Ah, yes. Nathan Yamamoto. So many, many memories of him bubble up to the surface of my mind. Both good and bad. The one that flashes across my mind, though, is the day I met him, the first time we spoke to each other. It was ten months ago at a Barnes and Noble down at Ashley Park. I remember it was a Saturday afternoon and the weather was utterly miserable. It was overcast; the clouds were very dark and ominous-looking. Initially, I was going to have James drive me to the library in Fayetteville. It's where I was supposed to go just to catch up on some of my leisure reading. He was coming along merely to browse the young adult section. However, when both of us got to the library, it was packed with people. Mainly young couples with their little ones. It was noisy, too.
We changed our minds and wound up going to Newnan instead. The Barnes and Noble there, odd as it was, was so much more quiet than the library. From there, James and I went our separate ways. He went off to browse the young adult novels while I went over to the cafe. After ordering myself a blueberry muffin and a tall cup of coffee, I sat at a table that was set sort of like a mini booth. I brought out my Divergent book from my purse and started reading it, tracing my fingertips over the Braille. It was when I took a sip of my coffee I suddenly felt the presence of another person standing across from me.
"Don't tell me you're finished browsing already. We just got here," I joked, thinking it was James.
"Well, if you say so, miss," the person replied.
Oops. Not James. It wasn't his patented deep, Dennis Haysbert voice. I looked up at the person, even though I couldn't see who it was. I then looked back down, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else," I said to them.
"Don't apologize, it's fine. Would it be all right if I sit here? I can't seem to find a seat anywhere, they're all taken."
"Um, yeah. Sure. No else is sitting there."
"Thank you."
"Uh-huh." I smiled politely.
He slid into the booth and I went back to reading my book. It was kind of quiet between us for a few minutes. But I could sense a set of eyes watching me.
"You look familiar. Didn't we take a class together?" the guy asked.
I shook my head. "I don't think so, we haven't met."
"What's your name?"
"People call me Ali, but my full name is Alexis. Yours?"
"I'm Nathan."
"That's a lovely name. Very nice to meet you."
He chuckled. "Same here."
I let out a soft chuckle as I looked back down and started reading again.
"What book are you reading?" Nathan asked. Holding up the book cover to show him, I pointed. "Oh, Divergent. I read that, too."
"Have you?"
"Yeah, a couple years back when I was twenty."
"Did you like it?"
"Meh, it was okay. It's not something I'd read again."
"Seriously? I love Divergent. This is actually the second time I'm reading the series," I said.
"That's pretty cool," he replied. "Are you reading it in Braille?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Are you blind?"
I bit my bottom lip. "Yes," I repeated hesitantly.
"Have you always been blind?"
"Um..."
"You don't have to talk about it," Nathan added quickly. "If you don't want to."
The thing was I really didn't. In point of fact, I didn't like bringing it up because I'd always feel downhearted speaking about the experience. But Nathan seemed like a nice guy. He was very friendly, so I didn't see why I shouldn't tell him how I became blind.
"No, I haven't always been blind. I lost my sight two years ago, actually, when I was fifteen," I said.
"What happened?"
I explained to him that a classmate of mine and I were mixing formulas together in chemistry class. I forgot to put the goggles on and wasn't paying attention to the temperature. The liquids became too hot, sizzled, and shot into my eyes.
"Damn, I'm sorry to hear about that," he said.
"It took me a year to get used to it, though even now it's still hard sometimes. Not being able to see things anymore. But I try to remember life goes on, you can't let bad things drag you down."
"That's true."
I nodded. I took a deep breath in, wanting to change the subject.
"What do you look like?"
"What do I look like? Well, for starters, I'm biracial."
"Really? Me, too."
"That's awesome. What race are your parents?"
"My mother's Irish and my father's American. My Mom's family moved here when she was young so she doesn't have the accent," I explained.
"My Mom's American as well, and my Dad's Japanese. I'm what the Japanese would call hāfu," Nathan answered.
I giggled at the word. It sounded funny. "Hāfu?"
"Interesting name, I know. It means half, if you translate it into English. But anyway, I'm half-Japanese so I sorta have the, you know, eyes. They're brown, I'm light skin and rather tall. Six foot."
I smiled. "That's a nice mixture. Best of both worlds."
Time passed us by as we talked about different topics. I found I enjoyed his company immensely. He seemed like he'd be a fun guy to hang out with.
Later, James came to pick me up so we could head back home. I was reluctant in having to tell Nathan I had to leave. He sounded like I did as well, but he told me it was nice talking to me and hoped to see me again sometime. We bade each other goodbye and James and I left.
Then, it wasn't until one late night in November that Nathan and I had crossed paths again. Nevaeh and I were at Macy's shopping for Christmas presents for our parents on Black Friday. The store was ridiculously packed with customers and it got crazy once people started raiding up and down the aisles for "wicked deals". It got so bad to the point that cops were called in, just in case things got way out of hand. My sister and I were in the clothing department; she speedily skimmed through the sales racks. She ended up finding a few outfits that were on sale for our parents.
