Warning: this gaypter is gayer than usual, to the point where it will became gaynnoying, don't tell me I didn't gayly warned you.
I enter my house, I just got home from the coffee shop. I notice that Anna's car is gone, good, she is too straight for me. I also notice that Mom and Dad are gone, they're too straight for me too. Or am I just too gay?
When I enter my house I feel instantly gayer, are my brohomos home also?
"Yo my brohomos, gets your sparkly bendy asses down here. I have food." I hear them walking around up stairs.
"FYI I like vagina." Michael lies while walking down the stairs.
"'Very Amazing Gay intelligent Naked Anus'?" Asks Castiel, following Michael down the stairs.
"What does Brohomos mean?" Michael asks while rolling his eyes from Castiel's earlier statement.
"Brothers that are homos, duh." I answered, "now you may be wondering the reason I invited all of you here."
"You didn't invite us, we live here." Interrupted Castiel very R00DELY.
"Also we didn't come down her for you, I heard food so my stomach took over and dragged me down here." Added Michael SUPER DUPER RUDELY!
"Well you would find some in the kitchen on your left, on second thought maybe not, I think I ate it all."
"Gabriel, we live here. We know we're the food is." Michael said making his way in the kitchen, "Also you couldn't have eaten all the food, we went grocery shopping yesterday."
"Michael." I say calmly, "You underestimate my abilities, I could chug a whole pizza in a minute."
"How can you chug a pizza, isn't that only with liquids?" Castiel asks, tilting his head as Castiel usually does.
"Buy me a pizza and you'll find out."
"Oh my Lordy lord, you fat fuck." Michael shouts from the kitchen, "You ate all the food, it hasn't even been 24 hours since buying this shit."
"Hey hey hey, I left some stuff for you losers."
"Yeah, the healthy stuff, we only buy that so we can look healthy. No one actually eats that stuff."
"Never mind about that," States Castiel. "Gabriel, why did you invite us down here. You interrupted my very bust schedule of doing nothing, I would like to go back to that please."
"Okay the reason I invited you gay down here—
"Not gay." Coughed Michael
"Okay, the reason I invited you, gay person," I point at Castiel. "and you, "straight" person," I point at Michael while doing quotation marks with my other hand. "is because I need to discuss something with you."
"Yeah Gabe, we kinda got that when you started talking."
"Shut up Michael, so what I actually wanted to discuss with you guys is you Michael." I look directly at him, "Sit down." I point to the chair. "Make yourself at home."
"Well I will because this is my home." He goes to sit down.
"Whatever you want to think." I go through my rainbow bag and get out my rainbow laptop. I log in and go to the rainbow power point I prepared when I was eating a rainbow lollipop
"Michael, me and Cas have been discussing, and we think you have a problem." Michael and Castiel look at me confused.
"Gabriel, uh...I don't remember discussing anything with you about Mich-
"Well, I know you have been thinking it." I interrupted, "Anyone who isn't as oblivious as Harry Potter has been thinking about it. Now Michael, I'm glad you are sitting down, because the problem we know you have may surprise you." Michael nods seriously. I turn my laptop towards him and present my power point.
______________________________
Why hiding your gaytastic nonstaightness is very bad for the soul.
By: Gabriel Middle gay name Novak
______________________________
"Oh my gay." Sighed Michael, "Not this shit again, I'm leaving." Michael tries to get up but I quickly sit on him.
"I knew you were going to leave, that's why I ate all the food I could find. To stop you, no one can escape my weight." Michael sighs while facepalming.
"Gabriel, get your gay ass off of me. I don't want to go through this again."
"No! Not until you watch my gowerpoint."
"Gowerpoint?" Castiel ask, I turn to him.
"A gay PowerPoint, duh."
"You could of just say 'gay power point'."
"I felt like it needed an extra gecial name."
"What's gecial?" Michael asks this time.
"Gay specia—
"Never mind I get it, now get the fuck off me."
"No brohomo, not until you admit who you are truly."
"I can't admit something I am not hiding."
