Lauren approached the table with two large cups of ice-cream; she pushed the black walnut flavour towards me and settled into the chair opposite mine. I quickly shuffled some cash out of my sorry wallet and handed it to her. She waved her French manicured nails at me in a dismissive gesture, "No, you keep it. I can afford an ice-cream."
"I'm sure you can, but I prefer going Dutch." I pushed the notes in her direction which she accepted with a sour face.
My wallet screamed poverty; it was time I loaned some money from the Nina piggy bank. That bank was so ready to bend the rules, didn't even ask for interest.
I began scrutinizing the woman; with the heart shaped face and pointed straight nose, she didn't look half as bad as I thought she did. Kind of like Reese Witherspoon's cosmetic surgery gone horribly wrong. I snorted to myself, her eyes fixed on me. Damn! I was starting to annoy her. What was Rowan thinking? She looked like the perfect prototype of a scumbag, right off the bat.
Gosh! The jealousy was already surpassing boiling point.
"How is Rowan?"
The question caught me off-guard, my spoon being suspended in mid-air, I jabbed it inside my mouth letting the delicious flavour to melt, "Doing great actually. We never have fights or we never argue. It's almost like a Disney love story."
I was hoping she didn't notice how bad the lie snake kept hissing at me.
"Don't lie to yourself, Alana, I know Rowan much more than you do." emphasis on the word 'more', "You don't have to pretend with me."
"Look, I'll be really honest; I don't like you or the fact that you had a past with my boyfriend."
Yeah Bitch! Claws off! That man is mine. I would tattoo his name on every limb of my body if that's what it takes to prove it.
"I understand." She dabbed a tissue to her mouth, removing a few traces of the harlot lipstick, "but you have to know that he will ruin your life just the way he did mine."
Did I see tears glistening in her eyes? What are those? Crocodile tears?
"I don't want you of all people to tell me that."
"Aren't you tired, Alana? Aren't you tired of being pushed around constantly? Doesn't he keep torturing you with the same question each day?" she squeezed her red painted nails in my skin, "Rowan did that to me, I did everything for him. I cleaned up his house, cooked for him, looked after him, took his verbal abuse. I lived with a false hope that maybe he'd be okay, but he just got worse. Rowan is a monster who has no regard to anyone's feelings and he is pushing you into that same pit."
"Just shut up. JUST SHUT UP!" I pulled away from her grasp.
Who does she think she is? Rowan's drinking problem and his instability isn't exactly 'Headlines' to me. I'm dealing with it and slowly but surely I'll be able to pull him out. I was his only cure, is what I've always believed.
"How long have you been dating? A month?"
"Three months." It was actually two and a half month, but I refrained from mentioning it. The greater the number, the better.
"Honestly, I didn't think you'd even last that longer." This woman better not get me vexed, or I'm going to dump the remains of this ice-cream on her head. "I've been with Rowan for four years, you know how long that is?"
A sharp pang of jealousy stabbed at my heart, I wanted this begrudging feeling to fade but it was becoming worse. I had to take control or Lauren will have to face my wrath. She hasn't watched me turn into a full-fledged bitch just yet.
"Where did you meet him first?" I was amazed by my own curiosity.
You don't want to sit here and dig old stuff, Alana, become a bitch. Don't give her the satisfaction of arousing curiosity.
"We went to high school together, then he left for Stanford, we started dating after he was back." she seemed flustered, "I thought being in an institution for almost a year had turned him stable, everything was going great until he.." she left out the part.
Oh Woman! Give me a break.
"He started to drink again and the man I hated was back. He wrecked everything, along with my dreams. We were going to get married, you know."
"Last time I checked, you were the one who walked away from him. Now you try and deny that." I spat out the words with a coating of sheer poison.
"It was all because of him. I started to become depressed, he was pulling me into the world he lived in and I didn't want to be a part of that Alana, but I endured how much I could, which is what I'm trying to explain to you... "
"That's your justification for leaving him; see Lauren, that's the difference between you and me. You keep telling me that you left him because he was turning you into his shadow, as a last resolve you left him to deal with his issues all by himself, if that isn't pushing towards the edge then what is?"
Now listen up carefully, bitch.
"I don't need you to tell me about how I'm supposed to protect myself, instead of leaving, I'm going to stick around, and become his route to redemption." I grit my teeth in frustration, "I will see to it that he makes it towards the light."
