"We're all sick, Em."
The moment Saul uttered those words, there was no need for further explanation. I knew what was happening to them and it was bound to grow worse.
It was way different back in our 9th grade when they admitted they were smoking pot and actually brought me to one of their sessions in the Hudson's basement. I tried taking a drag from Steven's joint and it was the most horrible taste and smell I ever encountered. And it was only weed! "Herb, organic, the healing of the nation," as Bob Marley would say. But despite all that, despite the fact that my friends were taking these things, I never let it bother me. We continued to trust each other, deepening our friendship. I didn't have to do what they were doing and still doing.
"I won't let drugs ruin our bond," I once told them.
Perhaps it became more complicated when I started to see how they were getting succumbed not just to the infamous greens but to these narcotics as well. Let's just say that Saul and Steven didn't have those pallid faces and blood-shot eyes for no reason; that it wasn't just talc powder on Izzy and it had to be in an alley where he could do his business. I doubted Duff's obsession was only beer and vodka and as for Axl, he was the least hooked, that I could tell. Axl was more concerned about the compositions and recordings, he told me they were to do their very first album but there were no specific dates for its production because it was either most of his band mates were high or shit-faced drunk, and their tours and gigs to promote their group were still ongoing.
It had been months, many months since I last paid them a visit. Steven called me a bitch because I flushed his junk in the toilet. I didn't fancy being called "bitch" when I wanted to help so it was darn good better to stay away and let them be.
So much for, "I won't let drugs ruin our bond."
I was back in my old room full of pink, floral things and pictures of the Beatles, Beach Boys and Rolling Stones. Playing in the vinyl player is the the boy's first record, Live Like a Suicide. It was their Christmas gift for me last year. I laid down, examining the case of the record which contained Saul's intricate design of two roses, their vine-like stems wrapped around the two revolvers. This could make a nice tattoo, he was always great at drawing. I would ask him to draw these strange caricatures of artists or random things. But too bad he's throwing he's life, his talents for drugs.
I lead a reckless
And I don't need your advice
I lead a reckless life
And you know it's my only vice
"What an impeccable timing!" I said laughing. I wanted to tear up for I felt the lyrics getting me. "If you don't want my advice, fine. I'm only doing what a real friend should."
My monologue was stopped by a knock on my door. "Who are you talking to Emilia?" It was my mother.
I quickly put the player to stop. I should have put on the Slippery When Wet instead. "Nothing, Mama. I was just doing some reminiscing, that's all."
"Very well. The croissants are ready and I already made your coffee."
"I'll be right down, Mama."
I did more frequent visits to my family. I would even stay a few days when I wasn't busy in school and work because Papa was often away taking care of the furniture business and Juancho got into UCLA because of a sports scholarship and was staying in a dormitory near the university. I did it a habit to come home every week, I supposed a teenage Miguel could be a handful in Mama's part. Besides it felt lonely living in the apartment by myself.
"He's playing drums in this band of his that's why he comes home late," Mama talked about Miguel while we were in the middle of our afternoon snack.
"In a band or not, he musn't forget that he's your son and he's to come home before dark.." I said, getting annoyed of my little brother. He knew Mama's condition yet he was acting like he didn't care. "I'm gonna talk to him when he gets home. Where is he anyway?"
"He grabbed Juancho's bike and left. But let us not worry about him," Mama said, sipping her coffee. "I wanna hear about you, neneng. When will you finish college?"
"This coming July, Mama. We've been doing practicums in different facilities for old folks, sick people and orphans. If I get good credentials and certificates, there's a possibility I might work in one in the future." Then, I took a bite of the delicious pastry.
"You're Papa will be so happy to hear that. We are so proud of you!" Mama said with happy tears.
Just then, Miguel came rushing in. "Wow! Croissants!" He went to give us hugs and kisses.
"Where have you been, Totoy? And what is this Mama's saying you often come home late?" I stood up, putting my hands on my hips.
"Gee, it's nice to see you too, ate." It was apparent that Miguel didn't like me acting like our mother. "I just went around and there's no school so you've got nothing to be mad about!"
"Miguel, don't talk like that to your sister..."
We heard voices approaching. "Great now you brought your friends here!"
"Calm down, they're more like yours. Not mine."
"Look it's Emilia!" Duff's voice echoed through the kitchen.
"Is that her older sister?" Axl asked.
"It's her mother, dumbshit!" Steven shouted.
There was a little arguing, at least Izzy was quiet. Saul stopped them by saying, "Mind your manners! We're not in our den!"
I slapped my forehead and gave my mother an apologetic smile. Mama, being kind and hospitable as usual, invited them to join us for a snack.