"Now, you see Michael what your doing right now is called denying, or should I say gaynying—
"NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE GAY GABRIEL!"
"It's actually pronounce Gay-briel. Really gotta pronounce the gay, like g(ay)osh."
After many ginutes (gay minutes) later, I finally convinced him to watch my gowerpoint.
"Yay for the gays!" I jumped up, turned off the lights so he could see the gowerpoint better, and turned on some music for pizazz (or should I say gayzazz). One of my favorite songs began playing most immediately.
I never meant to be so bad to you
One thing I said that I would never do
One look from you and I would fall from grace
And that would wipe this smile right from my face
Do you remember when we used to dance
And incidence arose from circumstance
One thing led to another, we were young
And we would scream together songs unsung
'Cause it was the heat of the moment
Telling me what your heart meant
The heat of the moment shone in your eyes
"Oh my gay, please pl(g)ay another song gay-briel." Begged Castiel, I poured by oblige.
"Finee." I grabbed the remote and changed it to one of my other favorite songs.
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide!
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over sideways and under
On a magic carpet —
"Change it!" Groaned Cassie and Michael at the same fine.
"Fine, you picky bitches." I push a random button on the remote, I'll let fate decide the song.
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried—
"GABRIEL!"
"Fine, fine." I sighed, again pressing a button at random.
Carry on my gayward son
There'll be peace when you are out
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more
"Finally." Michael and Castiel both sighed. "A good song." What the chicken fried fuck are you talking about? All my favorite songs are golden.
"Oh, by the way, this is the gay version. Hope you don't mind."
"It's cool, fits the PowerPoint." Stated Michael, "Now show me this thing already."
"Okay my gayward son, let the presentgaytion begin."
______________________________
Why hiding your gaytastic nonstaightness is bad for the soul.
By: Gabriel Middle gay name Novak
______________________________
*click* I begin reading the words on the first slide.
_______________________________
Michael, you know why you're here.
Just look at you, name one person who has assumed you were straight.
You radiate gay off you, rainbows come out in the sky when you walk outside.
______________________________
"Oh I don't know, who thinks I'm straight, maybe my girlfriend."
"Michael," Castiel says, "we know that was never true, at least the first time she saw you.." Michael pouts because he even knows he can't argue with him.
I clear my throat and continue with my gowerpoint presentgaytion.
_____________________________
I don't see why your hiding, we know the truth. We don't care, plus personally I want to up my gay status, and I can't do that with a closeted gay.
_____________________________
"Wow, thanks." Michael says, looking bored.
_____________________________
But screw my status, the reason I want you to come out is so that you can come on guys, romantically of course.
Plus I want to go be happy, which can also means gay too.
____________________________
____________________________
*pictures of rainbows*
____________________________
____________________________
Note for future gay-briel:
You lazy lil bitch, Instead of binging on llamas with hats finish this presentation.
From: Your less gayer self (you get gayer every millisecond, you know this)
*picture of a rainbow llama in a top hat saying carrrrllll*
____________________________
"Um...ignore that last part." I say shutting my (may I remind you gay) laptop. "You g(ay)et the point."
"Anything that you would like to say, Michael?" Asks Castiel. "Maybe something perhaps, I don't know, gay."
"Yes, I do." Castiel and I swing our head towards him faster then that one time he said 'Let's go get ice cream, my treat'. Is it going to confess all the gay he has been hiding since birth, if so I better get my rainbow umbrella because it's about to rain rainbows in this ho(mo)use. Michael clears his throat and stands up.
"No homo."
He slowly walks to the front door, accidentally crashes into it before opening it, opens it and walks out. I hear him get into and start up his car, and drives away. Castiel and I were silent. We stayed silent for a couple moment until Castiel was the first to speak.
"Did he...did he just pull a Dan Howell on us?"
"I..I think he did." I respond, shock. But then I get angry.
"That asshat, we we're so close. I even brought a piñata full of glitter to celebrate."
"You planned this?"
"Duh, what do you think I have, a life?"
