They had squealed with delight when I told them I forgave them. Then, I was engulfed in their arms.
I don't know why I felt like this was was all just a stupid decision that I just made. It was maybe because, I haven't really forgave them. I know I just told them I did, but in my heart, I knew I still didn't trust them.
It was all weird right now. I probably wasn't even going to sit with them at lunch. I just needed space from them.
Then it hit me.
I didn't tell them about Alex. Well, I didn't tell them we were dating.
Should I have? I don't know.
I sigh and lay back down on my bed. It was after school and it was one more week before the day of Homecoming.
Talking about Homecoming, I still haven't decided if I wanted to go, and Alex hadn't asked me to go.
Laying on my bed, I could hear my father and his wife outside discussing something. But after listening to them more clearly, I could make out that they were arguing.
"Well, you never try!" I heard Selena yell.
"What do you mean, I don't. Whenever I'm here, I show them both my attention." My father yelled back.
"Oh, of course you do." Selena said sarcastically. "You give Tiara attention, even if it's only a little."
"Selena, shut up." My father said. "You don't know what your talking about. I care about both of my child."
Ughh!! Why were they arguing about this now?
"Sure you do." Selena snapped. "When your actually home, you barely give her any attention at all. What kind of father never asks to hold his baby girl? What kind of father goes straight to the fridge before kissing the cheek of his baby girl-"
"So your-" My father starts.
"No, let me talk!" Selena cuts him off. "And Monica...you give her no attention at all. For goodness's sake, you hurt her so much! She's been hurt so much!"
"At least try to build a better relationship with her!"
"You're calling me a terrible father. Don't you think the reason I'm never home, is because I'm trying to taking care of them!" Counter my father.
"Oh that makes you a good dad?!" Selena laughs coldly.
"Shut up, Selena. Stop acting like your not to blame. Stop putting all the accusations on me! Your not no angel in this, Selena. You know you were half the cause for this." My father shouts.
There is silence for a while. Then I can hear the murmurs from my father and the sobs from my Selena.
Without thinking, I walk out of my room. I find Selena and take her hand. Even though I didn't appreciate her as much, I wasn't going to let my sh*tbag of a father hurt or bully her.
I take her to my room as she still sobs.
She sits on my bed and I sit a few inches away from her. She sobs into her hands and suddenly I kind of regret my decision. This is so awkward.
"Listen, Monica," Selena says in between sobs, "I am so sorry. You don't deserve this. You father, he's...."
She breaks off, and starts crying.
I move closer to her, reluctantly.
"Its..okay, Selena." I said awkwardly.
She looks up at me with tear filled eyes then she looks back down, taking deep breaths.
"He's right." She says quietly. I looked at her, my brows furrowing. She nods slowly. "I am to blame."
I sigh. She was part of the problem, but that didn't mean she was to blame. I took her hands in mines, and surprisingly I dint't flinch from the touch. "My father is the only one to blame in this whole thing, Selena. He's the one that cheated, got scared, and left. I mean, you told him to stay, but he was too much of a coward."
"I know, Monica. But I should have stopped when I found out he was married." She says shakily.
"Wait, you hadn't known he was married since the beginning?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. She shook her head.
"No." Selena said. "After a good five months did he tell me he was married with a child." She starts to cry again. Her shoulders shook as she explained. "That was after he told me how much he loved and adored me. He told me how we could get through the problems, as if his other wife and you were a difficulty. I should have left. I shouldn't have gotten in between your mother's and his marriage, but I couldn't."
"I had fell for him by that time. I loved him. I was determined to get through 'his problems'."
I let her hand go. It felt as if my heart was being cut into more pieces than before. Each day, I was learning more of what a monster my father really was. For goodness's sake, me and my mom were his 'problems'?!
Tears were threatening to fall. But I wasn't going to cry for my father anymore. I cried way too much for his stupid decisions.
I looked at Selena who sat on my bed. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, her shoulders were shaking violently, and her head were in her hands. I wanted to comfort her but I felt as if if I did, it wouldn't really come from the heart. I really did feel bad for her and I understood her more than before, but somewhere deep in my heart, I still was angry at her.
I was lucky to hear Tiara's cries, because she interrupted me from having to choose between two decisions.
I went to get Tiara and went back to my room. Her crying mother paid no attention to her so I kept her in my arms. She stopped crying and started to smile at me, causing me to smile back. "Hi, Tiara!" I said, tickling her small belly. She giggled and I laughed.
