated to my siblings. One is for my father. There's also one for Jacie."
"I'm too scared to get a tattoo. I have a fear of needles, but I always thought they looked cool." I touched his arm and my finger traced along the tentacles of the octopus. "What's the story with this one? It's my favorite."
He didn't even have to look at his arm. "I got that one the day I started therapy. It symbolizes a lot of things; mystery, complexity, adaptability, illusion, and insight. I felt like it embodied that new step in my life."
"So, would you say that it's your spirit animal?" I smirked.
Daxson chuckled as his hand gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Yeah, actually. You could say that." The corners of his mouth turned into a smile. "Call me, Dr. Octavius."
I shook my head. "You're so lame, but Caleb would appreciate that reference."
The fields flew past the truck until they were replaced with the tall buildings of the city. The breeze whipped at my hair through the window.
I pulled my legs into the seat and rested my chin on my knees. "I'm nervous about going to the therapy session. Are you sure it's okay if we are both there?"
Daxson turned down the radio and glanced at me. "Yeah, why?"
"I've never done something like this before. I didn't know about patient confidentiality and what not."
He nodded. "As long as I'm good with you coming, it'll be fine. Is that really the reason you're nervous?"
"No." I paused before letting out a quiet sigh. "I've never accepted help before, and it scares me."
"I know it's scary to lay your heart and soul out on the table. To be vulnerable. So, what you're feeling is normal, but you've already done it before. You opened up to Madison and to me."
"It took me a long time to be able to do that, though. What if I can't talk to the therapist today?" I asked.
Daxson chuckled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Dr. Hawthorn won't pressure you to talk. He'll wait until you're ready even if that's three weeks from now."
I sighed and tapped my fingers along the edge of the console.
Daxson's warm fingers curled around mine. "Don't get cold feet on me, Ally. Stop worrying so much. I promise it'll be fine. I'll be right there with you the whole time."
I glanced down at our hands resting on the console. "The whole time?"
"The whole time. Just pretend you're talking to me if that makes it any easier." He released my hand to flip his signal on and turn into campus.
There was a coldness along my fingers when his hand left mine. I ached to feel his skin against mine again. If only he could hold my hand forever and never let go.
Daxson parked the truck in the parking lot of the John England Jr. residence hall with a smile. We climbed out of the truck and met at the hood before walking to the entrance shoulder-to-shoulder. The anxiety was like being hooked up to a cattle fence. There wasn't enough voltage to kill, but it was sufficient enough to keep me uncomfortable.
As we entered the lobby, Daxson leaned close to my ear. "You might want to take my hat off before you get hit with a million questions."
My hands flew to my head and ripped the hat off. I shoved it into his waiting hand. He flipped it backwards and onto his head with a grin. My eyes landed on Madison, who was chatting away with the security guard at the front desk.
"Thanks," I whispered, looking up at him.
He winked as Madison turned from the desk and spotted us. She flung her hands into the air and marched over.
"Where the hell have you been?" She asked as she came to a stop in front of me.
"Uh, we've been, um—" I froze.
"We've been enjoying the city. We got stuck in a little rain shower this morning." Daxson finished my sentence and flashed his warm smile with a confident look in his eyes.
Madison raised an eyebrow as she assessed my dirty outfit and messy hair. "Oh, so you mean you've been 'enjoying the city' since last night." She put quotation marks around 'enjoying the city' with a big smirk on her face.
A blush seared my cheeks. "No, no, no. Madison, he literally means enjoying the city. That's it. There's nothing else to it."
Daxson laughed beside me, and I shot him a look.
Madison's eyes flickered between us. "Mmhm. I'm just glad to see you. I've been beating on your dorm door all morning."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to tell you about Keith," she said, giving Daxson a hard look.
Daxson must have got the hint. "I'll be around the corner when you're done, a'ight?" He strolled past the security desk.
Madison watched him leave and turned her attention to me. "So, are you going to spill the beans? Did you spend the night with him?" She grabbed my arms and smiled at me.
"There's nothing to spill. I know how to keep a secret, unlike you," I snapped.
Madison's lips pursed and her eyebrows crashed together. "What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb, Madison. I trusted you with a secret about my mother. Then, you went and told Daxson everything." I folded my arms across my chest.
She sighed. "Allyson, you can be mad at me all you want, but it brought you two closer together. And look at you." She motioned to my face. "You're glowing."
The anger faded as quickly as it surfaced. Why was she always right?
"That might be true, but don't you ever tell him anything again." I pointed at her. "You do, and I'll jerk a knot in your tail."
She nodded with a smile. "Yes ma'am. I like this confidence I'm getting from you." Madison grabbed my wrists again. "But seriously, you going to tell me about your night?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "We just hung out. That's it."
She sighed with a look of disappointment on her face. "That's so boring. There was no kissing, no getting it on... nothing?"
"Sorry to disappoint you, but no. We're just friends, Madison."
Madison rolled her eyes. "Right. I forgot that's the excuse we're using."
"It's not an excuse. It's the truth," I argued.
"So, you don't have any feelings for him whatsoever?"
Every feeling from last night rushed back into me. My eyes flashed over to where Daxson had disappeared. I wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and kiss him. To call him mine and to fully be able to love him, but I knew neither of us were ready to be anything other than friends.
"Nope."
Madison sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "Fine. I guess I'll tell you about my night then."
I smiled at her. "Tell me all about it. Keith seems like a really good guy for you, Madison."
"He's different than anyone else I've ever been with, but in a good way. We made our relationship official last night, sealed it with some hot, steamy sex." She grinned ear-to-ear like a shit eating opossum.
I lifted my hands to my ears. "Alright, that's enough. I don't need to know every detail, but I'm happy for you. You deserve the chance to be happy."