"No, no. I would never suggest that."
~
//Castiel's POV//
~
Gabriel tried making Michael come out with a 'gowerpoint presentgaytion', as awesome as that was it sadly didn't work.
I check my phone, I have nothing else to do because I lack a social life, and I see that someone sent me a text message.
From Dean Bean:
Hey Cas, can I have a favor? I don't want to leave Sam alone with Lucifer (for obvious reasons) so can I bring him with for our study session? He can just hang with your brothers or something.
-
To Dean Bean:
Sure, that is fine with me. I don't know if you want him hanging out with my brothers though, they traumatize me everyday, I don't know what they would do to a innocent soul like him.
-
From Dean Bean:
Oh believe me, he is NOT innocent.
I laugh as I exit the conversation, this is perfect. Gabe will hang out with Sam and they will become more gayer for each other. This is perfect.
I yawn and come to the realization that I am a lazy smuck and need my beauty sleep. I get change into my bee covered silk pajamas and lay down in my bed, my eyelids begin feeling heavier and heavier and sleep overcomes me eventually.
~
I wake up, not to my alarm clock, but to someone singing 'A whole new world' in the shower. I wonder who that can be...
After laying in my bed for several minutes thinking about how much I didn't want to get up I reluctantly get up anyways. If only I wasn't forced to go to hell.
I put on my Doctor who hoodie
'cause...it's Doctor who, and black jeans to match my soul, that's what Gabe says I do anyways. He wears a lot of rainbow items so does that mean that his soul is rainbow? Probably, that would make a lot of sense.
I try putting a comb through my hair, but somehow that just makes it messier.
"Gabriel, Castiel! Hurry up we leave in 10 minutes." Michael calls from down-stairs, probably dressed unlike the rest of us.
"Michael I told you, it's pronounce like Gay-briel." Even though I'm not down stairs I can feel Michael rolling his eyes. "Stop rolling your eyes at me, I can feel you doing it!"
"Then stop being slow and get your undressed ass dressed."
"Hey how do you know I'm butt naked?"
"Wha?...I-I don't know! Just get dressed already."
20 minutes later Gay-briel and I finally walk down the stairs fully dressed and see an impatient Michael.
"Finally! What took you dweebs so long?" Asks Michael impatiently handing Gabriel our backpacks.
"We would of been here sooner if someone," I look directly at Gabriel, "didn't spend 10 extra minutes looking for the gayest outfit in their closet."
"Hey!" Gabe squeaks, "It's worth it, don't you wish your booty looked this gay." He turns around and gives his butt a pat, Michael just walks out of the front door.
"Why do I even bother to ask?" I hear him murmur on his way outside, Gabriel and I follow him.
On our way to school Michael and Gabriel fight over the radio, Gabe says he needs to listen to his Disney songs (as he does every day) and Michael says to fuck off. Eventually I get too annoyed and frustrated with them that I intervene.
"Guys, be quiet! Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole!" Huh, why did I say that? I feel like I've hear someone say that before.
Michael sticks his tongue out at Gabe and Gabe pouts, looking through his bag. A minute later he pulls out a mini cake.
"Well I guess if I have to shut up, might as well do it the right way." He states before stuffing his face with cake.
When we arrive at school, Michael gets out and pulls a bag out of his school bag.
"What's that? Gabriel asks, while raising one eyebrow at Michael.
"A bag." Michael responds and Gabriel rolls his eyes.
"Of what?"
"Of none of your goddamn business!" Michael snaps his fingers and walks away from us like we're peasants.
"Tsk tsk tsk. Well that was rude." Gabriel said offended, which was not surprising. He is similar to tumblr.
While Gabriel and I were walking I stopped dead still. I've heard or seen the conversation him and Michael had before. I've heard it somewhere, and it bothered me so much that I didn't know where.
"Hey brother, walk. You're causing traffic." When I didn't answer or walk a few moments later he grabbed me by the shoulders, being sensitive on my right, and guided me through the school. Purposely running me through walls, people, and trashcans.