Lauren sighed, dabbing another tissue to her eyes this time, smearing some kohl and mascara.
"You don't understand..that's not the real reason..."
"We'll get straight to the point, what do you want from us?" I put emphasis on the last word, just so she knew she wasn't dealing with him alone, "I'll be very up-front with you, Lauren, Rowan is mine and we are together. You are ancient history and you don't get to make a comeback in this story, you get me?"
The absence of Rowan's ring on my finger was becoming more apparent; I could have shoved the ring in her damn face just to make it clear that we were together.
"Will you give me a chance to speak?" I was pushing her button.
I heard someone 'hush' us, guess we were becoming loud, the young timid guy behind the counter who appeared to be opening another ice-cream cartoon drawled at us, "Ladies, take your cat fight's outside; let me do my job in peace."
I shot daggers at him, "Stop eavesdropping on our conversation, get back to scooping ice-creams."
He muttered something under his breath, turned and left for the pantry, shutting the door with a bang with his foot.
"You were saying?"
"I want to see my daughter."
"Excuse me? Your daughter?"
"Minnie."
WHOA! Wait a second, "Minnie is your daughter?" a pause later I asked, "Yours and Drew's?"
Rowan's brother got Lauren pregnant? Dafuq?
A baffled look crossed her face, "Drew? No. Rowan is Minnie's father."
NO! She did NOT just say that. NO! NO! NO! NO!
My head started spinning in circles, the blood draining from my system. Lauren was clearly lying.
"You're lying." I managed to mumble.
"Why would I lie?" she grasped my hands in hers, "I miss her so much and I just want to see her."
I pulled away from her tight grasp, "Minnie is Rowan's biological daughter?"
Lauren started to fidget, "I realized I was expecting before marriage, I was so happy, Alana but.." a tear escaped her eye, "After Minnie's birth, Rowan made it clear that he didn't want to be with me anymore and they took my daughter away from me. You're a woman Alana, so you would understand how it is for a mother to be kept away from her child."
My body went numb; it felt like my emotions were being strangled by the epitome of despair. They all lied to me. Was my relationship with Rowan all a lie too? Why did I live to hear this?
"They conspired against me, the Masters's. They are all the same. Influential, selfish and they will bend any law with their power." She reached for a handful of Kleenex, "Please help me get my daughter back. Please. I can't live without her."
"You might be telling me the truth but I have no reason to trust you." The ice-cream scoop had already melted into a thin paste. I climbed to my wobbly feet, picking up my messenger bag.
"Can you please talk to Rowan about it, atleast?"
I stopped mid-way and turned, "I will."
I stormed out of the parlour without a backward glance.
***
Rowan is Minnie's father.
Rowan is Minnie's father.
I charged towards Rowan's apartment, I need the truth. I don't care if the truth kills me. This was getting so fucking messier. My life was becoming some kind of a hilarious joke and the tears just wouldn't cease to fade. I touched my heart which seemed to be beating rapidly like it was looking for a way to leap out. Rowan's building loomed right in front of me; he lived on the ninth floor so I had to squint my eyes to get a better vision of his balcony. I noticed the light was still not turned off which meant he was awake. I took the elevator, cursing the entire flight up; the freakin elevator went so darn slow, testing my patience. I would have reached faster if I'd opted for the stairs but my current condition was pretty nasty. You can't expect me to take the stairs to the ninth floor when I've run miles like a dog, now can you?
I rang the door bell once.
No answer.
I rang again and I still got no answer.
Last resort that I had saved up for emergencies.
Sneak into the house with a spare key. Sneaking in was better than breaking in any day.
I rummaged the extra keys out of my messenger pocket; Rowan had given it to me incase of emergencies. Now that I remember, why the hell hadn't I returned his keys with the ring?
I turned in the key, turned the lock and the door smoothly gave in.
I gaped at the scene infront of me. The entire house smelled of alcohol, weed and what not. The distinctive odour entered my nostrils that were all types of 'sin', almost nauseating. I had to refrain from breathing or there was a likely possibility of me throwing up the meal. I took in the mess he had made out of the living area. Déjà vu hit me again. The curtains were pulled down from the hinges; a chunk of plaster seemed missing. Rowan scrunched low near the mini bar stool amid the disaster, I heard soft agonizing sobs. Several empty bottles of alcohol rolling on the floor and an ocean of crushed glass smeared all over. As soon as his eyes levelled with mine he smiled, pulled his haggard body upward, slipped but managed to pull up again. My eyes fixed at the blood smeared on the floor, his arms were in deep cuts.
