Chapter 3
"Was that the last thing?" Amy asked as she crawled out on the roof with a water bottle in her hand.
"I think so yeah." I nodded as I looked around. The food was in the middle with pillows and blankets around it. We even had the duvets out. Amy had to beg mum. But in the end she allowed us to have dinner on the roof.
"So, have you heard anything from Austin while he's gone?" Amy almost whispered.
"No. Not really. Only a few Facebook messages from time to time, wanting to know how I am. But it has been a while now." I gave her a small smile while I reached out to get some more chicken. She knew how touchy I was on the subject and therefore rarely asked me about him.
"Well that just shows he still thinks about you. Plus he did promise he would come and see you when he get's back." Amy said trying to convince me he would come back. I didn't have the heart to tell her, but I didn't know what I would do if he comes back. I mean it has been 6 months, it's a long time. And there must be a good reason why we didn't do a long distant relationship. Right?
We soon finished our food and carried the stuff down, and got our desserts. As soon as our mum saw us she almost ran over to Amy to see if she was cold and asked me to get a few more blankets while she would help Amy up with the dessert.
"Here you go." I gave my sister the blanket as I got up on the roof and sat down beside her. "Don't think about mum. She's just afraid you'll catch a cold. Which you won't be able to do with all that clothes on." I said giving her a timid smile.
"I know. It's just, if I didn't have AML then she wouldn't even give it a second though that I wanted to spend an evening on our garages roof." She said looking down at her hands. "I know I have to be more careful and that my body can't handle what it used to. But I hate how people treat me differently and how I can't just do what I want but always have to think about my illness."
I didn't know what to say to her. I never did in these kind of situations. "I have no idea how you feel and I can't put myself in your place, I can only try. But I understand you. I can't imagine how your life is now, how big of a change it must have been for you, or how hard. But you're a fighter. You're going to get through this and get better. And then, you get to tell mum no when she fusses over you, because your body can handle it."
"But what if I don't make it? Everyone keeps telling me I'm going to get better, and I'm going to make it. But I'm not getting better. I'm getting better and then worse. What if people are wrong? What if I don't make it? What if this is it?" She asked me not looking my way but just looking up at the stars.
"Don't talk like that Amy you're going to make it." I said trying to stop her trail of thoughts.
"Would you stop saying that?" She almost yelled at me "Every time I as much as hint about death, people start saying I'm going to get over this, and have a long and happy life. And God I hope they're right, but I need to follow this trail of thoughts as well. I need to be prepared for the worst as well." She said in a harsh voice. I could see her eyes starting to shine with tears she was trying to hold back.
"I don't know what to say to you. I don't think anyone does. I think that's why people change the subject. They can't stand the thought of you not being here. I can't stand that thought. I can't even imagine it. But I understand you as well. You can talk with me about everything, just don't expect me to have an answer." I got out trying not to sound as vulnerable as I felt like.
Amy was quiet for a while before she started talking. "Do you believe in something after life? I wish I did I really do. But I just can't get myself to believe it. I'm too much into science and evidence to believe in a God. But what will happen to me when I die? If it's because of this stupid thing or if it's because I'm old. Either way that's what frightens me the most, I don't want to just not exist anymore. Plus I really, really don't want to leave. I want to live my life. Get an education, get my first real boyfriend and move in with him. Get dumped and get another one until I find the one I want to get married to. I want to be there for you and be your first maid of honour, meet my nephews and nieces. I want to experience all that but I'm afraid that I won't make it." My sister said tears now running down her cheeks.
"I... I don't know what to say. I want all that for you as well. And I'm begging to everything out there that you're going to make it. I don't know how I would make it through all those things without you by my side. And regarding the God thing. No I don't believe in it or him or she or whatever either. I just hope that our souls somehow get reborn." I didn't know if she wanted me to say a lot or just listen to her. I hope she just wanted me to listen to her. This was really hard to talk about, and I didn't like to talk or think about it just one second. She didn't say anything after that. Just nodded and looked up at the stars again.
We stayed like that for quite some time until I suddenly remembered something from when we were younger. "Hey. Do you remember that summer where we practically lived up here? Everyday when we had to stay at home and couldn't go out with our friends, we would pack a big bag full of food, and another bag filled with books, games, pen and paper, even paint sometimes and just spend the whole day up here? Mum was so afraid of you falling down, and kept telling me to stay down because the only reason you were up here, was because of me. But dad told her to relax and we were allowed to go up here? But not without mum checking up on you every ten minute or something like that."
"Why do you think I wanted to spend a whole night up here? I loved it up here, just doing nothing really special but being with you all day.
And she made me wear a rope that had to be tired to you remember? But you always untied it when she was gone and just told me to stay close?" She asked grinning. How could I have forgotten about that summer? Mum had put me under house arrest because she found out I untied Amy and let her walk around up here. For me that had been a terrible end of the summer. I had spent every moment of the week with Amy, not being able to see any of my friends.
"Oh yeah I remember." I mumbled. It was fun how a horrible week for me had been one of her best weeks.
We stayed up on the roof for a small hour after we ate. When we went down we got ready for bed. It was just like old times. We took our PJ's out to her bathroom and changed out there and brushed our teeth, while we listened to music. When we went to bed though, Amy laid down ready to fall asleep and I stayed up reading a bit.