"Found the guys in the park and Steven here taught me some cool skateboarding stunts." Miguel told me excitedly.
I looked at the boys and simpered.
Steven and Saul hugged Mama while the rest shook hands and introduced themselves to her.
"Hello, Emilia's Mom! I'm Duff!"
"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am! I'm Axl Rose and this is Izzy!" Izzy just smiled and nodded his head as a polite gesture.
"It's my pleasure to meet you all as well! I hope I'll be able to remember all your names!" Mama liked their courteousness.
Mama insisted the boys to stay for dinner. I wanted to hesitate, I suggested to do the cooking instead but she declined.
"I'm not that sick Emilia. I can still do most things by myself." Mama told me. "Now go catch up with your friends. They're all very nice you know?"
The boys acted very likable and seemed to get on Mama's good side but it would be another story if Papa was around. I almost forgot about their bad habits when I saw them interact with my mother and little brother.
I heard them inside Miguel's room, messing around with his drum kit and electric guitar. Our baby brother would always tell me how he wanted to be a rocker like Steven and Saul. He could be anything he wants, my only wish is that he won't do the madness most rockers do, if you know what I mean.
I opened the door of my room and found Saul looking around, reminding me of the old times when he would come to borrow some records or show me the tunes he learned to play in his flamenco guitar.
Saul appeared to be remembering these times as well, we both looked at each other and sat on the bed.
"It's been like what? Seven years?" He started.
I laughed, "It was Blackdog you first played. You said your grandma couldn't take the noise, that's why you'd rather show off here."
"Show off? Come on, you loved my playing. You called me Jimmy Page once or was it Jimi Hendrix?" he grinned. "Besides. You know Nan, she'd chase me around the house with the broomstick if I didn't stop my "racket"".
Both of us laughed again.
"Are you guys still doing it?" I asked out of the blue. He knew what I meant and the lightness of our conversion before was gone.
Saul went serious. "If you think it's easy as pie to quit, it's not. You don't even know why we're doing it in the first place. You just look at us like we're asshole junkies."
I sighed. "Drugs won't solve anything, Saul. It might feel like they're helping but it's only temporary. You won't see how much it destroys you until you crave for a shot, a snort as if you're gonna die if you can't get high---"
"Hold on. Are you now my therapist or something?" He asked with a sarcastic smile.
"I just don't want to see my friends suffer an overdose one day." I said quietly. "But it's your call. It's your life, not mine."
I left him in my room. I passed Miguel's room and was about to descend the stairs when his door opened, revealing Steven.
"Hey..." he said.
I looked in the background to see Izzy and Miguel engrossed in reading a few issues of Rolling Stone while Duff was teaching Axl the basics in drum playing.
"Emilia..." Steven waved his hand across my face.
"I heard you Steven," I said. "How are you?"
"I feel terrible," he replied. "I'm sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have waited a long time to apologize. I tried calling you but you never answered. I went to the apartment once but Mrs. Smith said you were away."
"I got busy with school and other stuff."
"Oh.." Steven paused and suddenly said, "Can we talk?"
Before I could answer Saul came out my room saying, "You probably need the room, I'll go help your Mom with whatever she's doing." His voice was monotonous.
Steven and I went to my room and locked the door.
"I missed you Em-Em," he said, hugging me from the back. "I'm so sorry for everything I said and done.... Forgive me?"
"You scared me a little, Steven..."
"I know, baby. I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again, I promise. You can go through my stuff from now on, to make sure I don't have that shit anymore. I know you're only trying to help me."
I kissed his cheek and said, "You don't know how much this means to me, Stevie-O. I'm happy that you trust me."
He gently pushed me against the wall and I squeezed his shoulders while he put his lips on my neck. We could hear from downstairs, Mama was yelling "Dinner's ready!"
I quickly opened the door and dragged us out. "What if we tell Mama about us? She'll be thrilled!" I whispered. It would be my first time ever to introduce a boyfriend. What a late-boomer I was.
"It would be lovely idea, Em. But don't you think we should spill the news when your Daddy's around?" Steven thought out loud. "I'm just thinking he's the first one who should know about us."
I nodded. Steven was right. "Let's go eat." I went to Miguel's room and said, "Time for dinner guys!"
We had dinner which was quite rowdy than usual. Everybody was likely in a good mood and Mama was happy because we don't often have guests in the house.
I was cleaning the kitchen after the mini feast when Steven came and played with the dishwashing soap.
"I have something for you but it's in our place," Steven said and started blowing some bubbles.
I grabbed the soap from him. "What is it?"