What in the heavens name was this man doing?
He raised his arms to cup my face which I caught firmly, "Have you been cutting yourself, Rowan?"
"Where have you been baby?" his voice came in a small drone.
"YOU TRIED TO OFF YOURSELF?"
"Baby..." His body shuddered, "I---I didn't..."
"ANSWER ME!" It was my turn to yell and his turn to shut up and listen.
"No, I just..."
"Where is Minnie?"
"I sent her to Cary's." I did remember Cary, she was Minnie's babysitter.
"Don't you move from that place." I crossed the living area and trotted into the kitchen, opened a few drawers and found the first aid kit. When I returned, Rowan stood glued to the same spot, like a student obeying his teacher. I didn't mean don't move in the literal sense.
I cleaned his cuts and bruises with precision. His knuckles had turned an angry shade of blue, on the verge of swelling. He probably had been punching the wall. I bound his hand in large gauze, it needed medical attention but this would do for now.
I examined Rowan thoroughly, he looked like a shell of a person, his usual puffed up biceps had taken a leaner shape with possible case of blood loss and for once he didn't look like a man.
He looked like a broken boy.
God! I'm the one who is to be blamed for his self-inflicting behaviour. I trotted back to his room and found a clean crisp while shirt, I began unbuttoning his shirt and helped him put on the clean one. In just a matter of four days, he'd lost the colour and some weight—had he been starving himself?
Rowan's red-rimmed eyes studied me carefully, analyzing my each move, "Have you been eating your meals properly?"
He shook his head frantically, his gaze lingering on the floor.
What's wrong with this man? He's acting weirder than before. I told him to sit on the dining table while I cooked a quick meal. I found some eggs and marinated fish in the fridge so I settled for omelette and fish fry. I like to feed my victims before I plan to kill them with my list of questionnaire. I served him the hot food without a word and watched him devour it like he had been living on an isolated island for a month or so. I was sure as hell I'd left the fish a little raw.
That caveman.
I cleaned the house while he was at it, and just when I was picking the glass pieces, I found some green little plant with a plastic bag full of hash in the corner.
Rowan, you're fucking dead.
"You've been growing marijuana and smoking hash?"
Rowan glanced away in what I was assuming was shame.
The door bell rang making me finch; I hid the plastic bags below the mini bar, making my way towards the door. It was Cary with Minnie clinging to her side, the minute Minnie saw me she pulled out her hands in my direction. I picked her up, "Cary, Is it possible for you to keep Minnie with you for a little while longer? I'll be back to pick her up tonight."
She gaped at me, "Minnie has been living with me for the past two days and she kept whining to see her father. I can't keep making excuses, besides I have to be out with my friends. I can't babysit and become house arrested. You can cut short my pay if you want."
"No that's alright, Thanks." I closed the door and made a beeline for Minnie's room. She could live without a glimpse of Rowan's episodes.
"Stay here, okay, babe?" I put her on the bed.
She nodded, "vil you pay dol houze wid me den?"
"Sure." I closed the door slightly behind me and trotted back to the living area. I needed some answers. My previous conversation with Lauren came back to me in flashes, bringing tears in my eyes.
I folded my arms across my chest, "Time for some closure."
He pointed at the ring on the table, and said politely, "the ring, wear it."
"First answers. Answer with a Yes or No." I proceeded with my question when he gave a slight nod, "Are you Minnie's biological father?"
He was put off-guard with my sudden question, he shrugged, "I---"
"Yes or No."
"Yes..but baby..."
"You fucking lied to me." my voice came in a choked sob, "You lied about everything."
"No, I just did what I was supposed to do at that time. I had direct orders from the dean to not let any student or faulty know that I had a love child. That was the condition. They told me it would jeopardize the University reputation. so, yes I lied and I wanted to tell you about it, but I was scared to lose you. There was no other ulterior motive behind it. I've loved you since the very first day you walked right into me. I couldn't take risks. "
"Our relationship was built on lies; you decided to hide all that from me because you got cold-feet. I don't have an issue with Minnie being your biological daughter, Rowan, what bothers me is that, you got Lauren pregnant and then you kept her away from her daughter all these years, why?" a tear trickled down, "Why didn't you marry her if you loved her so much? Why keep a mother away from her child?"