Then she decided to go to the fragrance aisle without telling me, and from there, we got separated.
I tried looking for her but ran smack into a throng of people. I was trying to get across to get to the appliance aisle because past that was the fragrance section. I cursed the fact that I'd be blocked in until the crowd lessened.
I was so focused on forging my way through that I didn't even hear him. When a hand grasped my elbow, I jumped, braced to give someone a piece of my mind.
"Hey, Alexis," Nathan said, leaning in close so I could hear him.
I flushed, but quickly recovered and said, "Oh. Hi, Nathan."
"Talk about a crowd, huh?"
"For sure."
"What brings you here?"
"Well, my sister and I are shopping for Christmas gifts. She's getting through this crowd just fine. Me...I lost track of her," I said. He laughed. "What about you? Who are you shopping for?"
"Nobody. A couple of my friends and I actually got called here to keep an eye out for any fights," he replied.
"You work for the police?"
"Indeed I do."
I smiled. "Ooh, nice. I like me a man who's an officer."
"Do you now?" I giggled, blushing. "Would you like me to take you to your sister?"
"That'd be great. I can't seem to get past these herd of animals here."
He grabbed ahold of my hand and said, "Let's hurry, then. Where is she?"
"In the fragrance aisle."
"All righty. Let's go, and keep close."
A week after that, we were an item. And practically inseparable.
It was hard to believe that was only seven months ago. Three months back, back in April, was when he and I had broken up. I discovered the news he was cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend, Marley Sterling. She's in her third year in college, blonde, flawless in every which way, and dripping with money because her parents are extremely wealthy people. At least that's what James said, who's seen her before. He was actually the one who told me about what he saw.
It came out on Marley's Facebook page that she posted a picture of her and Nathan together, making out. Thinking about this all over again makes me angry. It feels like a wound trying to heal keeps reopening itself, becoming more and more damaged in the process.
What is he even doing here? After what he did to me, he has the nerve to shout out my name and present himself to me?
"Alexis!" Nathan yells, bringing my head out of the clouds.
"Dammit," I mutter under my breath.
I watch as he crosses the street, making a beeline towards James and me. Nathan's all blurry but I can make out the form of his body just enough. He's wearing all black and something shiny is pinned to the left side of his top. It looks like he's in uniform. His light brown hair blows gently in the light afternoon breeze.
Before I know it, he's standing in front of me, face to face.
"Hey," he says, breathless.
I nod curtly. "Hey."
He stays silent for a minute before speaking again. "Long time, no see."
"Yeah." Obviously.
"I heard about your surgery. For your eyes, I mean. Your parents told my Mom about it. How did that go?" Nathan asks.
"Fine. Everything's all a blur but I can see things now. Better than I could before," I reply.
"That's good. Hey, listen, I wanna talk to you."
"Aren't you supposed to be working or something?"
"No, I'm on lunch break. I was going to stop at Atlanta Bread for lunch but then I saw you here with James, and I thought I might say hi, so..."
"Oh."
"But, I wanna talk to you."
My blood begins to boil inside me, I can barely contain my anger. "Yeah, can't. I don't have the time, I have to get home."
Nathan follows anyway. "Alexis, please. Give me a chance to explain."
The pleading in his tone almost makes me want to lose it, to let rip a string of obscenities like never heard before, but I know better. This is probably just some lame tactic he's using to get back with me. I won't be fooled. Not again.
"There's nothing to talk to about. I don't wanna talk," I say through clenched teeth, trying hard to control my urge. I don't want to cause a scene.
"Ali..."
"Don't call me 'Ali'. We're not together anymore."
He sighs.
"I gotta go, Nathan."
I shake free of his grasp and start my way towards James' car, leaving Nathan by himself.
"Jeez," James pants, trotting up alongside me. "Why you gotta be so harsh on the guy?"
I fight back the tears and sniffle quietly, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "It's complicated, okay? I mean, it happened three months ago but it's hard to get over. Besides, you were the one who told me what you saw."
"Yeah, I did, but maybe it wasn't what it looked like. Maybe it was just—"
"So now you're taking his side?"
"No, no! I was thinking—"
"Can we just not talk about it, please?"
"Okay. Sorry."
Suddenly, I hear a siren briefly wail from behind. I gasp. Nathan's police car pulls alongside us, pacing me.
"Alexis," he says through the open window. "can I give you a ride home, then?"
"I thought you were gonna have lunch."
"I was but that can wait. Besides, your house isn't far from The Avenue. Can I drive you home?"
"No."
"Please?"
I stop walking abruptly and he slams on his brakes, tires screeching.
"Listen, if you're so interested in being a Good Samaritan, go offer a homeless person a ride. They could use it. Or Marley. She'd be an excellent choice. Perhaps her dainty feet need a break from walking on her stilettos all day," I smile sarcastically.