"Oops." He said steering me into some lockers, "Oh no." He continued running me through things. "Oh my Lordy Lordy, where are my manners. I am totally sorry, so so sorry, watch your step.
Oh no how did that wall get there? My my, that trashcan appeared out of nowhere. Now how did we get in that toilet? Life is awfully surprising.
Oh my bad teacher, I didn't mean to ram my brohomo into you and knock you over. By the way thank you for assigning that homework yesterday."
It took us twenty minutes to get to my locker, by then I was still in deep thought. Gabriel looked happier than ever, I haven't seen him this happy since the first time he made his cookie penis.
"Well this was fun my little brother, but I have to get to class. I'm suppose to present a gowerpoint to my homophobic teacher that we passed this morning. Don't die." And off he went, I eventually stopped thinking about that conversation and began unpacking my things. I use my left arm to set my books on the ground behind me and continue getting other stuff out of my backpack.
"Math, science, Harry Potter? Ever read my favorite book, 'The Book of the Penis'?" I turn around and see Lucifer holding all the kind of books I own and looking through them with a bore expression on his face. Doesn't he have class to go to, any way why would he be in my hallway.
"Uh, no I haven't. By the title I'm assuming it talks about 'The Penis'."
"Yeah, and it's way better than these, who needs math anyways?" He threw my books in the traaassshhh can on the other side of the hallway.
"Wait! I need that!" I run over and fish my books. "Why did you do that?"
"I'm lucifer, did you expect anything else?" I look back and see Lucifer rummaging through my locker. He wasn't this annoying in coma land.
"Don't you need to go to class? Instead of, I don't know rummaging through your future brother in law's locker?"
"Brother in law eh? What makes you say that?" I feel the blood rush to my face, "Wait a second..do you ship me with...Gabriel?" Lucifer begins laughing."Because stop, believe me, I have some standards."
I begin laughing really loudly at the thought of lucifer and Gabriel, just imaging it brings tears of laughter into eyes. Him and..Gabriel? No way in hell that is going to happen, like who would fall for Gabriel...
Oh right, a certain moose. A certain crazy moose that shall remain anonymoose.
"No, no." I say wiping tears of laughter out of my eyes. "I wouldn't like that to happen, I have other plans for your gayness."
"What type of plans?" Lucifer leans on my locker. "Usually I'm the one who have plans for other people's gayness."
"Uh...erm.." My face begins to redden again, "Plans that involve you not being with my brother."
"Good nuff for me," He continues rummaging through my stuff. "Hey kid, can I borrow this glitter and thong?"
"Yeah sur— wait I have glitter and a thong? Let me see." I walk over to him and take the thong and glitter out of his hand, there is a note attach to it.
____________________________
Hey bro, heard you were going to have a study session with Dean, here is what I found in the donation box at Church. Have fun ;)
Love <3
The Trickster
_____________________________
"Oh Gabriel, someone was in need of that and you took it from them." I say under my breath shaking my head at the bottle glitter and lacy thong.
Suddenly from the hallway bear mine I hear a tapping of heels walking in my direction.
"Oh Castiel, here you are!" Said a teacher I assumed behind me around the coner, "I noticed you weren't in my class and I wondered if you need some help carrying your stuff."
I quickly hand the thong and glitter over to Lucifer. I whisper to him "Hide it! Quickly!" He rolls his eyes and I hear him mutter something along the lines of 'I've been caught making a clay dildo in art before, this is nothing.' but still puts it in his front pocket nevertheless.
His skinny jeans are so tight that the bottle of glitter makes him look like he has an...average size problem, a very noticeable average size problem. At least it's better than being caught with glitter and a thong, they can't punish you for puberty right?
"Hey Mr. Winchester, shouldn't you be in class?" The teacher asks Lucifer, then her eyes travel to his pants. "But first why don't you go to the bathroom." Lucifer looks down at his pants and his eyes widen, but then he smirks.