"Do you really believe what that bitch said to you?" Rowan shook, "You want to hear the truth? I'll tell you."
I let him continue since I had lost my ability of speech, "Lauren wanted abortion; she wanted to get rid of Minnie along with me. I had to convince her to keep my baby. Do you know what price I paid?" a pause later he said, "I bought my own daughter, I paid her in cash in exchange for the baby. She gave birth, took the money I offered and disappeared without a trace. She never called, not once in these three years. Is that what a mother is? She knew what problems I went through, my mood swings, my alcoholic problems but she refused to acknowledge any of that. What mother would want her daughter to live with an alcoholic manic father? She wanted freedom from being a mother and a wife and I gave her that. I have no regrets."
I had no reason to not believe Rowan, but my head was throbbing from all the thinking, "Then why did you tell me she was Drew's daughter?"
"Stephanie could not conceive, they wanted a child so bad and were willing to adopt Minnie. I seriously didn't want that and I don't know if I could have let him but with what I deal with, my problems, my instability and for what Drew did for me all these years, I owed my brother that much. And I told you what I was telling everyone at the university."
I kept my mouth shut, as he continued, "Lauren has been pestering me all this time because she wants to get back. I'm not interested in her sappy stories, the man who loved her unconditionally died the day she walked out that door. I'm definitely not him and never will be. She can sue me in court for child custody for all I care."
I was in need of a urgent pain killer, "Rowan, all this hasn't been easy for me to take in. I want some time."
"You're leaving again?" he hovered over me, blocking my path.
"No, I just---my brain has stopped working, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"You're not going anywhere." He growled.
What?
"Rowan, please."
My phone began to ring on the dining table, as always, the privacy hater that Rowan was, he picked it up right away and barked on the phone, "Who the fuck are you?"
SHIT!
Rowan's hollow eyes turned furious, "I'm her boyfriend, don't fucking call on this number ever again."
"Rowan, who was it?"
Rowan overcame with rage, picked up the dinning chair and heaved it on the floor hard, pulling the wood apart. Grabbed for the vase and threw it across the room, "Who is the liar now?"
"Don't try to turn the tables on me here." I warned, "This is about you not me."
"Who's Gabriel?"
"My co-worker."
"And he calls you babe?"
"No, he is just a good friend."
I began to dodge him; I wanted to go back to the dorm. He grabbed for my wrist hard, making me yelp in pain and pushed me on the coach. "YOUR NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME."
I heard the door to Minnie's room open; she'd been standing in the passageway the whole time witnessing all this?
"MINNE, GO BACK TO SLEEP." No one was going to be spared by Rowan's fumes.
Her lip quickened as she burst into tears, I took my chances, climbed to my feet—pushed Rowan ever so lightly and picked Minnie up, "Everything is going to be alright baby."
I needed to get away from this man, I started walking towards the main door but he stood guard, staring me down, "Rowan let me go."
"You're not taking my daughter anywhere."
"Right now you're capable of doing anything and I don't want her to be near you."
I took a step backward as he took one forward, "Stay away. I'm warning you, Rowan."
"You're not going anywhere." He repeated, Minnie wailed louder in my arms.
I took two more steps back, lunged for my cellphone and bolted to Minnie's room. I was unbelievably fast. I shut the door turning the key twice.
Bang! Bang! Rowan knocked on the door, "Alana, open the door."
Minnie continued to cry, "sshush baby, please."
He pounded hard, "OPEN. THE. FUCKING. DOOR."
Bang! Bang!
The furious pounding became louder, I was so terrified, and I didn't know what to do. I knew Rowan loved Minnie and me, but at this point with all the hash and alcohol consumption for four days straight---he had turned into something entirely different.
What if he is back to how he was before? What if I'm the trigger to everything?
I pulled the child close to my chest as I waited for the noises to disappear. I heard him cough on the other side.
"ALANA, OPEN THE DOOR OR I'll BREAK IT."
I covered Minnie's ears, "We need to keep quite baby, daddy is only playing hide and seek."
She stopped crying at once, "shouldn we hide?"
"Go hide under the bed and don't come out until I tell you to."
There has to be a way to stop this.
****
A/N: I know it's a really long chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it. :) Please vote and comment if you enjoyed reading. I love hearing from you guys.