"You know, you deserve the chance to be happy too, Allyson."
My eyebrows crashed together. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She shrugged. "You'll figure it out when the time is right." She eyed her fingernail polish to check for any chips. "So, any plans this afternoon? The movie theater down by the square is offering discounted tickets for students today."
"Actually, I have something to do already. So, I'll have to take a rain check."
A smile crept back onto her face. "Does it have to do with your friend?" She tilted her head back toward where Daxson had disappeared.
"Maybe it does. You should see if Camila wants to go see a movie though. She's been talking about some new one that's supposed to be really good." I watched her as she typed away on her phone.
"I already have." She waved her phone in the air. "She just got back from her church service and wants me to come do her hair. So, I guess I'll see you around, Southern Princess." She looked up from her phone with a smile. "Tell Mr. Handsome I said hi." She winked before brushing by me toward the elevators.
I rolled my eyes as she passed, but couldn't contain a laugh. She was so nosy. My feet carried me in the direction of Daxson, and when I rounded the corner I smacked into him— hard.
Daxson wrapped his arms around me to help me catch my balance. "We really need to work on that," he chuckled.
"That's just our signature way of finding each other," I replied with a wry smile.
He shook his head as he glanced at his watch. "Are you ready?"
"No, but I just blew off Madison for this. So, now I've got to do it." My fingernails dug into the skin of my palm.
"Like I said, I'll be with you the whole time. You'll be fine." He led me down the hallway.
The door at the end of the hall had Dr. Hawthorn's name in black letters across the opaque glass. With each step closer, I felt an even stronger urge to run away. I wanted to vomit. My mother would not approve of me going to a therapist. 'You aren't crazy, Allyson. Only crazy people go to therapy.' Daxson placed his hand on the small of my back as he opened the door for me, and his touch calmed the churning of my stomach.
Dr. Hawthorn sat in a large red chair in the middle of his office with his right leg casually thrown over his left leg. He pushed a pair of black, thick-rimmed glasses up his nose to scan some papers in his hands. His groomed mustache was sliver-white, curling to perfect points at the ends of his lips while his forehead was flat with numerous wrinkles. He glanced up at us as we entered with a wide toothy smile.
"Ah, Daxson. It's so good to see you." His deep-set eyes focused on me. "And your friend. Allyson, is it?"
Daxson passed me to take a seat on the couch across from him. "It's good to see you too, Doc." He patted the seat beside him to encourage me.
"Yes, I'm Allyson." I moved to take a seat by Daxson.
"I've heard so much about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person." Dr. Hawthorn placed his notes in a neat pile on his lap.
I raised an eyebrow and glanced at Daxson. "You've heard a lot about me?" I repeated.
Daxson looked to the floor to avoid eye contact with me. It was kind of cute when he was shy.
"Indeed I have. You've helped Daxson in a lot of ways." He leaned forward in his chair as his wide smile returned. "Now, it's time for us to help you."
"I don't know, Dr. Hawthorn. It'll take a lot to help me." My heart thumped against my rib cage at the thought of spilling all my secrets to a stranger. "I'm a mess in more ways than one."
Daxson's hand touched my thigh. We locked eyes for a moment.
"Well, lucky for you, Miss Allyson, I have a lot of help to give," Dr. Hawthorn replied.
Unwillingly, I tore my eyes from Daxson to focus my attention on Dr. Hawthorn, who relaxed back into his red chair.
"So, how exactly does this work?" I asked.
"Well, Daxson and I usually start by discussing what has been going on in his life."
My mind raced. "I've been stressed with school. I had a hard chemistry last week."
"Good. Why were you so stressed about it? Did you not feel prepared?" he questioned.
I shook my head. "No. I studied hard for it, so I felt really prepared. I was stressed because I, uh," I stumbled.
"It's fine. Take your time." Dr. Hawthorn's voice was calm and patient.
I picked at my fingernail polish. "I was afraid my grade wouldn't be good enough to impress my mother. She didn't want me to be a chemistry major because she thought it was too difficult for me. She wanted me to do something easy, so that I would pass for sure."
"Does your mother place a lot of expectations on you?" He asked.
I nodded.
"How does that make you feel?" He pushed further.
Sick. Guilty. Worried. Tired. Stressed. Anxious. Fake. Trapped. Alone. Depressed.
"It makes me feel like I'll never be good enough for her. She wants me to be someone I'm not." I lifted my eyes to watch him scribble something down on his papers.
"Why do you think she does it?"
Daxson's hand touched my thigh again. I took a deep breath. He had been quiet this whole time, but his presence in the room comforted me.
"I'm not sure. She wants everyone back home to think our family is perfect, but that's not possible because my brother, Caleb, was born with autism." My shoulders rose and fell as I took a deep breath.
"So, she uses you to make up for the imperfections in your brother?"
I nodded again.
"Have you ever tried to talk to her about how this all makes you feel?"
I shook my head. "No."
Dr. Hawthorn nodded with a smile. "Well, Allyson, I think we have found your first therapy goal. When will you see your mother again?"
"I'm going home for Thanksgiving."
"When you go home for Thanksgiving, I think you should talk to your mother about how you're feeling. Be honest with her." He scribbled something else down on his paper.
Dread locked my stomach up tight. My mother was such a hard person to talk to, but I had a few weeks before I would have to tackle my new goal. I had plenty of time to build up my courage.
"Now, Daxson. Why don't we talk about you for a bit since you put your friend here on the chopping block first?" Dr. Hawthorn grinned.
Daxson rested his elbows on his knees with a small smile. "Sounds fair enough, Doc."
My hand patted Daxson's leg with a smile. Daxson really meant it when he said we would be in this together. We'd help each other heal from the inside out.
And with each of the following therapy sessions, we got one step closer to recovery.