“If business continues like this, I think we’ll proceed with our expansion plans sooner rather than later,” Jesse said, placing a hot cup of coffee on the table.
Fred moved over the couch to make room for Jesse. “I couldn’t have chosen a better business partner.”
“I should be excited to come back to the office but the paperwork is not a pleasant thought to look forward to,” Jesse said.
She had spent a couple of days resting but she was already itching to get back out there. Since she had thrown herself so much into her work, her body and mind had adapted to it. She wanted to constantly keep busy.
“Now that you’re back and your schedule won’t be quite as challenging, you should consider getting back out there into the dating pool,” Fred suggested.
“Dating pool?”
She hadn’t thought about dating in a long time. Her last encounter had left her damaged and she did not want anyone to carry that baggage.
“Yeah, you know, meeting new people, going out for meals and movies, having fun away from work.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“You need to forgive yourself for what happened with Alex and Billy. You need to move on.”
“I saw Alex at the airport when I arrived two days ago,” she said.
“You what? Why didn’t you tell me? What happened?” Fred asked, sitting up to face her.
“She was still as sweet as the day I met her.”
“Do you think you still have feelings for her?”
Jesse had asked herself that question countless times and she still couldn’t come up with a plausible answer. “There was something, but it wasn’t strong enough to make my heart pound out of my chest. I just felt uneasy. I think it was because I was surprised to see her after the way we parted ways,” she explained.
“Well then, that’s normal. You were in love with her. It would have been weird if you’d felt nothing.”
“You think so?”
Fred nodded.
“I’ve thought about it, you know. Running into them. I didn’t think it would be so soon, but it is a small town so I knew it was just a matter of time. The thought has always been terrifying. Alex didn’t deserve what Billy and I did to her.”
“Billy should have fought for you before it all got so complicated,” Fred put in.
Jesse shook her head. “No, I was equally as much a coward. I loved them both and I took advantage of the situation. I never deserved any one of them. They’re better off without me. They must be in relationships now. I hope they’re happy.”
“And you should be too. You can’t carry this on your shoulders and use it as an excuse to be alone for the rest of your life.”
“Maybe it’s what I deserve,” Jesse said.
“No, you’re a wonderful person. You got caught up in a sticky situation. It happens. It shouldn’t be a reason for you to close off your heart.”
“My heart is not closed off. I just don’t think I will ever meet anyone who will ever make me feel what Alex or Billy made me feel.”
“You shouldn’t dwell on that.”
“Unfortunately, now that I’m back, it’s all I can think about.”
After Fred left a few hours later, Jesse took a drive.
She had lived in Rangers for a long time but her drive and ambition had kept her too busy to make friends outside work. That was why her best friend was probably her only friend. Meeting people had never been a problem for her, but she felt too fragile to want to give any part of herself to someone else.
She parked her car half an hour later and looked into the oceanic horizon. It had been a long time since she had been on the beach. She walked down the slope and soon enough, her feet were enjoying the feel of the grains of sand.
It was Sunday afternoon and the sun felt wonderful on her skin. She had forgotten the thrill of simple pleasures like enjoying the natural element of the universe, looking into a deep blue ocean and breathing in that rich scent as though she could almost taste it.
It was comforting, feeling so close and connected to the life around her, felt like she was part of a greater plan. As a little girl, she had loved taking ugly and broken things and putting them back together to make them beautiful.
There had never been a real profession for something like that, which was why she had taken up interior design. Because she took an empty house and made it into a beautiful home. That was what her natural talent had developed into.
She thought it was artistic and loved taking her clients ideas and merging them with her own to create something so breathtaking out of mere imagination. It was a gift. A gift that had never played any useful role in her love life.
Now she wished she could take her broken, battered heart and transform it into something a little bit more pleasant to look at. She had believed she was fine and for a good long while she had thought taking that job and moving away for months had eased the pain she had caused Alex, Billy and herself, but she realized she had just been postponing it.
She didn’t know how long she was there, lost in the swirl of her thoughts and emotions but by the time she decided to go back, it had started to get dark.
She comforted herself with work, telling herself that once her life resumed in its normal routine at the office, she’d stop being haunted by the memories of everything she had left behind. And hopefully, once again, those disturbing memories would fade away and eventually, stay forgotten.
On her way back, she passed by a restaurant and got some take out since her fridge was empty and she hadn’t made time to do grocery shopping. After driving her car into parking, she got the food and headed for the entrance to her house.
It wasn’t until her key was in the lock that she realized she wasn’t alone on the front porch. She could tell it was a feminine presence from the whiff of fragrance the evening breeze blew past her, but she wasn’t prepared to see the face it belonged to.
“Heard you were back in town.”
That voice was unmistakable.
“Billy,” she breathed out the name as though she had suddenly run out of breath.
When she turned around, she almost dropped the contents she was holding in her hands. It was a little dark, but Jesse could clearly make out Billy’s shadowed frame. She was leaning against the railing of the porch staring back at her.