When I saw Amy had fallen asleep, I put away my book and opened my computer. I went to see if I could get tickets for The Undoing, but they were completely sold out. I tried to look around the internet, but I always came up empty handed, they were completely sold out. I was just about ready to give up when Twitter caught my eye. Everyone used Twitter now a days, even these guys. I just had to make a profile and send them a message. Asking them if it would be possible to buy a ticket for my sister. They properly wouldn't see it, but it was worth a try. I wanted to do everything I could for her to be able to go and see them.
I finished the last preparations for tomorrow before I turned off the computer and went to sleep as well beside Amy. She had taken her scarf off and I couldn't help but notice her lack of hair. Her otherwise so beautiful long brown hair.
"So, what are you two girls up to today?" Our mum asked us as we walked down from Amy's room and entered the kitchen to get some breakfast before we left.
"We're going shooting." Amy informed her with a wide smile on her face. My mum immediately turned around and glared at me, before she asked Amy with a sweet voice where we were going. I knew she wanted me to protect Amy, make sure she was safe and not make her use a lot of energy. But I did think I was looking after her. I was just making sure she had fun as well.
"It's perfectly safe mum. And it's close by. So dad can drive us. Speaking of dad. I better go find him." I excused myself before I left the kitchen. I wasn't in the mood to discus Amy's safety at the moment. She would be perfectly safe with me this afternoon.
I found my dad in our living room reading the news paper. "Morning dad." I said before I sat down on the sofa and took an apple from the bowl, we had on the sofa table.
"Morning Angel. So what are you and Amy up to today?" He asked putting the paper down.
"Well that's kind of why I'm here. Would you mind driving us somewhere in about 30 min?" I asked him with my best poppy dog eyes before I started laughing.
"Only if you promise me you'll stop looking like that. You look dangerous" My dad teased. "So where are we going?"
"I'm taking her shooting, so that will be interesting." Just the look on my dad's face made me stick my tongue out at him. "Hey it's safe. We won't be able to shoot anyone." I defended myself as well as my sister. We weren't the best at aiming. "But I was wondering if you could do me another favour? Amy wants to plant a tree. So I was wondering if you could buy one for me? And if we could plant it in your garden?"
"Of course honey. Any specific tree you would like?" He asked me with an easy smile.
"Uhm I don't really know. Maybe an apple tree?" I asked him looking out of our window, out in the garden.
"Sounds like a good idea. She loves apples." He said with a grin. My dad eats about 3-4 apples a day. So Amy don't take from strangers. "But how are you holding up?" My dad asked me with that voice and those eyes he would use on me when I was a little kid. That voice that could make me cry if just the smallest thing was wrong. I knew he was talking about Amy, and I felt my nose start to prickle as a sign that tears weren't far behind if I started to think about our talk last night.
"I'm holding up fine dad. She's going to get well soon. Speaking about Amy. Should we get her and see if she's ready to go?" I asked changing the subject.
"Okay Al let's go." He said with a sigh getting out of the chair.
Out in the kitchen we found my mum and Amy gossiping by the kitchen table. "Amy are you ready to go? If you are dad will drive us now." I informed her as I threw the last of my apple in the food bin.
"Let me just grab my stuff from upstairs and I'll be there." She smiled as she jumped down and went upstairs.
"I'm going to be home again in two hours or so. I need to buy something for the girls." My dad informed my mum and went over to give her a small peck.
"Okay. Be safe." My mum said giving me a small smile. I just nodded and gave her a smile back before I went to find my shoes.
"Thank you for this weekend. It was amazing. I can't believe you got dad to buy me a tree." Amy said turning her head my way. We were laying on her bed and had just packed all of my stuff.
"Of course. You wanted to plant a tree. Plus the look on your face was so worth it." Dad had picked us up when we finished. But instead of letting Amy inside when we got back I pulled her out in the garden while filming her. When she saw the tree standing there she started laughing and ran over to hug me. We had so much fun digging the hole for the tree and plant it and put small stones around it.
"I was so surprised." She said quietly before becoming quiet for a few minutes. "I know mum is driving you crazy with how protective she is. But please try and not let it effect you. I'm sure she'll go back to normal soon." She reassured me. I couldn't tell her that this was how mum normal was. She never really noticed how much my mum was after me about Amy's safety. Amy hadn't missed that we hadn't talked much this afternoon. She wasn't too happy that I had taken her shooting, and I was tired of her reactions, so I just didn't talk with her unless required.
"So, do you want to go shooting again at some point?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"Defiantly. That was so fun. I can't believe I actually hit the target." Amy laughed and I couldn't help but smile. We had had so much fun with the shooting.
I looked behind her and frowned, it was getting late. Amy turned around to see what I was frowning about. "Ah." She let out when she discovered it was her watch. "You have to go home now don't you?" She asked in a small voice.
"I'm sorry Angel, but yeah. I have work tomorrow." I grimaced.
"I understand. I just still miss you around here. It's just not the same without you." She said giving me a sceptic smile. I felt my heart fall down in my stomach, but there was nothing to do, I needed to get back home. First of all my work clothes was there, plus it's so much closer to work.
"I miss you too hun'. But I'll see you again Friday." I said as I pulled her into my arms and hugged her.
"Yeah, yeah. Now leave so I can watch Hart of Dixie." She chuckled before she pushed me away and got out of her bed.
I went downstairs where I hugged my mum and dad goodbye before I left. As I turned around to look at the house I saw Amy in the window. She hadn't seen I was watching her. She was looking up at the sky. She seemed so small from down here. So pale and fragile.
I turned around again and held back my tears. I needed to go home.