"I don't see what the problem is, everything feels just pleasurable! See ya later misses D- I mean T." Lucifer strolls away peacefully, heading in the opposite direction of his classes, the teacher doesn't seem to noticed though and just shakes her head.
"In God's name why are there three of them in this school?" I hear her mutter, "Well Castiel, let's get you to class, I'll get your stuff." I awkwardly smile at her and put Gabriel's note in my back pocket, then we awkwardly walked to her class while awkwardly making awkward small talk.
The rest of the day until lunch didn't go as gay or as awkward as that. There was much less gay and way more awkward. Finally the class I do best in, Lunch, started. Sadly Gabriel wasn't there because he sat with Balthazar today and Anna (Michael's beard) joined the table. So I didn't really talked that much and concentrated on my food. I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation, which made me glad I wasn't apart of it.
~
"You know Michael, those pants must be from space because your ass is out of this world."
"Actually they're baseball pants 'cause my ass is out of your league."
"Anna isn't even mad at you Luci, she is just amoosed."
~
"I'm full, does anyone want the rest of my lunch."
"Duh, I wish to devour the unborn on your plate!"
"...Lucifer you could of just have said you wanted my eggs..."
"I will call them what I want. They are broken, flawed abortions!"
*sighs*
"Why did we invite Satan to this table ? We could of invited anyone else. I just wanted to be nice and offer my food but hell no we have Satan ruin that. Damned you all to hell."
"You should visit hell yourself Kevin, we have a jacuzzi."
~
"I'm just visualizing duct tape over your mouth, it would be nice to see you quiet."
"Now now Sam, that wasn't very nice of you to say to me."
"I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter."
"Are you unamoosed by my words."
"..."
"I find myself very amoosing you see."
"..."
"Hey, your hair is messy, would you like some moose to fix it?"
"..."
"Why are you keeping your voice anonymoose from the rest of us?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...shut up." Lucifer gasped and turned to the rest of us
"He said shut up to me!"
~
After a normal Lunch the rest of my classes went by fast, I was excited to be hanging out with Dean for the first time, for real. Even if it is just tutoring.
I walk out of my last class just as the bell rang, glad to be out of hell— I mean school. Lucifer would be offended if I compared school to hell.
I wait by my locker because I was promised either Michael and Gabriel would come and help me carry my bag. I hope it's Gabriel, we need to have a talk about what to do and not to do at church.
"Hey Cassie." I turn around and see Michael. Hm, maybe I can have the church talk with him just in case he is doing the same as Gabriel.
"Hey Michael, what did you do the last time you went to church?"
"Uh..churchy things." He says while opening my locker and taking out my bag. "Why?"
"No reason. How was your day?"
"Decent, yours?"
"Besides my arm, Gabriel's thong and glitter stealing from the church and gay anxiety in a heterosexual culture, pretty good."
"Thank god." Michael says slinging my backpack over his shoulder and we begin walking. "When I asked Gabriel how his day was he began ranting about vacuum cleaners and how he thinks they're evolving and how they will soon be able to kill us all."
"So a normal day for him then."
"Pretty much, oh hey I forgot to tell you. We are going to go to the bowling alley around 4:00 tonight." I stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to Michael.
"Why?".
"Well..um..because of brotherly bonding. Is something wrong? Why did you stop.."
"I have something else to do today," I quickly tell him. "could we do it tomorrow or whatever?"
Michael frowned and I look towards the ground. I didn't want to make him upset.
"What do you have to do today?" He asked, pouting. I bet you if Lucifer was here he would think Michael was being adorable right now, I'm not Lucifer.
"Tutoring." Michael lifted his head up and looked at me, it wasn't a look of anger, more similar to confused.
"Tutoring?" I nodded. "Cassie, you are the smartest kid in your grade, probably in this whole school, who could tutor you?"
"Michael you might have forgotten that I was in a coma, life didn't just stand still when I was in the hospital it moved on. And I need to catch up." Michael looked at me suspiciously but nodded and we began walking again.
"So who is going to tutor you?" Michael asked, taking a drink of his water bottle.