Jesse had thought about the list of places she would have to avoid going to in order to prevent herself from running into either Alex or Billy, but it had never occurred to her that one of them would come to her house.
“Had to come see for myself,” Billy said.
Jesse was glad Alex and Billy were still friends, because who else would the news had come from that she was back in town. At the same time, she wasn’t prepared to deal because she didn’t know what to say or even how to react.
“How long have you been out here?” she asked.
She wasn’t ready to go back in time and think about all the things that had happened between them, but looking at Billy turned the switch and she had no choice. She thought about the first time Billy had brought her home and what that had led to, she remembered their intimate encounters, conversations and the predictable heartbreak and then she went still and calm.
“A while,” Billy said, taking a step forward.
When they had met, Billy had been used to wearing baseball caps to partially conceal her face, most noticeably, her eyes. Now, her gorgeous face was exposed and her eyes were sharply digging into Jesse, making her feel like she was shrinking in effect.
Jesse had always thought Billy was a stunning creature. That was why she had been immediately attracted to her from the very beginning. It had been playful and fun until the unpleasant outcome, but seemed to Jesse that Billy had let go of her initial inhibitions and finally embraced who she was.
She looked more confident, more outgoing, and more… sexier? Jesse quickly shrugged away the thought. She was still the same woman Jesse had met fourteen months ago. At the reminder, she turned to face the door and placed her hand back on the key that was still in the lock.
“What do you want?” she asked.
Billy didn’t answer, which made Jesse turn around to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating the woman’s enigmatic presence. After the endless thoughts of Alex and Billy that weekend, it was conceivable that she may just have been.
When she turned to find Billy silently watching her, then shortly, start walking over to her, Jesse’s heart started pounding in her chest. She thought about opening the door and running in, but her hypnotized hand fumbled on the key and her feet felt like they were glued to the floor.
Billy stopped a step away and Jesse slowly exhaled and looked at her, closely studying that beautiful face, which time had made even more stunning. She was as sexy as Jesse remembered, if not more. With the new found confidence and the lack of partial cap-concealment, to Jesse’s shock, the effect she’d had on her didn’t seem to have altered either.
“I told you, I had to see for myself,” Billy said in a low soft voice.
“I’m glad you and Alex made up,” she said.
Billy did not react to her statement, which slightly frustrated Jesse. Had she come all this way just to stand there and make her feel uncomfortable? Had she come to torture Jesse, show her that she was doing great, having regained or recaptured this new additional quality to herself that Jesse could not fully figure out? Or had she come to force Jesse to remember everything that had happened between them?
“I have to go inside,” she said, realizing that Billy was probably just seizing her up.
She was the one standing there out of breath, waiting, wondering and disappointedly, anticipating something that she had put an end to herself. She needed to take charge and take control of the situation. Whatever Billy was there for, whatever she had hoped her visit would accomplish, Jesse was not going to indulge her, and she was not going to embarrass herself.
She turned the key and opened the door. When she stepped inside, Billy reached for her hand and Jesse dropped the contents she’d been holding. So much for trying to be brave.
“I’m sorry,” Billy said.
They both leaned down but Billy reached for the items first and with quick reflexes, she collected the bag and they got back to their feet. Billy slowly placed the contents in Jesse’s hand, lingering for a moment upon their first physical contact, which froze Jesse.
She held her breath, unmoving, and wondered if Billy was trying to gauge a reaction out of her.
“I’m glad to see you, Jesse,” she said, then fully pulled away.
Jesse exhaled and realized her hands were shaking, while her heart was beating wildly out of control. She got inside the house and leaned against the door, practicing breathing techniques that slowly calmed her down.
She placed her hand over her heart and replayed the scene that had just taken place outside her door. She was surprised Billy had come to see her but shocked at the effect the visit had on her.
Billy had seemed so cool and reserved while Jesse had been fighting a typhoon of nerves. There had been a mystery in Billy, which she couldn’t quite comprehend, something more than just a new wave of confidence, which had greatly piqued her curiosity.
She had been totally unprepared and cursed herself for the confusing motions of sensations that had taken place through out that torturous encounter with Billy. Had she been prepared, she reassured herself she would have handled the situation better.
What had Billy been thinking, showing up at her door like an invited guest? What was so hard about picking up the phone and calling instead or…perhaps in advance? Or had she enjoyed catching Jesse so unaware?
Jesse had been in Rangers for five months before she had left town. Why hadn’t Billy shown up then? Why come back just when the wounds were starting to show? Right when Jesse was starting to experience the discomfort all over again?
At least bumping into Alex at the airport was excusable. It had been a coincidence. She had been tired and Alex had been warm and sweet and even though Jesse had been uneasy about the meeting, it had not driven her to think she was insane.
Billy on the other hand, dropping by as though it was the most natural thing in the world to do, scared her. Mostly because she had not been prepared to be confronted with the impact of the remaining feelings she may have still possessed.
Jesse had always been a brave bold person. To be confronted by a weakness she hadn’t known she possessed was unnerving ….to say the least.