He flinches. "There's nothing going on between Marley and me. I've already told you that countless times."
I shrug, trying to look nonchalant. "Whatever, it's not like I care."
"Liar," James mumbles from behind me.
I stomp on his foot. He utters a hushed sound of pain, then mutters a curse word under his breath.
"Come on, I wanna give you a ride home. I insist."
"Ali, let the guy drive you home," James whispers.
I turn to face him. "Well, what about driving me home? Can't you do that?"
"Well, I gotta fix Pop's car, remember? Stop making excuses and just go. Ten minutes of your life with Nathan won't kill you."
It just might, I counter in my mind.
"Well?" he asks.
"All right, fine. You can drive me home, Nathan." I start to make my way around for the passenger door. "But you're only taking me home. I don't wanna be driving here, there and everywhere, got it?"
"Yes, ma'am."
I throw one leg in, then the other, and plop myself on the passenger seat as I buckle myself in.
My face is turned toward the window. I try my best to ignore Nathan's fidgeting while we wait for the traffic light to change. In half a minute, he's adjusted his rearview mirror, turned on the radio to a country station, checked his Samsung Galaxy twice, readjusted the mirror, and changed the country station to a rock station where an Iron Maiden song was playing. My nose scrunches up. Iron Maiden? Good Lord, this is my own worst personal nightmare. Trapped in a police car with Nathan Yamamoto and Iron Maiden.
"I'm sorry, all right?" Nathan says suddenly.
I refuse to look at him. "There are loads of things I can forgive but bad taste in music definitely isn't one of them."
"What? Iron Maiden?" I grimace. "Will you forgive me if I turn off the radio?"
"I don't know."
He turns off the station as the light turns green.
"There. Iron Maiden's history."
I sigh and swear under my breath.
"You know, I worry about you sometimes."
"Worry about me? Why? We haven't seen each other in two months." Nathan shrugs. "Because unless you talk to my buddy James, I'm assuming you don't know diddly-squat about me."
"I'd been around. You didn't see me but I watched you sometimes when you would walk out of the school building when school was over. I had my car parked by the curb, doing my shift, and I'd see you walk home with James."
I shift my hips to face him. "You watched me?"
"Sometimes."
"Don't you have Marley to attend to?"
"I told you about us. We weren't—"
"I'm sure she must've been jealous about you keeping an eye on me," I continue.
"Alexis—"
"Don't 'Alexis' me. If you wanted to get back with the tramp, you at least could've had the decency to break up with me first. You didn't have to sneak behind my back and screw around with her."
Nathan doesn't say anything else.
I know I hit it close to home but I don't give a flying crap about it. He wants to talk things out and get back with me. I don't need him or want him. I've been doing just peachy without Mr. Nice Guy.
Nathan stops the car. "You're home."
"Fine."
An awkward silence breaks out as we sit in the car. Neither of us make a move to get out. I'm not sure why I don't just leave. Our conversation has been brought to a close and I've nothing else to say. I don't make the effort to move from where I'm sitting, though. I cross my arms, staring outside again.
"Alexis, I've already explained to you. I had nothing going on with Marley back in April, I swear. She became too overbearing and it was getting old. I broke up with her and shortly after was when I found you," he says.
I turn my head to face Nathan, feeling a tidal wave coming forth. Damn it, Ali. You're not going to cry. I bite my tongue as hard as I can, clamping too hard. The next thing I taste is my blood.
"I didn't come on to her, she did. I've tried to explain, but you wouldn't listen. I figured maybe it might've been best when we separated if we left each other alone for a little while. Then I could try talking to you again. You're everything Marley isn't. I wanted to be with you...and still do," he continues.
A warm tear rolls down my cheek.
"Whatever," I mumble. My voice comes out thick.
Crap. So much for keeping it together. I sniffle and bring my hand to wipe the tear away. At that same time, Nathan's arm shoots forward and his hand grazes my cheek. I'm surprised at how soft his touch is. His hand lingers there. Even though my first instinct would've been to pull away immediately, I do not.
What's wrong with me? I utter an exasperated sigh and snatch my purse.
"I gotta go," I say.
He doesn't respond. I open the passenger side door and get out.
"Can I at least give you my number?" he asks.
I do a double-take. This question catches me off guard. "Give me your number?"
"Yes. Even if you don't use it?"
I hesitate. "Listen, I don't know if—"
"I insist. Here."
Before I can protest any further, I hear him tear a sheet from his notepad. He doesn't need to write his number for me. I already know it by heart. I even still have all his contact information saved; I didn't want to erase it.
He hands me the paper. I take it from him.
"Keep it in case."
"Nathan—"
"Please, Alexis?"
I roll my eyes. "Fine."
"Good. Well, I'll see you later."
"Yeah. Later," I say, already out of the car.