"You'll have to come with us to find out." When I didn't reply, he added, "Your Mom said it's okay, you're about to leave tonight anyway. You've got classes tomorrow, right?"
I looked to see if the coast was clear and kissed him on the lips.
It was around eight-thirty when we prepared to leave. The boys said goodbye to Mama and Miguel and they waited in their minivan.
I hugged my mother and brother. "Mama, please don't forget to take your maintenance. You have enough for a week, yes?"
"You worry to much. I'll be fine, neneng." Mama said, kissing me goodbye.
"Ate, I'll make sure Mama takes her medicine and eats well." Miguel said. I gave Miguel a pat.
"You children forgot that I'm only 56 years old, not 75." Mama muttered, making us chuckle. "When Papa and your kuya come home, I'll call you. They missed you so much."
We hugged again, I carried my bag and went inside the minivan. All six of us waved goodbye to Miguel and Mama as we drove off. We were on the highway bound to the band's apartment.
"I had fun in there. Your mom and brother were very welcoming!" Duff said.
"You should bring Miguel sometime so we could all hang out," added Izzy.
Steven nodded, "Yeah and you should meet her big bro Juancho, he's got killer moves with his bike, ain't that right Slashy?"
Saul just focused on the wheel and said, "You just got lucky her daddy wasn't home. He wouldn't like her lil' girl playing with long-haired and tattooed boys."
"Don't listen to him," I said, sticking my tongue out at Saul. "I'm sure Papa would like you all once he gets to know you..."
"So Emilia... we haven't hung out for about a year... What have you been doing?" Axl asked.
"The usual, just work and college...boring stuff...nothing exciting or risky stuff you guys do." I told him. "I suppose you have loads to tell me."
The next thing I knew, these guys were telling me everything that happened while we weren't together. Their album was nearly finished, much to their satisfaction, especially Axl's. They also told me how that album nearly ended up being produced by Paul Stanley.
"No shit. The Starchild himself?"
"Yeah! I still can't believe I met him!" Steven shouted.
"Too bad he was a dick," Axl said bitterly.
I gave a confused look and Duff explained, "He wasn't really impressed with our works. We don't sound so rock n' roll-ish in his account."
"I don't care if he's a big star, we don't need somebody telling us what to do or what not to do." Izzy said, lighting a cigarette.
"Fuck. Open the window, man." Saul grumbled and Izzy did what he said. "At least Tom and Alan found a way out to produce the album without him."
"Who's Alan?" I knew Tom. From what I heard, he was the one who got the boys in a record deal with Geffen.
"Alan Niven, our new manager. We fired Vicky six months ago," Axl said.
"Oh."
Everybody turned quiet. I put my hand on Steven's and whispered, "Congratulations on meeting the KISS frontman. Did you take a picture?"
"Of course, I did. But it would've been a total blast if Gene Simmons was there," he whispered back with a kiss.
"Saul kinda looks like Paul Stanley."
Steven looked at Saul and chuckled. "Right. All he needs is a white makeup, a black star drawn on his right eye, and red lipstick."
The other three heard what we were talking about and laughed.
Saul looked at us from the rearview mirror. "What's so funny?"
"Em was just saying how you looked similar to Stanley," Duff said, laughing.
"What the fuck, Em?" he sounded quite annoyed.
"The girls speaks the truth," Axl teased. "We'll just have to make your brows thinner too."
"Anybody got tweezers?" Izzy asked with a goofy smile.
We arrived at there apartment. Duff had the keys so he was the one to open the door. Saul rushed inside, instantly getting a bottle of Jack Daniels then disappeared.
Steven and I got inside, he carried my things while I held his hand. "What is it you got for me, Stevie?"
"Patience, love. I'll show you later."
"Whatever it is Em, I swear it's not big." I heard Duff say.
I stood shocked, unable to take the innuendo. "How can you say that? How can you know... Oh my God I---"
"Emilia, Duff's talking about something else, not something that belongs to Steven."
"Wh-what... Yeah.. I know that." I stuttered, feeling the red rise to my face. I looked at Steven who was biting his lip and laughing.
Duff, Axl and Izzy "ooed."
Clicking his tongue, Axl pretended to reprimand me, "You've got a dirty mind in you, girly."
I hid my face in my hair and hands until I heard a faint little bark becoming closer. I looked down to see a baby pug sniffing my shoes.
"Well hello," I cooed, picking the puppy up. "You got a name little guy?"
"I figured you'd want to name him yourself," Steven smiled.
"Oh! Thank you, baby!" I kissed Steven. I cradled the puppy like a baby in my arms. "I'm gonna name you "Lennon". How does that sound?"
Steven gave two-thumbs up. "Welcome to the family, Lennon!"