Selena looked up and wiped off her tears. She noticed Tiara and gave the baby a sad smile.
Standing up, Selena says, "can you watch her? I think I'm going to take a nap."
I nod. I wasn't really annoyed to watch her right now. Selena walked towards the door. Before she could reach the door, she turned and looked right into my eyes. It looked like she expected me to say something, but I didn't. I looked down at Tiara, ignoring her. Selena sighed and waked to the door.
I sighed too. Maybe this was the right thing to do. I did, in my heart, even if I was still upset. I probably would not forget. But I could...
"Selena," I said, before she could step out of my room. She looked back at me, confused, "I forgive you."
She stared at me and her jaw dropped. Her brown eyes were filled with shock. Then her shock turned to happiness. She walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me. Silent tears fell from her eyes and her arms tightened even more around me. "Thank you...so...so so much."
I smiled and patted her back. "Your welcome."
*****
Asia was being annoying. I was sitting alone when she came and sat with me, without Lexi. I didn't want to sit with them, I wanted some space away from her.
But she wasn't making that easy as she sat in front me, making conversation.
But that wasn't the worse part.
It was the question she asked.
The girl freaking asked me to try..to set her up with him again!!! Wasn't this what caused all the problems in the first place?! Ughh!! She was so frustrating! And I was dating Alex! Why would she even ask that?
Then, I remembered. I hadn't told her about Alex.
"That isn't going to work, Asia." I said calmly. "Remember how this whole fight started, Asia?"
She shook her head. "That isn't the point, Monica. We won't get into any fight. I'll make sure of that. I really like him, girl. I saw how he stuck up for you. He's so generous and kind, and he's so fine too." She says dreamily. "I can imagine the things we could do together..."
I gasped, knowing her full meaning. A glare spreads across my face and my fists tightened. Asia laughed at my reaction. "Why you looking like that girl?" She laughs. "You lookin' like he's your man or somethin'"
"That's because he is." I looked at her and crossed my arms. She gasped and I expected her to apologize. Instead, she laughs.
I frowned. "Monica, you don't expect me to believe you, do you?" She says, laughing.
"He is!" I glared at her.
She laughs even more. "I mean, I'm not saying your ugly or anything. Its just I wouldn't expect for you to attract someone like him. It would never happen."
My eyes stung from her words. Maybe I wasn't pretty like her, but why would she say something like that? I got up, feeling a tear slid downwards to y cheek. "Whatever b*tch, he's mines and you can't have him."
Asia's lips opened in shock. I walked away and stepped out of the cafeteria. I looked around and saw no one was there. This was a perfect place to let the tears fall. What made me sad wasn't entirely what Asia had said.
It was part of it. Looking at Alex, I could see he deserved a much more prettier girl with a better body than me. I don't know how soon was it going to be before he realized that.
But at the same time, this boy took me to his favorite places, sung and told me how much he liked me, kissed me with passion. I smiled a little. I wasn't letting Asia's words get to me.
I finally was home. It was where I actually where I had wanted to be today. All throughout the school day, I ignored Asia and Lexi. Alex was given the same treatment even though he tried talking to me. Its just I didn't want to look at his handsome face and remember what Asia had said.
I went straight to my phone because there was nothing to do and no one to talk to.
I sigh as I saw the hateful comments under my Instagram photos. Even though I thought the bullying would stop since Asia, Lexi, and I were friends again, I just got more. They stopped bullying all the other kids they used to bully and went at me. Alex didn't know since he didn't use social media, he only saw the little that happened in school. I didn't tell him because I didn't want him worrying.
I tried to ignore them. But they all got to me. Countless of nights had I stayed awake crying from the hate I was receiving. I couldn't keep my stupid self away from the pages, from hope that I would see someone defending me. Sometimes I would defend myself, but the replies I would get, would hurt more than before.
My phone ranging cut my thoughts off.
I didn't bother to look at the caller ID. "Hello?"
"Hi." The person's voice sounded muffled and I didn't recognize who it was.
"Umm, I don't know who-"
"Your a worthless piece of sh*t! That's exactly why your dad left your ugly a*s, you need to stop acting like you are something, 'cause your not! Or I'll ruin your already pathetic life!!! I swear on my life, b*tch!!!"