"He is a honor student in Gabriel's grade, his name is Dean Winchester." As soon as I said 'Winchester' Michael spit out the water he was drinking while laughing.
"Dean? Dean Winchester? Are you sure you don't mean Sam?" I frowned at him, does he not think that Dean is smart enough to tutor me.
"What? What's wrong with Dean Winchester tutoring me, he is a honor student. That must mean something, right."
"Dean Winchester is a honor student, but that doesn't mean nothing." Answered Michael wiping his face off with his hoodie sleeve. "Everyone in the school knows that Dean Winchester is cheater, half the kids on the honor roll do." Why would he cheat? He didn't cheat in coma land, what's the purpose of him cheating now?
"Doesn't matter, I'm still going to see him after school. Cheater or not he could help me." For some reason Michael started laughing, in this situation I would be mad at him for doing so but he rarely smiles never mind laughing, so I couldn't help but smile.
"What?" I asked with a little smile on my face. "What's so funny?"
"Look," Michael pulled me over to the side of the hallway so other students could pass. "It's obvious that you don't need tutoring, and you just want to hang out with Dean Winchester." I felt my face go red, how could he figure that out? I didn't show any signs of particularly liking him.
"So let me help you out, say that you have to go bowling with me and Gabriel, no matter what, and that I said that you could bring Dean to "study" there; as long as you bowl with us for a little bit. You get to hang out with your family who haven't seen you in 2 months and this guy who you have an interest in, it's a win-win."
"Okay." I answer, "That's a good idea, but your still a dumbass." Michael smiled.
"Why?"
"My dominant arm is broken, how am I suppose to bowl in the first place?" Michael put his hand on his chin and thought about it for a second.
"Hm, I don't know. Maybe Dean could help you with that."
~
While Michael was looking for Gabriel inside the school I went out to the parking lot looking for Dean to tell him about the change of plans.
I saw that Dean was by the side of the school talking to Lisa and other popular people, so I waited for a couple minutes until he was done and alone.
"Hey Dean." I approached him. "Uh, could I talk to you about the tutoring thing."
"Sure Cas, what's up." I looked at him: he was in a letterman jacket, black ripped jeans and fancy smacy sporty shoes. Wow, I am gayer for him than I could ever imagine.
"U-uh well slight change in plans. I have to go bowling with my brothers, it's like a family thing," Dean looked at my cast whim raising an eyebrow. "I know, doesn't make sense, still have to go through. But they said that I could invite you and maybe study there for a bit if we bowl with them— and Sam could come too, it would be more fun for him anyways then watching us study." Dean smiled.
"Uh.." Dean looked over his shoulder, "I guess, but not to rude but I'm not a big fan of your brother.." I awkwardly laughed.
"Erm don't worry I'm not a fan of him either... I understand if you don't wanna go because of Gabriel, but if it's any constellation he likes Sam way better than you. So if you did go he would be too occupied with Sam to bother you." Dean stayed silent for a minute with his hand on his chin.
"Well...if that's the case then I'll go, but listen I don't have time to talk this second so can you just text me the bowling alleys address and I'll be there around 4:30?"
"Yeah, I will. Bye Dean."
"Bye Cas." He patted me on the back then began running towards behind the school. I wonder what's going on?
Doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm hanging out with Dean Winchester, and that Gabriel is hanging out with Sam. Who knows maybe today will be the sailing of Sabriel, and maybe Dean will suddenly be gay for me. Maybe a bowling ball will hit Michael in the head and get the idea that he is gayer than Neil Patrick Harris and Ellen combined.
Or maybe we will just bowl, that makes more sense. Stuff just doesn't happen like that, my life isn't a book. Besides if it was who would want to read it?
A/N
I hope you pecan pies liked this chapter, I'm kinda a sucky writer and I know there will be spelling/ grammar mistakes but hey, I tried.
Hope you all have a gay day,
Fun fact: "The book of the penis" lucifer was talking about is a real book I gave to my friend for her birthday last year.